Day 8 was touch and go, I spent the majority of the day at my mother's which is always a danger zone. She eats pretty well but is a big carb snacker like chips and popcorn and crackers and for some reason I always have a hard time around all that. I thought I had completely over done it on the eating but when I actually thought about it on the way home I didn't really, I think I just felt that way because I was out of my element and it was not the typical stuff I would eat.
We also went for about a 20 minute walk, something we've talked about doing together since she left my dad and moved here about a yr and a half ago, so I was proud of doing that on two fronts. She wasn't feeling well but soldiered through it, I wish that her health problems would retreat so she could get back to being more fit and active like she was when she moved here. She walked everyday and had her own little routine she did at their house and then her apt and we even emailed each other encouragement for awhile. Her shoulder locked up for no apparent reason, unknown to doctors why it happens, and she had to do physical therapy for a long time before it was even usable really and now she's had intestinal cramping and pain for months and once again no answer why.
Anyway, the last few mornings I've woken up feeling like a big truck ran over me and I am exhausted right now. Not sure what is going on but I am really missing being MY active self, the diet is going great but I am now one of those people that NEEDS to exercise or I don't feel good about myself or happy in general. I plan on walking quite a bit today and getting some yard work done, toddler permitting. He is being a real pill today and I am wondering why I canceled his Wed. daycare. Bah.

PS thanks for the comments, my brain feels really fuzzy and this was hard to write so I don't really have anything to add right now. Sorry...I hate feeling like this!

Day 7 Check In:
I have stayed "on plan" (hate typing that but well, it is apt) for seven days now and exTREMEly pleased with this fact. And beyond the seven day thing, I survived a weekend with the Husband's family and stood my ground despite frowns, badgering, and supposedly hurt tones. Get off my ass about eating the dessert you made, good GOD. Here is the MOST important part: I do not feel deprived one.little.bit. I feel very scientific, logical, and focused which is how I operate best and I can already see many changes. My arms are more defined which is one of my major goals, my ankles are not swollen, my jewelry is loose and comfortable and the squidgy bags under my arms and around my bra strap are pretty much gone. I feel really good, I just need to get back to more exercise, I actually have more time right now. Not that I've been slacking too hard, hard weights workout Friday and swam for about an hr off and on Sunday. Nothing today but I spent the day driving to/from my grandma's and visiting her, so it was time well spent.
I'm really doing this. *pinches self

Planks will definitely need to be moved to non lifting days, my shoulders are toast and they give out before my abs. I thought I'd be smart and use the timer on the microwave to see how long I could last and so I set it for a min and six seconds and quickly ran over and got into position, only I forgot to take off my socks and the floor is slick because I just washed it yesterday. I felt like a cartoon character when they try and skid around corners! Also on the agenda, agility work; see, you just set up a gym in your garage and wait for wasps to come hang out in the summer and you spend your workout giving the stink eye to anything that buzzes and darting around all agile and stuff with Killer Death Spray. Bastard hid from me but I know he's out there.
For the record there has not been another wasp sighting since last time I wrote about it, and the garage is nice and cool with the box fan going. Check back in when it's over a 100 degrees in the shade for weeks on end, but right now? Still loving it, I think it was important for me to dedicate a complete space to taking care of my body, when I had my dumbbells and yoga mat just sitting around in the house I had a tendency to ignore them, plus it is awesome having a weight bench and a better weight set with an actual barbell, the ottoman was pretty crappy in comparison.
I've found that when I treat my endeavors like something to apologize for to the rest of the world, I am only doing myself a disservice. I'm not going to eat badly when I don't even want to just so others don't think I'm weird and I am not going to make jokes about exercising, because I really don't feel that way and if I don't fit in, well hell! what's new?
NEED SHOWER.

Check in for yesterday and today:
Sorry no update yesterday, had my final and then spent the rest of the day feeling under the weather. Yes, I-the only person sick this much on the face of the planet-woke up with a sore throat again, the same exact feeling I had before I got so badly ill recently. It's still hanging about today but I've managed to get some things done despite it.
Day 2 was a success, no intentional exercise but I stuck perfectly to my eating plan and went to bed a bit early. Today I have not only stuck to the eating plan but also vac'd the entire house and washed the kitchen floor by hand, as well as all of the cabinet faces. A threw in a little bit of yoga/Pilates while playing with our son in his room, he thinks it's funny and tries to climb on me the whole time.
Nothing close to what I have been doing for exercise but I'm not feeling well and I am doing SOME thing so I am happy with it. I feel very pleased with myself right now and I'm not ashamed of that feeling, I don't always have it.
Of course because I've stuck to my convictions for three days I expect miraculous results. I do have to say I went through some bad digestive business right off the bat and the unsightly swelling I had noticed in my ankles is gone. My wedding ring and watch are spinning, something I tend to associate with weight loss because I notice those each time I start dropping fat.
I'm semi obsessing over the idea that I may lose some of the hard fought muscle I just developed but of course I won't be stopping on the lifting front and I am not eating too low of a caloric amount. What I thought was around 1200 calories before is actually more in the 1350-1500 range, which is perfectly acceptable as long as it is a cycle and not the rest of your life. I believe I've been eating a pretty high tally the last 5 months or so, which is why I've lost no fat and was able to add the muscle, at least I think so. I'll probably do that again after I cut some of this unwanted fluff, the fat under my arms and on my back around my bra strap is back too much for comfort, can't hide those pretty muscles!
The class that ate Manhattan is over and I earned a B, something I am very pleased with as well. I'm used to all A's but with this class and this professor, I could dance a jig.
OH! Speaking of jigs, that's something else I've been doing lately. We just got a cheesy station in this area that is geared towards music to make you dance for exercise, stuff like Salt n Peppa and Wild Thang, haha! We have little dance parties, the two of us and sometimes with Husband when he gets home from work.
Enough for now, positive thoughts to you all.

Check in:
Stuck to planned out food all day, ate at Subway for lunch with Mama and made good choices, and went for a 1.25 mile walk after dinner with the family.

I don't know if I have ever been this focused, I'm sure I have but the key is to keep that feeling going.

Success!

No worries, I'm not permanently going anywhere, just hard to write when your head is all muddled. I've always hated trying to recount things after they've already happened, it never comes out right for me.
Here are some things happening though: I am tired of faffing about with this body fat I've been trying to dislodge for several years now. In my mind, I do everything correctly but upon closer examination, well that is bullshit. I will do everything "right" for a few days or even a week, then get thrown off track, and start over...and over...and over. Admittedly I am much fitter and more knowledgeable but I am not where I want to be and I am not going to be if I flit around all willy nilly like I have been. I now know that I can live like a "normal" person quite well, I've worked through a lot of issues (that I created through bad dieter behavior I might add) and am ready to finish the job and get on with it. If I am honest about my goals I have not reached them and am not satisfied with saying, "ah well, it's good enough."
So what's next? Drastic measures no, but consistency yes, and 100% effort, yes. I have told myself that I was doing that but it is just not so. I am capable of doing amazing things if I set my mind to it, and so I have.
Weight training is my favorite workout because of how it makes me feel and yes, also because of how it makes me look. I feel strong, powerful, tough after I lift heavy, especially when I am steadily increasing the amounts (the only way to go in my opinion and experience.) An old favorite of mine is, "Do cardio to look good in your clothes and lift weights to look good naked." Ha! Okay but it's true. If naked isn't your thing then think about bathing suits or let's just focus on the huge one of feeling strong, powerful, in control.
I've had great success doing a full body, hardcore workout once a week. I have increased weight amount pretty much each time (so I know I am making gains in muscle and stability) and I'm trying new lifts and learning all the time. Last week I decided two full body workouts would be better, based off things I was reading (always a pitfall for me, I read a LOT of fitness/nutrition info and tend to take on what makes sense to me, regardless of whether I NEED to change what I am doing). Well two workouts was not a good idea, I was not mentally rested enough to be pumped to do it (very important for me) and the next day I was hardly sore, except for in my lower back. DANGER DANGER Will Robinson, that is NOT where I need to be sore, especially when I didn't really experience any soreness elsewhere. On the plus side I did have soreness in my pecs which has been missing, I definitely need to increase the weight on flyes. That was really the only bonus I got from that extra workout. Lesson learned: if it is not broken, don't fix it. I reserve the right to change my workout plan when it becomes apparent that I need to, my body does adjust pretty well to what I ask of it, but that is another beauty to weight lifting! Increasing the weight challenges your body anew each time and trying different lifts is fun and effective.
I will be focusing on making cardio fun and hitting my weekly lifting HARD. Cardio is my most hated activity but I love getting better at it and it does make me feel good, and let's not forget the fat burning benefit of intervals.
Eating is being reigned in, I will be tracking it (though not cals at this point) and cutting this bodyfat for good. I've been kidding myself for a long time and after recently being very frustrated and getting my feelings hurt (not worth going into right now)I know what I need to and I am excited to do it. To each their own, this is not something to drag me down, and after making this decision and starting to act on it already, I feel better than I have in a long, long time. I do a lot of thinking about things basically and so I feel exhausted like I have been working really hard and yet I don't get results. See what I happens? I get the mental fatigue but don't bring the action so I feel cheated because where the hell are my results damnit!!??
Time to take action.
I'll be updating daily and making an effort to increase my commenting on other pages. I do read almost daily but several of you guys I have to open IE to comment and for some reason that deters me. Yet again part of the thinking and not taking action thing.
Wish me luck, this time is the last time I start over.

Sorry, still been sick and taking exams right now, and I'm in sort of a weird head space right now. Be back as soon as possible.

ETA: META COME BACK!

