Sunday, August 31, 2008

I'm feeling torn on the new blog issue, on one hand I bought a domain and everything and I want to do it but on the other-I seem to be experiencing a scheduling issue already and I've only been back in school a week and a half. eek.
I've had a great weekend, gone out to eat A LOT and yesterday at my brother's house and I've had no anxiety over food and am maintaining my recent loss. I expect to see it start creeping downward again once I'm back on my cooking again. I tend to eat more towards the model of the DASH diet (dietary approach to stop hypertension)and so when I go out to eat or eat other people's cooking I retain a bit of water.
Wow, after learning in depth about the kidneys and renal disease I am hyper focused on taking care of my kidneys through my diet and water consumption. It is amazing and wonderful that we HAVE dialysis now, don't get me wrong, and all of the advances made in that area but TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDNEYS. End stage renal disease is going up and up and up, as of 2005 we were at almost half a million cases and it is just increasing. The top two causes? Diabetes and hypertension. I believe people feel they are immune to problems if they don't have a "weight problem" and so they eat a diet of crap (the SAD diet, standard American diet) and strain the shit out of the kidneys for years and have decreased functionality, high blood pressure, etc etc when they get older. People in Nigeria don't experience this, hrrrm. Food for thought.
I'm often stymied from writing entries by the feeling that I shouldn't write things unless I can fully go over every detail of what I'm talking about or thinking and that is just not possible most of the time. So if something I say doesn't make sense or you simply want to talk about it, PLEASE COMMENT.
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

Friday, August 29, 2008

So Intermittent Fasting. I did my mini presentation on it Tuesday and wasn't quite happy with what I did. I felt exhausted and certainly was not as engaging as I should have been. It was also way too huge of a topic to present in 7 minutes and quite controversial. I got people up in arms, asking questions and I had no time or mental clarity to answer properly.
On the other hand? I've been practicing a 16-18 hr fast version the last three days and have dropped 4 lbs. I am now to a lower weight than I have been since maybe...May? maybe April? This is the extra 15 lbs that has forced me out of most of my professional wardrobe and been somewhat immovable until now. I am quite pleased.
I am also surprised, REALLY surprised. I thought I would feel terrible and be ready to gnaw my arm off by the time the fast ended and well, not true at all. I have been a 5-6 mini meals/day type eater for several years now and aren't we all taught that breakfast is so important? I am finding for myself it is not a definite rule. Essentially I stop eating at 6-8 (whenever my dinner is) and then don't eat until 14-18 hrs, but usually 16 the next day. I did one day where I went 24 hrs but that was a few weeks ago and even though it WAS doable I could not see myself doing so on a consistent basis. I can easily do this form though and plan to continue.

Some observations: I am not ravenously hungry. Food tastes much better. It is easier to get my water in, MUCH. I do not go nuts when I do break the fast, I eat a normal portion and am maybe eating two meals and a snack. I've eaten restaurant food twice and still dropped 4 lbs. (Don't worry about the rapid loss, I know a bit of it was bloat from eating wolfgang puck pizza twice in a row.) I feel more focused and have more energy, I even get so charged up I'm a bit jittery, I suspect this will pass. This has seriously helped me detach from food, perhaps the best benefit so far, I don't spend my time thinking about what I'm going to eat, what I can fit in or what I can bring in order to avoid suboptimal food. In short, extremely freeing after becoming food obsessed through dieting and then trying to eat for performance.
And on that note, workouts have not suffered though I have had little opportunity to test that. I'll investigate that further this three day weekend, perhaps starting with tonight.
I think I should take pictures but haven't done so yet, that tends to fire off defeatist behavior but I'd hate to not document this.
All for now, must get ready for school.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hey everybody. Going back to school has been, how should I say it? a rollercoaster emotionally and I am sitting here crying right now, thinking about my little boy and how I wish I could be with him more and I have to go jump in the shower to get ready for school.
Everything's fine and I'm going to make sure it gets even better because what really matters is my husband and my son and I am doing thing for them too. Exhaustion does this to me-I actually got enough sleep last night so today is better, I make it so.

