Mental Overload

I've spent the last week doing the best rotation I've had and also the hardest. The best because the people I was lucky enough to be placed with are amazing and inspirational and kind and smart and...all the good adjectives you can think of and on top of that, they're doing what I want to do. Wellness and health promotion in a private practice setting, speaking engagements, programs for individuals and families too, just amazing. If you google the owner's name you get back over 5,000 hits and a lot of them are for her, not some random person with the same name. Just so inspiring, and they liked me! Said I was the best intern they've ever had and that they do not say that lightly. Absolutely made my day and I wish I was going back Monday instead of moving on to other things.
This last week was hard because after putting our family pet to sleep last Friday, my husband also had to be gone that night and then left on Sunday to be gone in LA all week until Thursday night. So I was on the best school experience ever and basically trying to single mom it too. Being a single mother has to be hands down the hardest thing EVER in my experience because you don't just get to be a mom, you have to keep the whole ship afloat on top of trying to be mommy and that's where the problems come in I think. I still feel beat up from exhaustion this morning despite sleeping in a few hrs to almost 8am. I also devoted 100% of my brain power to the job this week because I wanted them to see the real me and to like me and I'm glad it worked. It is a great feeling to be valued by people you value. I will stay in contact with them and my hope is one day when I have more experience to be able to work with them in some capacity. In the meantime I need a website and a business plan for myself and I have to get ye olde resume polished up to get a job post graduation. Experience only helps, never hinders when it comes to counseling patients.
So the kale chips, I found a recipe just googling kale chips because I had seen them mentioned elsewhere. You end up with a very similar texture to lay's original potato chips and the flavor still remains somewhat bitter (they are a serious set of greens after all) but it is also similar to potato chips. You de-stem the leaves of kale, toss in vinegar and olive oil (a tad) and season them how you want, I just used salt because that's what the recipe said. I think it takes trial and error with your own oven temperature and timing and seasoning to get a result you really love but I was pleased with my first attempt. Kale is full of iron, calcium, vitamin A and vitamin C. Kale would also be a good source of Vitamin K so for those taking coumadin or warfarin (same thing) be aware of increasing or decreasing your amount of leafy greens because it will interact with the medication.
To Vickie: I know you had a request for me to find some information and I am happy to do so however I'm not sure where that comment went so if you could let me know again I will work on that.
Exercise was almost non existent this week, I am not exaggerating when I tell you I am lucky I was on two feet most of the time. I did however eat very well even with getting lunch three times due to lack of strength or energy and timing to prepare things. I did tons of research work this week so I'll probably be sharing some of that with you.

Winding Down for the Evening

I'm about to call it a night but wanted to update before I did. I did the first workout of the second week (6 week program) at 9 and got done about 10:30 with the cooldown. Night workouts are a rarity for me because I usually bail if it gets too late and I'm tired and make excuses. We had a "snow day" today and my son was home which makes working out hard plus I took a nap when he did because of feeling crummy. My point that is sort of getting lost in the minutia is I WORKED OUT and I am proud of myself. It has not been easy since school started and especially now that I have started my first clinical rotation of the semester, doing pediatric nutrition at the local children's hospital. I've only done one day but so far so good and I am looking forward to tomorrow.
We have eaten the turkey meatballs marsala and the bbq chicken hash dinners so far. The turkey meatball marsala dish came out tasty but I screwed up the directions practically the whole way through and the sauce was not plentiful enough to cover the noodles, ah well it was delicious. The chicken hash was a time intensive disaster tonight because I didn't read that the chicken needed to be roasted ahead of time so we had to do that and then put everything together and then cook that. If I had the chicken done it would have taken about twenty minutes tops. It was good but not stellar, I give it a B+.
I gotta get my face washed and hit the sack, tomorrow is a new day and a long one.

