Saturday, October 20, 2007

Thanks for the well wishes and concern, I was not sure when I would be myself again but I think I am roughly back to being OK. I did just eat a goat cheese and fig leftover pizza for breakfast but that was my choice and then when I walked over to start coffee making I looked at the last few muffins I had baked that I've been gorging on and was able to say, "No, I'm full." See, that was the missing element lately, I would tell myself I was full and then eat it anyway followed by multiple other items. It definitely felt compulsive and unstoppable.
I got a cold or something that manifested Thursday and kept me home from my you-should-never-miss school program. I am thinking my weirdness that would not stop was partially related to that along with my sadness over my son leaving and just the insane amount of stress I am usually under. I cannot wait to graduate and be done with this bullshit already! Sick of school. Is that obvious?
I guess that bothers me too, I have always liked school ever since I went back of my own volition and wasn't forced there like high school and below. I am intelligent, I enjoy learning, and science fascinates me-yet I think I just hit the nail on the head about why I sort of hate it now. I feel like I am being forced to be there a lot when I am completely disinterested and I am disappointed in the program itself. This has caused me to waiver in my desire to be a dietitian but that is gone and I once again strongly feel that my job is going to be awesome. I think I'll focus on contract work in the field of Gerentology-older folks are ignored way too often and I like them. There are more reasons but that is partially why I am leaning that direction.
M@rla, if shoulder presses consists of using a dumbbell and basically doing an overhead press but with one arm at a time, I do that now. If that is not it I am always open to new ways to work out. I love doing those because it also strongly uses my obliques and doesn't tweak my shoulder joint that using a barbell can easily do. Also, despite feeling really cool, doing the clean and jerk even with light weight and doing my damnedest to have great form aggravates the sphenoid process of one of my thoracic vertebrae and actually makes the bone sore I am also thinking that can't be good, and if I take the weight down enough to not do that it's not a worthwhile exercise for the rest of my body. I'm sure I'll try again, maybe get stronger first-not sure.
I hate that I go in cycles-where this seems easy and awesome and fun and I start looking really cut, even to my critical eyes, and then I slip back into depressed followed by fluffy and start again. I will give myself credit though-this time I mostly still did my workouts which usually fall to the wayside as well.

It's been great to hear from everyone.

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