Thank you for the congrats ladies! I am pumped and all the school bullshit that seemed so hyooge and overwhelming isn't stressing me nearly as much. Now that I know where I am going for Fall semester and it is in fact where I really, really, REALLY wanted to go a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Speaking of weights (SEGUE!!), I just completed my first workout since getting sick and of course it was a weight lifting session because that is my favorite and I don't normally miss. Just as a started doing a set of conventional deadlifts, a bigass wasp came zooming at me and the phobic freak that I am I hauled back into the house. Hrm, where is the spray? AH! Of course in the garage with the mofo wasp and my workout equipment that I was irritated to be separated from after my absence. After moving on to dumbbell rows I heard him come back, ran in the house again, etc. Finally zapped him but he veered drunkenly under the partially lifted garage door and I was sure the entire workout he would be back with about twenty of his cousins.
I am proud that I finished, my strength is a bit gone and I burned more calories than usual in the time period so it was not my imagination that I was struggling some. I thought I felt somewhat untouched but when I walked back to get cleaned up a minute ago my legs are leaden and my shoulders, back and arms are weak. Neglected abs but the coughing has had me rolling out of bed with them hurting anyway. Heh.
WOO!
I'm focusing on functional lifting-strength that is going to help me in my daily tasks as mom, homeowner, etc. Wow, just crossed my legs and it was a bit difficult. That's what I'm talking about, yo.

Remember that nutrition program that only accepts 16 people a year that I was so worried about...no more worries!!! I got my acceptance letter and I'm so happy I could puke. YAY.

Still sick. Gave in and went to the doctor, it is viral just like I thought and I feel like I wasted my time, but it got WORSE people. So I had to go. And it looks like I have something similar to what put my work aholic, never take a day off Dad in bed and made him lose his voice for a 3 weeks.
Great.
I'm getting weaker and flabbier and crabbier by the minute.

I am really sick-as in more sick than I can remember being in a long, long time. I pretty much lost yesterday if you don't count the idiocy I displayed by going LIGHT FIXTURE SHOPPING while really, really sick and then coming home and shaking under the covers for a long time because of pushing too hard. And we didn't even find anything we liked, which you know, was icing on the cake of poo day. I am missing working out so much it is really bugging me. I even briefly considered doing it anyway which would be even more stupid than my actions Sunday since my balance is really bad and I am drinking theraflu just to be able to sit up. So if I have correspondence with you or leave comments on your page and it doesn't make sense or seems "off" please know I am hopped up on teh(sic) drugs. As long as I am better in time for lifting day. Oh and we're donating our scale to Goodwill, neither one of us needs/wants it anymore.

Yowza, I said I was going to focus on my back more and by golly, ouch. Dumbbell bent over rows, Yates row, and one set of shrugs for the hell of it = major soreness today, but as I had to explain to my Husband, that's a good thing. Did one set of dips yesterday too and then a set of extensions with the dumbbell (though I think it was the dips that did it) and damn my arms are screaming. The Olympic lift I practiced with a much lighter weight than I think you are supposed to use (I'm not stupid and don't plan on hurting myself anytime soon) was the hang clean, but with more of a squatting motion like I watched demonstrated on Crossfit. It felt really, really cool. I definitely wish I belonged to a gym that had the equipment to do this for real, maybe the gym we should be joining any time (through Husband's work) will have it and maybe some instructional type folks to help.
Once again I had to fight my way back from teetering towards dietdom again, bleh. I did though and immediately feel so much better about myself and life in general. Amazing. *snort
I will not track my weight. I will not deny myself what I want to eat, with the knowledge that I know what is good for me and really, truly enjoy a healthy lifestyle at this point. I don't need restrictions because I have effectively reprogrammed my brain to want what is good for me, and if I sometimes want something that is not? That is okay, it is life, and I rarely want more than a few bites of something that is not good for me, it makes me sick because I eat cleanly for the most part. Sweets are too sweet for my tastes most of the time and I can have 2-3 bites and be done with it. Now if we could just work on cheese fries with bacon, jalapeños, chives, and ranch dressing. Le sigh. I keed, last time we ate that we were both sick for hours and had a hard time sleeping. Speaking of food, yesterday I ate an egg white scramble for breakfast with butternut squash and red new potatoes in it, with half a piece of organic whole wheat toast. For lunch I had my leftover Salvadorian food and a nice big salad with broccoli slaw, organic tomatoes, romaine hearts, cranberries, feta, walnuts, and a lite caesar dressing. So. freaking. good. Yay!
After reading, or I should say devouring the Mindless Eating book LME sent me, in one sitting last night I wonder if I don't care for sweet potatoes, butternut squash, carrots and pumpkin because I have a negative mental association about them beforehand that makes it taste bad to me. I really wish I liked all of these foods as they are beneficial to your health and make dishes so, so...PRETTY. Meh.

I'm working on writing something that is bouncing around my head like crazy but I don't want to post it until I can really articulate what I mean. So here's some other random crap. Heh.
O chem exam was killer, my classmates are struggling as much as I am so at least I don't feel like a moron, just a person in an extremely difficult course that is not easy for many if any. I felt plain exhausted when I left and I didn't have time in between lab and picking our son up to get in my lifting work out. He has a bit of a cold so I figured he would want to lay down and I could do it then. Well he didn't really want to lay down until much later than I thought and by then I had decided if I was going to be able to lift when Husband got home I needed a nap. I felt progressively crappier as the minutes ticked by and so I fell into bed when I put him down for a nap. It hit me that maybe something was trying to take me down too, I felt drugged and like I was held down and couldn't get up even when he started fussing and not wanting to sleep. I knew he would if he just gave in so I dozed in and out until he dropped off finally and I then proceeded to have nightmares about being in the backseat of our pickup while Husband was driving way too fast and there were empty beer bottles in the door clanging and the road changed all the sudden from what it should have been and we either did wreck or were going to, that part is fuzzy. Then our Boy was in water with us and he was drowning and I was the only one that saw and was trying to scoop him up with one arm while I was drowning to and the angle was wrong somehow and I was actually holding him under the more I tried to get him and I woke up freaking out big time. My head hurt and I felt even more drugged and I had left my HRM on because I was dressed to workout and my heart rate had risen considerably from when I laid down.
I was having a hard time standing and was so thankful that Husband's softball game was canceled so he came home and I wasn't alone feeling crappy trying to be single mom. I did start feeling better after awhile but I knew there was no way I should be lifting heavy things and then we decided to go out to eat, I just couldn't face more turkey and veggies.
Husband suggested one of the new places on the lake front about 10-15 minutes from here, the development has great big fountains and outdoor eating areas and we had Salvadorian cuisine that was out of this world! I had a pupusa, tamale, plantain, yucca, black beans and black rice. The chips were brought out with black bean dip and a great fresh salsa and the chips themselves were thick but airy, not sure how to describe it really but fantastic food.
I still feel tired today but I did get my workout in and feel properly worn out all over. Deadlifts are awesome and I also tried an Olympic lift a few times which was awesome.
Ack, so much to say but my wonderful Boy is awake and it is time for his lunch.
Later.

Yesterday was yet another non stop mindless eating day so I guess stopping myself Monday didn't work that well, unless you count the food I didn't inhale at that point. I ticked off another planned workout which made me feel very good about myself, and it was cardio on the elliptical which has been extremely hard lately for some reason. I went to go get started and hit the play button on my iPod and nothing...uh, hell no! I need my music to get me through cardio, or so I thought. It pissed me off so I marched out there and knocked out my workout with no music, at night, after I took my med-extra points for me! Also, my heart rate did not shoot up too hight over and over this time like it has since I started this medication so that was encouraging.

Wow this post is dullsville, but I have an exam in a few hours for o chem and my brain would not let me sleep to my alarm, I kept dreaming I was getting married again and no one would really help me get ready or anything. Interestingly, my Husband was the groom in this dream but I had been married/started to marry someone before. I think I've been reading too many blogs, I read one about a girl getting married before I shut the lappy down last night.
Extremely proud that I am keeping my word on workouts and cut out the excuses though. There's the point to this in one sentence.

Yesterday mornings planned yoga can be checked off, at least 40 out of 60 minutes can. After completing the actually workout part (mostly) I just laid face down on the carpet so I realized I needed to stop. I have never had to quit early during yoga except when I was sick once and it was a miracle that I got even that far. I am sick of this medication that makes me feel like a weakling. Today is cardio and I am not looking forward to my heart rate shooting up over and over and I will be calling my doctor today to see what the heck else I can do because I want OFF this med, as in NOW.
So my upper back is sore today because I focused a lot on form during my yoga session and it is a great back workout with all of the negative pushups, upward dog, and even the sun salutation sequence in the beginning if you keep your movements sharp and think about keeping your shoulders down and away from your ears. I thought about where I can fit in a TT workout (tubu1ence training) like M@rla has been doing but I wonder if it would kick my ass too much to use just as a cardio workout. I won't know until I try it right?
I started on an eating rampage last night, after studying or I should say TRYING to study organic chem for an exam tomorrow morning, and having to stop constantly to police the little one and not understanding the problems right off the bat over and over...I started eating without being hungry. I fixed a half a natural peanut butter/simply fruit jam sandwich which more than made me full and was fine, and then I started scarfing handfuls of walnuts, cranberries, not sure what else at the pantry. In walks the Husband and he heats up some rice pilaf and turkey tenderloin for his and our son's dinners and I get a spoon and stand there and start eating rice...yes all of this was not unhealthy foods but it was too much and it was sort of a frenzied behavior and I was mentally sniffing out what was next when I sort of shook myself and went and brushed my teeth. I felt like crying, the comfort I was trying to find was not there and it left me feeling defeated. I had a late hair appt at 7:30 so that saved me and got me out of the house but I didn't want to go, I was so tired and felt haggard and ashamed of myself.
I'm okay today and my hair is bitchin'. HA! I crack myself up.