PS A real update will be forthcoming, I wrote about half of a post for the new site and then promptly changed how I felt so it seems silly to finish it. I am changeable in the extreme and need to remember that.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I've restarted school (effective today) and so I may be drained or over run at first, so far I'm seriously proud of how together I've gotten things and how little I am stressing out. That is my umbrella goal for this school year with many smaller goals residing beneath.
It looks like I may need to write several updates at once, either on the train or on the weekends so that I can have content to post during the week-I don't belive I'm going to hack that on a daily basis, not that I did anyway. I'll probably be posting MORE often now. Funny.
Went to see NIN last night and it was amazing as always-really picked up my spirits to be in the same room as such rampant creative genius. Drank a few too many however and woke up with the concert in my head at a little before 5. Never was able to go back to sleep so I just got up and started my day-oddly enough I still am not feeling too tired. Weird coincidence that it was 5am, the time I've set to get up and been struggling to achieve? Or is it an intention manifestiation? Either way I'm building on it from here.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

We've been out of town this weekend so I haven't had a chance to do anything online related. I did complete the review for my re-entry test that we're taking Tuesday which is a complete departure from my old way of last minute stress inducing schoolwork. I am much more prepared and ready for this upcoming year.
Unfortunately I don't believe I have much to contribute to the blogosphere tonight so I'll sign off. Expect to hear much more from me.

Friday, August 15, 2008

This week has had many awakenings for me, huge shifts in my mental state and a feeling of clarity dawning that leave my mind racing and make it difficult to sleep at times. I mentioned not too long ago that for years now I've strived to constantly grow-to learn, to try new things and since sitting down and really thinking about what I wanted to do (hint:it was not running a call center or being the top tier tech support whipping girl)and deciding upon teaching in some capacity, I believe it's finally coming to me what to do with my life. Extremely poorly constructed sentence there but I'm just going to press forward.
For the past few years I have experienced the most joy I've ever known and been violently depressed and fearfull at the same time. It seems that would not be possible but now that the husk is being shed I see that how I've felt is not my norm and that I can be so much more alive. I say extreme joy because there is no other word for how our son makes me feel and what I have with my wonderful husband. On a completely selfish personal level I have not been right, aside from them, aside from the many good things I have and experience on a daily basis. I've felt broken at times, wondering why I have all these things, material and emotional and yet I would feel like a caged animal, frantic and worried and full of fear. Hiding my head in the sand regarding school, using the telephone, talking to people, being in new situations-so much fear. I used to be fearless, brave, a viking conquering new things and places and people with aplomb and I've wondered what happened to me. I'm not entirely sure but I can confidently say I'm throwing off that mantle and returning to a more authentic me, but new and improved.
It's amazing how casting off self doubt and worry allows my mind to sharpen, my strength to return and my will to no longer falter. I don't claim to be perfect but I am capable of great things when I'm not severing my own Achille's tendons.
I'm setting goals, I'm defining my purpose and I'm putting in the work to achieve a higher level of living. I'm doing this and I want to help others in their own lives-to experience wellness on a complete level and not just with nutrition. My mind scrabbled about like a crab in a bucket every time I've limited my future to purely being an RD, working a typical job sitting behind a desk admonishing people to follow the Food Guide Pyramid. The scope has been widened and I'm feeling good.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I'm working on a guest post for someone else so there may not be a post today but I will try! When I get my new site running I'll be posting 3-5 entries weekly and of a much greater length. It may be a while before I get it going-I want to stockpile some content first and get it all worked out how I want it to look.

