Sunday, September 30, 2007

I did it. Despite a stitch in my side and wobbly legs, I went ahead and did my elliptical cardio/lower body weights workout and I have to admit, I'm proud. I'm sitting on the couch feeling crappy again but at least in the midst of the crappiness I got my workout in, I could have sat here and not done it and not felt any better than I do now.
Also? Taco Bell is not good fuel, it may taste good but it sure did come back to bite me the whole time I was out there.
Things are looking up!
I just polished off a grilled stuft beef burrito and a cheese quesadilla from Taco Bell with a pepsi. It has been YEARS since I drank Pepsi and probably around a year at least since I had the Bell. I won't lie-it was very tasty, and now I am ready to move on from eating crap to make myself feel better this go 'round.
This has been a very frustrating weekend for me. I have been low physically, and as a result mentally. I missed out on a night with my friends that I have not seen for months and have missed workouts that I would have enjoyed, and the whole time I feel guilty for not feeling well. I see it as a personal failing even though that is completely irrational.
In my dreams last night a severely overweight woman asked me over and over to tell her how great my life is now that I've lost the extra weight again and I exercise and eat healthfully as a rule, not as a challenge. I tried to think of things to tell her and all I could come up with was I can squeeze through tight spaces like between cars easily and I can wear cute clothing (which is actually somewhat of a negative too because I want new clothes all the time whereas my old wardrobe lasted years and years and I didn't really pay attention to it.) Basically I am feeling crappy that I make a lot of effort the average person doesn't and yet I still feel poorly quite often and there is always something wrong with me. It doesn't recommend it too much sub-conciously I guess.
I live this way now though because it IS the best thing for myself and I have more of a chance at feeling good doing these things than I did without-I didn't feel good then either and at least now my behaviors can build me up rather than tear me down.
I hereby vow to take care of myself to the best of my abilities, including mental care.
I think I'm finally on the mend, tomorrow I hit our garage gym for lower body and cardio and then a bike ride or a walk to round it out. We bought a rack for my weight plates, I got new lifting gloves since I lost mine, and it is all organized and put back together again. And now I will go and take a "power nap" hopefully so I can get up and kick my school works' collective ass.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

For more widgets please visit

Thursday night it took me a long time to go to sleep due to weird all over body aches including my scalp. If you are familiar with the flu and its general crappiness, it felt like that. My hips hurt especially and so I chalked it up possibly to doing yoga bright and early that morning, which by the way was pathetic and I could hardly do any of it so the soreness puzzled me. Finally got to sleep, got up late Friday morning skipping my planned workout and then went BACK to bed for several more hrs only to get up feeling 10 x worse. I womanfully pulled it together and went to biochem, feeling like I was on acid or something, so disoriented and and hurty. I think in a twisted part of my mind I thought if I could struggle through class and driving in traffic I could go to our friend's surprise 40th birthday, when I would stay home sick from school our mom never let me do anything fun and this has carried over I think. So I leave school, fight Friday afternoon traffic (always early because people with downtown jobs make rush hr start at 3 on Fridays) and make it to the grocery store. Our bubby was out of fishes (goldfish crackers, rainbow colored so I remember to not eat them all) and I wanted to get some Tinactin to try on his leg ouchies at my brother's suggestion. It was ROUGH just walking in and then trying to make it through the grocery store, people were staring at me so either I looked hot or my pitifulness was glaringly apparent. Since I spoke with a poor me wobbly voice when asked if I needed help, I am going with the latter. Husband calls to say he picked up our bubby early and THEY are at the store by our house. At this point I abandoned the cart in the aisle, bought my two items in the self checkout and went home. After flopping on the couch for about 20 minutes it was time to leave for the birthday party and I did it. Maybe that was stupid but I really wanted to go, and we did, and we had a good time. The surprise actually happened (hard with this individual) and the food was excellent. I felt extremely sick after leaving though, while we drove up and down I-30 while my crazy husband looked for his cell phone. Yes, me feeling deathly ill, sitting with our child in the car on the side of I-30 as cars roared past shaking us to and fro. Apparently the phone was left on top of the car when we left the house eariler and the thump we heard that I questioned was the phone going to the big cellular store in the sky.
Going to sleep was horrific, I was NO FUN to be around and miserable and big time hurty but finally passed out and slept all night. I dreamed that we tore up the flooring in this house and were putting bamboo in and then for some reason the front yard and driveway were the ones at Raintree Circle (our parents' home growing up) and there were spider webs everywhere. end tangent.
No weird achiness today, never had a fever that I know of, but I still feel really nauseous and tired though I can't sleep. I tried to take a nap but got up to sit miserably on the couch.
So, recap of last week:
Halfass did some yoga stretches and ran slowly around the house with our son, then walked a LOT that afternoon at the botanical gardens. Monday walked about 14 flights of stairs and about a mile and a half, Tuesday was on my feet for about 3 hrs touring the Sara Lee plant and did a tiny amount of pilates that night, Wednesday I did shoulders and arms and 20 minutes elliptical intervals and Thursday I did 45 minutes power yoga. Got massively ill and nothing since then and it is bugging me. I was really feeling good about my activity. I also have a lot of thoughts building up about weight, and activity, and natural body setpoints relevant to your environment but I am too BLAH to write it out. I wish I could just dictate to someone-I'd blog everyday if I could.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Has it been two weeks already? Harumph. I guess I quit posting due to depression brought on by M@rla taking a vacation from blogging! *wink