I thought this was a good article, especially the second to last sentence.

Aim for Balance

Healthy ambition requires us not to push ourselves so hard that we are incapable of having a balanced life, but not to take it too easy, either. This seems like a fine line, and in fact, in yoga practice it's often referred to as "the edge." It's the place where you're working at the top of your body's ability on that day. If you worked any less, you'd be slacking off; any more, and you'd be risking injury. What yoga can do, experts say, is help point the way toward healthy, balanced ambition, both for people with lots of drive and for people who feel they lack it.

To attain balanced ambition, your goal should not run afoul of the yama, or principle, of ahimsa, or nonviolence. Interpreted literally, this means your goals shouldn't harm other living beings. But it also has a broader meaning. It means not running over other people in an attempt to get ahead, and not harming or neglecting yourself when you're trying to accomplish things. So you may have to change the way you go about pursuing your goal,perhaps by shifting the time frame for accomplishing it. The key to balanced ambition is to focus on the process, not the outcome of your actions. In yoga terms, this is detachment, or nongrasping.

From the Yoga Journal newsletter.

I made a recipe (posted below) but made a few changes so it didn't turn out the same way as when I helped make it Easter Sunday. I subbed butternut squash for the yam, left out the bell pepper accidentally, and the carrots on purpose.
After I made my four day at a time plan I read an article stating most people can do things four days at a time much easier than say a week or whatever. And there I said that I would just have to accept that I am different. Ha!



Tomato Vegetable Casserole
Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis
Show: Everyday Italian
Episode: Dinner Party Delivery
Tomato Vegetable Casserole
1 medium potato, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 medium yam, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1 red bell pepper, seeded and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
2 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch pieces
5 tablespoons olive oil
1 red onion, thinly sliced into rings
2 small or 1 large zucchini, cut crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick pieces
Salt and pepper
2 large ripe tomatoes, cut crosswise into 1/4-inch thick slices
1/2 cup grated Parmesan
2 tablespoons dried Italian-style bread crumbs
Fresh basil sprigs, for garnish

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Toss the potato, yam, bell pepper, carrots, and 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a 13 by 9 by 2-inch baking dish to coat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and toss until coated. Spread vegetables evenly over the bottom of the pan.

Arrange the onion slices evenly over the vegetable mixture. Arrange the zucchini over the onion. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons of oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Arrange the tomato slices over the zucchini.

Stir the Parmesan and bread crumbs in a small bowl to blend. Sprinkle the Parmesan bread crumbs over the vegetables in the baking dish. Drizzle with the last tablespoon of olive oil.

Bake uncovered until the vegetables are tender, and the topping is golden brown, about 40 minutes. Garnish with fresh basil sprigs, if desired

I am loving all these comments! *takes a moment to roll around in the commenty goodness*
It's sort of a pain in the rear to leave comments on my own DARNED BLOG but I really do appreciate the support and knowing a have "internet friends" out there.
My lower body felt sore but not unmanageable when I got up today, and as I mentioned I scheduled out workouts yesterday through Saturday in Sparkpeople. I normally take the day after lifting off from any structured exercise but I thought a nice long walk would not only help a bit with the lack of workouts but sort of stretch my muscles out so they didn't feel too tight. I took our son in the jogging stroller for a 45 minute walk through the park under the shade trees arching over the path. The creek is pretty full and I couldn't help but think what a gorgeous day to be alive.
After sitting down for a minute when we got home my legs were so stiff I could barely walk, and I'm achy now but satisfied. There will be no peeling that monkey sticker off today's date on the calendar.
I'm cooking a veggie casserole of sorts tomorrow with butternut squash, red potatoes, and purple onion. I forgot grated Parmesan and large tomatoes for the top-anyway, I'm curious if anyone has any good recipes for butternut squash, I've never attempted any culinary magic with this particular variety of squash.
We're watching "Rocky Balboa" and I gotta say I didn't think it would be this good but I was just bouncing around on the couch like a loon during the match scene.
G'Night.

I am shaking, but in a good way. I somehow did not burn as many calories but I know I did a great workout. Despite my myriad mental issues lately I will NOT missing a lifting session and I was excited to work on my squat form and to try sumo and conventional deadlifts. I tell ya, conventional or sumo deadlifts either one are MUCH harder than stiff legged, at least in my opinion. I can do stiff legged deadlifts with close to twice the weight of what I did today. Just trying to pick up the barbell off the floor with 50 lbs loaded on it was too damn much and that is not that hard when doing it stiff legged. My hamstrings are already tightening up, but not in an injury feeling sort of way so I bet I just need to get on the floor and do a good stretch session and maybe some myofascial massage on the foam roller.
I'm going to compare weight loads to the last time I wrote it down when I get a chance and I hereby promise to keep track of it in a .doc or excel sheet from here on out-I don't like stopping to scribble when actually IN my workout so I think I will plan the weights beforehand and then adjust as needed. I can usually remember fairly well what each is but eh, the ol' brain-she isn't what she used to be.
Eating has been spot on, I decided to not "count" (pts or calories either one) but to focus on veggies with each meal if possible and to avoid triggers again for awhile. Apparently pasta and meat sauce is a bad one for me, even whole wheat and lean turkey. Just typing that made me feel hungry, wow.
I've neglected my back for too long since starting home workouts-at the gym I used the assisted pull up machine and loved it but um, I kinda don't have one here at home. Yoga and pushups focus on your back muscles but I don't do either one enough to get great results back there. So I better hit Krista's site and find a good compound lift for my back and I'll try that next time.
I also planned all workouts in Sparkpeople as I said I would and already placed my monkey stickers on the calendar for workouts so I HAVE to do them now. Heh. New plan, focus on 4 day segments and go from there, that is where I tend to vier off the path. I feel badly that other's have a hard time with months and here I am with a four day limit but to each their own.

Wow, today went from bad to worse and now that I am sitting here really sick to my stomach and feeling low I am putting an end to it. I did not work out, the thought of it literally made me want to cry so I passed. Instead I proceeded to eat myself sick for the last several hours, including homemade cookies (something I have never even made before). It is time to "fake it till I make it" and that means using outside resources until I can trust myself again to stop being so destructive. I have set up a workout schedule in Sparkpeople and I will be counting my food until I feel I can stop without hurting myself, which is basically what I have done the last two days. This is so disappointing, I've been on auto pilot with food and exercise for a while and it has seemed almost effortless. This too shall pass.

Suppose an update is in order since the lovely life is grand blah blah train has left the station. I feel bloated and crappy and have not worked out since the prematurely ended cardio Saturday. Spent a lot of yesterday crying, feeling suicidal and laying on the carpet. I am NOT someone that ever has those thoughts even when the world seems its blackest but random thoughts about it would just pop in my head, very upsetting. Not something that would ever happen, my life rocks 99% of the time, but I think this nerve med is really jacking with my head. I have to drink M0nst3r or I am a zombie and I think it is starting to give me a UTI, but who the hell knows with my screwed up lady parts? Eh?
Wow what a bitter post, hee! Completely contrary to how most people would react to all of this I am looking forward to attempting some cardio when Husband gets home to stay with our son and tomorrow is lifting day. I will not be beaten, but I do have to say that it really sucks that every time I ALLOW myself to feel happy about my appearance or strength, my legs get knocked out from under me and I immediately get sick or bloated or you name it and I feel like a slug again, both in how I look and my energy level. I feel like I dare not breathe a word of pride about it or I am doomed. I also have the irrational thought that I can bust my ass and eat well and nothing will happen for me unlike other people. There is some validity to that thought since as I mentioned I have stayed in mid to high 20s bf percentages for several years now except for during/immediately post pregnancy. Consistency is the key I think, hell I don't know at this point. I am pretty damn consistent.
/end pity party

I'm so excited about what is happening to my body lately that I feel like a little kid waiting for a present. Of course I also wake up each day and expect to see more change and it doesn't work that way. I'm weighing in once a month and recording it in SparkPeople which also takes your measurements (waist, hip, and neck). It's funny not caring about stepping on every day any more, I thought I would have a hard time with it but since I have released my obsession with eating the scale neurosis has also disappeared. The weigh in thing is just sort of a curiosity since my weight has remained roughly the same since March/April of 2004 outside of my pregnancy time. Any normal body conditions time has been in the same range after I dropped the baby weight and it gets so damn old being the same for years on end, but I am sure there are worse problems out there, in fact I know there are and so seeing major changes in my strength and physique is awesome and the scale number can go fuck itself. Ta da!
I just drank a cup of Madagascar Vanilla tea and holy cow was it good, like a dessert in a cup almost, woo!
Still not overeating though I am hitting the fuzzy line between, but that is fine-this is not a normal weekend. I have familial pressure eating and I had Girlie night last evening at a great sushi place. I am pleased with my continued loyalty to my promise and myself. I'm not so sure this is IE but it is definitely mindful eating and treating my body and spirit nicely.
Yesterday I only did 18 minutes instead of 20 of cardio intervals because I kept having to stop/start over and over-maybe 7 times compared to the usual 2 I might do to take a drink and then at the end I started having light chest pains. I decided not keeling over was more important than finishing that last two minutes though it irked me.

