Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm feeling a lot better today-probably at 90%. Yesterday I decided to just act "as if" and despite the nausea walked a brisk 1.3 miles in about 18 minutes. That's pretty damn good pushing a stroller coming off of being sick. Calories burned: 190, asses kicked: 1.
Had to run to lab last night during another class's time to re-weigh the sample I had to turn in with my report. It's a good thing I did since it was waaaay off and would have really brought my grade down. I felt so sick before I left I wasn't sure what to do but did it anyway and took care of business. School is stressing me out big time and I know the lack of exercise lately is partially to thank for that. Which brings me to my next thought...
This new way of life I'm building, free from dieting and unnatural behavior, only works if I move my body regularly. Ta da! Epiphany free of charge!
When you are restricting calories, missing workouts slows down progress but it doesn't completely toss it out, or at least not for me. Trying to intuitively eat, listening to my body, but yet still trying to become the best version of me only works with regular intense exercise. I think if I was just looking to maintain my weight I could let it slide more often but really, doesn't that defeat the whole point here? My goal is to instinctively choose food that is good for my body and to intentionally move around each day as part of what is normal to me, not forced. Resting at least two days a week is also part of my plan and it has made a huge difference.
Being a nutrition major means I strongly believe in choosing the best possible fuel for my body and mind. I do not believe in uneducated intuitive eating, but I do not believe what I mean by that would be truly intuitive eating anyway. The whole idea behind it is to be in tune with your body and to truly listen and if you are still steadily making poor choices that hurt your well being, than perhaps you aren't quite there yet. I also believe that the dieting I have participated in the last few years ended up being mentally destructive, and to a degree physically, and yet I learned so much about what I need to feed myself and a strong desire to educate myself further and to help others was born. So all in all, not a wash and I am happy and proud that I'm breaking out of the highly self-critical self esteen busting lifestyle I had slipped into-mainly through Weight W@tchers. On the other hand I don't think it is evil, or bad for everyone, but the mentality of the scale mattering so much and my self worth hinging on what number flashed up that day was not healthy for me.
I'm still figuring things out, but as of yesterday I'm back in business. Today I fit in a tremendous lifting session and feel good about what I accomplished. I need to focus on that instead of how large my abdomen is today, it's swollen out 3-4 inches bigger than normal and I have no idea what is going on-not making me feel good about myself though. Writing this helped me to see what I need to be looking at instead of examining myself in the mirror.
To clarify about the drinking: my bad influence friend and her husband were our drinking buddies and we'd put away a case each on a bad/good night. When I woke up and stopped basically killing myself with food and alcohol I am sure it threw her for a loop. Socially drinking is fine with me, just when I have a headache or just flat out don't want to drink, she needs to accept that and stop harping on about why I am not being "part of" things.

2 comments:

metamorphose said...

Yeah your friend needs to be more considerate of your own drinking desires, and not be so pushy about it.

Nutrition is such an interesting science -I considered it as a major once.

I hope to get in a tremendous lifting session myself sometime next week.

I hope your tummy goes back to normal soon -that would be frustrating.

Erin said...

Meta,
Even when I was pregnant this friend would harrass me about drinking! Hello?
I'm frantically filling out applications for the tail end of my nutrition degree, very excited about that. Lifting hands down gets me the most results and it doesn't hurt to feel like She-Rah. Also, tummy is back down to normal and I dropped 3 lbs in a day and a half, not to mention other distressing gastric things have ceased. Apparently my body did not like the casserole MIL gave us.