I had intended on typing out a long entry about what's been going on lately and yet I think spending some couch time with Husband is more important right now. I have to get up early to be at the hospital in the morning (to work, not for any bad reason) and so I'll be hitting the sack early. It'll be hard to get all my work outs in this week with being there all day Wed and Thurs but I'll do the best I can. Right now my quads are so sore from yesterdays workout I snuck in at school during lunch that I've been hobbling around all day like I was the main attraction in a donkey show, I hate to think what I've looked like wincing and shufflin' along.
I've set goals and plans and the like and am following through accordingly. It's only been two days but every new beginning has a start.

I'm up ridiculously early in order to do last minute studying for a big exam today. So, obviously I am wasting the precious slumber I sacrificed if I sit here too long but I wanted to update a bit. I'll be making the rounds (reading/commenting) this afternoon more than likely, once the pressure is off about this test.
Hit the gym at school in between classes yesterday and knocked out 30 minutes of cardio. Felt ravenously hungry most of the rest of the day and my internal thermometer was all out of whack, I felt like it was 90 degrees inside when it was only 75, I just wanted to climb out of my skin.
This morning I finally look a bit leaner again and I can actually feel my triceps. I just went through such a weird bloated time that I of course started freaking out that nothing I am doing was working. It does happen damnit! I've witnessed it in blogland, so there.
Three workouts in four days and tomorrow will be 4 workouts in five days. I'm earning sparkpoints rapidly, now if I just had an Internet program that encouraged me to study. Oh wait, that's what I need to do to GET A JOB EVENTUALLY.

Interestingly enough, MSG was something we briefly talked over in my intro to Medications course which focuses on food and drug interactions. It was at the top of the list for things people have severe allergic reactions to, followed closely by sulfites (wine additive) which at one point was added to fresh vegetables but so many people went into allergic shock that the practice was chunked.
Anyway, more things to comment on and I appreciate the commenting, makes me feel loved not to mention gives me things to think about-sorry I've been MIA on YOUR blogs, I am reading just not much time to be on the 'net anymore.
Speaking of, gotta go but we are staying at the Gaylord Texan tonight and treating ourselves at their gourmet restaurants. I think I'm going to order the vegetable platter which may sound boring but OMG, I need to learn how to cook veggies at home the way they do, I remember last time we were there I decided that it what I would get next time because it was all so delicious and I liked them better than my entree. We're having main at one place and then going for dessert at the steakhouse, they have a chocolate souflee I am keen on. Speaking of fancy food, I'm going to be working and participating at two cooking classes at school: holiday chocolates and creme puffs/crepes. So excited! Of course I will share what I learn.
Workouts: Did not get to the gym Wednesday, tried to study instead which was waylaid by some ignorant ass people that would not quit griping about us studying. Lesson learned, I would have been better off in a closed off room or actually going to the gym instead. I did workout here at night though, another lifting session, but nothing since then. So Sunday night: lifting and swimming, Monday: swimming, Tuesday :cardio 45 minutes, Wednesday: lifting. Not as bad as I thought but not enough to get lean. Bah. I am looking so puffy, you can't even see my triceps really which is pissing me off. I also must keep in mind my lady stuff is about to descend any day so that is probably the culprit but I resent being limited by hormones.
PS If I read one more time that Jessica Simpson is "too big, gross, icky" etc because she actually is getting pretty ripped, my head will explode. Stop the stupidity people! The only reason people think muscle is too masculine is women have been put in the weak role by not only men but other women. Stop it.
PPS Still keeping up my sparkpeople streak!

