Thursday, November 29, 2007

I think it is worth mentioning that I have not had the crazy desire to eat everything in sight, including hoovering up my toddlers leftover tv dinner (yuck), yesterday or today. It simply stopped. I say simply but in reality I took some steps to make it happen and luckily my brain/body fell in line.
I need to reply to you guys' comments-but I'll just be honest and let you know I am so tired that it is everything I can do to just type this winner of an entry out-I nearly ran head first into our closet door this morning because I'm so tired when I get up I feel drunk.
I'm using sparkpeople again and will be purchasing a scale that does bodyfat % too. I basically went downhill when I got rid of our scale and while I think it was a good idea to break away from the constant weighing mentality, the number one way proven by a shit load of research to lose/maintain weight is self monitoring, meaning keeping a food record and weighing yourself on a regular basis.
It's taken hrs to write this much, started out then came back to it. I'm going to try and write more often by using that method since my life and my ADD like brain doesn't seem to be able to encourage longer entries.
My shoulder is alllllmost healed but not quite, as soon as I am fully functional I'll be hitting the weights again but in the meantime Im walking and taking the stairs at school. It's really the best I can do at the moment, but that's all about to change for the better as next week is finals and then I'm out for a month.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The size up pants are now barely fitting and my shoulder is hurt so lifting weights is out and even driving is difficult. I just paused in writing this to eat chocolate chip cookies after I was already full from overeating all afternoon/evening.


I want to take better care of myself but I need a buddy I think. I just can't do it alone anymore. Ideas?

Monday, November 19, 2007

So I'm wearing a size up again this morning. Drowning your sorrows in red wine and cheese doesn't make for a good maintenance program apparently. I actually took a preggers test again last night because I looked exactly as I did at about 4 months along and it was tight and hard to the touch. Awesome.
I'm getting my shit back together starting today, the operation went well, my mom is recovering and we are waiting to hear back about the pathology report and what we do now. I will hereby stop trying to be the perfect everything to everyone and refocus on my studies and my health.

Thank you.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

M@rla and Kada! I appreciate the support and M@rla I know exactly what you were talking about with the rollercoaster thing, we've been on it with my grandma whom was diagnosed LAST November with mestatic breast cancer. We didn't think we'd even have last Christmas and here we are at Christmas part II.
Her surgery was yesterday and it went well. They took out about a foot long portion of the colon and then reattached everything minus lymph bodes and part of the mysentery (sac-like membrane around your intestines). She sat up today for a bit and was telling everybody what to do and how to do it so she is on her way. I say that with love. Seeing her all grey and obviously in pain yesterday really experience I'd just as soon not repeat.
I'm not that interested in food and I've been sick again so no exercise but I'm holding it together.
I do think you all should update to entertain my pitiful self though.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Drinking too often and baking are not exactly conducive to good health, but they were a means to and end for me this weekend and now we can move on with me making healthy choices. I did have a goal of dropping 8 lbs by the new yr to finally be at the size that I've been striving towards for several yrs now but that is sort of out the window. If I happen to achieve that while making the absolute best choices I can, being strong for my mother and my own little family-then so be it.
My NEW new goal is to be as physically active as possible each and every day. Today I shall dress appropriately for walking a lot and may visit the gym during lunch. I'll go get ready for that in a moment. My glands behind my ears (sides of neck) are swollen and hurt to touch and my head hurts-I know part of that is due to not enough water and just poor habits this weekend. Our son is also sick with a terrible deep cough and off and on a bit of fever I think, so no telling if I have caught that too, the other two times I got a bad cough the actual cough did not show up for a few days.
Anyway, I'm coming to grips with the fact that my mother, the most special person in the world, has cancer. M@rla, thank you. So I'm going to go make a nutritious breakfast and get dressed in my coordinated sweat pant outfit (I'm supposed to dress professionally so I am compromising in order to get daily activity without changing clothes for it) and go to school where we will talk about weight management that I could not care less about now that the Big C is looming over me.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Everything we're talking about in class right now could be a post on it's own, so I plan on doing that one section at a time.
However, last night I ate disgusting pizza and drank a lot of beer after being told my mother has colon cancer.
And not surprisingly, it didn't help.
I'm going to need to focus on taking care of myself more than ever or I'll fall completely apart.