Just finished KB workout-yesterday I just was not feeling it after Monday's debacle but I still went for a fast paced 45 minute walk-prob walked about 3 miles up and down hills. Today I woke up with sore glutes and arms/back. Tuesday I did somersaults and cartwheels in the yard with our son and a handstand against the back of the house and I'm still feeling it.
Today is my first day of IF-I'll definitely write about that.
CPR class at 2, I'm looking forward to school starting next week!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I'll write a proper post in the morning but right now I am pondering what domain name I need to register to start a more serious article based blog. Any thoughts? I'll write about nutrition and fitness related topics, mainly nutrition as that's my area of expertise. I'd love to hear everyone's ideas.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Yesterday I woke up feeling out of sorts-I'd slept too late despite intentions to get up earlier and I just felt blah for most of the day. I didn't want to do my kettlebell workout for the first time since I started and it took some serious prodding to get myself going. I didn't finish, barely did two circuits and didn't really enjoy it-something that has not happened before. I finally stopped when my heart started skipping a beat-seriously. It was a terrifying, scary feeling and I sent up the white flag and said OK heart I got'cha!

I made sure to walk around and not sit for a bit in order to let my HR return to normal, which it did fairly quickly. I'm not sure what happened but I don't forsee it being a problem again. I think I was too dehydrated (something I've had problems with all summer no matter what I try) and next time I feel that disinclined to do my workout maybe I can listen to my body instead of indulging in
Musturbation. Mizfit tried to tell me!
I put the intention out there in the universe that I want to be an early riser, I want to get organized, I want to feel confident and worry free when it comes to school, I want to manage my time more etc. and Monday I came across this websitewhich is filled with invaluable information on basically everything I need to know and practice to accomplish these skills. His writing really clicks with the way I think and I am loving reading about someone else that is on a constant quest to self improve. I feel very lonely sometimes because others see me as weird for striving to do more and be better. I think maybe that is why I'm attracted to weight loss and fitness blogs-that element is present.
I've started a detailed log related to my habits for this week-I may not keep it up but it's provided insight already for me and it's only Tuesday.
Today's exercise: an hr of Wii fit, mainly the strength portion(bodyweight exercises) and some cardio.
PS Also considering being vegetarian again, this time for life. Must ponder.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

I'm crying a bit watching the Olympics-they've been covering a woman and her son's story from Uzbekistan. She now represents Germany because he was diagnosed with leukemia and she had to find healthcare for him. He's in remission and she is absolutely incredible in gymnastics despite being much older than the average gymnast. Beautiful story-just felt like talking about it and I'm alone about to go to bed. Big things are afoot for me.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I graduated to big blue today and feel fantastic. The only movement I couldn't do all the reps with the 20 was the presses and I did half of the eight reps on all three sets. The one armed rows were not easy either and as soon as I noticed myself start to twist a bit to move the weight instead of letting my arm and back do the work I switched down but I only had to do that at the end. Ah yes, I'm forgetting the one arm swings, I switched down for that too but that was just a guess-I didn't try the 20 on those and so I can't say I was unable.
It was hard. I mean, REALLY hard and my core was aching almost immediately-I love how not only do you have the forward motion but you catch and slow the momentum when the 'bell comes back down.
Time to go to the circus! Enjoy your weekends.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Well there was no way in hell I was getting up at 5 today-we didn't get home from the baseball game until 11 last night and I just felt exhausted. Groceries are sparse around here but our son stayed home with me today because he is beyond tired too and I am not relishing the idea of taking a tired 3 yr old to the store, yikes.
So far it's a lazy day around here-today I plan to formulate a-well, a plan, haha to combat my inertia regarding household matters, school, you name it. I do so nicely with a plan.
Must buy books for this semester and must call the CPR people and get signed up for that, eek!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Tuesday and Wednesday were spent running the road with my young'un and no workouts were to be had other than light swimming Tuesday. This has bummed me out considerably but I have not had it in me to get up when the alarm goes off at 5, I will try again in the morning. Perhaps I should state, "I will do it in the morning" to be more positive than "try"?
Son is home again today-we are headed to my brother's when John Reid wakes up from his nap (is my brother's birthday) and then to the Rangers/NYY game tonight. I managed to get my kettlebell workout in while he is asleep and am so happy that I did. I was missing it so much that I could hardly sleep because I kept thinking about it last night-seeing such drastic changes in my body so quickly and actually LIKING how I am accomplishing this fact is extremely addictive. If I would have done my workout on Tuesday like I had planned that would have meant 4 KB sessions this week instead of the 3 I've been doing so I am still getting three in for the week and hopefully next time it rotates through to have 4 I'll get that done. Must work on getting up super early-I know from experience of the past year that once school kicks in that is the ONLY way I can get it done.
I just threw some red ripe tomatoes in with some 2% cottage cheese and a basil seasoning paste and it was delicious-a lot like a caprese salad. Just throwing that out there...

