Thanks Crabby! Glad to see you stopped by, love your page. I drove my husband nuts reading archives and laughing and then he'd want to know what was so funny and my answer of whatever health study and your pithy comments didn't seem to do it for him the same way. Ah well, no accounting for tastes, except for mine which are impeccable right?
Anyway, yes I think yoga gets a bad rap because people think it is only for flexibility. The thing is, it can cover so many different goals and you really get what you put out of it. There are also so many different types that what one person tries is not necessarily what someone else is doing and you can do the same sequence at so many different fitness levels.
For instance, take the Warrior II pose. barely bending your front leg and not focusing on each body part, turning completely and tightening your arms, dropping the shoulder blades, etc. etc. will not get you very far. Transitioning from Upward Facing Dog to Downward Facing Dog was a real challenge for me for a long time but now that I can do it and I don't wimp out on the form it is a great strength maneuver for my legs and back both. My quads tremble practically everytime just from that one move. Okay one more link and I'll stop with the linky-ness. This pose was beyond me for so long because I held myself back from even trying it but once I did I felt amazing. I can now do it three times in a row, two times deepening the pose as the page I linked suggests at the bottom of the comments. I had no idea that was a modification, that is how I learned to do it and I can now get in to the pose, hold it and fully extend my arms and legs even though it involves some deep breathing on my part. It used to kill my wrists but now they are barely sore.
I love yoga, is it obvious?

I think I could write 50 dubrillion posts about self image, feminism, and what we're passing on to our children but let's keep it light this morning, k? Crunched on time as per usual.
I have practiced yoga 5 times in the past week and a half (I do an hr long dvd, "power" yoga or vinyasa style, focused on strength) and my body is completely transforming in front of my eyes. My weight hasn't done much but the changes are so drastic I could care less. I can wear all of my pants again, including the smallest pair that I thought maybe I would give away to my mom. I am still up at least five pounds from my usual hangout weight and yet here I am easily pulling on clothes that wouldn't even close two weeks ago. It's incredible and proves that for me focusing on the scale would be a bad idea right now. I am still tracking weight, body fat% and hydration level each morning but it doesn't affect me emotionally. I can wear pants that hit low on the hips without anything hanging over, something I don't think I've done...honestly I don't remember when, it is a weird feeling.
I realized that when I feel really tight and strong and good about myself I want to go out to eat or go to parties because I want to go out in public while it lasts. That's the key part, "while it lasts", I end up destroying it because I think I need to go out and party is some short window while I have the kind of body I want because I won't be able to keep it. That attitude is going out the window, being vegetarian and getting serious about yoga is changing my life.
I've made two fantastic recipes I will share soon, but for now I need to work on school related things. Oh! Speaking of school, things are happening on that front. I'll be on the local news at some point (I don't think I've mentioned that here)talking about eating well on a budget, and next Friday my husband and I are flying to Houston so I can accept an award I received from a prestigious health professional organization. I get to do the fancy pants banquet thing, hopefully dress up, and also get an $1,000 cash award. Yesterday our speaker in class was from a company here in Dallas that also has a location in Tulsa, she gave me her card when I mentioned I might be interested when I graduate. That would be awesome!
Gotta go.

I felt like I should post the conversation I've been having with some of my friends as it touches the tip of an iceburg that I feel strongly about. This was my comment in response to a friend that feels embarrassed that she has committed to losing weight and really feels ready to do so.

"Some times we feel that we're "buying in" to something unsavory when we start taking care of our bodies, as if only our size matters and the fashion/beauty industry is right. Making a commitment to YOURSELF and about yourself is not the same thing in my opinion. That is not to say I don't understand the feeling and I have experienced it myself, just that taking steps towards achieving your idea of your best self has a lot of emotions tied in to it and it's not an easy ride. Honestly, I feel the biggest thing that helped me lose a good amount of weight twice is the internet (resources) and blogging (support). It really helps to have others cheering you on or offering practical advice because they've been there too."

And then my lovely, wonderful sister-in-law responded: "'Some times we feel that we're "buying in" to something unsavory when we start taking care of our bodies, as if only our size matters and the fashion/beauty industry is right.'

damn. it's like a light bulb just went off in my head! i have always, always, always felt guilty about losing weight. wow. that's really mind-blowing. i wonder if that's part of why i allow myself to so quickly sabotage my healthy efforts - if i'm not losing weight & getting fit, i'm not buying into the magazines and the conventional stereotypes of attractiveness and all those other things that make people feel bad about themselves to sell more products. (of course, i DO buy into them because i judge myself by them and feel that i'm falling short while simultaneously railing against those ideas.)

wow. i'm feeling rather foolish right now."

And finally I answered and got a bit more than a little emotional about it. "I think it's only natural to rebel against the idea that women should be smaller, quieter, less of a presence, easier to forget, hedging towards non existence. To me that is what a great % of people, at least in the good ol' USA strive towards witht he desire to be so small as to be able to wear children's clothing. Distorted bodies with childlike shape if you ignore the painfully stretched skin across their implants. Rail against that, please do and I will join you. For years I liked to say I ate anything that tasted good to me and that was my only requirement and you'll never see me ordering a salad in a restaurant, that's for THOSE girls, not someone real like me. I came to realize I wasn't doing myself any favors, the one flight of stairs to my apt left me with burning lungs, my thighs chafed in the summer until close to bleeding, my acid reflux was so bad I started wearing lacerations in my stomach...I could go on but even though I never made it past around a 14 or so what I was doing to my health was terrible. My idea of what is sexy and beautiful is actually pretty far from what a lot of folks think. Most of the actresses on teevee look sick to me, for awhile I couldn't even watch a few shows because of the visible chest bones, referred to as "the ladder" by hollywood. Lovely to have a nickname for it, eh?
I'm trying hard to battle apologizing for myself all the time. My first tendency is to apologize for caring about what I eat or that I want to talk about yoga or riding my bike or just the fact that I talk a lot. I think women in general (sadly) feel the need to excuse ourselves to the world too often and it is my belief that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to stop being sorry."

Our challenge has started and it's not exactly going according to plan for me but that's okay, I am regrouping. I really, really, REALLY want to update but it has to wait, I'm so tired I literally cannot keep my eyes open. I had a big exam this morning and our SDA (student dietetic association) meeting that I had to cook a pan of enchiladas for today. I did cook an absolutely fantastic vegetarian pasta dish I will tell you about and I feel great about my plans and myself at the moment.
Dear blog, I promise to update you asap.

An attempt to catch back up:

"I'm sorry you're sick! I hate so much the way illness interferes with one's life, even more than the actual yucky feeling.

What's the deal with the sodium? Is there more salt in what you're eating, or are you adding salt?

I put salt on SO many things, which may seem surprising given how often I complain about salt in processed food, but the amount you sprinkle on your food is NOTHING compared to what's in those packaged products!!

I've got some of those Mrs. Dash seasonings, they're actually pretty good. I don't like the original flavor, so I was always put off by it, until I had some Lemon Pepper variety. Very tasty. "

Being sick again really kicked me in the ass, knocked me down and then spat on my face. Okay perhaps not THAT dramatic but it feels like it. Nevertheless I am truckin' on despite not being totally well. I am still horking up unmentionables everyday and waking up with extremely dry nasopharynx and oropharynx passages. Lots of blood in my snot, etc.
So enough snotty talk. The deal with the sodium is that a lot of cheeses and sauces have high sodium counts and while doing the units on cardiovascular disease at school (hypertension and heart failure especially) I freaked out over sodium content and became convinced as well that it was the reason I'm not losing this weight I've gained back. A simple calculation one night showed me still eating low sodium, which is probably representative of most of my days, so I'm not really sure why I can't lose it this time. There are also "light" salt and "no salt" salt products (potassium chloride or half sodium and half potassium chloride) on the market. In reality I am pretty good with my sodium levels but I am frustrated with the weight situation. I want to have the option of wearing any of my clothes and I don't like feeling so squishy. The few pounds I lost finally recently are back though I hope they don't hang around. The body is a mysterious confusing thing. I've lost weight before, several times in fact and so my frustration level shoots through the roof because why is it not going the same way this time? Why is it so much harder? Argh. I am moving towards a completely different point of view but I feel torn. It would take too much time to go into that and I barely got this eked out.

Started yoga again, still loving being a vegetarian, went to the Foo Fighter's show last night and sat in a luxury sweet, it was awesome. I'm not a huge fan and didn't expect it to be as great as it was, so glad to be pleasantly proven wrong.
I am still very

The day I wrote that last post I was out in the wind for an extended period of time and that night my ears were hurting and I could feel fluid building up-I tried fighting it off and was somewhat successful until Saturday. So I am sick again, pretty badly and in fact had to call in to school this morning which I hate to do.
I'm having a hard time keeping my sodium intake under control while eating vegetarian. Yes I know it can be done and probably fairly easily but I just have not been up to par lately and it's getting me down.
I want to feel like me again, in more ways than one. Life in general is going pretty well though, but I'm off for now due to my pounding head.

It's bizarre. I have more energy than I know what to do with for the first time in years and I am rarely hungry and when I do eat I feel satiated on very little food, and it is genuine because I have sat and waited to be hungry and experienced genuine surprise when I'm not.
And yet it is bugging me just a teeny tiny bit, way down inside and I am ashamed to admit it, that the scale reads the same and my pants are still really tight.
Even when I accept in a big way that I feel amazing, and that I know logically I am doing nothing to perpetuate the sausage casing pant situation, it is annoying and a little disheartening.
Never fear, I persevere!

