Thursday, December 13, 2007

Smug, definitely feeling smug and happy right now, must be the dizziness from completing an ass busting workout after already doing yoga and rough housing with the Little Guy. I even got a video of him doing yoga with me that made my heart want to burst and you can bet I will post that as soon as I get it downloaded off my camera. I hope it turned out, you may not be able to see all the adorable two yr old doing down dog wonderfullness.
I tried to quickly do housework, physically rough house around with him, and then we went outside and we ran around the yard some and kicked a ball, played on the slide, and then I had the bright idea of bringing my yoga mat outside on the patio and our XM radio to play my favorite indie station. So with our fountain gurgling away I first had to dodge multiple little cars and trucks placed on the mat and then I had a partner that helpfully tried to pose along with me, getting on the mat underneath me as I tried to hold plank or go into a push up.
So I've been in a dismal funk, I seem to feel bad physically so often that it really gets me down. I feel sick or extremely fatigued so often it drives me crazy. I don't know what to do about it but I am whinging for a start.
Food has been a little weird today but it is not owning my brain so I'll take that, and I burned about 500 kcals with my workouts and here I thought I wouldn't be able to do anything again today. Kickass.
I'm going to start answering comments in the blog as I have to open a diff browser that I hate to do it IN the comments section and it is not like I get overwhelmed with them anyway. I really appreciate them and then I feel like maybe it doesn't seem that way since I don't always reply.
So anyway:
I mentioned a gap between my husband and myself since I got into trying to better myself and though I don't entirely blame him for it, it is true. I tend to see him differently even though I wish that were not the case and he makes little to no effort to even meet me halfway. If he would workout with me I would be in heaven, but that is just not going to happen. I have to leave him alone about it, which I do for the most part, and maybe he'll get there some day, maybe not. It's not up to me and it is important for me to remember that and not act like an ass about it. It is really hard to keep a relationship together when one person changes big time and the other doesn't but he is worth working extra hard to keep us together. When we met I drank hard, ate anything that sounded good, smoked, and had a much higher libido (I'll just be delicate about that.) I now rarely drink, do not smoke, am very conscious about what I eat and am way out of touch with "marital duties" or the desire for them for that matter. Lots of things have contributed to that and I am working on myself in that aspect but to say things are completely different is an understatement. He never works out and would probably still drink 4-5 nights a week if I went along with it. His diet is beige unless I interfere nicely (mac n cheese, fries, rice, burgers, pizza, cheese on anything, beer) with no vegetables or fruit in sight. He hates lifting weights and when he does workout once in a blue moon its always cardio. I love him anyway, people are many different parts and not defined by the bad things but well, it sucks. I want a partner, waaaahhh.
Not going to dwell though, he has come a long way-eats some vegetables now, eats certain fruit as long as it is easily ready to eat, has always drank a ton of water and now mainly limits drinking to 1-2 times a week and sometimes less than that. I don't want to turn him into a puritan, I just want us both to be healthy and together a long time and to be good examples for our son. I cannot control him though, I know this. *repeating that for MY benefit as I need to keep that foremost in my mind, bit of a control freak I am
Workout was awesome, good day today, I'm crawling back.

1 comment:

M@rla said...

This is a very thoughtful post that deserves a thoughtful comment, but I have few brain cells today. One thing I'm wondering - can you slip him a subscription to Men's Health? My husband really enjoyed that magazine and I think it did help motivate him. It is FILLED with all sorts of useful information, and enough pictures of scantily-clad women to gain the male attention (but without being gross; the general attitude is very respectful of women).

But I don't want to make it sound like you're responsible for him - no one can take on that burden of someone else's motivation and goals.