I hereby declare, I shall never eat fried Chinese takeout covered in a sweet cornstarchy sauce, unless I have a deep dislike for myself. I don't even like it anymore and yet I got roped into having it because that is what our family wanted and we were at their place. After seeing that my measly portion had over a thousand calories in it, not counting the rice of egg roll, I say HELL NO. Never again. If I do ever want that I will make my own healthier version at home. Besides, I got GRISTLED by the chicken. If I bite down on a rubbery nasty bite it just ruins it for me.
I did swim some yesterday after lifting weights on Monday so at least I had SOME activity in, and yet I doubt it was enough to counteract that damage. And damage it is, if you don't even enjoy it, I am not trying to be all eating disordered on your ass, just negative. Ha! I feel like I need a disclaimer there: not making fun of actual eating disorders or the people that have them, I was really close myself and traipsed back and forth over the line many times. I associate calling food bad or good or talking about "damage" as eating disorderly type talk-yet it can also have a more valid meaning. If you put fuel into your body that is harmful to it, like massive amounts of salt or alcohol, etc. that IS damange. Anyway, onward.
Ipod is dead and yet I hit the gym again today, after walking uphill for 7 minutes to get there, climbing lots of stairs etc. I did thirty minutes and then had to book it up and down the stairs again and out to the car. Good amount of activity but then I ate a hot dog at dinner in addition to my burger. None of this was fast food and it was yummy and yet maybe I did not need all that. I was truly hungry though so no regrets.
This has dissolved into a food count. Point is, work out=good, food=decently good sparkpeople streak=good.
Speaking of the streak, I just "leveled up" to the bigger trophy which is cool and yet kinda sucky cause I am back down at the bottom of working towards the next one. Now that I am tracking food though it should fly by, maybe I should continue until next trophy?
Plan on adding in a second lifting session tomorrow at school, will be my first time to try out what they have and I hope it does not suck but worse case scenario I just drop and do my pushups or whatever. Maybe they have a pullup bar? Will report back soon!

Yesterday I tried to go to my old gym and workout after class ended a bit early and circled around and around only to see people parking on the grass illegally and I got mad and left. Thwarted! Rats!
Got home and felt crummy so it might have been for the best that I was unable to go hit the gym but it sure did piss me off. That's OK, I got in a workout today in between classes, it was a tight fit schedule wise but I have to make this happen or I will go crazy without it. Did my 30 min routine I mentioned before, ten minutes on three diff machines and I had a friend from class working out with me so that was very cool. Both our iPods died! And then another girl in biochem had hers die today too. Weird, maybe they were in a cult and drank the Kool-aid today.
UGH, the choc flavored myoplex light shakes are pretty tasty but I just cracked open a french vanilla and it is grodey. I prefer them half frozen anyway, for some reason it also sends satiety better for me in addition to tasting better.
The huge amount of puffiness I had put on, making me go up about a size in fact, seems to have mainly left the building. Barring today of course! I went to put my jeans on and it would have been ridiculous to even button them so I wore some others that usually sag and look weird shortly after donning them, and yet I am reluctant to get rid of them. I got them at Ann Taylor and really like them when I first pull them on, bah. Sometimes sales racks bite you on the ass. Well they fit today with all the extra puff I had going on, and then got really huge in the afternoon along with the top I wore. Very weird, it's like I deflated after working out and I stayed hydrated so don't spank me!
Tracking food is benefiting me in class as we are learning the exchange system and are expected to also learn portion sizes, etc. I already know this crap from being an old hand at weight loss, ha! Who would have thought the stuff most of us bloggers talk about on a daily basis would be what I am about to take an exam over...at least to a pretty large extent. I used to joke that I could eyeball the calorie count of a plate of food at 100 paces. I probably could, and now that will aide me. I'll take anything I can get since I have multiple tests all at once and biochem is a complete fucking mystery to me. The concepts are not, but the nitty gritties are, and it doesn't help to have a very knowledgeable teacher that also has no desire to "dumb it down" for the rest of us common folk.
M@rla, you better keep checking in, no telling when I decide to resurface off and on, haha! PS Person to person: Congrats on kicking the measurement pants' ass!

I climbed up the attic ladder and peered around. There were my 2.5, 5, and 10 lb plates stacked at the top of said ladder, no barbell in sight, and at first I skipped over the dumbbell and case that had all the collars and more weights inside. After many trips up and down, while wearing flip flops (I'm a genius!), I retrieved them all and then grabbed a flashlight. There was the barbell and then I spied the rest of it along with our racquetball rackets and I brought them all down. Weight bench was still on the back patio and Husband had balked about bringing it back to the garage before we get all the storage organization stuff setup. I worked out in our empty garage with the new shiny floor and had to improvise a bit, but I got it done. How did it feel? Abso-freaking-lutely fantastic.
Wow, once again I have lost strength and have to rebuild practically from the bottom. Not quite that low, I think I could arm wrestle an Amoeba at least, but pretty puny. No matter, I won't be thrown off track again, I can promise you that. I usually do flyes for my chest with the attachment on my bench, it just holds the weight plates and I use my own power to move it, and I like that lovely invention. However, weight bench was on the patio so I did negative push-ups, 2 x 10. This worked very well as you can imagine, I only wish I could do regular pushups like I had gotten to at one point. I will get there again and be able to knock out a ton, that is a goal I have set. Also: I will be able to do a set of real live pull-ups at some point, ever since the stupid ass Pres. fitness award thingie in elementary school that particular exercise has haunted me, I hated being humiliated by the gym teacher because I couldn't even do the hanging alternative. Did anyone ever WORK with me to get me to where I could? No. I just got a mark and a disapproving face and the jeering of my classmates. No one ever tried to help me improve on any of that stuff and I dreaded it each and every year. It never even occurred to my young mind that I could ask for help or try on my own, I just thought I sucked. The End. I wonder why I never veered towards the athletic side of school. It's a mystery.
So, push-ups, pull-ups and I want to compete in races. The Hotter than Hell bike ride just went by this last weekend and one of my instructors did the 100k ride-I really admire that. I can't say I'll be picking that one but something would be nice.