Finally tired, haven't stopped all day really and no time to even hang out with the internets.
I ride the train tomorrow for the first time (an actual train, not drinking a 40 oz or doing 'caine)and I am excited and nervous. EEK!
Still veggie, still loving it. At what point do I say I'm vegetarian and people believe me? Apparently a week is laughable, also earned me the nickname of hippie. Thanks guys!

Still loving my new lifestyle, it spurred a lot of thinking about why I like it so much last night while going to bed. I start back to school today so I really don't have time for a well thought out entry as my alarm clock did not go off this morning for some reason.
Weight is starting to drop, who the hell knows why. I've been extremely physically active lately (redoing that room, whole body aching in the morning) and definitely not eating too many calories and only whole, healthful foods and it has done nothing but stay the same or go up. So much for "calories in/calories out".
I read on the Kate Harding post that M@rla linked to lately that "human beings are not bunsen burners" and I love that statement.
I start riding the train tomorrow for my commute so that means a lot of walking just as part of my normal day from here on out-at least most days. I am super excited about this-I could write a whole post.
But I won't, at least for now.

I've gone up to 155 and pretty much stayed there for weeks now, I was hanging out at 145-148 for the last year if not longer so this sort of sucks. Not that this is a huge amount of weight but it is significant, affects my pants fitting me, and it sort of bizarre. I thought I wouldn't see those numbers again unless we had another baby and I saw them on the way up like last time.
Not Earth shattering news, not something I think about constantly, just weird.
Today is my third day of vegetarianism. I love it.

I've been away from here too long and it has been preventing me from returning. Isn't that strange? I think it is something we are all too familiar with, you the further you get from taking care of yourself mentally or physically, the harder it is to journey back.
So I'm back, I won't talk about the holidays or how proud I was of working out in a different city with relatives determined to make me feel guilty for taking the time. I won't talk about how I've been sick too much during my much needed break, or how damned cold it is in the garage and it has been a struggle to go out there lately.
Instead I'll say hello and state my intentions for this year:

To be positive in all things. This includes self care and a big thing I'm trying on at the moment, being a vegetarian. It feels right but I don't really like labels. If I choose to have a crabcake at some point I don't want idiots breathing down my neck and I'd be lying if I didn't say the people I am most concerned about (and ignoring anyway) are my in-law family. I can just picture uninformed lectures right now and it already irritates me, not really in keeping with the whole positive resolution is it?

"Well, I don't intend to discourage anyone from a goal, but those bad-ass assassin girls are putting A LOT of their time into this. It's not just a matter of emotional commitment, which we all know you have plenty of: there are practical issues as well - I mean, this stuff takes TIME and MONEY and it means cutting out other things from your life. You're married, you have a child, you're in school - you might have to give those up in order to reach that level."

First off I'll say up front that M@rla is one of my all time favorite fitness/weight loss bloggers and that I mean no offense in anything I say today.

This got me pretty down this morning but I have since completely changed my way of thinking around and am not discouraged but instead even more motivated. I felt like I was being told that I couldn't do it and why even try and holy shit how negative can I be some times?
Instead I will fully acknowledge that there are indeed many obstacles to my goal and I do have many added parts of life that I can use as excuses. I have actually spent a LOT of time doing just that over the last few years, angsting over this whole thing to a degree that is ridiculous and yet making little progress. I have mentioned it before but never has it hit home as hard as it has the last few days. I spend huge amounts of energy thinking about why I can't do things instead of expending much less energy simply getting shit done.
Take today for example: I wanted to get up at 5 again this morning like I did yesterday but our son had a fever last night and didn't want to sleep and I am still trying to adjust off cold meds so it just got later and later and I knew 5am was not going to be pretty if I wanted to make it through the day. So I reset the alarm for 6 and did get up after a bit. Our son felt really warm again this morning so I had to keep him home again. Things like this happen but it is my job then to figure out a work around, I knew he would go down for a nap at some point and that would be my chance. Well, as time went on I felt more and more tired and I'm coughing still and I could have easily laid my head down and fallen asleep. Instead I changed into my workout clothes, got him down for the count, and went and completed a kickass workout on the elliptical and chest/back day with weights. I definitely need to up what I'm lifting next time but I still feel like it went well.
I then came inside, took a shower, and sat around for a bit before realizing his nap would last a lot longer (from not feeling well) and I could lay down. I ended up getting a small nap and felt great when I got up.
I know that every day may not work out great for me but if I plan and plan smartly I believe I can be the person I want to be. I'm living as that person from this day forward.
I may go offline until some time next week; for the first time since I can remember I feel tired of being on the computer so I think I'm going to give it a break. We'll see, I could feel differently in the morning when I get up and want the routine.
If I don't return, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to every body!

The entire comment was great, like really great. I must be getting all the goods since someone isn't posting lately *wink

"There's probably a fine line between support and enabling, but my philosophy on marriage is that it's supposed to be a safe place for each partner. It's where you know yourself to be loved and accepted. So I think you're doing the right thing by not nagging him or deviously manipulating as I suggested earlier."

I think you're absolutely right that marriage should be safe, full of acceptance and encouragement and not manipulation or derision. I try my best to make sure he knows I love him no matter what, that there aren't strings attached, and I've tried to just emphasize I want an active partner to live life with, not some weird ideal for him to fit into. You know, when you become one of "the faithful" and diligently work out and plan your meals and know your macros and hell, even your micros, you want to convert anyone you come in to contact with and I struggled with that and my husband. Here's my best friend, the adult I spend the most time with and have fun with and I just wanted him to do every! thing! I! did! But I did wise up and cut that shit out, though I don't pretend it is easy. When he goes through spurts of working out I am very supportive and encouraging and when he stops I mentally duct tape my mouth shut because that is not for ME to comment on-why, if he commented on any of the times I've lost any semblance of a healthy lifestyle it would devastate me. It is sooo hard to think about the other view but I am doing my best. That is all I can do, this day and each day after.
I thought hard about what I want today in terms of my fitness level and appearance and I looked at pictures of women online that have that type of physique and can lift that kind of weight and that is my focus. I want that badass assassin body and that just hasn't changed. If I get where I don't frown about my body, even on those really bad bloated days and I am really. fucking. strong? I'll take it and grin from ear to ear.
With that in mind I did the best I could today with a lower body workout and 15 minutes of intervals on the elliptical. Believe me that was all I had and beyond as I am still technically limping along on the illness front. I say technically because I am determined to use "mind over matter" and to be well again. I will be healthy the rest of my break so I can enjoy it before I hit the ground running again. So much is swirling around the old noggin' concerning positive thinking and visualization-my head is pounding though so this is it for tonight, and that is good enough for me.

"I'm having similar issues with my husband. Thing is, he knows he's out of shape and actually bitches about it all the time. He knows he's lost a lot of muscle, that he's lost flexibility, and that his weight is high for him. But he keeps on with the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls by the boxful and winces when I suggest that he might think about joining my gym (we could work out together, I chirp, even though I really don't want to work out together, but whatever it takes, yo). He keeps saying that he just needs to walk every day, but doesn't even really do that. I don't care how he looks, but I do care that he doesn't feel good because of inactivity/eating junk. He's not resentful of my trying to have healthier habits, though. He takes far too much interest in it sometimes to the point where I start to resent it. "

My husband is in deep denial about his state of health, borderline high blood pressure is still not enough for him to do anything about it, it is borderline after all. For the longest time he would complain daily about how tired he was and how he had no energy and yet he never worked on his diet or exercised. Ugh. I have a hard time listening to people bitch about something sucking when they are doing absolutely nothing about it, even reading about what to do or just contemplating it would be okay with me, at least as an initial point. I cracked up about the working out together chirping, I've been there myself.
I got out of bed and walked in to the living room on my way to the kitchen the other night to get something to eat. I'd been laying there and my stomach was growling really loudly and I wasn't going to sleep. He asked me what I was doing and when I said, "eating" he made a sad face and said, "ohhh nooo." I got the big pissed off eyes immediately, don't dare and try and guilt ME about eating Mr. couch foam growing in to your ass, but in reality he thought I was having an out of control binge moment that get me down.
Some times I'm mad at myself because I think I DO care more about what he looks like, then some thing happens to show me that's not true. I just want him to be active regardless of what weight he is, when he gets up and works on things or has projects or even just goes for a walk with us, I am 100 x more attracted to him. I am just not into sloth on a daily basis (every body needs to chill some times, I know this.)
I think I'm on my way to being okay again, breathing out of both sides of my nose today and my head doesn't feel like it will explode anytime soon. My friends are urging me to take these megadose vitamins and I am struggling with this concept. They swear by them, and I am sick of being sick, and yet everything I've learned in clinical nutrition and biochemistry tells me that it is a waste and if you are taking the wrong ones, harmful. Meh.
I also sat in on a web conference about the safety of aspartame with speakers from Harvard and a group of toxicologists, not sure if I mentioned that. I thought it would be more interesting but it seemed biased, though the science that was presented I can't really fault.
Coffee is ready, hope everyone has a great day and avoids cardboard treats and hidden salt monsters.

PS WI: down to 151.8 today after ballooning back to 155.6 last Tuesday. I know it was water weight but it took a week to come off after I had been down to 151 even the saturday after I started this mess again. Two weeks in and I am down .8 of a pound.
At least it's not up and I'm not feeling deprived.

"Yeah, I hear you about the meddling/pushy thing. I would be FURIOUS with my husband if he left little hints around that he wanted me to change my perfect self in any way. Seriously, I would.

Here's another level of subtlety: you could get Women's Health for yourself, and while it's not as good as its counterpart, it's not bad, and I'll bet he'd read it if he came across it. Again, because of the photos ;-) Then you can ease into "hey, do you want the Men's version for yourself?"

