Monday, November 27, 2006

After losing down to my all time low again, I have promptyl gone back up to a whole nother set of numbers and must start over. PHOOEY. No worries, I was sick when I lost to the low but I believe it was not a dehydration state, but merely because food didn't sound that good to me and I ate tons of soup, drank no milk, and basically south beached it in a good calorie range. All I need to do now is halt the free for all and eat all south beachy again and ta da! Or at least this is my hope, I may get more than I bargained for since our son has thrown up today, had disgusting diapers, and my husband and I are both feeling nauseated. I feel extremely tired too, and from what I can tell my little crew feels the same way.
Thanksgiving went well though I ate too much, the food wasn't even all that spectacular, but I ate too much anyway. I can thank red wine for that I'm sure.
So, crappy post-but I wanted to check in.

Friday, November 17, 2006

My back decided to cooperate and heal fairly quickly, but I have been MIA because I am sick as a dog. I am not sure why dog sickness is a measuring stick for severity, but by God, dogs get sick. I am no so ill indeed that I had to scrap my plans of working in Tulsa this weekend and flying home Sunday, and instead am sitting here alone, sick, and slightly crazed with cold meds. I was finally ready to quit mincing about, ready to start taking care of my health right and proper...but that seems to be the way it goes. I'm constantly in a phase associted with kicking of ass and taking of names, or in a phase that would promote fear of salt being sprinkled from above (slug like, get it?). Sigh.
Did I mention cold meds? Yeah.

Monday, November 13, 2006

My back, it is tweaked, and this, it makes me angry-a bit.

Weight going back down slowly despite all of the interferences, don't know what today will hold since it hurts to walk around, and that is not usually helpful when trying to exercise.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

What a long day...still dealing with various aspects of my grandmother's diagnosis. We have yet to get any hard cold facts-they are not in any hurry to get a biopsy scheduled, which leads us to think they know it's late stages, but even so would you not want to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as she has left? She is in pain and I am helpless, we're all helpless.
I woke up this morning with renewed purpose and determination to stop screwing around with my health, and yet I still did not eat as cleanly as I would have liked and did no exercise. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow? Each day seems to be derailed by one thing and then I think, "Well I might as well eat this, drink that, have a smoke-I'll restart tomorrow." BAH. That is not a winning attitude, that is the type of thinking that lands me gaining weight and/or maintaining.
I will forge ahead, I have to take control of something.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Bad Mood Blues.

I drank a monster drink and ate a small handful of white corn chips after writing my post about eating so cleanly, go me, etc.
Ah well. PMS , she is a bitch.
Also fighting myself about a workout today, where's the easy button?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Victories so far on Common Sense Plan:

  • I resisted the urge to weigh myself even though it has only been two days. Weighing constantly and shooting up and down in mood because of it is NOT common sense. It is crazy, and afflicts many people including myself. We all know it is bad to feel negatively towards yourself because of a number changing by half a pound, etc. but I think it is detrimental to feel GOOD because of the same thing too. I'm trying to focus more on feeling good that I ate only nutritious foods, or I exercised and blessed my heart and lungs. It is very hard to think this way personally, that angle has always been part of this whole weight loss/fitness thing, but I'm an honest person and vanity has taken precendence. Vanity and pride, not really good things to make friends with on a daily basis for years. Pride comes into play because I always try to be the best at any thing I do, even though I sort of hate that quality sometimes, and I especially wanted to prove I could lose the weight after having our son.
  • I HAVE eaten only nutritious whole foods, no diet drinks or goldfish crackers, Halloween candy, or tortilla chips. I am very proud of this because I had definitely slipped up as far as that is concerned. I think I had landed in crappy food land due to focusing so much on points/calories and dropping scale weight. It is not impossible to do that and stay true to what is actually good for your body, but it is hard for me.
  • I have gotten in two really good workouts so far and am feeling like I can get back in a groove. Treading lightly is the name of the game at this point so I don't stress out and drop it altogether again. Any movement is good for me, and I am striving to really believe that-it is working I think. Yesterday was an hr of power yoga (I am so SORE today) and today was 20 min of elliptical training at a speed that kept my heart rate at target or a bit over the whole time. 4.5 miles.
  • Some of my friends have secretly planned a girlie night this Friday, partially to cheer me up about my grandma's health situation. I requested that we make something healthy for me to eat and also piped up and stated my no alcohol/smoking policy. I always feel like a huge tool when I say anything to my friends/family in that area, but it needed to be said and I'm glad that I did. Why should I feel apologetic and lousy that I am trying to be the best me possibly?
So anyway, good things are happening, I am super tired as usual and think I may go have a lie down for a bit before my little buddy wakes up and needs some Mama time before I leave for school. Here's hoping for a tiny nap.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I've hit upon a "plan" of sorts that I am ready for, I would even say craving, after the last few weeks of sloth and unhealthy eating. Weighed in this morning and am up to 148.5, I was hanging around 145.5 so as I said, no big damage done there but my MENTAL state is damanged and crying out for help.
I'm going whole hog, cutting out alcohol, smoking, desserts, extraneous carbs like chips and goldfish crackers, green tea with artificial sweeteners, frozen dinners, CRAP FOOD, etc. etc. forever and ever Amen. Okay maybe just until Christmas, but the point is no empty nutrition, watching portion sizes, and I am excited. Leniancy and "relaxation" has morphed into acting like I have forgotten all I've learned about eating not only for weight loss, but for life.

My grandmother has cancer and it has scared me in the biggest baddest way possible. I am living for a lifetime again, not just the moment.

I plan on easing back into exercise by going back to yoga. I felt the best when I was just doing that three times a week and once you find what works for you, it makes no sense to stop. That's the plan-go back to what makes sense.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

We found out my most beloved relative, my grandmother, has late stages breast cancer that has more than likely mestasized into her bones. Eating is rubbish, no exercise for weeks. I feel that I'm on the verge of coming to my senses, but for now I'm walking around in a fog and my brain feels dusty. I can't be bothered with doing anything good for myself, though I make progress each day in returning to my former habits, habits that I have held for YEARS now that seem to have disappeared overnight. So far I haven't gained more than 3-5 lbs, depending on what day it is, so I remain physically unscathed, but mentally wounded. Boo.