Monday, March 09, 2009

Until We Meet Again

I've finally come to admit to myself that I've lost the interest I once had in writing here. I haven't been willing to let go of it because of all the people I've met but I think in order to use my time to focus on school and career related things, my family, and all the various projects I want to work on/am working on I need to sort of call an end to things. If I pop up somewhere else I will send out an email (so if you want to know just leave me your address). More than likely what comes later will be a professional site like I mentioned before but had no time to give to creating
Exercise has been something that is part of my daily life for a long time now, I no longer struggle with that really and since I've spent less time ruminating about food related things, that too has come to somewhat take care of itself. I am eating well, not obsessing and devoting my time to thinking about and doing other things. For me, this is the right step.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Mental Overload

I've spent the last week doing the best rotation I've had and also the hardest. The best because the people I was lucky enough to be placed with are amazing and inspirational and kind and smart and...all the good adjectives you can think of and on top of that, they're doing what I want to do. Wellness and health promotion in a private practice setting, speaking engagements, programs for individuals and families too, just amazing. If you google the owner's name you get back over 5,000 hits and a lot of them are for her, not some random person with the same name. Just so inspiring, and they liked me! Said I was the best intern they've ever had and that they do not say that lightly. Absolutely made my day and I wish I was going back Monday instead of moving on to other things.
This last week was hard because after putting our family pet to sleep last Friday, my husband also had to be gone that night and then left on Sunday to be gone in LA all week until Thursday night. So I was on the best school experience ever and basically trying to single mom it too. Being a single mother has to be hands down the hardest thing EVER in my experience because you don't just get to be a mom, you have to keep the whole ship afloat on top of trying to be mommy and that's where the problems come in I think. I still feel beat up from exhaustion this morning despite sleeping in a few hrs to almost 8am. I also devoted 100% of my brain power to the job this week because I wanted them to see the real me and to like me and I'm glad it worked. It is a great feeling to be valued by people you value. I will stay in contact with them and my hope is one day when I have more experience to be able to work with them in some capacity. In the meantime I need a website and a business plan for myself and I have to get ye olde resume polished up to get a job post graduation. Experience only helps, never hinders when it comes to counseling patients.
So the kale chips, I found a recipe just googling kale chips because I had seen them mentioned elsewhere. You end up with a very similar texture to lay's original potato chips and the flavor still remains somewhat bitter (they are a serious set of greens after all) but it is also similar to potato chips. You de-stem the leaves of kale, toss in vinegar and olive oil (a tad) and season them how you want, I just used salt because that's what the recipe said. I think it takes trial and error with your own oven temperature and timing and seasoning to get a result you really love but I was pleased with my first attempt. Kale is full of iron, calcium, vitamin A and vitamin C. Kale would also be a good source of Vitamin K so for those taking coumadin or warfarin (same thing) be aware of increasing or decreasing your amount of leafy greens because it will interact with the medication.
To Vickie: I know you had a request for me to find some information and I am happy to do so however I'm not sure where that comment went so if you could let me know again I will work on that.
Exercise was almost non existent this week, I am not exaggerating when I tell you I am lucky I was on two feet most of the time. I did however eat very well even with getting lunch three times due to lack of strength or energy and timing to prepare things. I did tons of research work this week so I'll probably be sharing some of that with you.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

By a Thread

I baked kale chips today and they turned out very good! I think I overcooked them but I'll do better next time. I also hit the gym for a 48 minute workout-burned nearly 600 calories!
Gotta hit the sack, this week is going to be killer time wise-test tomorrow that I am not prepared for so I need to get up early.
Still very up and down about our dog and now Husband is out of town until Thursday. I'm hanging on and have a fridge full of veggies.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I'm not really sure what I am doing or what I am feeling right now. We had to put our beloved pet to sleep yesterday morning and it has rocked my world to say the least. Yesterday was a blur of sadness and tears and heartache and today I feel sort of numb and empty though my mind keeps filing away each situation that it is obvious she is gone. I keep thinking I need to open the back door to see if she is ready to come in or I need to get up early to let her out or I hear noises and think it is her for a split second, only to realize she is gone. Forever.
She was over 12 years old, I met her when she was only 4 so she was very special to me too, one of the smartest and most loving animals I ever had the pleasure of knowing. My husband got her when she was 6 weeks old and raised her from a puppy. When he went to pick out a pup here came one with huge paws and the breeder's laundry in her mouth and he knew. The lady didn't want to giver her up but I guess money talks.
RIP Dixie, I loved you so much and I miss you.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Good Job