Bleary and Early Share Many Letters

Wow am I super tired today, hopefully this will pass once I get moving a bit more but right now I am regretting the caffeinated beverage I had late afternoon yesterday. I didn't drop off to sleep until after midnight and with getting up at 5:30, that is just not much sleep. I have a long day of lectures ahead of me, 8:30-4:45 to be exact and when you are sitting and listening all day it really wears you out oddly enough. Add in traffic time and that puts me at 7:15-6ish for the day, ack!
Hmm I'm actually feeling ok now that the fog is lifting off my brain. Feeling the soreness this morning from yesterdays workout, so far mainly lats, triceps and quads have spoken up. I got my menu made up for the week, from what I can remember it includes BBQ chicken hash, curried venison steak, turkey meatballs marsala, and chicken scallopini. We ended up with more leftovers than anticipated this past week so that should cover us until Saturday at least.
We are finally getting our bedroom redecorated and it is looking awesome, when I came to bed last night I kept peeking and smiling once my eyes were adjusted to the dark. I'll take pictures soon. Only thing really missing is painting and finding the right tables for one side of the bed and by the armchair.
Ok now that I've bored the world with talking about my furniture needs, I better get cracking on readying myself for the day.

Today is my last day of my big rotation for this semester. I'm a bit sad that it is over now that I have a great instructor that is making it really interesting and non scary for me. Exercise has been constantly on my mind but I have yet to achieve any since Sunday. My son is going to his grandma's today thru Sunday and my Husband leaves tomorrow to go hunting so I'll be all on my own.
I'm having a vintage party Saturday with my girlfriends-we're going to dress up, fix our hair old style, watch old movies, maybe have some martinis or champagne, etc. etc. I think it will be very fun but I need to figure out what to do with my hair. It's gotten so long it's down to my bra strap and I am girly stuff challenged sometimes. I just now figured out how to curl my hair properly and I'm 27.
What can you do, right? ha!
I want to talk about something really cool that happened yesterday at the hospital but think it's better to not mention things on this public place. Not trying to be a teaser but if anyone wants to know just email me.
Le sigh, I better get ready for my last day. Be back later with pictures, etc. Also going to finally figure out how to do videos with the help of my Husband.

Before I start reading your blogs and get distracted I want to update really quickly here. I was tracking my food again on Sparkpeople.com just to get refocused and so now I feel I have that down again and I'm tracking my workouts. Yesterday I went by the uni gym and lifted weights (felt amazing after taking too long a break) and then this morning I got up at 5:30 and jumped on our elliptical in the garage for 20 minutes of HIIT. I've gone back to my old tried and true method of 3 x full body weight lifting workouts alternated with 3 x 20 min HIIT sessions. In reality it's not a lot of TIME working out but the intensity is defnitely there and I can already see my body shifting around after 2 days. This time I am trying to back off when I can see I'm pushing too hard and I anticipate this helping my consistency problem. I'm considering driving to the uni gym as soon as I get up at 5:30 tomorrow so I can get my workout in, shower and get ready there and then walk next door to the hospital for my rotation. Driving that early will actually cut out drive time and make for a less hurried morning, the trick is having all of my things ready to just grab and go when I roll out of bed.
I had another bad day re: my intern work but I hate to rehash things. Just thought I'd mention why this post is lackluster and hurried.

People, I am trying to rally but I feel so drained. The first day back on practica rotation at the county hospital (read:free)was horrible and I have two more days and my heart is in my shoes.
I don't feel up to reading or writing or 'rithmitic.

I've restarted school (effective today) and so I may be drained or over run at first, so far I'm seriously proud of how together I've gotten things and how little I am stressing out. That is my umbrella goal for this school year with many smaller goals residing beneath.
It looks like I may need to write several updates at once, either on the train or on the weekends so that I can have content to post during the week-I don't belive I'm going to hack that on a daily basis, not that I did anyway. I'll probably be posting MORE often now. Funny.
Went to see NIN last night and it was amazing as always-really picked up my spirits to be in the same room as such rampant creative genius. Drank a few too many however and woke up with the concert in my head at a little before 5. Never was able to go back to sleep so I just got up and started my day-oddly enough I still am not feeling too tired. Weird coincidence that it was 5am, the time I've set to get up and been struggling to achieve? Or is it an intention manifestiation? Either way I'm building on it from here.