Wow, that's so manipulative! Forget I said anything! "

I already get Women's health and I absolutely love it, I rhapsodize about it to him all the time and he thinks it's great I'm so happy....the end. It goes no further but maybe he thinks the title rules him out as a reader.

You know, if he tried to help me with things I am terrible about (organization, time management) I would bite his head off, but I think I am helping so therefore should not be offensive! yeah, double standard I am thinking.
Hopefully I'm on the road to wellness, I had to sleep with my mouth open all last night and my tongue got so dry from the meds and from the air that it split down the middle just like chapped lips, and believe me I have those too along with the skin around my nose. However, when I got up one whole side cleared out and I am breathing through that side with no additional medicine. If it doesn't improve I'll go to the doc since it is discolored. You wanted to know, I could tell my graphic description of the consequences of being a mouth breather got you excited.

Re: comment
A subscription to Men's Health might help, I'm not sure how he would react or if he would even read it. He is a wonderful guy but hard to read some times and I don't know if he would see it as me meddling or being pushy. I'm going to check it out and if I think he'd like it I'll get it for him, he likes getting magazines. I'm kind of excited about the idea!
Oh also, about the bio-electrical impedance bodyfat measuring tools, the handheld one is fairly accurate but the one you stand on is better, but apparently only higher end models that can factor in how athletic you are, etc. I have stats on that stuff somewhere....*rummages around chaotic mess....yeah I'll get back to you on that.
And as for today:
I did my little 7 min. (roughly) unstructured yoga workout and that made me feel better for a short time but I am absolutely afraid I won't be getting in that legs workout I wanted. My head is so stopped up that even maximum strength mucinex has not helped and that is just, well sad. It also hit me that when I am hoovering up odds and ends in the kitchen and off our son's plate that I am treating myself like a human garbage disposal, and that is the very opposite of cool.

I'm currently occupied with reading the archives of two wonderful sites but wanted to drop in to say I feel so much better after getting all of that activity in yesterday and am back down to .2 over where I started 11 days ago, so unless something completely crazy happens I should maintain that earlier number and hopefully surpass it. Ultimately though, screw the number, I KNOW I am making progress in a positive direction for myself.
After being all smug and everything yesterday my throat started hurting really badly that night and I went to bed at about 8pm after taking sore throat night time med. Yeah, I really am sick all the time. I should give myself MORE credit for all that I do despite the way I feel the majority of the time.

Oh and I went and looked back at M@rla's entry about her poop cookies and am suitably impressed and I do remember them after seeing the picture again. Mine look more like cat mess I think. Hope no one is eating!

PS I have still been eating at least one cat turd cookie a day. Problem? Yes!

Smug, definitely feeling smug and happy right now, must be the dizziness from completing an ass busting workout after already doing yoga and rough housing with the Little Guy. I even got a video of him doing yoga with me that made my heart want to burst and you can bet I will post that as soon as I get it downloaded off my camera. I hope it turned out, you may not be able to see all the adorable two yr old doing down dog wonderfullness.
I tried to quickly do housework, physically rough house around with him, and then we went outside and we ran around the yard some and kicked a ball, played on the slide, and then I had the bright idea of bringing my yoga mat outside on the patio and our XM radio to play my favorite indie station. So with our fountain gurgling away I first had to dodge multiple little cars and trucks placed on the mat and then I had a partner that helpfully tried to pose along with me, getting on the mat underneath me as I tried to hold plank or go into a push up.
So I've been in a dismal funk, I seem to feel bad physically so often that it really gets me down. I feel sick or extremely fatigued so often it drives me crazy. I don't know what to do about it but I am whinging for a start.
Food has been a little weird today but it is not owning my brain so I'll take that, and I burned about 500 kcals with my workouts and here I thought I wouldn't be able to do anything again today. Kickass.
I'm going to start answering comments in the blog as I have to open a diff browser that I hate to do it IN the comments section and it is not like I get overwhelmed with them anyway. I really appreciate them and then I feel like maybe it doesn't seem that way since I don't always reply.
So anyway:
I mentioned a gap between my husband and myself since I got into trying to better myself and though I don't entirely blame him for it, it is true. I tend to see him differently even though I wish that were not the case and he makes little to no effort to even meet me halfway. If he would workout with me I would be in heaven, but that is just not going to happen. I have to leave him alone about it, which I do for the most part, and maybe he'll get there some day, maybe not. It's not up to me and it is important for me to remember that and not act like an ass about it. It is really hard to keep a relationship together when one person changes big time and the other doesn't but he is worth working extra hard to keep us together. When we met I drank hard, ate anything that sounded good, smoked, and had a much higher libido (I'll just be delicate about that.) I now rarely drink, do not smoke, am very conscious about what I eat and am way out of touch with "marital duties" or the desire for them for that matter. Lots of things have contributed to that and I am working on myself in that aspect but to say things are completely different is an understatement. He never works out and would probably still drink 4-5 nights a week if I went along with it. His diet is beige unless I interfere nicely (mac n cheese, fries, rice, burgers, pizza, cheese on anything, beer) with no vegetables or fruit in sight. He hates lifting weights and when he does workout once in a blue moon its always cardio. I love him anyway, people are many different parts and not defined by the bad things but well, it sucks. I want a partner, waaaahhh.
Not going to dwell though, he has come a long way-eats some vegetables now, eats certain fruit as long as it is easily ready to eat, has always drank a ton of water and now mainly limits drinking to 1-2 times a week and sometimes less than that. I don't want to turn him into a puritan, I just want us both to be healthy and together a long time and to be good examples for our son. I cannot control him though, I know this. *repeating that for MY benefit as I need to keep that foremost in my mind, bit of a control freak I am
Workout was awesome, good day today, I'm crawling back.

Crabby! Thanks for stopping by, I admit I freaked a little at the famous Crab reading my latest boring drivel. Not always boring! I promise.
I've thought a lot today about if my current approach is a good one for me or not. Not everything is a one size fits all, and I think if someone came to me as a dietitian and had the feelings I seem to be experiencing, I would definitely focus on making a plan that works better for them. So that's what I'm going to do. What worked for me when I started out trying desperately to better my health and quality of life doesn't work for me now that I've been at this for several years. I need to do a lot of self examination regarding what I want out of life, if my weight plays in to that or not, and what is really important to me.
New plan: I may or may not continue to weigh daily, I fully know what affects the numbers and they don't upset me so it's not that, but I am unsure if I want that level of scrutiny. Once a week may be what I settle upon, I am not certain. I think I want to focus on building muscle and I need to bypass my fear of gaining weight(fat) in order to reach that point. Couple that with the fact that I felt sexier in a different way when I was heavier and I hate the yawning gap between myself and my husband since I've lost weight...just a lot to think over.
Time to use this space as it was intended, for navel gazing baby.

Up three more pounds this morning, but I ate takeout Italian food last night and had some wine and it was absolutely delicious. I know that when I do what works it will work and I just don't feel bad about it. I'm glad I don't, I would hate for a client to go into a tailspin over takeout bloating and so why should I practice that idiocy? Not to say it isn't disheartening when you don't expect it, but I deliberately ate that food.
So, as per usual my enthusiasm petered out awfully fast, but I'm going to stick with it and keep on tracking and trying to take care of myself.
Hopefully I can get in a workout today, that's the key that is missing.

Week One Report:Case Study EC

Beginning stats:

151/66 sq x 705 = 24.4 (normal) BMI ranges 18.5-24.9 normal, 25-29.9 overweight,
151 x 13-15 = 1963-2265 kcal/day guideline for professionals
IBW=130lbs +/- 10%
% IBW=116%
1450-1700 kcal/day to lose 1 lb per week
lower body workout plus 20 minutes cardio =422 kcals burned/38 minutes
full body weights workout alt upper and lower =400 kcals, sometimes less sometimes more /45-60 minutes
yoga =450 kcals/60 minutes

I think most of this is self explanatory, I included some of the common workouts I usually have in rotation and the calories burned just for reference.

I lost about an inch in my waist and half an inch in the hips and 1.6 lbs as of Saturday and then as of Sunday and today I'm UP .2 lbs from my beginning weight. Saturday night I ate a few appetizer shrimp and then some bread, a few fritos and dip and some cheeses followed by bites of 4 diff desserts. Wow that sounds bad now but it really was a small quantity of each and it was Laydee night with my friends. Oh I had champage and Pimms too. Yesterday I barely ate enough calories and nothing that damaging and yet no budge on what I was sure was bloat. If I was a client and new to this game and had this happen to me I would be severely frustrated at this point. Since I started getting a cough, hoarse voice and sore throat Saturday night and woke up with a full blown ick on Sunday I haven't cared so much. I'll care tomorrow.
It should be noted I went over on kcals twice this week and only worked out twice due to sickness so this wasn't a steller week and I'm doing ok all things considered. This next week's results will be better.
Cookies today turned out literally like dog turds with gobs of while chocolate splatters. Sounds tasty right?

It's really nice to hear that someone I respect thinks I'll be a good dietitian, thanks M@rla!