Had a cheat meal last night, but it was premeditated and tasty. I wish I would have planned for it more, earlier in the day, but all in all it was not bad. I did not get to lift yesterday but I was very active and I seem to be getting an ear infection, at least it hurt all day when I teared up or tried to chew anything. I feel pretty good today so even if I have to go up in the attic and get my weights down I plan on lifting some heavy things for the sole purpose of building muscles.
On track and feeling good, good morning all and may you all feel the same.

Just made my grocery list out and that is about the most exciting thing I have planned for the day. I desperately need to work on school related things but that is going to be difficult, I've wasted Toddler Naptime showering and making out said list and I'm afraid he'll awake before I get anything else done. The house is a wreck as per usual lately and it makes me feel crazy and yet I have no energy to clean it really. I am making headway cleaning here and there and will get some more done today but what I really want is a magic fairy to come down and get me all set up with a clean work space and lots of office supplies. I'll let you know when that happens.
I'm working towards a streak of eating 5-6 mini meals again BFL style and recording my food in sparkpeople again. It's all well and good to have tantrums that last for 6 months at a time in which I decide it's not faaaaaaiiiirrr to have to record what I eat etc. and I am able to see progress without doing so, however it is not consistent and it disappears. I am now taking off weight I put on in the last few weeks and it is irritating to have to regain ground you already fought and planted a flag upon. I am so extremely busy that it is not that hard to not overeat as opposed to when I have access to the fridge all day and then want to go out to eat all weekend to relieve the boredom or monotony. None of that going on now, I am busier than I think I ever have been and am constantly learning and on the go.
I seem to have lost a great deal of my muscle, and it is pissing me off yet I am on Singe Mama duty today (Husband is playing softball all weekend, national tournament) and I can't go to the gym like I had looked forward to all week. My weight bench is on the back patio and the barbell, weight plates, and dumb bells are all in the attic. Great place for them right? We redid our garage on my "vacation" (bahahaha, snort-worked my ass off, I did)and my husband decided that is where they would go when cleaning out the garage during prep time. Thanks honey! yes I could get them down but by the time I did that the Boy would be awake and I won't be able to use them. I'm going to figure SOMETHING out damnit, hate feeling flabby. To top it off had to get measured in class this week and I am in the worst shape in a long time. I went on a crazy eating spree for the weeks preceding starting my program, not sure why I did that but it was not smart. Ah well, onward! I've learned lots of nifty things about determining energy needs, maybe I'll share once I stop feeling overwhelmed.

Once again I'm sorry I disappeared. University has started and I say that rather than school because this is hard core, existential balls to the wall crazy scheduling school, not community college anymore. For that matter I already attended another branch of UT's system for a literature degree and it was not nearly as hard as this. But I am loving it.
Today I got my bodyfat measured in class through a fancy pants scale that gave me a little read out. Here are my numbers:

Body type: Athletic
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Height: 5' 6"
weight: 148.8 lbs
BMI: 24
Fat%: 21.5
BMR: 6240 kJ or 1492 kcal
Impedence: 479 and then a weird little horseshoe symbol for the unit on that one, heh.
Fat mass: 32.0 lb
Fat free mass: 116.8 lb
Total body water: 85.4 lb

I also had my tricep skinfold measured and that was a disappointing 26 mm. I felt bad about that but I've let myself go the last month.
Being in this program specifically dealing with all of the things I've self taught and been interested in for the last few years is amazing. It also has me excited again about behavior modification and working the numbers. My BMR above should also have about a 10% addition due to the thermal effect of food (energy burned by actually digesting your food) and then what I earned through physical activity. I purposefully walked about half a mile on the connecting path between different parts of campus and I went up the 14 flights of stairs to class after eating lunch. I also walked up quite a few stairs after purchasing my skinny latte from the 'bucks on site. I'm sure I would have done better if I left that out, but after plugging in the numbers at sparkpeople, I apparently took in around 1250 kcals today by following BFL type eating again. I just made sure I had good portions of carbs and protein every 2-3 hrs for a total of 5-6 mini meals, did not count kcals or points or anything but it turns out I was pretty much dead on. I'm going to allow for error in my little feeding frenzy when we hit the door this evening and not go in there and eat something just because there is room. When I am able to hit the gym again in earnest I will definitely up the intake, no point in starving myself.
So I'm back, I'm monitoring my stats again, but from a clinical point of view and I am loving this learning to be a dietitian thing. Yeah.