I think I could write 50 dubrillion posts about self image, feminism, and what we're passing on to our children but let's keep it light this morning, k? Crunched on time as per usual.
I have practiced yoga 5 times in the past week and a half (I do an hr long dvd, "power" yoga or vinyasa style, focused on strength) and my body is completely transforming in front of my eyes. My weight hasn't done much but the changes are so drastic I could care less. I can wear all of my pants again, including the smallest pair that I thought maybe I would give away to my mom. I am still up at least five pounds from my usual hangout weight and yet here I am easily pulling on clothes that wouldn't even close two weeks ago. It's incredible and proves that for me focusing on the scale would be a bad idea right now. I am still tracking weight, body fat% and hydration level each morning but it doesn't affect me emotionally. I can wear pants that hit low on the hips without anything hanging over, something I don't think I've done...honestly I don't remember when, it is a weird feeling.
I realized that when I feel really tight and strong and good about myself I want to go out to eat or go to parties because I want to go out in public while it lasts. That's the key part, "while it lasts", I end up destroying it because I think I need to go out and party is some short window while I have the kind of body I want because I won't be able to keep it. That attitude is going out the window, being vegetarian and getting serious about yoga is changing my life.
I've made two fantastic recipes I will share soon, but for now I need to work on school related things. Oh! Speaking of school, things are happening on that front. I'll be on the local news at some point (I don't think I've mentioned that here)talking about eating well on a budget, and next Friday my husband and I are flying to Houston so I can accept an award I received from a prestigious health professional organization. I get to do the fancy pants banquet thing, hopefully dress up, and also get an $1,000 cash award. Yesterday our speaker in class was from a company here in Dallas that also has a location in Tulsa, she gave me her card when I mentioned I might be interested when I graduate. That would be awesome!
Gotta go.

Drinking too often and baking are not exactly conducive to good health, but they were a means to and end for me this weekend and now we can move on with me making healthy choices. I did have a goal of dropping 8 lbs by the new yr to finally be at the size that I've been striving towards for several yrs now but that is sort of out the window. If I happen to achieve that while making the absolute best choices I can, being strong for my mother and my own little family-then so be it.
My NEW new goal is to be as physically active as possible each and every day. Today I shall dress appropriately for walking a lot and may visit the gym during lunch. I'll go get ready for that in a moment. My glands behind my ears (sides of neck) are swollen and hurt to touch and my head hurts-I know part of that is due to not enough water and just poor habits this weekend. Our son is also sick with a terrible deep cough and off and on a bit of fever I think, so no telling if I have caught that too, the other two times I got a bad cough the actual cough did not show up for a few days.
Anyway, I'm coming to grips with the fact that my mother, the most special person in the world, has cancer. M@rla, thank you. So I'm going to go make a nutritious breakfast and get dressed in my coordinated sweat pant outfit (I'm supposed to dress professionally so I am compromising in order to get daily activity without changing clothes for it) and go to school where we will talk about weight management that I could not care less about now that the Big C is looming over me.

I had intended on typing out a long entry about what's been going on lately and yet I think spending some couch time with Husband is more important right now. I have to get up early to be at the hospital in the morning (to work, not for any bad reason) and so I'll be hitting the sack early. It'll be hard to get all my work outs in this week with being there all day Wed and Thurs but I'll do the best I can. Right now my quads are so sore from yesterdays workout I snuck in at school during lunch that I've been hobbling around all day like I was the main attraction in a donkey show, I hate to think what I've looked like wincing and shufflin' along.
I've set goals and plans and the like and am following through accordingly. It's only been two days but every new beginning has a start.