So hangin' at in-laws last night and they had SUGARED SPICY BACON pieces out as an appetizer. That may sound weird but holy cow were they good and I kept hovering around the bowl. I think I did rather well though on keeping my promise to myself to stop overeating, and trust me-the in-laws various homes are danger zones for me. *By that I mean his aunt or grandparents or parents, not that they own multiple homes or something.
Anyway, I got weird looks and even badgering to have wine or eat more food but I just politely declined and stuck to my guns. If dinner had not been put off until after 8 (also a hazard of eating with them) I don't think I would have eaten the bacon either or quite as much at dinner. Whatever, I stayed true to my way of life and resisted the numerous pressures and that is what is important to me.
I've spot checked in my head here and there and some days I think I may be eating pretty darn low cal-like too low cal but I am simply listening to my body and eating until satisfied and not full and if that is what it wants to do then I am going with it and not forcing it like a child at the dinner table. I know that pretty much each weekend and sometimes during the week we will go out to eat or have a social engagement and even if I am conservative with portions at those times, my cals are going to sky rocket and I think it will even out. I am not watching calories but I do have an eye on it in the background somewhat because I believe in good health through nutrition and I am not going to hurt myself, no matter what.
Weight training has made such a huge impact on my body and maybe I should clarify that: weight training the way I do it now as opposed to lifting three times a week and doing split workouts with 3 sets of each exercise. I do no more than two sets at most now but I use the heaviest weight possible to complete a set with good form. Last night I was asked to bring fairly heavy wooden folded chairs down from the third floor of Husband's aunt's house and I carried two down at a time without even feeling like it was work. Now that is muscles being put to practical use! His aunt would rush to the bottom of the stairs and exclaim, "Erin let me help!" She seemed to be afraid I would hurt myself, maybe no one has noticed my rippling biceps. I CRACK MYSELF UP!
Since stopping overeating my weight has stabilized but I can see definition coming out so I must be dropping body fat though the conventional wisdom of measurements and scale weight etc have gone all wonky. I tried to hit the big sale at Ann Taylor Loft yesterday but the 8s were too big and I thought 6's would be too tight, maybe I should have tried anyway but I was chicken. Just wearing an 8 has been very hard for me to accept as reality, I hold my breath every time I try a pair on, not to suck in my stomach but because I think the dream will be shattered. Maybe I'll believe the 8s when I am wearing 6's.

So the INTERVIEW is over and I think it went really well unless my radar is busted. I think the well wishes in blogland are what sealed the deal. *wink
I tried to get up and workout this morning at 7 but I was breathing underwater, or at least I felt that way. Supposedly you have heightened brain function for 4 to 10 hrs after you workout (good reason to do it in the morning rather than before sleep and wasting it). The pollen in the air is killing me, fatigue and my eyes are so damned dry my tears come out like dust. Okay it feels that way.
Currently waiting for my snackie meal to settle then I'm going to hit the elliptical for 20 minutes of BFL style intervals.
I know as weight loss professionals we are all told by the media and each other to take measurements and rely on that for validation instead of the scale. Well guess what? I don't always think that is accurate either. My waist is actually up a bit, my scale weight is down, and yet my size 6 skirt from Ann Taylor that fit a few weeks ago has at least an inch or two to spare now. Interesting no?

Another great workout yesterday, I made it home after lab in time to fit in my lifting before picking up my son. I was sore just a few hrs later instead of waiting for it to kick in this morning. My interview for the nutrition program I've been working my ass off for the past year and a half is tomorrow at 11 and I am super nervous and doing a lot of thinking about how best to present myself. I really need to get off this couch and get the day rolling, there are so many things to do that I'm sort of dunking my head in the sand. That never got anything done.

I am not typically an evening workout type, of course it could be argued that I am not really a morning workout type either, ha! I tend to exercise more often earlier in the day though so I don't give myself a chance to feel "too tired" or whatever other excuse I might come up with when the day nears its end. My father visited us yesterday and we had a nice time despite my anxiety about the whole thing. After turbulent events of the last few years I get wound pretty tightly just seeing his number on the phone though he has done nothing to warrant these feelings in quite awhile, and thankfully it gets easier all the time. We went out for lunch and had so-so food and extremely sub-par service but I did not overeat and felt proud of that. Then we went to Coldstone Creamery for dessert and to walk around the shopping center. I got a strawberry banana smoothie with sorbet instead of ice cream and it was good and I didn't even finish it. I mention that not because I was watching calories, but because I started hitting that too full mark and I knew it was okay to toss it instead of making myself miserable. Another victory under my belt, and then last night's workout brings me back around to what I started on about in the beginning of this post. Even though I experienced heartburn issues from the restaurant food and felt tired I changed into my gear and hopped on the elliptical for my 20 min of BFL style interval cardio. I really pushed it, came close to hitting max heart rate and felt completely whipped when I finished. The coolest thing however, happened to be that it felt so easy when on level one and my HR stayed fairly low for quite some time-two things that shocked me. It seems almost like this happened overnight though I'm sure it has been in the works for awhile. Feeling cardio work be somewhat EASY was a huge new experience for me. I tried explaining it to the Husband but he was always in athletics and I knew he didn't really understand though he tried. I was ALWAYS the slow one, always the red faced end of the line, unable to do anything the other kids could do, person. It felt amazing to realize I AM becoming pretty athletic and these new muscles that look pretty are also functioning well too!
I did levels 1-4 which was also a first. Previously I had only been able to go to 3 twice and I went all the way to 4 four different times. The resistance on this machine is much harder than the ones at the gym. I was going to level 8 at the gym and starting out on 4 and I know I am stronger now than I was then. Anyway...
This morning I woke up and I just felt "skinny". This also seemed overnight, a layer has definitely shifted despite the ridiculous scale readings and nothing pudged out over the top of my jeans whatsoever and I just felt really good all day. I can see a difference though I haven't taken measurements and I am not sure I am going to at this point.
Just completed an hr of power yoga and I feel drained but proud. I am sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop though because every time I am on a roll like this I get sick or something weird happens. In an effort to not let my negative thoughts stick or whammy me, I sort of skip off to something else in my head when I start thinking that way. Like attention deficit on purpose, heh. I've been spinning my wheels for a long time and it seems like I finally broke up out of the mud.

After reviewing the newly posted summer semester schedules that I must be enrolled in to finish out my prerequisites, I see that the NYC trip I thought would take place this year is highly unlikely. Perhaps I can discuss my absence of three days with the instructor and take labs at different times to make up the time/grades or something of that nature. I am fearful this will not be acceptable though and am more than a bit sad. NYC has resided on my list of places I want to visit for quite some time and I thought it would be marked off the list and moved to the places to visit again list this year. Jason's parents go to some type of jeweler convention there every year the last weekend of July and the big association would pay for our room! With airline miles and a paid for room this became extremely doable and yet here I sit with school beating me down yet again. The following summer whether at UT or OU either one, will still find me in a classroom or possibly doing field work and so the situation will more than likely remain the same. I think missing out on a few days at community college sounds more likely than missing out on several days of my internship, ya?
Jason and I made yet another recipe together from the Low GI cookbook, this time we tried Chicken Enchiladas, page 220. I just saw it says 4 servings...uh we made about a pan and a half (9 x 13) of these things, that comes out to be about a billion enchiladas a person. They turned out superbly and I'm happy to share the recipe if requested. Very clean tasting but extremely tasty, and I am not believing how many vegetables Jason has consumed with these recipes. True, they reside on the acceptable veggie list for him, but this seems to be a good way to get in more servings of them all. Once again we subbed a yellow pepper for the green but that was the only modification this time.
Yesterday our family trekked over to the Firewheel shopping center yet again (we love this place apparently) and attended sort of a "kids' fest" thing where the Kool-Aid man and the weiner mobile were in attendance and some guy shouting things over a microphone. I spent my time mainly in NY & Company trying on and buying the best dressed I have found in a long time. Extremely happy with the results, I've been looking for sundresses that don't happen to look like maternity wear. Hrm, the dresses are listed on their website and yet the pictures possess the clarity of mud. Boo.
Friday I completed my lifting workout and used the barbell to do my squats. It was a bitch at first because I had to rearrange things and I hate having to work on something in order to just GET TO the task at hand. The rack was turned so that you could do bench presses, something I don't do as I do flyes instead, and so after a scary attempt that could have resulted in injuring myself I set out to turn it around. After all I am the only one using the bench as Husband doesn't like lifting weights and is having to play mind games with himself to even do cardio. After wrestling with the stupid thing I got it lined out and was able to do the squats. I had to do three sets though and that is not in line with my goal of efficiency and heaviest weights possible with good form. I don't want to do more than two sets of an exercise as I do not believe more is needed and have achieved the best results of my entire lifting experience of several years off and on-not only in muscle growth but also in my consistency. I have been consistent with lifting for weeks and weeks and don't see it stopping now that I am not bored too tears with too high repetitions and too little rest in between that type of workout. Full body workouts with max weight and minimal repetitions have worked wonders. My legs finally got a good workout and I concentrated on form to the nth degree, including making sure to go a full 90 degrees down, which I THOUGHT I had been doing but maybe not so much. I think I was bitching so much mentally about my hands hurting holding the dumbbells that I wasn't coming down far enough, which irks me because that is something I feel is so important. If you do things half-assed just to lift more weight or to go faster than you are only screwing yourself. Yoga was last Wednesday, not sure if I mentioned that. My body actually seemed to be telling myself, "Self, it has been about a month without proper stretching and meditation, what the hell are you doing!?" So I got to it and my hips hurt afterwards and now feel much better than they have in a good long while.
Must dash, my dad is coming to visit today and I am sitting here with wet hair and a slightly messy (not too bad) house.

I made my first main dish meal from the Low GI cookbook my sister-in-law gave us and we both loved it! I modified it a bit to suit our tastes and when we ate it I thought it was just okay but I had not let it sit long enough for the rice to soak up the broth. Here are the details:

2 teaspoons canola oil
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, chopped
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
2 teaspoons dried thyme
2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
2 cups chicken broth (low fat low sodium)
2 green bell peppers, steamed seeded and diced
1 can (28 oz) stewed tomatoes
1 can (15 oz) kidney beans, drained and rinsed
3/4 cup brown rice
1 bay leaf
1/4 cup chopped flat-leaf parsley

1. Heat the oil in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the celery, garlic, and onion and cook until the onion has softened, about 5 minutes. Add the chicken, thyme, oregano, chili powder, and the cayenne, if using, and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes.
2. Add the broth, bell peppers, tomatoes, beans, rice, and bay leaf and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer, stirring occasionally, for abotu 35 minutes, or until the rice is tender. Let the dish stand for 5 minutes. Remove the bay leaf and discard. Stir in the parsley before serving.