Today's Post Brought to You by My Love of Gadgets:

I'm a gadget girl, there's a good reason why I worked and excelled in the IT field for the five years that I hung in there. I like computers, I like sci-fi in my present day, and I like facts and the ability to pin down what exactly is happening rather than pulling numbers out of the air or relying on antiquated formulas. This is not to say the formulas are all bs and that my numbers are 100% accurate, but they're pretty damn close.
All of this to say I got the battery in my HR monitor replaced and just finished a kickass workout with it. When I had switched to a 3 day split lifting schedule it had already died and so I wasn't quite sure how it measured up to the previous exhausting balls out (metaphoric testes, mind you) workouts I had been slogging through. Don't get me wrong, it felt good to do those workouts most of the time but I was missing a lot of cardio and also only doing them 3 days a week tops with little supplementary workouts in between.
So long story shortened, I clocked in at 422 calories today for a 38 minute workout which is as good and sometimes better than the previous workouts that involved only 5 minutes cardio but took 45-60 minutes. Also accounting for the fact that I did that 2-3 times a week vs. my willingness and ability to do these workouts 5-6 times a week...it adds up big time.
I also purchased a Tanita scale that measures not only weight in .2 increments but also BF% and hydration. I must say I am disappointed in the BF% feature. The numbers are all over the place but we shall see, I've only had it a few days and the reason I wanted it is because we use a slightly more professional version at school and in practice as dietitians sometimes. I knew it was pretty accurate. Bottom line, I just don't want to believe it's gone up that much in such a short time and I also like having consistency in my data.
I'm treating myself as a case study (patient) and have worked out my anthropometrics. I'll post everything and also weekly results, number of workouts and what they consist of, and how I adjust my kcal intake. The formula we use is pretty dead on for what has worked for me in the past but it is forcing me to eat a little more and to really analyze the numbers. I'm basically putting my money where my mouth is (that cliche makes little sense but you get my meaning).
Now I'm off to pick up my little boy and to get crackin' on cleaning up this dump. Fitness is not the only thing that has fallen by the wayside with the hectic months of school I've just been through. I still have one final left on Friday but the case study on myself is going to help me study as that is all things I need to know.

I think it is worth mentioning that I have not had the crazy desire to eat everything in sight, including hoovering up my toddlers leftover tv dinner (yuck), yesterday or today. It simply stopped. I say simply but in reality I took some steps to make it happen and luckily my brain/body fell in line.
I need to reply to you guys' comments-but I'll just be honest and let you know I am so tired that it is everything I can do to just type this winner of an entry out-I nearly ran head first into our closet door this morning because I'm so tired when I get up I feel drunk.
I'm using sparkpeople again and will be purchasing a scale that does bodyfat % too. I basically went downhill when I got rid of our scale and while I think it was a good idea to break away from the constant weighing mentality, the number one way proven by a shit load of research to lose/maintain weight is self monitoring, meaning keeping a food record and weighing yourself on a regular basis.
It's taken hrs to write this much, started out then came back to it. I'm going to try and write more often by using that method since my life and my ADD like brain doesn't seem to be able to encourage longer entries.
My shoulder is alllllmost healed but not quite, as soon as I am fully functional I'll be hitting the weights again but in the meantime Im walking and taking the stairs at school. It's really the best I can do at the moment, but that's all about to change for the better as next week is finals and then I'm out for a month.

The size up pants are now barely fitting and my shoulder is hurt so lifting weights is out and even driving is difficult. I just paused in writing this to eat chocolate chip cookies after I was already full from overeating all afternoon/evening.

Sigh.

I want to take better care of myself but I need a buddy I think. I just can't do it alone anymore. Ideas?

So I'm wearing a size up again this morning. Drowning your sorrows in red wine and cheese doesn't make for a good maintenance program apparently. I actually took a preggers test again last night because I looked exactly as I did at about 4 months along and it was tight and hard to the touch. Awesome.
I'm getting my shit back together starting today, the operation went well, my mom is recovering and we are waiting to hear back about the pathology report and what we do now. I will hereby stop trying to be the perfect everything to everyone and refocus on my studies and my health.

Thank you.

M@rla and Kada! I appreciate the support and M@rla I know exactly what you were talking about with the rollercoaster thing, we've been on it with my grandma whom was diagnosed LAST November with mestatic breast cancer. We didn't think we'd even have last Christmas and here we are at Christmas part II.
Her surgery was yesterday and it went well. They took out about a foot long portion of the colon and then reattached everything minus lymph bodes and part of the mysentery (sac-like membrane around your intestines). She sat up today for a bit and was telling everybody what to do and how to do it so she is on her way. I say that with love. Seeing her all grey and obviously in pain yesterday really was...an experience I'd just as soon not repeat.
I'm not that interested in food and I've been sick again so no exercise but I'm holding it together.
I do think you all should update to entertain my pitiful self though.

Drinking too often and baking are not exactly conducive to good health, but they were a means to and end for me this weekend and now we can move on with me making healthy choices. I did have a goal of dropping 8 lbs by the new yr to finally be at the size that I've been striving towards for several yrs now but that is sort of out the window. If I happen to achieve that while making the absolute best choices I can, being strong for my mother and my own little family-then so be it.
My NEW new goal is to be as physically active as possible each and every day. Today I shall dress appropriately for walking a lot and may visit the gym during lunch. I'll go get ready for that in a moment. My glands behind my ears (sides of neck) are swollen and hurt to touch and my head hurts-I know part of that is due to not enough water and just poor habits this weekend. Our son is also sick with a terrible deep cough and off and on a bit of fever I think, so no telling if I have caught that too, the other two times I got a bad cough the actual cough did not show up for a few days.
Anyway, I'm coming to grips with the fact that my mother, the most special person in the world, has cancer. M@rla, thank you. So I'm going to go make a nutritious breakfast and get dressed in my coordinated sweat pant outfit (I'm supposed to dress professionally so I am compromising in order to get daily activity without changing clothes for it) and go to school where we will talk about weight management that I could not care less about now that the Big C is looming over me.

Everything we're talking about in class right now could be a post on it's own, so I plan on doing that one section at a time.
However, last night I ate disgusting pizza and drank a lot of beer after being told my mother has colon cancer.
And not surprisingly, it didn't help.
I'm going to need to focus on taking care of myself more than ever or I'll fall completely apart.

I had intended on typing out a long entry about what's been going on lately and yet I think spending some couch time with Husband is more important right now. I have to get up early to be at the hospital in the morning (to work, not for any bad reason) and so I'll be hitting the sack early. It'll be hard to get all my work outs in this week with being there all day Wed and Thurs but I'll do the best I can. Right now my quads are so sore from yesterdays workout I snuck in at school during lunch that I've been hobbling around all day like I was the main attraction in a donkey show, I hate to think what I've looked like wincing and shufflin' along.
I've set goals and plans and the like and am following through accordingly. It's only been two days but every new beginning has a start.

Blogging is good for me, orderliness and accomplishment make me feel so good, and every time that I avoid such behaviors I feel badly. I'm sure it's a chicken and the egg situation but nevertheless-here I am.
Got a kickass workout in tonight! It deserves an exclamation point, yes indeedy. I did shoulders, biceps and triceps along with my 18 minutes of intervals. Despite not working out since last Friday I kicked up the resistance to a 3 for close to the entirety and I am super proud of that. For clarity I could handle an 8 on the machines at the gym but level 1 one ours kicked my ass for quite awhile and so a 3 is pretty killer. Last time I thought I was awesome for doing 2nd level with some 3rd level thrown in as often as possible. Each time my cardio resistance handling capabilities advance it means a lot to me. Cardio has always been my biggest challenge and I feel like I'm finally making progress in that area. I know the muscle I have built all over my body is allowing me to advance and I am still really liking doing a body part split routine. Shoulder press (one armed) 17 lb dumbbell for two sets of ten, then 15 lbs for 3 sets of ten. When I feel like I can't possibly do one more rep focusing as hard as I can on the muscle and the contraction will get me two more I have found. I also talk to myself. Shh, don't tell anyone. Same weights were used for 5 sets of curls and 5 sets of tricep overhead extensions (like a pullover but standing). I didn't have to do that many negatives this time on the heavier sets and I felt like I couldn't do anymore for sure when I finished all 5. Hitting it as heavy as I can and still get past 5 reps with that weight-then dropping a few lbs and hitting it again is thoroughly exhausting my muscles in a way that hasn't happened on this consistent of a basis before. I felt sick all day-sore throat, fatigue, etc. so yeah I am a bit full of myself right now. And I should be *pat pat pat
Oh I also cleaned out my car and vacuumed it, washed two loads of clothes and rotated the dishwasher. I need some positivity and I'll be recording it here. I hate that I feel like I need to apologize for listing off things that are good that I've done. Hopefully I'll stop with that bs if I just keep at it.

I've seriously considered letting go of blogging. I think it contributes to the amount of time I spend TALKING about the good things I can do or will do and takes away from the time I could be doing such things. What keeps me from doing that is a) I really do like to keep up with you people and your lives and b) I have learned SO MUCH from my fellow bloggers working on their health and fitness levels that what I am now learning in an expensive, accredited, time consuming, stressful professional uni program has not added a lot. I know a great deal of the information before they even open their mouths. I bet I am frustrating them, ha! I keep it to myself most of the time, no worries. I am not THAT girl.
I reigned the food back in to an acceptable, non self hate level yesterday and it was hard but felt good and not so hard that my compulsions completely overrode things. I think my newest method (I always have to try new ways to be healthy because I get bored so easily and then grow lax) is to focus on my nutrient levels (calcium, vit C, etc) since I know how to calculate them in my head pretty well now. I thought I got my requirements in because I do try and eat a varied diet but when I am in unhealthy beat myself up with food mode, I know I do not meet any but maybe Vitamin A. Vit A is so easy to meet and exceed.
So, working on that and hopefully will get a workout in tonight. It has now been about 4 days and it is really bugging me, I want to be out there lifting and bouncing away on the elliptical in my intervals but something has a hold of me (sore throat, migraines, wonky tummy, fatigue) and I'm doing my best to just go to school and do small things around the house. Hopefully I can do that tonight, though with our current weather I'll need a space heater. Can you believe that? It was 90 during the day on Sunday and dropped to the 50s yesterday and 40s today bringing with it a massive rain storm yesterday morning that I got to drive in (with Dallas traffic) in order to take an exam. Guess what? ANOTHER exam this morning that I'm unprepared for but am having a hard time caring about...
I'll get back on here later, time to force myself to slow down and chat on a regular basis so there isn't so much in my head wanting to explode. Maybe it will help with the migraines*.
*if they make you want to hurl because it hurts so badly, I say migraine)

PS I did my arm workout this week with the 16 or 16.5 (whatever it works out to be) dumbbell and I completed five sets. Some of that was negatives but I was suprised at how little, I mainly did the reps fully at the higher weight. Getting closer to my 20lb goal.