I've seriously considered letting go of blogging. I think it contributes to the amount of time I spend TALKING about the good things I can do or will do and takes away from the time I could be doing such things. What keeps me from doing that is a) I really do like to keep up with you people and your lives and b) I have learned SO MUCH from my fellow bloggers working on their health and fitness levels that what I am now learning in an expensive, accredited, time consuming, stressful professional uni program has not added a lot. I know a great deal of the information before they even open their mouths. I bet I am frustrating them, ha! I keep it to myself most of the time, no worries. I am not THAT girl.
I reigned the food back in to an acceptable, non self hate level yesterday and it was hard but felt good and not so hard that my compulsions completely overrode things. I think my newest method (I always have to try new ways to be healthy because I get bored so easily and then grow lax) is to focus on my nutrient levels (calcium, vit C, etc) since I know how to calculate them in my head pretty well now. I thought I got my requirements in because I do try and eat a varied diet but when I am in unhealthy beat myself up with food mode, I know I do not meet any but maybe Vitamin A. Vit A is so easy to meet and exceed.
So, working on that and hopefully will get a workout in tonight. It has now been about 4 days and it is really bugging me, I want to be out there lifting and bouncing away on the elliptical in my intervals but something has a hold of me (sore throat, migraines, wonky tummy, fatigue) and I'm doing my best to just go to school and do small things around the house. Hopefully I can do that tonight, though with our current weather I'll need a space heater. Can you believe that? It was 90 during the day on Sunday and dropped to the 50s yesterday and 40s today bringing with it a massive rain storm yesterday morning that I got to drive in (with Dallas traffic) in order to take an exam. Guess what? ANOTHER exam this morning that I'm unprepared for but am having a hard time caring about...
I'll get back on here later, time to force myself to slow down and chat on a regular basis so there isn't so much in my head wanting to explode. Maybe it will help with the migraines*.
*if they make you want to hurl because it hurts so badly, I say migraine)

Once again I'm sorry I disappeared. University has started and I say that rather than school because this is hard core, existential balls to the wall crazy scheduling school, not community college anymore. For that matter I already attended another branch of UT's system for a literature degree and it was not nearly as hard as this. But I am loving it.
Today I got my bodyfat measured in class through a fancy pants scale that gave me a little read out. Here are my numbers:

Body type: Athletic
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Height: 5' 6"
weight: 148.8 lbs
BMI: 24
Fat%: 21.5
BMR: 6240 kJ or 1492 kcal
Impedence: 479 and then a weird little horseshoe symbol for the unit on that one, heh.
Fat mass: 32.0 lb
Fat free mass: 116.8 lb
Total body water: 85.4 lb

I also had my tricep skinfold measured and that was a disappointing 26 mm. I felt bad about that but I've let myself go the last month.
Being in this program specifically dealing with all of the things I've self taught and been interested in for the last few years is amazing. It also has me excited again about behavior modification and working the numbers. My BMR above should also have about a 10% addition due to the thermal effect of food (energy burned by actually digesting your food) and then what I earned through physical activity. I purposefully walked about half a mile on the connecting path between different parts of campus and I went up the 14 flights of stairs to class after eating lunch. I also walked up quite a few stairs after purchasing my skinny latte from the 'bucks on site. I'm sure I would have done better if I left that out, but after plugging in the numbers at sparkpeople, I apparently took in around 1250 kcals today by following BFL type eating again. I just made sure I had good portions of carbs and protein every 2-3 hrs for a total of 5-6 mini meals, did not count kcals or points or anything but it turns out I was pretty much dead on. I'm going to allow for error in my little feeding frenzy when we hit the door this evening and not go in there and eat something just because there is room. When I am able to hit the gym again in earnest I will definitely up the intake, no point in starving myself.
So I'm back, I'm monitoring my stats again, but from a clinical point of view and I am loving this learning to be a dietitian thing. Yeah.

PS Thank you for the comments you lovely peoples!

Still extremely sore this morning, I guess it will just be walking for me today. I have my last lab practical at 11:50 and I just don't wanna study or take it, so burnt out and I still have two more years to go. I've been doing this for 4 yrs now and I just want to be done. Meh. I know I will be pumped again when I get into my program and am doing field work, so no worries.
Nasal passages feeling great still and when I finally got to sleep, I slept HARD. Must be getting more oxygen, eh?