I just spent ten minutes, at least, searching the house for my lone pencil (must buy more) so I could try and get caught up on nutrition calculations we're working on tomorrow. It was requested that we track our food for three days, one weekend day included, and then do calculations on the most typical day of the three. Along with that we had to take a dietary history of a classmate and then we're going to enter it into Nutribase, which is as you can imagine, a database program like fitday or sparkpeople but for us professional types. I personally like sparkpeople better, less KLUGEY (sidenote: the first time a boss used the word klugey I wanted to laugh in his face because he was obviously trying to sound MORE SMARTER).
So pencil is found and I'll work on this for a bit but not TOO long because I must get in bed real early like. And here is why, and possibly why I have continued to be quiet again:
I am trying yet again and hopefully successfully this time, to stop talking about doing so much and to make with the actual doing. I like to think the hell out of concepts and ideas and then I seem to fall short on the actual action. Oh sure, I fling myself about like a deranged dragonfly for awhile, decide it is NOT WORKING even without sufficient time and effort and then flit on to something else. I do keep trying though, all the damn time, and so rather than berating myself for not being hardcore enough, I think I need to realize and put into action the principle that I am sedentary most of each day, not by choice mind you-see:sitting on ass at school and then hrs of studying. So I go from being sedentary quite often, to thinking I should be able to walk five miles a day and do full body Olympic weight lifting workouts and on and on and on...yes I can do these things, but how bout working on consistency first? Hm?
I don't fall off the "wagon" often nutritionally, I know what to eat, how much to eat, and ways to make it yummy. I do fall by the wayside quite often on workouts due to time constraints, energy levels, etc. This does not have to be that way, but I need to focus less on micromanaging my food intake and more on getting consistent, worthwhile movement. Worthwhile defined as I actually like doing it or it makes me feel good during/right after.
I've started on a split schedule again after a long time of full body, today I did shoulders and arms. Yes I am aware that everything is linked, you can't truly isolate, blah blah blah. Believe me, I've read a LOT of info and tried out many methods and I feel like a change. So next will be lower body and then a chest/back day, but in the morning? An hour of power yoga, I miss it mentally and my body definitely misses it too. Also, power yoga should not be discounted for strength training either, I found when I threw it in the mix with regular heavy lifting everything improved, including my cardio endurance.
I hope I don't screw it up now that I talked about it.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