Jason does not like celery or beans so I left both out, and we did not have regular brown rice but we did have the instant version. I threw in the rice the last 12 minutes and it was just right. Also, I don't care for green bell peppers so we used a red and a yellow. Delicious! When I went back to get a second bowl a while later it was so much better because it had thickened up a lot. This is a green light recipe which as you can imagine means GO (weight loss, no worries, etc)

Recipe from "Living the g.i. Diet" by Rick Gallop, page 217

When I slack off posting in this space I tend to be floating along feeling lost regarding life in general. The rigors of being a student/mother/wife/relative/friend/etc. have officially overwhelmed me as of late. Husband's grandfather is having medical problems again after having a quadruple bypass last year and coming through amazingly well. He fell down at the cardio center's gym Wednesday and then they found fluid in his chest and something looks odd with the lymph nodes. The doctors seem to think it is not going to be something horrible but there is still tension in the background for me because I love him like he is my grandfather.
A confession: I had drifted back to mostly thinking like I did before my big ephiphany and of course it screwed with my mind. I am slowly, persistently retraining my brain again to stop counting and ticking and obsessing and to just focus on eating nutritious foods, being mindful of my hunger/satiety cues, and exercising regularly. The exercise is not a problem, it has finally become something that I just consider part of life, and if I periodically can't/don't fit it in my day then that is okay because guess what? I will the next day, or the day after that, and the world will not end. I am not lazy, or worthless, or slipping into a black vortex of sloth if I miss a few days. THIS IS FOR LIFE. God, probably the most oft quoted and concurrently hypocritical statement I see tossed around the 'net. I realize there are people that do want to live their life going through bulking/cutting phases, trying new plans, etc. and that is FINE. I am that way sometimes and that is okay too, and I am not bad if I do that either. For the most part however; I just want to feed my body quality fuel and move it around consistently enough in fun ways to have a kickass body. I have thought quite a bit this week (okay just the last two days) about what I really want out of the physical side of my life and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The physique I admire and can obtain given my physiological makeup is like Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft (though I think she was a bit too thin for me) or Jennifer Garner in Electra or Daredevil. Muscular, lean, badass chick bodies. I honest to God, hand on my heart do not want to look like a SI model, after seeing the pictures I could not believe that is the ideal for the masses, there is so little muscle it reminds me of a young child with breasts and well, that kinda freaks me out. This is my personal opinion and more power to everyone out there that disagrees. What I want for ME is to look tough and strong and well, hot at the same time. When I feel the most powerful is when I lift weights and get my hands dirty or work on a car or dig in the dirt all sweaty and tired. That makes me feel damn good, like I can do anything, and who would not want that each day of their life?
I tried mountain climbers and didn't think it was that bad, I can also do a shitload of jumping jacks now which makes me proud looking back on the gasping red faced past. Disclaimer: I am sure I did not do nearly enough mountain climbers to say for sure if I can handle it or not. Heh
I watched a clip about the workout they put the men through for the movie "300". Holy shit that is the kinda stuff I want to be able to do, pushups on hanging rings and throwing a tire around, lol. She-ra!

I've been extremely out of pocket since oh, around March 9th (which was my birthday, coincidence? no) but thank you for the comments about my birthday weekend, sorry I have been MIA. Two days after getting home from the birthday extravaganza we left town to visit family in Oklahoma City and Tulsa, OK. We returned last night and I've been immediately thrown back into real life and it sucks. Hard. I am exhausted and having a hard time thinking, in fact I have considered bailing on writing this several times already and let's face it: I have not typed that much at this point.
Anyway, no home cooked food was consumed from Wednesday lunch through breakfast this morning and my body is hatin' right about now. Dinner last night made both me and my husband pretty ill and neither one of us has any desire to go out to eat for quite some time. That's one of our favorite things to do so trust me, that was quite a feat. I did lift Tuesday morning, walked Wednesday and Thursday, then used the Stairmaster and my in-laws in Tulsa Friday and Saturday morning with a 30 minute walk outside afterwards Saturday. Saturday night I drank too much beer, and did a shot and then an Irish Car Bomb combined with consuming crappy food. I did eat some damn good food halfway through the night and have vowed to go back to Paddy's (Tulsa, OK) again to properly enjoy it. Smithwick's (pronounced smiddicks) and half a Reuben was an awesome combo.
So I exercised pretty well, but ate cookies and pie and pizza and lots and lots of fries. Oh and beer. I am so ready to feel good again instead of bloated and tired and dealing with seriously uncool digestive issues. I've eaten well today because that is all I feel like doing and am working on unpacking our little family and getting this house in order. Here's to onward and upward!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, I had a wonderful fantasy weekend. My husband earned enough points to last quite a while indeed. It has been a rude awakening returning to the real world but I don't suppose I have much of a choice. Update on my friend: She and the boyfriend are trying to work things out, and while I am happy for her I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. If he really does treat her properly from here on out then I won’t hold a grudge.
On Friday, my actual birthday, my husband finally told me what he had planned for my weekend. Saturday morning I had to be ready by 8:45 to go spend all day at the Crescent Spa! His cousin (also my friend) went with me and though we didn’t have treatments together it was nice to have her along for the ride. My package was all wine related, first a Cabernet grape scrub, then a red wine anti-cellulite bath, then a wine and honey wrap and finally a Sauvignon massage. It was unbelievable and my skin feels delightful, and now I know that wraps really do tighten your skin though I don’t think it lasts. Still, it’s been very nice to experience that again even if for a little while. Following the spa day we were picked up and taking to the W hotel in downtown, and it is an absolutely incredible place to stay and hang out. I felt like a had stepped into an upscale Ikea catalogue, for instance: the walls downstairs change colors from red to blue and back, the lounge area was way cool with these long chandeliers that made me think of jellyfish and there were just quirky little details everywhere. Our room was the Mega Room which is advertised as Texas sized with really high ceilings and a huge bed. Very hard to describe but the design was ingenious. The W even gave me a birthday present, a massage candle scented with habanera and grapefruit. You actually can use the wax to do a massage-I’ve never seen one like it.
On the 33rd floor is the Ghostbar, probably hands down the coolest nightclub type place I have ever been in, it made me think of what you see clubs being like on tv instead of the cheesy places I’ve been to before. There’s a balcony area outside that is hanging out over thin air and the view of the city was amazing. Standing there I could see lights moving and blinking as far as my vision reached, sort of like looking out over the ocean-a sea of humanity. I’ve realized how much I don’t want to leave here now.
Sunday we walked across the street to the American Airlines center and went up to the platinum club area and had the best brunch buffet I have ever had. The Dallas Stars game started at 2:30 and it was super exciting and worth being there to see. Lots of action, both scoring and fighting and we had some of my favorite friends with us, including my best friend that has never been to a hockey game and is a huge fan. She kept saying, “Kids at Christmas have nothing on me today!”
Really the only downer was my dad was supposed to be at the game with us so I could see him for my birthday. He didn’t show up so we called several times and found out he was feeling really sickly and he said half his face was swollen up and his voice sounded terrible. My poor dad, when he gets better I’m going to ask him to go to a Ranger’s game just the two of us.
I did workout Thursday night and had a great lifting session. I’ve really increased the weight on my squats and I think it was a mental setback before and now I know I can push it harder. I will say it again-free weights training has done the most for my self image and confidence of anything I have tried. I haven’t worked out since then, literally no time to even though I really wanted to try the infinity pool at the hotel. We slept too late and stayed in bed too long to get to use it, but I plan on working out today when the Husband gets home. Eating was fairly on track all weekend and I just didn’t worry about it too much.

Greedy, that's me. I want new posts from everyone to read and yet here I sit not writing anything myself.
The tidal waves of sickness that plagued us for the last few weeks have gone and life is returning back to normal. Well physically that is, my mental state has sort of gone south-basically I think what is bugging me is my best friend is in a lot of pain right now. The guy she thought she would marry is more than likely dumping her tonight and he has left her in limbo all week. At this point I would like to punch his stupid face in, but I digress.
So I started taking Wellbutrin today and I am having some side effects, but I think it is related to the lack of water and food I have had today. Not on purpose, let me assure you. This girl is not one to starve herself, but I went by my mother's before she left for work and right before I left the afore mentioned friend called and sounded terrible. I called her back and even though I had a happy day planned of shoe shopping with my wonderful little boy, I turned the car around and headed straight to her apartment. She said she needed a hug and so I was there. I talked with her about everything and held her while she cried and this is very hard. On a selfish note it really sucks to be dealing with this on my birthday weekend, but unselfishly that is not stopping me from being her support.
For clarficiation I am not taking an anxiety medication because of her problems, it probably sounded that way in the above wording but that is not the case. I have struggled for years now with stress and depression and have yet to find a medication that works for me all the way around-lexapro did a good job but (TMI alert) made me unable to enjoy sex/any stimulation whatsoever. I stopped taking that immediately, ha! But the fact is, without some type of medical help I do not enjoy the wonderful life I have like I should, I am anxious and angry and irritable and then alternately mopey and tearful and full of despair. Not the way I want to live my life and so I am trying again. The side effect seems to be nausea and light headedness but I am already feeling better now that I ate some more and am drinking my third cup of water since we got back home.
I want to lift weights when my Husband gets home but maybe that is not a good idea with how my head feels. It has been a week though tomorrow, and I don't go more than a week without working out my whole body to failure. Working out once a week, using the heaviest weights possible and then resting the whole next day (no exercise planned at all) has done wonders for my body and strength. I have also consistently lifted, even during the sickness, because I know it is once a week and it makes me feel powerful and strong. I am steadily lifting heavier and that is progress I can touch and see and feel, unlike the scale. My scale weight is still heavier than my old consistent weigh ins and yet I look and feel so much better. Happy Birthday to me tomorrow, yay!

