Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Thanks Crabby! Glad to see you stopped by, love your page. I drove my husband nuts reading archives and laughing and then he'd want to know what was so funny and my answer of whatever health study and your pithy comments didn't seem to do it for him the same way. Ah well, no accounting for tastes, except for mine which are impeccable right?
Anyway, yes I think yoga gets a bad rap because people think it is only for flexibility. The thing is, it can cover so many different goals and you really get what you put out of it. There are also so many different types that what one person tries is not necessarily what someone else is doing and you can do the same sequence at so many different fitness levels.
For instance, take the Warrior II pose. barely bending your front leg and not focusing on each body part, turning completely and tightening your arms, dropping the shoulder blades, etc. etc. will not get you very far. Transitioning from Upward Facing Dog to Downward Facing Dog was a real challenge for me for a long time but now that I can do it and I don't wimp out on the form it is a great strength maneuver for my legs and back both. My quads tremble practically everytime just from that one move. Okay one more link and I'll stop with the linky-ness. This pose was beyond me for so long because I held myself back from even trying it but once I did I felt amazing. I can now do it three times in a row, two times deepening the pose as the page I linked suggests at the bottom of the comments. I had no idea that was a modification, that is how I learned to do it and I can now get in to the pose, hold it and fully extend my arms and legs even though it involves some deep breathing on my part. It used to kill my wrists but now they are barely sore.
I love yoga, is it obvious?
I think I could write 50 dubrillion posts about self image, feminism, and what we're passing on to our children but let's keep it light this morning, k? Crunched on time as per usual.
I have practiced yoga 5 times in the past week and a half (I do an hr long dvd, "power" yoga or vinyasa style, focused on strength) and my body is completely transforming in front of my eyes. My weight hasn't done much but the changes are so drastic I could care less. I can wear all of my pants again, including the smallest pair that I thought maybe I would give away to my mom. I am still up at least five pounds from my usual hangout weight and yet here I am easily pulling on clothes that wouldn't even close two weeks ago. It's incredible and proves that for me focusing on the scale would be a bad idea right now. I am still tracking weight, body fat% and hydration level each morning but it doesn't affect me emotionally. I can wear pants that hit low on the hips without anything hanging over, something I don't think I've done...honestly I don't remember when, it is a weird feeling.
I realized that when I feel really tight and strong and good about myself I want to go out to eat or go to parties because I want to go out in public while it lasts. That's the key part, "while it lasts", I end up destroying it because I think I need to go out and party is some short window while I have the kind of body I want because I won't be able to keep it. That attitude is going out the window, being vegetarian and getting serious about yoga is changing my life.
I've made two fantastic recipes I will share soon, but for now I need to work on school related things. Oh! Speaking of school, things are happening on that front. I'll be on the local news at some point (I don't think I've mentioned that here)talking about eating well on a budget, and next Friday my husband and I are flying to Houston so I can accept an award I received from a prestigious health professional organization. I get to do the fancy pants banquet thing, hopefully dress up, and also get an $1,000 cash award. Yesterday our speaker in class was from a company here in Dallas that also has a location in Tulsa, she gave me her card when I mentioned I might be interested when I graduate. That would be awesome!
Gotta go.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I felt like I should post the conversation I've been having with some of my friends as it touches the tip of an iceburg that I feel strongly about. This was my comment in response to a friend that feels embarrassed that she has committed to losing weight and really feels ready to do so.

"Some times we feel that we're "buying in" to something unsavory when we start taking care of our bodies, as if only our size matters and the fashion/beauty industry is right. Making a commitment to YOURSELF and about yourself is not the same thing in my opinion. That is not to say I don't understand the feeling and I have experienced it myself, just that taking steps towards achieving your idea of your best self has a lot of emotions tied in to it and it's not an easy ride. Honestly, I feel the biggest thing that helped me lose a good amount of weight twice is the internet (resources) and blogging (support). It really helps to have others cheering you on or offering practical advice because they've been there too."