So the INTERVIEW is over and I think it went really well unless my radar is busted. I think the well wishes in blogland are what sealed the deal. *wink
I tried to get up and workout this morning at 7 but I was breathing underwater, or at least I felt that way. Supposedly you have heightened brain function for 4 to 10 hrs after you workout (good reason to do it in the morning rather than before sleep and wasting it). The pollen in the air is killing me, fatigue and my eyes are so damned dry my tears come out like dust. Okay it feels that way.
Currently waiting for my snackie meal to settle then I'm going to hit the elliptical for 20 minutes of BFL style intervals.
I know as weight loss professionals we are all told by the media and each other to take measurements and rely on that for validation instead of the scale. Well guess what? I don't always think that is accurate either. My waist is actually up a bit, my scale weight is down, and yet my size 6 skirt from Ann Taylor that fit a few weeks ago has at least an inch or two to spare now. Interesting no?

List of Complaints: Nothing to See Here Folks
The Boy is still sick and it breaks my heart not to mention is very tiring on dear ol' mama. My class is not going well though I am still struggling along and at least I can do the labs properly and the reports that go along with them. It's the lecture exams that are heap big scary. My mother is sick, my dad just got done being sick, and this is the second week that I have not felt well and yet it's an even more unsatisfying limbo-unless I am sick on the bed I feel like I need to suck it up and continue being a work horse super woman, even though truly I need to rest. I AM getting better about that but it's an old habit to break.
I have been doing really well, my weight is creeping downward and the weight I lift is creeping upward but I have been unable to workout since Sunday and this is majorly bumming me out, I'm due for my period and feel horribly depressed, old, and unattractive. I've had a few people recently place my age 5-10 yrs older than I am and I cannot tell you how great that makes me feel. Bleh.
I forced myself to grill some eggplant and red peppers and chicken is roasting in the oven as I type, so at least there is that.
I am just tired of everything at this point and I want a vacation from my life, but only to a better one.
Just a terrible, horrible, very bad no good day.

Our son woke up this morning throwing up and crying and what has followed is an endless cycle of feeling badly myself and running the washer/dryer. We received a letter from the Mother's Day Out program he is in about the rotovirus that two children have been diagnosed with over the weekend. I wanted to get in some cardio today but...yeah that is not going to happen.
I am not throwing up myself but feel weak and dazed and am trying to not start up the eating again like yesterday. I stuffed myself pretty good (read:bad) yesterday and woke up not wanting anything. Missing lecture today is not the way to make it through organic chem but I couldn't help it and sometimes you just have to deal with life and make it through.
Let's see, took a rest day Thursday and was still feeling yicky and tired, Friday I cleaned like a madwoman and know for a fact that it was just as good as a regular cardio session, I was sweating pretty hard trying to get it together before in-laws arrived for the weekend. Then Saturday I got up and worked it on the elliptical outside for 20 minutes and Sunday I attended yoga again with sister-in-law though it was a different instructor and neither one of us liked it as much.
I've started feeling tiny again and I think that is partly to blame for the Day of Eating yesterday and my wayward feelings today. I was upset last night by family bullshit and I don't deal well with that either, I need to get busy with my B0dy Clutter book and try and figure out what is at the root of all my issues with eating and trying to feel good about myself with sabotaging it.

Chinese Friday night, Greek and Chinese take out Saturday, and Mexican food for lunch Sunday-yoga Friday, walking Saturday, and then the feat to top it all: morning yoga at the gym with my lovely SIL.
That's the wrap up of the days since I've been here-thought I should get that out of the way. Sunday and yesterday I felt so ill I did well to walk from the couch to the bed, and even though I'm not 100% today I just took John Reid out for a walk through the neighborhood then worked in the backyard a little bit. My second organic chem test is tomorrow morning and I am not prepared and am fretting like always. I have so much to say but no time for now-have to make myself study.
I'll just tell you about the yoga class Sunday before I go. The class I have taken at the same gym and also my dvd I work from at home are both "power yoga". Quickly moving and a decent cardio workout as well as strength training. The Tuesday night power yoga class usually kicked my tail really well and when I walked up to the classroom Sunday morning and so it was called "yoga stretch" I was dubious. First off a little more background; Saturday night I attended a party for a friend at a smokey bar and did not get to sleep until after 1 and the class was at 9:30. Not that bad you say but I was not feeling so hot that morning so it was a real feat to even show up, let alone do the class. So I see the instructor and I'd had her before as a sub on Tuesday night and remembered I got a great workout from her method. This class was much slower than I am used to and extremely physically challenging. I feel like form was more of a focus and she sure does love the plank pose and we were admonished to be strong and straight during plank, not like a saggy rotten log. Lol. Nice eh?
It was great, would do it again definitely, and now I must be off to study.