Thanks for the well wishes and concern, I was not sure when I would be myself again but I think I am roughly back to being OK. I did just eat a goat cheese and fig leftover pizza for breakfast but that was my choice and then when I walked over to start coffee making I looked at the last few muffins I had baked that I've been gorging on and was able to say, "No, I'm full." See, that was the missing element lately, I would tell myself I was full and then eat it anyway followed by multiple other items. It definitely felt compulsive and unstoppable.
I got a cold or something that manifested Thursday and kept me home from my you-should-never-miss school program. I am thinking my weirdness that would not stop was partially related to that along with my sadness over my son leaving and just the insane amount of stress I am usually under. I cannot wait to graduate and be done with this bullshit already! Sick of school. Is that obvious?
I guess that bothers me too, I have always liked school ever since I went back of my own volition and wasn't forced there like high school and below. I am intelligent, I enjoy learning, and science fascinates me-yet I think I just hit the nail on the head about why I sort of hate it now. I feel like I am being forced to be there a lot when I am completely disinterested and I am disappointed in the program itself. This has caused me to waiver in my desire to be a dietitian but that is gone and I once again strongly feel that my job is going to be awesome. I think I'll focus on contract work in the field of Gerentology-older folks are ignored way too often and I like them. There are more reasons but that is partially why I am leaning that direction.
M@rla, if shoulder presses consists of using a dumbbell and basically doing an overhead press but with one arm at a time, I do that now. If that is not it I am always open to new ways to work out. I love doing those because it also strongly uses my obliques and doesn't tweak my shoulder joint that using a barbell can easily do. Also, despite feeling really cool, doing the clean and jerk even with light weight and doing my damnedest to have great form aggravates the sphenoid process of one of my thoracic vertebrae and actually makes the bone sore I am also thinking that can't be good, and if I take the weight down enough to not do that it's not a worthwhile exercise for the rest of my body. I'm sure I'll try again, maybe get stronger first-not sure.
I hate that I go in cycles-where this seems easy and awesome and fun and I start looking really cut, even to my critical eyes, and then I slip back into depressed followed by fluffy and start again. I will give myself credit though-this time I mostly still did my workouts which usually fall to the wayside as well.

It's been great to hear from everyone.

I've tried to think of what I've been doing that is working so well for me and while I've been mulling that over I've launched into one of the most destructive phases of my life. Eating until extremely ill for days with no sanity in sight. Constantly telling myself to stop hurting myself, that I don't need/want to eat "you name it" and yet in it goes and I haven't been able to listen to the pleading or berating in my head.
This stops now. I'm going to study a bit, plan and pack clean food for all day tomorrow, and in the morning I am getting up early and completing a yoga session.
Damnit, I can't go on like this, I want to get back to the amazing way I've been feeling and I have to figure out how to conquer the self sabotage. I admitted I was doing something that worked and then it went downhill in a hurry.
I should also mention our son is about to go visit out of state grandparents for five days and I am depressed about this. Yes I know it's five days but we are usually attached at the hip and I love every minute of it.
I'll return when I have something worth reading to talk about-like as in tomorrow.

What a week! It's just been non stop on the go-ness around here and I am wearing down, thank God tomorrow is Friday. TGIF is so cheesy but damn if it isn't true this week.
I'm not up to the 20 lb curls yet (that's each arm not total) but using 14.5 I was able to do five sets so I am going to bump it up next time and see what happens. Also, night before last I did five sets of flyes using 17.5 on each side for the first three sets so I'll do that again and hopefully do all five. That sounds like a lot of reps but it's broken up into little segments-I do three min elliptical and then 2-3 different exercises and then get back on the trainer for three more min, etc. I do this until I hit 18 minutes on the elliptical and my muscles are usually completely toast at that point. That night was chest and back so I did flyes and rows over and over and then some Yate's rows the last two intervals. My chest especially is still very sore, so in other words KICK ASS. Yeah.
Breaking up the cardio has actually made me like it too. I thought hell would freeze over before I liked cardio but 20 minutes used to seem like an eternity and now (roughly) 20 minutes flies by no problemo.
Still not watching my food intake too closely, I eat whole foods mostly and lots of veggies and fruit. I'm getting leaner each week and it sort of freaks me out after all the toil and trouble I've put in to find that for me exercise is the big determinate, not so much my diet. Don't get me wrong, I eat well but I thought I needed to be so much more exact and perfect and well, I don't. Hopefully I did not just jinx myself.
Wearing a bikini last Saturday night did not even phase me, that is how good I felt in my own skin. I went off the slide about 15 times in the pitch dark with the stars hanging overhead and it felt awesome. I also jumped off the top level side, so about a 25-30 ft drop-only did that once, ha!
My quads are getting more defined, I mention this because it's a big deal to me, my legs have always been a "sore" point for me. When I lost weight the first time on ww I still had unsightly cankle having weirdly shaped legs. Somehow it shifted after having our son and now I'm doing well on building muscle and I'm getting an inner thigh quad bump instead of just the outer one, so maybe a nice v shape is going to appear the more bodyfat I drop. I don't know. I am happy with my body. That short sentence is huge.

202nd post, weird.
Legs were Thursday night, shoulders and arms were last night. Same idea-3 minute intervals on the elliptical trainer interspersed with overhead presses and curls. Yes I have poo poo'd curls for quite some time but I can't deny they fatigue my arms well and that I would like to be able to curl higher numbers for an entire set. Immediate goal is to use 20 lb dumbbells-I can do that amount now but not for a whole set. Last night I used 14.5 and I was able to do a lot of them so obviously I need to bump that up but my weight set is sort of arranged funny and the next step up would be 18 lbs and I'm not sure that is realistic either. Meh. I need to get some of those magnets that let you increase in smaller increments.
I am sore all over today, especially my obliques, I guess keeping this body upright while doing the overhead one arm press did the trick. Doing just two sets of crunches and oblique twists last night was more difficult than I expected, presumably because of already using my core quite a bit in the last two nights. Working out, not sexxing you perves. Or is that just me? Ha!
I gotta hit the books HARD while the Husband and our child are out grocery shopping for the impending party we are having at 1 today that I am not ready for, more mentally than physically. I still want to write about the whole you and your environment thing I've been mulling over, I wish there was time.

Another legs workout completed, I incorporated something I saw on a Crossfit video (M@rla, I love watching them too and want to be able to do the stuff they do). I noticed some people using a balance ball to do a ton of fast bodyweight squats, basically lowering your butt to the ball before coming back up-more than likely a good way to make sure you are going low enough and also to learn balance. With a BALANCE ball? Crazy!
Deadlifts, bodyweight standard and sumo squats, walking lunges, and calf raises where you go up on both then back down with only one-read about it on Skwigg, something she'd doing in physical therapy and it clicked in my brain as the reason why my calves hated me for days recently. I like to use the stairs at school as often as I can (shoes permitting) and one day I had thong sandals on that make a really loud noise if I walk normally so I was tensing my legs quietly placing the sandals on each step-doesn't make sense typing it but basically I was really concentrating my movements in the calves and lowering myself slowly with one leg at a time, same concept.
Mid workout I came inside to get more water and noticed my quad literally bulging about half an inch out maybe, very cool. I made Husband look and he claimed to see it but may have been humoring me.
So I did the afore mentioned exercises interspersed with elliptical training 3 minutes at a time between each set. Oh yeah and I did the plyometric jumping thing where you come up off the floor out of a full squat and jump as high as you can, did about 7 of those as fast as I could and sweat was flying off my head. Awesome.

So yes, I'm still trucking along as an active person. Missed doing yoga yesterday because I felt like crap AGAIN and went to bed really early. It started trying to happen again tonight and I took Claritin and it cleared out enough that I could still function. I've been trying to avoid it because I was afraid taking it daily last week is what prompted the severe allergic type reaction I had Friday night that took away my whole weekend.
This weekend I am hosting a wedding shower for 30 guests at our house, then attending a wedding at a wine bar/winery, and then driving out to our friends' houseboat for the night and next morning. We'll see if my new fancy quads can help me to actually ski this time. Not excited abotu wearing a bathing suit after I thought I had already dodged that bullet this year but maybe I'll just keep a shirt on, screw 'em if they think I'm weird. Or maybe, I'll be really crazy and wear my bathing suit and not care if I look "fat". Damn right.

My legs were sore all day in that nice, you know you worked them hard sort of way. We went for a walk tonight as a family, dog and all, and pushing a stroller with a 35 lb toddler up and down hills adds a nice level of activity. We all three got in the shower (in turns) when we got back and it felt nice to put my old ratty nightgown on and to sink on to the couch. It wasn't an extreme workout, but it was a pleasant time spent with my loved ones living an active person's life. That's what I'm doing, living an active person's life until I truly am that active person. I want to be that person that exercises daily forever and ever. Don't get me wrong, I am not a stranger to workouts but I want it to be a more consistent part of life viewed in a more healthy manner.
Food is doing fine on autopilot, I have to study now or I'd write more.