And then my lovely, wonderful sister-in-law responded: "'Some times we feel that we're "buying in" to something unsavory when we start taking care of our bodies, as if only our size matters and the fashion/beauty industry is right.'

damn. it's like a light bulb just went off in my head! i have always, always, always felt guilty about losing weight. wow. that's really mind-blowing. i wonder if that's part of why i allow myself to so quickly sabotage my healthy efforts - if i'm not losing weight & getting fit, i'm not buying into the magazines and the conventional stereotypes of attractiveness and all those other things that make people feel bad about themselves to sell more products. (of course, i DO buy into them because i judge myself by them and feel that i'm falling short while simultaneously railing against those ideas.)

wow. i'm feeling rather foolish right now."

And finally I answered and got a bit more than a little emotional about it. "I think it's only natural to rebel against the idea that women should be smaller, quieter, less of a presence, easier to forget, hedging towards non existence. To me that is what a great % of people, at least in the good ol' USA strive towards witht he desire to be so small as to be able to wear children's clothing. Distorted bodies with childlike shape if you ignore the painfully stretched skin across their implants. Rail against that, please do and I will join you. For years I liked to say I ate anything that tasted good to me and that was my only requirement and you'll never see me ordering a salad in a restaurant, that's for THOSE girls, not someone real like me. I came to realize I wasn't doing myself any favors, the one flight of stairs to my apt left me with burning lungs, my thighs chafed in the summer until close to bleeding, my acid reflux was so bad I started wearing lacerations in my stomach...I could go on but even though I never made it past around a 14 or so what I was doing to my health was terrible. My idea of what is sexy and beautiful is actually pretty far from what a lot of folks think. Most of the actresses on teevee look sick to me, for awhile I couldn't even watch a few shows because of the visible chest bones, referred to as "the ladder" by hollywood. Lovely to have a nickname for it, eh?
I'm trying hard to battle apologizing for myself all the time. My first tendency is to apologize for caring about what I eat or that I want to talk about yoga or riding my bike or just the fact that I talk a lot. I think women in general (sadly) feel the need to excuse ourselves to the world too often and it is my belief that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to stop being sorry."

Monday, January 28, 2008

Our challenge has started and it's not exactly going according to plan for me but that's okay, I am regrouping. I really, really, REALLY want to update but it has to wait, I'm so tired I literally cannot keep my eyes open. I had a big exam this morning and our SDA (student dietetic association) meeting that I had to cook a pan of enchiladas for today. I did cook an absolutely fantastic vegetarian pasta dish I will tell you about and I feel great about my plans and myself at the moment.
Dear blog, I promise to update you asap.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

An attempt to catch back up:

"I'm sorry you're sick! I hate so much the way illness interferes with one's life, even more than the actual yucky feeling.

What's the deal with the sodium? Is there more salt in what you're eating, or are you adding salt?

I put salt on SO many things, which may seem surprising given how often I complain about salt in processed food, but the amount you sprinkle on your food is NOTHING compared to what's in those packaged products!!

I've got some of those Mrs. Dash seasonings, they're actually pretty good. I don't like the original flavor, so I was always put off by it, until I had some Lemon Pepper variety. Very tasty. "

Being sick again really kicked me in the ass, knocked me down and then spat on my face. Okay perhaps not THAT dramatic but it feels like it. Nevertheless I am truckin' on despite not being totally well. I am still horking up unmentionables everyday and waking up with extremely dry nasopharynx and oropharynx passages. Lots of blood in my snot, etc.
So enough snotty talk. The deal with the sodium is that a lot of cheeses and sauces have high sodium counts and while doing the units on cardiovascular disease at school (hypertension and heart failure especially) I freaked out over sodium content and became convinced as well that it was the reason I'm not losing this weight I've gained back. A simple calculation one night showed me still eating low sodium, which is probably representative of most of my days, so I'm not really sure why I can't lose it this time. There are also "light" salt and "no salt" salt products (potassium chloride or half sodium and half potassium chloride) on the market. In reality I am pretty good with my sodium levels but I am frustrated with the weight situation. I want to have the option of wearing any of my clothes and I don't like feeling so squishy. The few pounds I lost finally recently are back though I hope they don't hang around. The body is a mysterious confusing thing. I've lost weight before, several times in fact and so my frustration level shoots through the roof because why is it not going the same way this time? Why is it so much harder? Argh. I am moving towards a completely different point of view but I feel torn. It would take too much time to go into that and I barely got this eked out.