Monday, August 04, 2008

Blah is the word for the day over here. Not sad really but listless, tired-oh-so-tired and I'm taking a rest day. It seems to be in order.
Pretty sore from my workout yesterday, headachey from having one cup of coffee yesterday and abstaining today-maybe I have to leave it alone forever, whaaah! Tomorrow I'm taking our son over to a friends to swim and play and the day after that we're going to visit my grandmother (the one that is terminally ill) and that is way overdue. Thursday is my brother's birthday so I'll prob hang with him during the day and then we have box seats to the Yankees/Rangers' game that night. Friday I am thinking I need to pencil in being an exhausted heap again. Saturday is our Leo Madness birthday bash as there are so many leo birthdays in our circle so that will be free day eating wise.
Boring post? Yes, but I'm trying to be more consistent in talking to the ethos.
Started reading Atlas Shrugged but am not being pulled in as of yet-better give it a chance I am thinking. I've read plenty of class books and enjoyed them so it's not that it's "too much" for me. Ick-I hate the idea of anyone thinking that.
Read The Time Traveler's Wife last week and absolutely devoured it-wonderful book. Was excited that it's being made into a movie until I saw the actress playing the lead, not my choice at all. Not that I have a choice in mind or it would matter if I did.
Okay, blah, did I mention blah?

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Yet again I peeled off the couch and threw a ball of metal around by its handle for the last 45 minutes. Sweat poured down my neck and ran down my back. Considering we keep the A/C cranking, I had the fan on, and I just don't sweat that easily that's insane. I love it.
I've got the Cleans figured out, pretty sure I've got the Snatch down too but we'll see Tuesday morning. I watched even more vids earlier on youtube and finally watched some really excellent detailed ones that even showed what NOT to do in addition to explaining the correct way. I love how strong I feel and I cannot believe how sore my back is from just doing those three negatives last night, I'm glad I didn't go to failure. I'm thinking I want to incorporate something else into my weekly exercise routine at some point-considering taking a Bikram class-be good to work out the kinks and to challenge myself in a new way.
Now for a vanity report:
I actually have a butt now. For those of you that are scratching their heads and wondering what has happened to my brain let me explain. Hey, that rhymed. The women in my family either have too much adipose tissue stored and have unwieldy lumpy butts or non existent wide pancake assitis-neither of which are exactly my ideal. After only a few weeks I'm developing a nice shapely rear end and I cannot be happier about this development. My quads are rock solid again, calves are high and solid too giving me more definition there-we're also afflicted with cankles and I am not exaggerating-it's okay I'm not running myself down-just being honest. I'm pulling on most of my old stuff again that hasn't fit for a few months but it fits completely differently. Probably from my new found bootyliciousness-my former English major self is cringing while typing that-but I'm not minding the tighter fit since my legs and rear look better, are stronger, and nothing is hanging over the top anymore. All of this is happening (plus let's not forget the negative pull-ups, I'll be crowing over that for awhile until I make even more progress, which I will, is this parenthetical long enough?) and yet I have dropped like I mentioned-maybe 2 lbs at MOST on scale weight. I've lost at least a BF% according to my Tanita at the same hydration level, clothes are fitting again, and more muscle is showing so my scientific deduction (yeaaaaaah) is I must be putting on a decent amount of muscle and losing some fat no matter what Master Tanita-san says.

PS Had some fun doing some two armed swings with my son as the kettlebell yesterday, he loved it too.