I just could NOT sleep last night and so even though I insisted (somewhat annoyingly) on hitting the sheets early, I did not get up early this morning like I had planned and I bit poor Husband's head off when he asked me if I wanted the light on (I have him do that sometimes when I'm having a hard time rolling out of bed.)
No workout and I'm sluggish but this can still be a good day.
Thinking positively.

I did it. Despite a stitch in my side and wobbly legs, I went ahead and did my elliptical cardio/lower body weights workout and I have to admit, I'm proud. I'm sitting on the couch feeling crappy again but at least in the midst of the crappiness I got my workout in, I could have sat here and not done it and not felt any better than I do now.
Also? Taco Bell is not good fuel, it may taste good but it sure did come back to bite me the whole time I was out there.
Things are looking up!

I just polished off a grilled stuft beef burrito and a cheese quesadilla from Taco Bell with a pepsi. It has been YEARS since I drank Pepsi and probably around a year at least since I had the Bell. I won't lie-it was very tasty, and now I am ready to move on from eating crap to make myself feel better this go 'round.
This has been a very frustrating weekend for me. I have been low physically, and as a result mentally. I missed out on a night with my friends that I have not seen for months and have missed workouts that I would have enjoyed, and the whole time I feel guilty for not feeling well. I see it as a personal failing even though that is completely irrational.
In my dreams last night a severely overweight woman asked me over and over to tell her how great my life is now that I've lost the extra weight again and I exercise and eat healthfully as a rule, not as a challenge. I tried to think of things to tell her and all I could come up with was I can squeeze through tight spaces like between cars easily and I can wear cute clothing (which is actually somewhat of a negative too because I want new clothes all the time whereas my old wardrobe lasted years and years and I didn't really pay attention to it.) Basically I am feeling crappy that I make a lot of effort the average person doesn't and yet I still feel poorly quite often and there is always something wrong with me. It doesn't recommend it too much sub-conciously I guess.
I live this way now though because it IS the best thing for myself and I have more of a chance at feeling good doing these things than I did without-I didn't feel good then either and at least now my behaviors can build me up rather than tear me down.
I hereby vow to take care of myself to the best of my abilities, including mental care.
I think I'm finally on the mend, tomorrow I hit our garage gym for lower body and cardio and then a bike ride or a walk to round it out. We bought a rack for my weight plates, I got new lifting gloves since I lost mine, and it is all organized and put back together again. And now I will go and take a "power nap" hopefully so I can get up and kick my school works' collective ass.

Thursday night it took me a long time to go to sleep due to weird all over body aches including my scalp. If you are familiar with the flu and its general crappiness, it felt like that. My hips hurt especially and so I chalked it up possibly to doing yoga bright and early that morning, which by the way was pathetic and I could hardly do any of it so the soreness puzzled me. Finally got to sleep, got up late Friday morning skipping my planned workout and then went BACK to bed for several more hrs only to get up feeling 10 x worse. I womanfully pulled it together and went to biochem, feeling like I was on acid or something, so disoriented and just...off and hurty. I think in a twisted part of my mind I thought if I could struggle through class and driving in traffic I could go to our friend's surprise 40th birthday, when I would stay home sick from school our mom never let me do anything fun and this has carried over I think. So I leave school, fight Friday afternoon traffic (always early because people with downtown jobs make rush hr start at 3 on Fridays) and make it to the grocery store. Our bubby was out of fishes (goldfish crackers, rainbow colored so I remember to not eat them all) and I wanted to get some Tinactin to try on his leg ouchies at my brother's suggestion. It was ROUGH just walking in and then trying to make it through the grocery store, people were staring at me so either I looked hot or my pitifulness was glaringly apparent. Since I spoke with a poor me wobbly voice when asked if I needed help, I am going with the latter. Husband calls to say he picked up our bubby early and THEY are at the store by our house. At this point I abandoned the cart in the aisle, bought my two items in the self checkout and went home. After flopping on the couch for about 20 minutes it was time to leave for the birthday party and I did it. Maybe that was stupid but I really wanted to go, and we did, and we had a good time. The surprise actually happened (hard with this individual) and the food was excellent. I felt extremely sick after leaving though, while we drove up and down I-30 while my crazy husband looked for his cell phone. Yes, me feeling deathly ill, sitting with our child in the car on the side of I-30 as cars roared past shaking us to and fro. Apparently the phone was left on top of the car when we left the house eariler and the thump we heard that I questioned was the phone going to the big cellular store in the sky.
Going to sleep was horrific, I was NO FUN to be around and miserable and big time hurty but finally passed out and slept all night. I dreamed that we tore up the flooring in this house and were putting bamboo in and then for some reason the front yard and driveway were the ones at Raintree Circle (our parents' home growing up) and there were spider webs everywhere. end tangent.
No weird achiness today, never had a fever that I know of, but I still feel really nauseous and tired though I can't sleep. I tried to take a nap but got up to sit miserably on the couch.
So, recap of last week:
Halfass did some yoga stretches and ran slowly around the house with our son, then walked a LOT that afternoon at the botanical gardens. Monday walked about 14 flights of stairs and about a mile and a half, Tuesday was on my feet for about 3 hrs touring the Sara Lee plant and did a tiny amount of pilates that night, Wednesday I did shoulders and arms and 20 minutes elliptical intervals and Thursday I did 45 minutes power yoga. Got massively ill and nothing since then and it is bugging me. I was really feeling good about my activity. I also have a lot of thoughts building up about weight, and activity, and natural body setpoints relevant to your environment but I am too BLAH to write it out. I wish I could just dictate to someone-I'd blog everyday if I could.

Has it been two weeks already? Harumph. I guess I quit posting due to depression brought on by M@rla taking a vacation from blogging! *wink

I just spent ten minutes, at least, searching the house for my lone pencil (must buy more) so I could try and get caught up on nutrition calculations we're working on tomorrow. It was requested that we track our food for three days, one weekend day included, and then do calculations on the most typical day of the three. Along with that we had to take a dietary history of a classmate and then we're going to enter it into Nutribase, which is as you can imagine, a database program like fitday or sparkpeople but for us professional types. I personally like sparkpeople better, less KLUGEY (sidenote: the first time a boss used the word klugey I wanted to laugh in his face because he was obviously trying to sound MORE SMARTER).
So pencil is found and I'll work on this for a bit but not TOO long because I must get in bed real early like. And here is why, and possibly why I have continued to be quiet again:
I am trying yet again and hopefully successfully this time, to stop talking about doing so much and to make with the actual doing. I like to think the hell out of concepts and ideas and then I seem to fall short on the actual action. Oh sure, I fling myself about like a deranged dragonfly for awhile, decide it is NOT WORKING even without sufficient time and effort and then flit on to something else. I do keep trying though, all the damn time, and so rather than berating myself for not being hardcore enough, I think I need to realize and put into action the principle that I am sedentary most of each day, not by choice mind you-see:sitting on ass at school and then hrs of studying. So I go from being sedentary quite often, to thinking I should be able to walk five miles a day and do full body Olympic weight lifting workouts and on and on and on...yes I can do these things, but how bout working on consistency first? Hm?
I don't fall off the "wagon" often nutritionally, I know what to eat, how much to eat, and ways to make it yummy. I do fall by the wayside quite often on workouts due to time constraints, energy levels, etc. This does not have to be that way, but I need to focus less on micromanaging my food intake and more on getting consistent, worthwhile movement. Worthwhile defined as I actually like doing it or it makes me feel good during/right after.
I've started on a split schedule again after a long time of full body, today I did shoulders and arms. Yes I am aware that everything is linked, you can't truly isolate, blah blah blah. Believe me, I've read a LOT of info and tried out many methods and I feel like a change. So next will be lower body and then a chest/back day, but in the morning? An hour of power yoga, I miss it mentally and my body definitely misses it too. Also, power yoga should not be discounted for strength training either, I found when I threw it in the mix with regular heavy lifting everything improved, including my cardio endurance.
I hope I don't screw it up now that I talked about it.

I'm up ridiculously early in order to do last minute studying for a big exam today. So, obviously I am wasting the precious slumber I sacrificed if I sit here too long but I wanted to update a bit. I'll be making the rounds (reading/commenting) this afternoon more than likely, once the pressure is off about this test.
Hit the gym at school in between classes yesterday and knocked out 30 minutes of cardio. Felt ravenously hungry most of the rest of the day and my internal thermometer was all out of whack, I felt like it was 90 degrees inside when it was only 75, I just wanted to climb out of my skin.
This morning I finally look a bit leaner again and I can actually feel my triceps. I just went through such a weird bloated time that I of course started freaking out that nothing I am doing was working. It does happen damnit! I've witnessed it in blogland, so there.
Three workouts in four days and tomorrow will be 4 workouts in five days. I'm earning sparkpoints rapidly, now if I just had an Internet program that encouraged me to study. Oh wait, that's what I need to do to GET A JOB EVENTUALLY.

Holy smokes am I tired and ...I started to say sore but it's not soreness, it's muscle exhaustion. My arms feel heavy and my neck is extremely tight and hard to move so I can look downward.
I skipped my lifting session scheduled for yesterday, but never fear, I did it today! I also combined in cardio work so basically I got two workouts in one day. Am very proud of that but let's hope I can put my toddler in the car.
Must go run over to get him, but I wanted to pop on-I had the munchies big time yesterday and just kept eating and eating. Woke up today convinced that I had made myself sloppy and bloated from doing that and even argued internally when I felt slim in my yoga pants. "Self, there is no way you actually look slim to other people, think of that 100 calorie pop corn and the peanut butter and the apple muffins..."
Well shut the hell up stupid voice, I did much better on my negative pushups, lowered myself down to the floor, straight as a board, without even straining-but I think I had already toasted my shoulders 'cause I couldn't do that many at all even though my chest muscles felt like they were raring to go. I'm going to work on that tomorrow or Thursday by themselves.
Anyway, probably not making sense since I am hurrying to get out the door. More later, Fall has arrived! Woo Hoo!