A fitness article that is actually useful and doesn't leave me going, "No kidding, duh." This was on my Yahoo homepage and I clicked on it though I was reluctant to read the same stuff I already know. While I did already know this stuff it actually seemed like an article that might be USEFUL to people that don't know these things instead of the usual, "Hey, I have a revelation! Park further from the door and pass on that bread at dinner!" crapola. I have no idea about the vest thingie but will check it out when I get a chance. As of the moment I am mired in Organic Chemistry lab homework that I have no clue how to complete. D'oh!


Your Body Can Burn Fat on Its Own
Posted by Debbie Rocker
on Tue, Feb 27, 2007, 5:43 pm PST
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Wouldn’t you just love it if your body decided to burn fat and calories on its own?

It can:
1. Exercise in short, intense bursts (interval training) for effective fat burning after exercise.
2. Increase the amount of resistance/strength/weight training you do, to build more lean muscle. Muscle is ‘metabolically active’ and burns more calories than other body tissue even when you’re not moving.
And of course, for best results:
3. Chill on the amount of food you are eating.

Technically:
1. Our bodies are built to survive, so when you exercise for long periods of time (often and consistently) your body thinks it needs to hold on to fat for energy. Doing short (12-15 minute), intense exercise sessions builds strength and burns calories, but not fat, so it “feels safe” using fat stores for energy after exercise.
2. Resistance training (using extra weight) helps build lean muscle mass (and strong bones), and muscle burns more calories than fat.
3. If you are obsessing over things like fat grams and not eating a nutritious diet, your body will reserve energy (store fat) to survive.

Realistically:
1. Varying your exercise is the most effective and efficient way to stay lean and healthy. You must do some longer exercise to build cardiovascular endurance, burn lots of calories, and yes, even burn fat during exercise - your body will not click in to “save” mode unless you exercise for long periods of time, regularly and often.
2. You must do resistance training in order to build muscle and strong bones.
3. Nobody wants to exercise more - and we don’t want to train our bodies to need more exercise to stay fit. So exercise efficiently – two short, very intense (relative to your level of fitness) training sessions weekly, like a 15-minute fast run/walk or fast cycling sprint intervals, and two moderately long, moderately intense sessions (30-45 minutes) of strong walking, cycling, or yoga, with one long day (60-90 minutes) of a moderately paced walk/hike. That’s a great five-day/week training schedule.
4. Instead of adding more days to your workout schedule, add a weighted vest to your training. I have said this before, but this is the most efficient way that I know of to build muscle while burning calories. For more information, go to www.walkvest.com.
5. Eat moderately - stop counting fat grams and calories and look at how much food is on your plate! And eat more nutritiously by eating foods that are natural and unprocessed.

Keep it real -
Debbie Rocker

(I know most people that come over my way already know this stuff but I'm writing it down because it helps me to remind myself and I am trying to casually help some friends that are working hard to change their lives.)

Portion sizes are super important, you can be eating the cleanest, most natural, healthy foods and if you are eating too much of them you are not going to lose weight. If that is your aim, then it’s something to really watch. No need to break out the scales and measuring cups however as we have built in tools at no additional cost.
Protein should be in an amount about the size of your flat palm minus fingers and thumb. Palm size varies but is usually a good indication of what portion you should have, for instance: my palm is not the same size as James’, but he needs more fuel than I do.
Carbohydrates should be roughly the size of your closed fist; that equals about a cup. I recommend eating 5-6 small meals a day if possible, and by that I don’t mean 5 chicken fried steaks, I am talking about a portion of protein, portion of carbs and try and make two of your carb portions veggies instead of starches.
Fast Food/Restaurant Eating
Who wants to cook all the time? I get sick of it sometimes, I just want to be waited on and someone else to prepare the food. While this is pretty much guaranteed not to be as good for me (control issues) there are things to watch out for when ordering. Fried takes the “n” out of friend. I have no idea what that means but I think you should avoid it. Covered in cheese is generally not good, but I do not think cheese is the bad guy and should not be eaten. Good quality flavorful cheese makes food TASTY, but it is not necessary to cover up the flavors of what you are eating with a huge layer of it unless the food underneath is not quality itself. Grilled is always going to be better than fried but lots of places still douse it in oil, and we aren’t talking olive. You can ask they go easy on the oil and most places will and there is nothing wrong with saying, “Can I please have a little less heart attack with my vegetables?” Avoid cream sauces, lots of alcohol, and eating multiple slices of bread before you even get your main course. These are some of the main things I had to unlearn because I ADORE great breads and sauces and ahem, The Sauce. Here are some things to get when you just did not/could not plan ahead: Taco Bell has chicken soft tacos that are a good choice without the cheese and sour cream and if that just breaks your heart get it anyway and scrape most of it off. What you probably like is the taste more than a huge clump of dairy products anyway. Wendy’s grilled chicken sandwich is pretty taste and a decent choice, sauce and all and if you throw a piece or two of fruit in your purse/backpack then there you go. McDonald’s grilled chicken sandwich tastes like a rubber boot to me, but that may be just me and I like their $1 menu yogurt parfait though it doesn’t tide me over for long. They may have some decent salads but as I mentioned before, not a big salad eater and if you add the dressing on, croutons etc that they give you, a cheeseburger meal might actually be better for you calorie wise. Iceberg lettuce has little to no nutritional value and that’s what a lot of fast food salads are made of though I can’t speak for Macca’s. Subway has plenty of good choices if you leave the cheese off, or if you really want the cheese LEAVE IT ON and don’t sweat it. If you are really wanting something, just do it unless you realize it’s a daily thing you are doing and not a strong occasional urge.
Which brings me to the idea of dieting/restriction: I do not believe in it. I find it impossible to truly learn a healthy lifestyle if you are basically punishing yourself day in and day out, leading to negative self talk and thinking and self destructive behavior. I thought the loving yourself stuff was a bunch of hooey but it’s not and it is vital to being a whole, healthy, happy person. If you try and eat well the majority of the time and sometimes you just want that chocolate or cheese enchiladas or beer, etc. then have it by all means. But be mindful and enjoy it while you are experiencing the treat. What kind of treat is it if you are mindlessly chewing and swallowing with no pleasure involved? That’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish but I think I’ve talked enough.

The number one thing that makes eating “right” easier is planning and preparation. That sounds scary/boring but it doesn’t have to be, and it makes life so much easier. I have a short attention span and very little patience so if I can prep food for the week at one time I am guaranteed not to be running for the local pizza hut or eating yet another sandwich. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with sandwiches, but for me boring equals danger zone, my taste buds must be surprised and stimulated! They’re quite high maintenance really, and quality of taste and ingredients is sort of what I am trying to focus on at this point. That does not mean I don’t have go-to “meals”, I am not a master chef or really even a good cook in my opinion-but I am a good assembler. Here are a few things I’ve been fixating on lately:
1. The cranberry/walnut/feta salad
2. the chocolate soy strawberry shake
3. Athenos baked pita chips, whole wheat of course
4. 2% cottage cheese, heavy on the lemon-pepper seasoning
5. cereal-I mix ¼ c. Kashi go lean crunch with ¾ c Fiber One, skim milk and fruit like bananas and cranberries, blueberries or strawberries-whatever is on sale
6. grilled vegetables basted with olive oil and granulated garlic
7. fresh fruit and veggies
8. crispbread with chicken/tuna salad
9. Carb Balance wheat tortillas

And now I’ll expand out all of this to make it even more exciting!

Okay 1. I already posted the other day, sometimes I throw in different stuff. I’m out of walnuts so I’m using pecans though I don’t love it as much. I also added my leftover grilled veggies and that’s definitely tasty and filling, and since I was lured into buying Fuji apples at Costco and must now be creative with them I added them to my salad. It was good and yet surprising to me because I am normally anti-fruit in savory salad.
2. is great as post workout or quick breakfast; I make a blender of it (about 2 cups blends up to be about 3) and the frozen strawberries are what give it a shake feel, instead of using ice cubes which make it taste too watery. I then keep it in the fridge and just add fresh strawberries and re-blend for a minute when I want to have another one instead of washing the blender and remaking the shake each time. Obviously I drink them pretty quickly or that would be…gross.
Number 3 was an impulse purchase that I have now bought each weekly shopping trip, I like to dip them into the cottage cheese (#4) eat them with sandwiches, soups, etc.
The cereal combo (#5) makes it a “meal” I eat the most I think, I like the different textures and tastes together, it’s light enough to eat at night and the Kashi Go Lean has a pretty worthy amount of protein so I don’t get hungry for awhile, unlike other cereal.
I grill the veggies(#6) for about ten minutes total until there are grill marks and they’re tender enough, and the crispbread(#8) is something my mom turned me on to as an alternative to bread. At 60 calories for two big pieces you can’t beat the crunch and taste you get. When I make chicken or tuna salad I also do that a bit differently. I use reduced fat mayo, capers, and an Italian seasoning blend and it’s wonderful, either on the crispbread or in the tortillas(#9). I love these tortillas because they are so soft and do not harden when you heat them up a bit, not to mention they taste great.
When I do take the time to make my life easier, I like to have a small selection of meat grilled up (or baked if necessary) like turkey tenderloin (much leaner than pork, not so greasy), chicken (I beat it flat with a meat tenderizer mallet, SO much better) or bake it (I put a small loaf pan with water in the oven at the same time I bake meats to help it not dry out so quickly), or burgers which we make from venison but a mix of lean turkey and beef works well too. If you have your veggies cut up in containers and different meats ready to go it’s not that hard to throw something together.
There’s so much more but I’m tired of working on this.