We went out to eat yesterday and I stayed focused. (!) Grumpy grinch was in the house, I bit my husband's head off for suggesting we go out to eat after I told him I was really working towards stopping the yo-yo and getting this weight I regained off and it sort of set the tone. He does so many nice things for me but he also is so oblivious sometimes and while I have endless patience for our son, not so much for him. This is something I am changing, it wasn't always this way and it is noticeably less when I am not completely overloaded mentally.
So, I said okay we will do whatever you want though I did ixnay the mex place he wanted to take us and we went to a place called Houlihan's. We've only gone one time but I would go back in a heartbeat and I recommend it if you have one in your area. They kindly had items starred on the menu that were lower calorie and so we ordered an appetizer that was starred (calamari) and my entree was the Tandoori Chicken wrap with african spiced fruit on the side. It was very good and I looked up the nutrition info on their site when we finally got home and the meal was 450 calories-I only ate 3/4 of one tortilla and unrolled the rest of it so I know that knocked off about 100 calories (which I replaced with the calamari) and if I would have stopped there it would have been perfect. I ate two bites of my son's "itty bitty" burgers and OH MY was it delicious and I wanted to eat his whole plate. I should have left it alone, but still not much damage done since I barely ate yesterday by accident. Then they brought vanilla ice cream out that came with his meal and maybe it has been a really long time since I ate regular ice cream but one little teaspoon of it was the sweetest, hot damn it was good. That is all I had though and it could have been blue bell for all I know. They make everything from scratch at the place and you could really tell. I also had a bite of Husband's burger which had Tillamook cheddar cheese and two strips of bacon. Again, the bun was incredible and the rest of it...ay ya ya. The cheese is aged nine months. If I get a crazy burger craving someday when I can splurge a bit more then I know where we are going! After looking at the nutrition info again for a minute I can see a LOT of options for me here, this makes me happy though that does not mean we will be going out to eat often again. I originally typed "out to eat a ton again", fitting.
So I'm up to 159.2 this morning, so .6 of a pound after going out to eat (with the resulting increased sodium load.) I am proud of myself! Also we went out to Cabela's in Ft. Worth (huge hunting/fishing/camping store) and the guys got cookies for a snack and I just walked around with my iced green tea in a bottle that I brought a long. That is not THAT unusual for me but I usually would have had "just one bite". Typing this out helps me to see that my "just one bites" added about 150-200 calories to my total yesterday. Yikes! Something to work on.
A workout is in order today and I'm going to make "Falafel Stuffed Pitas" and "Braised Pork Tenderloin with leeks" today.
More than likely we'll take my mom out for lunch for her birthday too and I have renewed confidence that I won't let my compulsions get the best of me.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Shove Off Bodybugg (just kidding) 158.6 (-1.6)

Down a pound today (finally) but since that was over the last two weeks the little picture of the guy on the bodybugg program was sort of scolding me. What they don't know is I was back up to almost 162 Tuesday after I went nuts Monday night with tex mex. So being down to 158.6 is pretty major if I do say so myself.
I usually don't list numbers here for fear of being judged one way or another. I think I need to put it out there and talk more about where I have been and where I came from instead of being so vague. I'll start that later. haha! Oh man, I kill me. I think if you counted up the pounds I have lost and gained, lost and gained over the years it would be an absolutely ridiculous number. Not to mention the eating disordered thinking I've taken on when I started dieting back, 2002 maybe? That wasn't the first time I went on a diet but that was sort of what started the snowball rolling and then after joining WW I learned so many bad things...when we talk about ED in class I am silently saying to myself, "yep that is me, that is me, I do that, what if everyone knew that?" Scary stuff, but since I am not terribly thin I don't think anyone realizes what goes on upstairs. I am aware and I am changing my thought patterns and behaviors and I can do this. We all have choices every day, I loved the post "Split Second" by Lyn at Escape from Obesity (reading her archives now, that is also something I do when I find a blog I like, so be aware I've prob read everything you've written.) I will link to it if I can go back and find it. ETA: Vickie, who totally rocks and you should read, found the link for me and so ta da!
Blogland inspires me so much, I will be mentioning people every day if I can that I think rock, there is almost a never ending supply of inspiring kick ass people out there.
Family calls, I'll just have to come back here later.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Update Damnit

I have opened this white box so many times to type something and then just closed it out, shaking my head. I feel like I need to do something greater than just tip tapping my daily minutia here and so I put it off and then I end up silent.
I've worked out once this week but have gotten close to the 10,000 steps goal several days while on rotation and have eschewed the elevator in favor of the stairs, etc. Consequently most days I've come close to my calories burned goal of 2300 for the day and the last two days I've been tracking my food again. Like always this works and the scale number is creeping downward again over the same ground I go back and forth over.
My son is home sick and I am feeling really run down but trying to ignore it and think positively, I want to get my third workout of week 3 done (6 week workout program). It is taking me closer to 4 weeks to complete 3 weeks but I am still plugging away and hopeful to get a more regular routine going with some downtime I have coming soon.
See, this is as boring as I thought it would be, I am even zoning out.