Interestingly enough, MSG was something we briefly talked over in my intro to Medications course which focuses on food and drug interactions. It was at the top of the list for things people have severe allergic reactions to, followed closely by sulfites (wine additive) which at one point was added to fresh vegetables but so many people went into allergic shock that the practice was chunked.
Anyway, more things to comment on and I appreciate the commenting, makes me feel loved not to mention gives me things to think about-sorry I've been MIA on YOUR blogs, I am reading just not much time to be on the 'net anymore.
Speaking of, gotta go but we are staying at the Gaylord Texan tonight and treating ourselves at their gourmet restaurants. I think I'm going to order the vegetable platter which may sound boring but OMG, I need to learn how to cook veggies at home the way they do, I remember last time we were there I decided that it what I would get next time because it was all so delicious and I liked them better than my entree. We're having main at one place and then going for dessert at the steakhouse, they have a chocolate souflee I am keen on. Speaking of fancy food, I'm going to be working and participating at two cooking classes at school: holiday chocolates and creme puffs/crepes. So excited! Of course I will share what I learn.
Workouts: Did not get to the gym Wednesday, tried to study instead which was waylaid by some ignorant ass people that would not quit griping about us studying. Lesson learned, I would have been better off in a closed off room or actually going to the gym instead. I did workout here at night though, another lifting session, but nothing since then. So Sunday night: lifting and swimming, Monday: swimming, Tuesday :cardio 45 minutes, Wednesday: lifting. Not as bad as I thought but not enough to get lean. Bah. I am looking so puffy, you can't even see my triceps really which is pissing me off. I also must keep in mind my lady stuff is about to descend any day so that is probably the culprit but I resent being limited by hormones.
PS If I read one more time that Jessica Simpson is "too big, gross, icky" etc because she actually is getting pretty ripped, my head will explode. Stop the stupidity people! The only reason people think muscle is too masculine is women have been put in the weak role by not only men but other women. Stop it.
PPS Still keeping up my sparkpeople streak!

I hereby declare, I shall never eat fried Chinese takeout covered in a sweet cornstarchy sauce, unless I have a deep dislike for myself. I don't even like it anymore and yet I got roped into having it because that is what our family wanted and we were at their place. After seeing that my measly portion had over a thousand calories in it, not counting the rice of egg roll, I say HELL NO. Never again. If I do ever want that I will make my own healthier version at home. Besides, I got GRISTLED by the chicken. If I bite down on a rubbery nasty bite it just ruins it for me.
I did swim some yesterday after lifting weights on Monday so at least I had SOME activity in, and yet I doubt it was enough to counteract that damage. And damage it is, if you don't even enjoy it, I am not trying to be all eating disordered on your ass, just negative. Ha! I feel like I need a disclaimer there: not making fun of actual eating disorders or the people that have them, I was really close myself and traipsed back and forth over the line many times. I associate calling food bad or good or talking about "damage" as eating disorderly type talk-yet it can also have a more valid meaning. If you put fuel into your body that is harmful to it, like massive amounts of salt or alcohol, etc. that IS damange. Anyway, onward.
Ipod is dead and yet I hit the gym again today, after walking uphill for 7 minutes to get there, climbing lots of stairs etc. I did thirty minutes and then had to book it up and down the stairs again and out to the car. Good amount of activity but then I ate a hot dog at dinner in addition to my burger. None of this was fast food and it was yummy and yet maybe I did not need all that. I was truly hungry though so no regrets.
This has dissolved into a food count. Point is, work out=good, food=decently good sparkpeople streak=good.
Speaking of the streak, I just "leveled up" to the bigger trophy which is cool and yet kinda sucky cause I am back down at the bottom of working towards the next one. Now that I am tracking food though it should fly by, maybe I should continue until next trophy?
Plan on adding in a second lifting session tomorrow at school, will be my first time to try out what they have and I hope it does not suck but worse case scenario I just drop and do my pushups or whatever. Maybe they have a pullup bar? Will report back soon!

Just finished sending off an assignment that was hard to type up since I'm shaky. Got a lifting workout in after getting the little guy in bed for his nap. He was still fighting it but I listened to him on the monitor and his protests dwindled just like I knew they would.
So last Sunday night was my last weights workout and here it is Sunday again, but at least I got it done. No music made it sort of crappy, but since my iPod died I really had no choice on that one. Yesterday I pretty much rested all day, slept all night and then took a 2 and a half hr nap on top of that and then was ready to drop at about 10 despite coffee, etc.
During the week I got one workout in (hell I THINK that was this week I did that) on Wednesday and otherwise I did not get much in other than walking the stairs at school when I could. Very hectic and overwhelmingly crappy week, as you all know from the last post. Thanks for the comforting words!
Ugh, creatine powder is like purposefully drinking sand. I do believe it works though, but I need to be more diligent about it. One of my classmates already has a masters in kineseology and is now going for the nutrition leg of her career. She agrees that it is one of the few supplements that actually has been proven to work. Very interesting, I did that one workout on Sunday and looked pretty cut the next few days after that. Today I look puffy and have to go to a pool party so that sort of sucks. Ah well, I'll be too busy throwing my son into the water (he loves it) to worry about stupid shit like that. Rawr.
Kept up using spark people, even went back and recorded my intake after spending the night at my mom's, thought about blowing it off but I really think it is helping me stay on track towards my goals.
Speaking of goals, it was easier to do negative pushups today though still difficult, I'll keep plugging away. I can do a wussy half pushup now but I want to do proper to the floor, back straight, badass ones. I think that's a technical term.
Have no idea on the pull-up front, I'll have to work on that one in the gym or get myself a home pull up bar. That might be an idea...I know there are plenty of them out there that you don't have to permanently attach to the doorframe. For now I will stick with doing the Yate's row and pushups. Yoga actually does a LOT for my back, I MUST get back on that, I miss it but I have no idea where my dvd is and so once again disorganization makes things sucky.
Ciao, gotta finish drinking my sand smoothie and then hit the rain locker.

I spoke too soon. Classes today sucked ass and the teacher did not like me and chose to show this by disagreeing with anything I said, things I know are fact, and it was extremely disheartening. Anything that could go wrong did today, and I am just thankful that bedtime is drawing nigh and tomorrow is a new day.
I do not have lunch or snacks packed for tomorrow. I do not have an outfit picked out either, but I DO think I am relatively prepared for class, except for that whole pesky required reading thing.

Today just SUCKED. I can't express that enough. Also? No exercise and then went out to dinner to not face cooking and dinner sucked, despite having tasted what I ordered last time when Husband ordered it. His was awesome last time, tonight? Sucked. Meh.

Did not record food in spark people, better do that, hate to break my streak because I'm being pissy. After that? Off to bed.

PS My iPod died. I think I mentioned that, but that added to the cumulative suckage.

Yesterday I tried to go to my old gym and workout after class ended a bit early and circled around and around only to see people parking on the grass illegally and I got mad and left. Thwarted! Rats!
Got home and felt crummy so it might have been for the best that I was unable to go hit the gym but it sure did piss me off. That's OK, I got in a workout today in between classes, it was a tight fit schedule wise but I have to make this happen or I will go crazy without it. Did my 30 min routine I mentioned before, ten minutes on three diff machines and I had a friend from class working out with me so that was very cool. Both our iPods died! And then another girl in biochem had hers die today too. Weird, maybe they were in a cult and drank the Kool-aid today.
UGH, the choc flavored myoplex light shakes are pretty tasty but I just cracked open a french vanilla and it is grodey. I prefer them half frozen anyway, for some reason it also sends satiety better for me in addition to tasting better.
The huge amount of puffiness I had put on, making me go up about a size in fact, seems to have mainly left the building. Barring today of course! I went to put my jeans on and it would have been ridiculous to even button them so I wore some others that usually sag and look weird shortly after donning them, and yet I am reluctant to get rid of them. I got them at Ann Taylor and really like them when I first pull them on, bah. Sometimes sales racks bite you on the ass. Well they fit today with all the extra puff I had going on, and then got really huge in the afternoon along with the top I wore. Very weird, it's like I deflated after working out and I stayed hydrated so don't spank me!
Tracking food is benefiting me in class as we are learning the exchange system and are expected to also learn portion sizes, etc. I already know this crap from being an old hand at weight loss, ha! Who would have thought the stuff most of us bloggers talk about on a daily basis would be what I am about to take an exam over...at least to a pretty large extent. I used to joke that I could eyeball the calorie count of a plate of food at 100 paces. I probably could, and now that will aide me. I'll take anything I can get since I have multiple tests all at once and biochem is a complete fucking mystery to me. The concepts are not, but the nitty gritties are, and it doesn't help to have a very knowledgeable teacher that also has no desire to "dumb it down" for the rest of us common folk.
M@rla, you better keep checking in, no telling when I decide to resurface off and on, haha! PS Person to person: Congrats on kicking the measurement pants' ass!