Current favorite recipes:

Cranberry Feta Salad

Romaine lettuce
Cranberries
walnuts
reduced fat feta (crumbled)
reduced fat Ken's Steakhouse Caesar dressing
cherry tomatoes (optional)
purple onion (optional)

Toss it together, eat. What did you expect? It's a salad. The flavors are awesome together though, definitely does not taste same ol', same ol'.

Chocolate Strawberry Shake



1 cup Silk Chocolate Soy Milk Lite
handful of frozen strawberries
1 scoop vanilla soy protein powder

Blend, drink. What did you expect AGAIN? It's a shake. *grin

Both are delicious and hold me over for hours which is quite a feat. Just thought I would share, I haven't gotten tired of either one of these items yet!

My first time being tagged (on my blog that is), and this meme is from Kada.

1. Grab the nearest book.

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.

5. Tag 5 people.

"I was of the opinion that God wasn't messing around and it was critical to look at the reality of the situation, assess what needed to be done, and then put my efforts into BabySteps. Do you see the difference? I still made a big picture analysis, but because of BabySteps did it without the paralysis of no action."

I don't know five people to tag but if you read this and want to do it, please do and let me know!

Edited to add:The title of the book is "Body Clutter, Love Your Body Love Yourself by Marla Cilley and Leanne Ely.

List of Complaints: Nothing to See Here Folks
The Boy is still sick and it breaks my heart not to mention is very tiring on dear ol' mama. My class is not going well though I am still struggling along and at least I can do the labs properly and the reports that go along with them. It's the lecture exams that are heap big scary. My mother is sick, my dad just got done being sick, and this is the second week that I have not felt well and yet it's an even more unsatisfying limbo-unless I am sick on the bed I feel like I need to suck it up and continue being a work horse super woman, even though truly I need to rest. I AM getting better about that but it's an old habit to break.
I have been doing really well, my weight is creeping downward and the weight I lift is creeping upward but I have been unable to workout since Sunday and this is majorly bumming me out, I'm due for my period and feel horribly depressed, old, and unattractive. I've had a few people recently place my age 5-10 yrs older than I am and I cannot tell you how great that makes me feel. Bleh.
I forced myself to grill some eggplant and red peppers and chicken is roasting in the oven as I type, so at least there is that.
I am just tired of everything at this point and I want a vacation from my life, but only to a better one.
Just a terrible, horrible, very bad no good day.

Our son woke up this morning throwing up and crying and what has followed is an endless cycle of feeling badly myself and running the washer/dryer. We received a letter from the Mother's Day Out program he is in about the rotovirus that two children have been diagnosed with over the weekend. I wanted to get in some cardio today but...yeah that is not going to happen.
I am not throwing up myself but feel weak and dazed and am trying to not start up the eating again like yesterday. I stuffed myself pretty good (read:bad) yesterday and woke up not wanting anything. Missing lecture today is not the way to make it through organic chem but I couldn't help it and sometimes you just have to deal with life and make it through.
Let's see, took a rest day Thursday and was still feeling yicky and tired, Friday I cleaned like a madwoman and know for a fact that it was just as good as a regular cardio session, I was sweating pretty hard trying to get it together before in-laws arrived for the weekend. Then Saturday I got up and worked it on the elliptical outside for 20 minutes and Sunday I attended yoga again with sister-in-law though it was a different instructor and neither one of us liked it as much.
I've started feeling tiny again and I think that is partly to blame for the Day of Eating yesterday and my wayward feelings today. I was upset last night by family bullshit and I don't deal well with that either, I need to get busy with my B0dy Clutter book and try and figure out what is at the root of all my issues with eating and trying to feel good about myself with sabotaging it.

101st post, very cool. I mean to do one of those 100 things in however many days lists, I think it's important to always be striving to do, see, and think more.
I hate tracking things but I think I need to start writing down what weights I'm lifting as it's changed again and I think I may need to examine closer what I'm lifting as pretty much everything has changed to a bit heavier and I'm not remembering as well. If I don't push it each and every time I won't progress as quickly or as completely as I would like.
It is also killing my data loving self to not know for sure how much the bars weight, etc. For my own knowledge and yours if you like this sort of thing (I am looking at what I can do with good form for one set, not what I could do if I was doing a one rep max.):
Shoulder press, sitting: 30-35 lbs. which seems puny but I know is maybe twice what I could do when I started. I also must keep in mind these are free weights and not compare them to weights on resistance machines.
Walking lunges: 34 lbs. This is already a step up but I think I could go up to maybe 40 lbs soonish. (split that into halves for each dumbbell I'm carrying)
Chest Fly, bench: 30lbs + whatever the arms weigh, hard to explain, maybe I will take pictures
Squats, dumbbells: 43 lbs. Just bumped this up and I think I could go up some more since I can do 3 sets plus negative holds for 30secs, though it is challenging.
Bicep curls: 14 lbs.-that seems so puny but when I started with it I couldn't do a full set of ten without doing negatives on this weight and now I can do the ten and then do a 30 sec. negative hold as well, so progress but so slow. Maybe I should mention I have probably already done two sets of pushups at this point and am pretty confident now that I think of it I could do a higher weight on curls if I hadn't already fatigued my arms a good bit.
Calf raises: 58-60lbs. I can lift more than this with my calves but my ARMS have to hold the dumbbells in my home gym and so 60 lbs. for long enough to do a set of 15 rocking lifts with a 30 sec. negative hold at the end is enough. Just raised this from 48-50 lbs.
Tricep extension: 14 lbs, my triceps have come a long way from only being able to work with about 5 lbs way back when. Only make it to 20 sec. on the hold at the end, working on that.
I think that's it...some of this I do two sets but not many. My objective is to work out with the most efficiency, not longevity.
I've pretty much stopped doing deadlifts, still drag that move out sometimes but even though I pay close attention to form there is just so much potential for someone like me working out alone to hurt myself. Squats with a 30 sec hold at the end and walking lunges seems to be doing the trick for the old backside.
I started out my workout today with 5 min warm up on the elliptical trainer and then since it is so beautiful out there I took out my bike after I finished lifting and just rode around the block (about a mile) listening to my iPod and feeling the breeze on my face. Things are going well, slowly knocking out the bloat I ended up with after overeating the last few weeks, perhaps the real fat will start melting off again-I'd like to see the figure that had started emerging before I got sick two times ago. Sigh.

Chinese Friday night, Greek and Chinese take out Saturday, and Mexican food for lunch Sunday-yoga Friday, walking Saturday, and then the feat to top it all: morning yoga at the gym with my lovely SIL.
That's the wrap up of the days since I've been here-thought I should get that out of the way. Sunday and yesterday I felt so ill I did well to walk from the couch to the bed, and even though I'm not 100% today I just took John Reid out for a walk through the neighborhood then worked in the backyard a little bit. My second organic chem test is tomorrow morning and I am not prepared and am fretting like always. I have so much to say but no time for now-have to make myself study.
I'll just tell you about the yoga class Sunday before I go. The class I have taken at the same gym and also my dvd I work from at home are both "power yoga". Quickly moving and a decent cardio workout as well as strength training. The Tuesday night power yoga class usually kicked my tail really well and when I walked up to the classroom Sunday morning and so it was called "yoga stretch" I was dubious. First off a little more background; Saturday night I attended a party for a friend at a smokey bar and did not get to sleep until after 1 and the class was at 9:30. Not that bad you say but I was not feeling so hot that morning so it was a real feat to even show up, let alone do the class. So I see the instructor and I'd had her before as a sub on Tuesday night and remembered I got a great workout from her method. This class was much slower than I am used to and extremely physically challenging. I feel like form was more of a focus and she sure does love the plank pose and we were admonished to be strong and straight during plank, not like a saggy rotten log. Lol. Nice eh?
It was great, would do it again definitely, and now I must be off to study.

I ate a lot last night, a lot of sodium and large portions. I'm not going to feel badly about it thought, it was special and my Hubby made us dinner, the same meal in fact he made for me our first Valentine's. It's been extremely cold for Texas (in the 20s) and working out in the garage just has not been an option. Call me a wuss, I don't care-I am not working out when the bones in my hands hurt from the temperature. However, I will be hitting the gym if this continues, I have an indoor workout option, it's just not nearly as convenient. I would try out the gym's daycare today if John Reid was not sick, he woke up yesterday sneezing, coughing, and impersonating a snot faucet. I am experiencing some of the same (except the cough) but it's not getting me down because I am not letting it. So there germs!
This Sunday I am attending a yoga class with my SIL at 9:30 am. The fact that I am also attending a friend's blow out birthday party at a club/restaurant the night before is not going to slow me down, I am sort of "over" staying up late and drinking. I'd rather remain sober, be able to drive home instead of wasting money on a cab, get to bed at a decent time, and be able to get up and bless my spirit with someone I love. Take that preconceived notion of fun!
Where did everyone go? I miss having something to read when I should be doing other things. *smile

Friday and Saturday were elliptical days, Saturday our son hit his dad's garage door remote on his keys and when it started coming up with no warning and its loud screechyness I about fell off the machine and screamed like a total weinie. Sunday was my mother's birthday and even though I had gone out to eat the previous two nights I had to eat Italian take out that night and while delicious, was not a smart choice. However, I think the other nights were good choices and I ended up maintaining over the weekend somehow so that must mean ye olde scale had dropped a bit. No worries, at this point I'm truly in a place where the scale is merely a tool, albeit a faulty one, and so I am not feeling bad/good about any numbers. If it becomes a mental pitfall I will once again avoid weighing but I don't see it happening. Working on loving myself, imperfect or no, has removed a lot of things.
Yesterday I fit a lifting session in between dropping the Boy off and driving to school. I upped my weights on chest flyes, squats, calf raises, and triceps extensions. I need to up it on the lunges as well and I was able to complete a set of curls with no negative reps needed on either arm, something I've been working towards. I came inside and laid on the floor, legs point straight up and shoulders/head raised as well, like a curled up sort of position that killed my abs-held that for a slow count of thirty and then did plank for...hmm I think thirty (the cat came up and decided to decorate my face with her tail fur while I was trying to concentrate).
Eating is sensible and unmeasured, I've had a hard time getting back to the great place I had arrived with food after eating that Italian food, its like it set off a chain reaction of munchy days-that should tell us something about so-called "bad" food. High fat/calorie/grease/salt food sets off negative behavior for me, but the good news is: this too shall pass.
A shake of cinnamon in your coffee grounds before brewing really livens up a cup of joe, I'm just sayin'.