I'm up ridiculously early in order to do last minute studying for a big exam today. So, obviously I am wasting the precious slumber I sacrificed if I sit here too long but I wanted to update a bit. I'll be making the rounds (reading/commenting) this afternoon more than likely, once the pressure is off about this test.
Hit the gym at school in between classes yesterday and knocked out 30 minutes of cardio. Felt ravenously hungry most of the rest of the day and my internal thermometer was all out of whack, I felt like it was 90 degrees inside when it was only 75, I just wanted to climb out of my skin.
This morning I finally look a bit leaner again and I can actually feel my triceps. I just went through such a weird bloated time that I of course started freaking out that nothing I am doing was working. It does happen damnit! I've witnessed it in blogland, so there.
Three workouts in four days and tomorrow will be 4 workouts in five days. I'm earning sparkpoints rapidly, now if I just had an Internet program that encouraged me to study. Oh wait, that's what I need to do to GET A JOB EVENTUALLY.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Holy smokes am I tired and ...I started to say sore but it's not soreness, it's muscle exhaustion. My arms feel heavy and my neck is extremely tight and hard to move so I can look downward.
I skipped my lifting session scheduled for yesterday, but never fear, I did it today! I also combined in cardio work so basically I got two workouts in one day. Am very proud of that but let's hope I can put my toddler in the car.
Must go run over to get him, but I wanted to pop on-I had the munchies big time yesterday and just kept eating and eating. Woke up today convinced that I had made myself sloppy and bloated from doing that and even argued internally when I felt slim in my yoga pants. "Self, there is no way you actually look slim to other people, think of that 100 calorie pop corn and the peanut butter and the apple muffins..."
Well shut the hell up stupid voice, I did much better on my negative pushups, lowered myself down to the floor, straight as a board, without even straining-but I think I had already toasted my shoulders 'cause I couldn't do that many at all even though my chest muscles felt like they were raring to go. I'm going to work on that tomorrow or Thursday by themselves.
Anyway, probably not making sense since I am hurrying to get out the door. More later, Fall has arrived! Woo Hoo!