I climbed up the attic ladder and peered around. There were my 2.5, 5, and 10 lb plates stacked at the top of said ladder, no barbell in sight, and at first I skipped over the dumbbell and case that had all the collars and more weights inside. After many trips up and down, while wearing flip flops (I'm a genius!), I retrieved them all and then grabbed a flashlight. There was the barbell and then I spied the rest of it along with our racquetball rackets and I brought them all down. Weight bench was still on the back patio and Husband had balked about bringing it back to the garage before we get all the storage organization stuff setup. I worked out in our empty garage with the new shiny floor and had to improvise a bit, but I got it done. How did it feel? Abso-freaking-lutely fantastic.
Wow, once again I have lost strength and have to rebuild practically from the bottom. Not quite that low, I think I could arm wrestle an Amoeba at least, but pretty puny. No matter, I won't be thrown off track again, I can promise you that. I usually do flyes for my chest with the attachment on my bench, it just holds the weight plates and I use my own power to move it, and I like that lovely invention. However, weight bench was on the patio so I did negative push-ups, 2 x 10. This worked very well as you can imagine, I only wish I could do regular pushups like I had gotten to at one point. I will get there again and be able to knock out a ton, that is a goal I have set. Also: I will be able to do a set of real live pull-ups at some point, ever since the stupid ass Pres. fitness award thingie in elementary school that particular exercise has haunted me, I hated being humiliated by the gym teacher because I couldn't even do the hanging alternative. Did anyone ever WORK with me to get me to where I could? No. I just got a mark and a disapproving face and the jeering of my classmates. No one ever tried to help me improve on any of that stuff and I dreaded it each and every year. It never even occurred to my young mind that I could ask for help or try on my own, I just thought I sucked. The End. I wonder why I never veered towards the athletic side of school. It's a mystery.
So, push-ups, pull-ups and I want to compete in races. The Hotter than Hell bike ride just went by this last weekend and one of my instructors did the 100k ride-I really admire that. I can't say I'll be picking that one but something would be nice.

Had a cheat meal last night, but it was premeditated and tasty. I wish I would have planned for it more, earlier in the day, but all in all it was not bad. I did not get to lift yesterday but I was very active and I seem to be getting an ear infection, at least it hurt all day when I teared up or tried to chew anything. I feel pretty good today so even if I have to go up in the attic and get my weights down I plan on lifting some heavy things for the sole purpose of building muscles.
On track and feeling good, good morning all and may you all feel the same.

Just made my grocery list out and that is about the most exciting thing I have planned for the day. I desperately need to work on school related things but that is going to be difficult, I've wasted Toddler Naptime showering and making out said list and I'm afraid he'll awake before I get anything else done. The house is a wreck as per usual lately and it makes me feel crazy and yet I have no energy to clean it really. I am making headway cleaning here and there and will get some more done today but what I really want is a magic fairy to come down and get me all set up with a clean work space and lots of office supplies. I'll let you know when that happens.
I'm working towards a streak of eating 5-6 mini meals again BFL style and recording my food in sparkpeople again. It's all well and good to have tantrums that last for 6 months at a time in which I decide it's not faaaaaaiiiirrr to have to record what I eat etc. and I am able to see progress without doing so, however it is not consistent and it disappears. I am now taking off weight I put on in the last few weeks and it is irritating to have to regain ground you already fought and planted a flag upon. I am so extremely busy that it is not that hard to not overeat as opposed to when I have access to the fridge all day and then want to go out to eat all weekend to relieve the boredom or monotony. None of that going on now, I am busier than I think I ever have been and am constantly learning and on the go.
I seem to have lost a great deal of my muscle, and it is pissing me off yet I am on Singe Mama duty today (Husband is playing softball all weekend, national tournament) and I can't go to the gym like I had looked forward to all week. My weight bench is on the back patio and the barbell, weight plates, and dumb bells are all in the attic. Great place for them right? We redid our garage on my "vacation" (bahahaha, snort-worked my ass off, I did)and my husband decided that is where they would go when cleaning out the garage during prep time. Thanks honey! yes I could get them down but by the time I did that the Boy would be awake and I won't be able to use them. I'm going to figure SOMETHING out damnit, hate feeling flabby. To top it off had to get measured in class this week and I am in the worst shape in a long time. I went on a crazy eating spree for the weeks preceding starting my program, not sure why I did that but it was not smart. Ah well, onward! I've learned lots of nifty things about determining energy needs, maybe I'll share once I stop feeling overwhelmed.

Once again I'm sorry I disappeared. University has started and I say that rather than school because this is hard core, existential balls to the wall crazy scheduling school, not community college anymore. For that matter I already attended another branch of UT's system for a literature degree and it was not nearly as hard as this. But I am loving it.
Today I got my bodyfat measured in class through a fancy pants scale that gave me a little read out. Here are my numbers:

Body type: Athletic
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Height: 5' 6"
weight: 148.8 lbs
BMI: 24
Fat%: 21.5
BMR: 6240 kJ or 1492 kcal
Impedence: 479 and then a weird little horseshoe symbol for the unit on that one, heh.
Fat mass: 32.0 lb
Fat free mass: 116.8 lb
Total body water: 85.4 lb

I also had my tricep skinfold measured and that was a disappointing 26 mm. I felt bad about that but I've let myself go the last month.
Being in this program specifically dealing with all of the things I've self taught and been interested in for the last few years is amazing. It also has me excited again about behavior modification and working the numbers. My BMR above should also have about a 10% addition due to the thermal effect of food (energy burned by actually digesting your food) and then what I earned through physical activity. I purposefully walked about half a mile on the connecting path between different parts of campus and I went up the 14 flights of stairs to class after eating lunch. I also walked up quite a few stairs after purchasing my skinny latte from the 'bucks on site. I'm sure I would have done better if I left that out, but after plugging in the numbers at sparkpeople, I apparently took in around 1250 kcals today by following BFL type eating again. I just made sure I had good portions of carbs and protein every 2-3 hrs for a total of 5-6 mini meals, did not count kcals or points or anything but it turns out I was pretty much dead on. I'm going to allow for error in my little feeding frenzy when we hit the door this evening and not go in there and eat something just because there is room. When I am able to hit the gym again in earnest I will definitely up the intake, no point in starving myself.
So I'm back, I'm monitoring my stats again, but from a clinical point of view and I am loving this learning to be a dietitian thing. Yeah.

PS Thank you for the comments you lovely peoples!

I would like to update but just typing this is painful. We just texturized our entire two car garage in two days and my grip strength better be improved by all this damnit. And I was worried about getting enough exercise in with Husband home and a longer drive to the gym.
M@rla, thanks for leaving comments, it makes my day. I'll type an actual entry when my hands are not hurting. I have blisters and some serious soreness.

I need to set some goals, I'm maintaining just fine and floating along fairly effortlessly. I can say that because I can practically go on auto pilot with nutrition and eat very well, it's ingrained at this point. Not to say I don't have my moments but I tend to indulge the really strong desires and then just move on, and that is working great for me. However, my fitness regimen has gotten totally off kilter with the stress of my car being wrecked and dealing with the bs that has gone along with that, it is currently back at the body shop. I got it back and then noticed yesterday that they had washed it with something that left tiny surface scratches all over the damn thing and there were also some bad scratches on the driver side door area. I called and of course was basically told I was lying and had to talk to the manager who told me to bring it in for him to look it over. I hung up and burst into tears, I hate ugly confrontation and having to assert myself. I am fully capable of doing so and I will when needed but it always leaves me shaken, which the more I think about it I believe is an extremely high adrenaline surge I get. Apparently I get fully revved up to either kick someone's ass or to run away, though running away is unlikely-creaky knees you know.
Anyway, it is being fixed but they also stole my son's dvd player out of the car while they had it too, and this is not a tiny body shop-this is owned by the dealership that I bought my car from and I just never expected this sort of unnecessary hassle.
Been worrying about that and finishing up anatomy II (got an A) and also dealing with other people that I can't seem to get along with while trying to plan stuff for my best friend's wedding. Combined with the painful knots I had going it has been rough and I haven't been able to just head over to the gym after school-things I have had to do instead. Today I get back on track.
There's something about "back to school" time that makes me want to start everything brand new, it seems like summer has flown by without my even noticing it and we are already heading into time for fall. I wonder why I feel like kicking it into gear AFTER bathing suit season.
I need to think of goals and a plan and I'll be back here, with 90% less bitching.

Chris thanks for stopping by, sorry to all that I've been MIA lately. Not a lot of working out going on, just lots of stress and a huge knot in my back again.
The knot was from our couch, it's too soft and when I sit on it a lot (usually with my laptop) and also happen to be stressing at the same time it hurts my back. I haven't sat on it for two days now and no pain so I'm fairly certain that is the cause.
I am exhausted and my final is tomorrow morning at 7:30 am. So many things are going on, I am just not up to posting about it all but I haven't exercised since Saturday morning but I did get that 30 min heart pumping walk in and I also ate exceedingly well all weekend at the in-laws, my kryptonite.
So, still here-reading your pages when I can, currently exhausted.

Thanks Kada! I am very happy about my new friend.

And now, I bemoan my eating habits, or urges may be a better term. It is raining buckets outside, thunder and lightening the whole deal and I want comfort food. The problem is, I'm not sure what is comforting anymore. At one point I would have said pizza or fast food or something heinous like a plate of tater tots with chili and cheese all over them or ramen noodles with a hunk of cheese. Now? No thank you, and yet a salad doesn't exactly scream comfort. Maybe that is all in my head because I was thinking of having a salad on the way home from picking our son up a minute ago. I bought some vegetarian chili yesterday too, maybe I'll have that. Would be better with tater tots though, heh.

No gym today, I also stayed home from school and did next to nothing besides starting the new Harry Potter book. I'm about 200 pages in, didn't crack it open until later in the day, but of course it is good and I want to be reading it right now. That's not exactly good parenting though, and neither is typing this while my little one needs attention.

Bye for now.