Started yoga again, still loving being a vegetarian, went to the Foo Fighter's show last night and sat in a luxury sweet, it was awesome. I'm not a huge fan and didn't expect it to be as great as it was, so glad to be pleasantly proven wrong.
I am still very

Monday, January 14, 2008

The day I wrote that last post I was out in the wind for an extended period of time and that night my ears were hurting and I could feel fluid building up-I tried fighting it off and was somewhat successful until Saturday. So I am sick again, pretty badly and in fact had to call in to school this morning which I hate to do.
I'm having a hard time keeping my sodium intake under control while eating vegetarian. Yes I know it can be done and probably fairly easily but I just have not been up to par lately and it's getting me down.
I want to feel like me again, in more ways than one. Life in general is going pretty well though, but I'm off for now due to my pounding head.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

It's bizarre. I have more energy than I know what to do with for the first time in years and I am rarely hungry and when I do eat I feel satiated on very little food, and it is genuine because I have sat and waited to be hungry and experienced genuine surprise when I'm not.
And yet it is bugging me just a teeny tiny bit, way down inside and I am ashamed to admit it, that the scale reads the same and my pants are still really tight.
Even when I accept in a big way that I feel amazing, and that I know logically I am doing nothing to perpetuate the sausage casing pant situation, it is annoying and a little disheartening.
Never fear, I persevere!

Monday, January 07, 2008

Finally tired, haven't stopped all day really and no time to even hang out with the internets.
I ride the train tomorrow for the first time (an actual train, not drinking a 40 oz or doing 'caine)and I am excited and nervous. EEK!
Still veggie, still loving it. At what point do I say I'm vegetarian and people believe me? Apparently a week is laughable, also earned me the nickname of hippie. Thanks guys!
Still loving my new lifestyle, it spurred a lot of thinking about why I like it so much last night while going to bed. I start back to school today so I really don't have time for a well thought out entry as my alarm clock did not go off this morning for some reason.
Weight is starting to drop, who the hell knows why. I've been extremely physically active lately (redoing that room, whole body aching in the morning) and definitely not eating too many calories and only whole, healthful foods and it has done nothing but stay the same or go up. So much for "calories in/calories out".
I read on the Kate Harding post that M@rla linked to lately that "human beings are not bunsen burners" and I love that statement.
I start riding the train tomorrow for my commute so that means a lot of walking just as part of my normal day from here on out-at least most days. I am super excited about this-I could write a whole post.
But I won't, at least for now.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

I've gone up to 155 and pretty much stayed there for weeks now, I was hanging out at 145-148 for the last year if not longer so this sort of sucks. Not that this is a huge amount of weight but it is significant, affects my pants fitting me, and it sort of bizarre. I thought I wouldn't see those numbers again unless we had another baby and I saw them on the way up like last time.
Not Earth shattering news, not something I think about constantly, just weird.
Today is my third day of vegetarianism. I love it.

Friday, January 04, 2008

I've been away from here too long and it has been preventing me from returning. Isn't that strange? I think it is something we are all too familiar with, you the further you get from taking care of yourself mentally or physically, the harder it is to journey back.
So I'm back, I won't talk about the holidays or how proud I was of working out in a different city with relatives determined to make me feel guilty for taking the time. I won't talk about how I've been sick too much during my much needed break, or how damned cold it is in the garage and it has been a struggle to go out there lately.
Instead I'll say hello and state my intentions for this year:

To be positive in all things. This includes self care and a big thing I'm trying on at the moment, being a vegetarian. It feels right but I don't really like labels. If I choose to have a crabcake at some point I don't want idiots breathing down my neck and I'd be lying if I didn't say the people I am most concerned about (and ignoring anyway) are my in-law family. I can just picture uninformed lectures right now and it already irritates me, not really in keeping with the whole positive resolution is it?