Friday, September 07, 2007

Interestingly enough, MSG was something we briefly talked over in my intro to Medications course which focuses on food and drug interactions. It was at the top of the list for things people have severe allergic reactions to, followed closely by sulfites (wine additive) which at one point was added to fresh vegetables but so many people went into allergic shock that the practice was chunked.
Anyway, more things to comment on and I appreciate the commenting, makes me feel loved not to mention gives me things to think about-sorry I've been MIA on YOUR blogs, I am reading just not much time to be on the 'net anymore.
Speaking of, gotta go but we are staying at the Gaylord Texan tonight and treating ourselves at their gourmet restaurants. I think I'm going to order the vegetable platter which may sound boring but OMG, I need to learn how to cook veggies at home the way they do, I remember last time we were there I decided that it what I would get next time because it was all so delicious and I liked them better than my entree. We're having main at one place and then going for dessert at the steakhouse, they have a chocolate souflee I am keen on. Speaking of fancy food, I'm going to be working and participating at two cooking classes at school: holiday chocolates and creme puffs/crepes. So excited! Of course I will share what I learn.
Workouts: Did not get to the gym Wednesday, tried to study instead which was waylaid by some ignorant ass people that would not quit griping about us studying. Lesson learned, I would have been better off in a closed off room or actually going to the gym instead. I did workout here at night though, another lifting session, but nothing since then. So Sunday night: lifting and swimming, Monday: swimming, Tuesday :cardio 45 minutes, Wednesday: lifting. Not as bad as I thought but not enough to get lean. Bah. I am looking so puffy, you can't even see my triceps really which is pissing me off. I also must keep in mind my lady stuff is about to descend any day so that is probably the culprit but I resent being limited by hormones.
PS If I read one more time that Jessica Simpson is "too big, gross, icky" etc because she actually is getting pretty ripped, my head will explode. Stop the stupidity people! The only reason people think muscle is too masculine is women have been put in the weak role by not only men but other women. Stop it.
PPS Still keeping up my sparkpeople streak!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I hereby declare, I shall never eat fried Chinese takeout covered in a sweet cornstarchy sauce, unless I have a deep dislike for myself. I don't even like it anymore and yet I got roped into having it because that is what our family wanted and we were at their place. After seeing that my measly portion had over a thousand calories in it, not counting the rice of egg roll, I say HELL NO. Never again. If I do ever want that I will make my own healthier version at home. Besides, I got GRISTLED by the chicken. If I bite down on a rubbery nasty bite it just ruins it for me.
I did swim some yesterday after lifting weights on Monday so at least I had SOME activity in, and yet I doubt it was enough to counteract that damage. And damage it is, if you don't even enjoy it, I am not trying to be all eating disordered on your ass, just negative. Ha! I feel like I need a disclaimer there: not making fun of actual eating disorders or the people that have them, I was really close myself and traipsed back and forth over the line many times. I associate calling food bad or good or talking about "damage" as eating disorderly type talk-yet it can also have a more valid meaning. If you put fuel into your body that is harmful to it, like massive amounts of salt or alcohol, etc. that IS damange. Anyway, onward.
Ipod is dead and yet I hit the gym again today, after walking uphill for 7 minutes to get there, climbing lots of stairs etc. I did thirty minutes and then had to book it up and down the stairs again and out to the car. Good amount of activity but then I ate a hot dog at dinner in addition to my burger. None of this was fast food and it was yummy and yet maybe I did not need all that. I was truly hungry though so no regrets.
This has dissolved into a food count. Point is, work out=good, food=decently good sparkpeople streak=good.
Speaking of the streak, I just "leveled up" to the bigger trophy which is cool and yet kinda sucky cause I am back down at the bottom of working towards the next one. Now that I am tracking food though it should fly by, maybe I should continue until next trophy?
Plan on adding in a second lifting session tomorrow at school, will be my first time to try out what they have and I hope it does not suck but worse case scenario I just drop and do my pushups or whatever. Maybe they have a pullup bar? Will report back soon!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Just finished sending off an assignment that was hard to type up since I'm shaky. Got a lifting workout in after getting the little guy in bed for his nap. He was still fighting it but I listened to him on the monitor and his protests dwindled just like I knew they would.
So last Sunday night was my last weights workout and here it is Sunday again, but at least I got it done. No music made it sort of crappy, but since my iPod died I really had no choice on that one. Yesterday I pretty much rested all day, slept all night and then took a 2 and a half hr nap on top of that and then was ready to drop at about 10 despite coffee, etc.
During the week I got one workout in (hell I THINK that was this week I did that) on Wednesday and otherwise I did not get much in other than walking the stairs at school when I could. Very hectic and overwhelmingly crappy week, as you all know from the last post. Thanks for the comforting words!
Ugh, creatine powder is like purposefully drinking sand. I do believe it works though, but I need to be more diligent about it. One of my classmates already has a masters in kineseology and is now going for the nutrition leg of her career. She agrees that it is one of the few supplements that actually has been proven to work. Very interesting, I did that one workout on Sunday and looked pretty cut the next few days after that. Today I look puffy and have to go to a pool party so that sort of sucks. Ah well, I'll be too busy throwing my son into the water (he loves it) to worry about stupid shit like that. Rawr.
Kept up using spark people, even went back and recorded my intake after spending the night at my mom's, thought about blowing it off but I really think it is helping me stay on track towards my goals.
Speaking of goals, it was easier to do negative pushups today though still difficult, I'll keep plugging away. I can do a wussy half pushup now but I want to do proper to the floor, back straight, badass ones. I think that's a technical term.
Have no idea on the pull-up front, I'll have to work on that one in the gym or get myself a home pull up bar. That might be an idea...I know there are plenty of them out there that you don't have to permanently attach to the doorframe. For now I will stick with doing the Yate's row and pushups. Yoga actually does a LOT for my back, I MUST get back on that, I miss it but I have no idea where my dvd is and so once again disorganization makes things sucky.
Ciao, gotta finish drinking my sand smoothie and then hit the rain locker.