Today I felt well enough to get back to flinging metal around, and so I managed to fit it in depsite a hectic day and I feel so much better for it. It's a chain reaction, when I workout I tend to eat better, however it doesn't work the other way around as well. Maybe I haven't seen a correlation because in the past "eating well" meant dieting and on 1200-1350 calories I just don't have energy for anything more than chasing our son and going to school and running the household. Okay, even that was a stretch, no wonder I lost my shit periodically and cracked up on the kitchen floor. NEED MORE FOOOOOOD.
Anyway, onward.
It is still amazingly freeing to not count anything, whether it be points or calories. Sunday started off a four day spree of sliding back into no counting=making bad choices, but I know it doesn't have to equal that and I have the tools, the knowledge, and the economic status to buy and prepare healthy, nutritious meals. It may sound weird to throw in the economy comment, but so many people do NOT have the money to buy fresh fruit and veggies, leaner cuts of meat, whole wheat breads...you get the picture. I think it CAN be done on a budget, and I don't throw money around all crazy like, but it IS harder. Considering Ramen noodles are like 10/$1.00, need I go on really? Sometimes I don't keep this in mind, I get cranky and tired and frustrated like anyone, but overall it helps to try and remember to be grateful. Wow, re-reading that I wanna kick my Polly Anna ass! Just trying to be positive, I've been freaking out all night (read:crying, holding head in hands) about getting into the school I've been working so hard towards for the last two years.
So, could not sleep last night and had my first lab this morning. I had planned on getting up at 6:20 to get my lifting in, but as the hours rolled by with my eyes still wide open I had to reset the alarm for after 7. Up at 7, dealt with a tired toddler and got to school on time, felt like I needed toothpicks to prop open my eyelids. Nerves caused me to make stupid errors in lab, but no major harm done really. I now have a lab report to write, but let's not think about that now. Got out of lab in time to get home, quickly eat a sandwich and then head out to the garage before picking up our son and driving over to my mother's for a visit. Roughly a 40 minute workout, burned 330 calories (100 more than last time) and upper and lower body were quivering for some time afterwards. I do shoulder press, pushups, deadlifts, squats, walking lunges, calf raises, tricep extension, bicep curls, lateral raises...I think that is it. I do no more than two sets on each body part-I believe if you do more than that you are not lifting heavy enough. If I had a smith machine I think I could get it down to one set, but with no spotter-2 it is. I started out with a 5 minute warm up on the elliptical trainer and did about a mile in that time which is more distance than usual.
Summary: exercise is great, food is on track again, sleep is greatly needed. Brain meltdown-directly related to degree of cohesion of entry.

Every muscle in my body aches, or at least it seems that way to me this morning. Rodney Yee's Total Body Power Yoga should definitely be considered a strength building program in addition to flexibility training. Walking the halls of my college Tuesday night at a rather quick pace found me somewhat short of breath and in turn, scared. No reason exists for someone of my age and previous (short time ago) fitness level, to be regressing so far to the land of huff n' puff.
One last final exam tonight and then I'm free, to do what I want, any old tiiiiiime. Well if you are not counting the constant time constraints and responsibilities of being Moe-ma.
The scale inches downward again, I've done three intentional workouts this week and am feeling in control once more. Here's to breaking that "low" and blasting through to the other side.

I haven't stopped wanting to write or gone off the deep end either, I am just insanely busy with school work. I'll probably get a chance to update this weekend...I'm still reading and silently (for now) supporting.