PS Thank you for the comments you lovely peoples!

I'm a thinker. Sometimes it takes me awhile to puzzle out the truth behind all the muck I have to wade through, you know, with all that thinking I do. Ha! Anyway, I decided that dieting was the big evil boogity boo that made me feel bad, but in reality I think following a food plan with the intent of being thin, rather than healthy like I told myself, was the problem. Don't get me wrong, I never did unhealthy things like taking pills or starving myself or whatever, but bottom line is when I ate my 4-5 serves of veggies and limited simple carbs like bread or chips or whatever, it was with my weight and appearance in mind. Being healthy was sort of a side effect, and yes something I celebrated. Here's the thing, I feel at peace since my wake up of my father in law's health scare/disaster. Update on that: he is now getting an angiogram on his heart because it looks all wonky and is leaking fluid. Take care of yourself people, skinny or fat! It sucks all the way around that it took this to slap me in the face, but sometimes that is the way it works. So I am truly asking myself in every situation I run into, whether it's fixing lunch, getting enough sleep, or taking stairs instead of the wheelchair ramp, if it is the best choice for my body and health. My wonderful father in law was one of those people that carried a lot of weight around the middle but lost a ton of it by simply eating canned soups for lunch instead of going out to eat everyday, though they still ate out at night most of the time. Being a man (bastard, KIDDING) he lost weight and kept on eating donuts and bullshit left and right, because HEY not fat over here so who cares about veggies? So anyway, now I am focusing on health and my body size and weight will be the side effect. A variation on the live as the person you want to be kind of thing. If I live as a healthy person, I should reflect that choice and if I never get to a smaller size, so be it.
I may post what I eat here and there because I think I do need accountability and a food plan (somewhat) if I want to truly take the best care of myself that I can. If that bores anyone, please look away.
And further more, when I go to the in laws' various functions, they can stuff it when they hassle me about what I eat. I am going to simply tell them, "This is the choice I am making for myself and it has not reflection on any choice any one else makes, so please let me be." If all hell breaks loose, so be it, and of course I'll run back and tell you about it. Ha!
Damn, I'm tired with all the thinking. No, if that were true I'd be exhausted all the time because I do seem to yammer incessantly, even if it is to myself a lot of the time.
I wanted to lift today but I started a new med (for my nerve pain issues) and I can tell it will be better than the last one that I took myself off of, but it is kicking my ass right now in the adjustment period. I also got my period, SEGUE! So, there you go...want to get back to regular exercise, it's part of who I am now, but I may just need to be patient with getting used to this.

Next Wednesday is my monthly weigh in that I wanted to lose four lbs by, and I am hoping I just maintain. I'm sitting at a 1.5 lb gain at the moment, mainly due to my forced tummy ache the other night, which did nothing to make me feel better and was so bizarre I have purposefully not thought about it. I'm not sure why I think I need this punishment/redemption cycle, but I promise psyche, I really don't need it!
I'm feeling a good bit better today, not sure if I should workout today or rest one more day and not risk feeling badly again. Sigh.
I made a new friend that lives fairly close. She has PCOS and gained around 100 lbs in 3 months, and when she went to her doctor for help, he informed her she's "lazy". How infuriating! She has a ton of exercise equipment and wants to try and lose at least some of it with diet/exercise. I'm not sure if she can lose all of it with how out of whack her hormones are, but I know little about the condition. She was also able to conceive and have her daughter against all odds, so maybe she can do this too. I like her a lot, at the risk of sounding like we're in elementary school.
Hubby has also decreed that he would prefer to buy an elliptical, free weights and bench, and maybe a smith machine. WTF?????!!!!!!!! I'm not complaining, just out of left field from the man that hates the gym and refuses to eat veggies. The only way he could shock me more is by taking a jaunt down to the Farmer's Market to buy himself a snack.
Exciting things are a foot, must just keep on keeping on-my most favorite reads in the bloggie world all have that in common, they just keep going and they inspire me so much. Thanks to all of you, even though you have no idea I'm writing this.