The day after a weight training workout I take a rest day, but this time I thought we were going to have visitors this weekend, and so I cleaned quite a bit and fell in to bed exhausted.
Friday morning I rolled out of bed, extremely groggy, took the Boy to school, ran home with no minutes to spare and hopped on the elliptical for a gut busting workout. Showered and dressed I had no time to eat or I would be late for school, so I popped some oatmeal with strawberries and egg whites in the micro. That may sound gross but its actually quite good, tastes like an oatmeal bar because you don't taste the whites, just get some protein. You don't taste them if you don't nuke the bejeezus out of it until it explodes. Sigh.
So kinda nast but I ate it anyway when I stopped at red lights and it was fine, not every meal has to be a culinary masterpiece.
Which brings me to last night's dinner. (Nice segue eh?) We went back to the local seafood place that we've been to twice before. The first time we went I ordered a grilled platter and really enjoyed it. They make this bread that is divine with a crystallized sugar on top that sounds strange in a dinner bread but is so great! We devoured that bread in a few moments just between the two of us. We also usually get the calamari, which as you know is fried with a fatty sauce. I've realized that even though I like the taste it makes me sick later, heartburn, etc. The second time I wanted their french fries for some reason, and I did something really stupid-I ordered a fried platter. I was sick as a dog before we even left the premises, why did I think I would like it? It tasted gross to me and I felt awful the rest of the night.
So, this time I ordered one of their specialties, cajun pineapple tillapia-a spiced fillet with a pineapple salsa over it that was great and a good choice at the same time. No appetizer, only a few small slices of that delish bread, one glass of wine that I didn't finish, and even though I ordered the baked potato as my second side I tried it, didn't think it was that good and left it. I am working on quality not quantity.
There's a great show on Food network with Giada from the everyday italian show-she goes to different cities and shows you places to explore and of course, eat. I love it! I notice she tries all kinds of gorgeous foods, doesn't worry about calorie count, but she truly enjoys each bite and is in the moment. I am tired of living life, and especially eating on auto pilot.
The future looks so rosy.

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm feeling a lot better today-probably at 90%. Yesterday I decided to just act "as if" and despite the nausea walked a brisk 1.3 miles in about 18 minutes. That's pretty damn good pushing a stroller coming off of being sick. Calories burned: 190, asses kicked: 1.
Had to run to lab last night during another class's time to re-weigh the sample I had to turn in with my report. It's a good thing I did since it was waaaay off and would have really brought my grade down. I felt so sick before I left I wasn't sure what to do but did it anyway and took care of business. School is stressing me out big time and I know the lack of exercise lately is partially to thank for that. Which brings me to my next thought...
This new way of life I'm building, free from dieting and unnatural behavior, only works if I move my body regularly. Ta da! Epiphany free of charge!
When you are restricting calories, missing workouts slows down progress but it doesn't completely toss it out, or at least not for me. Trying to intuitively eat, listening to my body, but yet still trying to become the best version of me only works with regular intense exercise. I think if I was just looking to maintain my weight I could let it slide more often but really, doesn't that defeat the whole point here? My goal is to instinctively choose food that is good for my body and to intentionally move around each day as part of what is normal to me, not forced. Resting at least two days a week is also part of my plan and it has made a huge difference.
Being a nutrition major means I strongly believe in choosing the best possible fuel for my body and mind. I do not believe in uneducated intuitive eating, but I do not believe what I mean by that would be truly intuitive eating anyway. The whole idea behind it is to be in tune with your body and to truly listen and if you are still steadily making poor choices that hurt your well being, than perhaps you aren't quite there yet. I also believe that the dieting I have participated in the last few years ended up being mentally destructive, and to a degree physically, and yet I learned so much about what I need to feed myself and a strong desire to educate myself further and to help others was born. So all in all, not a wash and I am happy and proud that I'm breaking out of the highly self-critical self esteen busting lifestyle I had slipped into-mainly through Weight W@tchers. On the other hand I don't think it is evil, or bad for everyone, but the mentality of the scale mattering so much and my self worth hinging on what number flashed up that day was not healthy for me.
I'm still figuring things out, but as of yesterday I'm back in business. Today I fit in a tremendous lifting session and feel good about what I accomplished. I need to focus on that instead of how large my abdomen is today, it's swollen out 3-4 inches bigger than normal and I have no idea what is going on-not making me feel good about myself though. Writing this helped me to see what I need to be looking at instead of examining myself in the mirror.
To clarify about the drinking: my bad influence friend and her husband were our drinking buddies and we'd put away a case each on a bad/good night. When I woke up and stopped basically killing myself with food and alcohol I am sure it threw her for a loop. Socially drinking is fine with me, just when I have a headache or just flat out don't want to drink, she needs to accept that and stop harping on about why I am not being "part of" things.

When I feel bad my habits are complete rubbish. I realize I'm from Texas but rubbish is the perfect descriptor here. I thought I felt badly yesterday from the not so stellar performance the night before but halfway through the SuperBowl party at the same infamously influential friend's house I needed to go home, RIGHT THEN. Sore throat, sour stomach, major lethargy, felt like I was sinking. I did eat like crap at the party, but not nearly as badly as I might have in the past. Luckily this mystery illness causes my stomach to feel full immediately, with unfortunate distended bloating and other nasty unmentionables. Anyway, sick yet again, feel like crap, and everything is derailed for the moment, but I'm not diving head first into food my body doesn't actually want, so that's a start right?

Kada, thanks for the support, I really appreciate it!
LME, this particular friend doesn't understand that some people don't actually want to drink constantly and does actually act strangely towards me when I refuse. However, I do refuse when I am not feeling it and she can just deal with it if it bothers her. It has affected us though and I don't hang out with her nearly as much as I did when WE both drank a lot with her and her husband. Thanks for the get well wishes, and I think I will actually ask her flat out next time why she is so terribly interested in what I drink.

Friday I hit the weights hard and yesterday morning I definitely was feeling it. Disappointingly more in my upper body than lower but there was soreness there, just not as much. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to make progress on my upper body but I like to know that I successfully kicked my own ass (literally) since the major muscle groups burn more calories and build up more as well. I also had an excellent eating day, got plenty of veggies and I know I kept it at a healthy level just by making good choices.
Then we get to yesterday. No workout for me as it was my recovery day from lifting. I have been purposefully setting the following day as a rest day this go round and it has given me much better results and is better for me mentally as well. Husband wanted to go to the Dallas b0at show, for something to do out of the house and also to get an idea if it is even feasible in a few years to have one. I made a nice little breakfast for myself and then packed some kash! g0 lean cereal, cranberries, and yogurt covered raisins in a baggie to munch if I got hungry. Well I ate that in the car on the way there, which is fine, but then when we left I needed to pee because I opted not to do so there like a dummie and so being in downtown there were not a lot of options besides restaurants. We have a late "lunch" even though neither one of us was truly hungry enough for it, and boy did I overeat. To give myself some credit though, I drank several large glasses of water there and my meal was blackened fish tacos and I did not eat much of my rice or charro beans. I did well on my choice, just not on the portion at all.
Last night we had a fight night party at a friend's house, so after dropping the Boy off we headed over there at 8 and I was finally hungry again. Instead of getting into an argument about requesting something "healthier" to eat and then eating something bad on top of it, I just agreed to pizza and started drinking my red wine. Red wine on an empty tummy, Husband did not order the food right away, so it was 10 before I ate anything. I did only eat 2 pieces which was a major deal for me since it's always been a trigger food. The problem I am working up to is a proceeded to drink almost the whole bottle of red, plus had a jello shot which I did not really want/need, then after our friend dropped us home I had another beer! I had reached that point of thinking I needed to keep drinking even though I reeeeeallly did not. Now keep in mind this was over a 7 hr period, but still!
So I feel like total ass right now, mainly due to empty tummy since I have been downing a great amount of water and don't feel dehydrated. I am a weirdo that cannot sleep after drinking too much and so I only got 4 hrs and could not toss and turn anymore listening to various bodily functions on the other side of the bed. Beer makes you somewhat of a musical instrument apparently.
I will not continue on a destructive streak today, and I am saying right now: there will be no drinking tonight for moi, super bowl be damned. The group is getting together again that was together last night and it's at my friend's house that is a bad influence for me with both food and drink. She's fun, we talk 90 miles an hr, but I tend to make bad choices just being around her. Not tonight!

Gah! Had to oust that last pity party post but no time to write at the moment. I'm holding out that the Boy will take a nap and I can go fling metal around for oh, about 45 minutes.
If you like chocolate covered strawberries, get thee to a Dairy Queen, that's all I'll say about that. I don't even know if there ARE Dairy Queens outside of this area and maybe the surrounding states.
For the curious, no workouts since Saturday, BOO.