PPS Eight KB workouts so far-going to definitely do a recap and more than likely post pictutres when I hit workout 36 as that will equal 12 weeks of KB workouts in my mind.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

And yet another first tonight. I actually did some real negative pull ups. Three.

So what? You ask, well I’ll tell you this was huge for me. My brother had started harrassing me again to try and do pull ups on his pull up bar and I was saying no again, that I can’t do it, that I just drop like a stone even doing negatives.
You see, this is the way it’s always been for me. I dreaded the President’s fitness test in elementary school, it was never fun, always a torture and I not only failed to do a pull up but could never do the “hang test” either. Pronounce that eye-ther.
Flash forward, twenty seven years old and I decide to try to perform negative pull ups and…
I did it, no them, three in fact. I could have done more but I got all excited and I also plan to do another KB workout tomorrow and didn’t want to be hurting too much. I felt strong and amazing and can’t wait to be able to pull up instead of slowly lowering down.
I’m on my way up.
Kettlebells people, kettlebells.

So that is me 2/3 of the way through my workout. Onward.

Last week was hard physically but I must say staying the course and getting all my KB workouts in was completely worth it and very empowering. I meant to come here yesterday and update, even took some pictures to post and then I couldn't find the cord to transfer and life got away from me. I spent some time being a growth coming out of the couch cushion yesterday before I finally peeled myself up and got my hr in, sweating and cursing the whole time. By the end of the video (the 2nd dvd again that is harder for me)I was saying *&*&*^&*! my abs! at the end when she says, "Now let's work on some abs." I talk to the dvd sometimes but anything I say is not truly meant, I like the dvd and admire Ms. Lurie for what she has accomplished not only with her physique but also with her business. I'm also greatful that the kettlebells have been made easily available at Target for not AS expensive a price as something you would have to order online.
I've done KB workouts 7 times, dvd 1 x 5 and dvd 2 x 2 and am excited by what is to come. I know after I really get proficient I can mix things up myself but I'm really enjoying instruction and being led for a change. I've done self made, self paced workouts for several years now and this is really keeping me hooked. Another thing that is keeping me "hooked" is what is happening with my strength levels. I started with the 10 lb as you know just because I wasn't totally sure where to start and that worked well for about 3-4 workouts and then I needed to upgrade to the 15 and not only did I need to but I can DO cleans, presses, snatches, etc with the 15 now whereas I'm not so sure I was strong enough to do so before-that means a pretty serious gain very quickly. After a few times with the 15 I know it won't be long before I need the 20 and that rocks so hard. My son is about 37 lbs and I pick him up quite a bit-something that was sort of hard was slinging him into the carseat because you have to get the butt in, not hit his head and put him in sideways while bending over-a great deal more difficult than simply lifting 37 lbs on a barbell or something. I don't have to put him in the seat very often anymore but if he's having what my grandma calls a "critical day" I'll put him in there against his will and it is easy now. I can handle him all kinds of ways with NO effort really now and that is amazing to me. I'm not someone that's never strength trained before, I've done it for years and yet after 2 and a half weeks of doing this I am noticeably stronger than ever before. I am smiling right now.
My weight is also doing weird things-I'm not refering to the scale because that's not moving much, maybe a pound to a pound and a half but I look...alternately more ripped and more squishy. I know that doesn't sound appealing but I've seen my body do this before-it's like it has to adjust to fat loss before the skin sucks back in-very scientific explanation eh? I'm also showing 1% bodyfat down. in three weeks. yes.
Things are good-I'm off to eat my cheat meal-chili cheese dogs and tator tots (Hebrew National 98% fat free franks, white wheat buns, 2% cheese, 99% fat free chili, and regular ol' Ore Ida tots.) YUM! I seriously don't miss all the extra disgustingness and just think of all the toilet paper we'll save by not eating all that grease.

Friday, August 01, 2008

I've been working all week and have just been wiped out-I want to post and other things that have slid but maybe not just yet. Getting up at 5 (not my norm at all) in order to workout still has been killer but I've done it.