No worries, I'm not permanently going anywhere, just hard to write when your head is all muddled. I've always hated trying to recount things after they've already happened, it never comes out right for me.
Here are some things happening though: I am tired of faffing about with this body fat I've been trying to dislodge for several years now. In my mind, I do everything correctly but upon closer examination, well that is bullshit. I will do everything "right" for a few days or even a week, then get thrown off track, and start over...and over...and over. Admittedly I am much fitter and more knowledgeable but I am not where I want to be and I am not going to be if I flit around all willy nilly like I have been. I now know that I can live like a "normal" person quite well, I've worked through a lot of issues (that I created through bad dieter behavior I might add) and am ready to finish the job and get on with it. If I am honest about my goals I have not reached them and am not satisfied with saying, "ah well, it's good enough."
So what's next? Drastic measures no, but consistency yes, and 100% effort, yes. I have told myself that I was doing that but it is just not so. I am capable of doing amazing things if I set my mind to it, and so I have.
Weight training is my favorite workout because of how it makes me feel and yes, also because of how it makes me look. I feel strong, powerful, tough after I lift heavy, especially when I am steadily increasing the amounts (the only way to go in my opinion and experience.) An old favorite of mine is, "Do cardio to look good in your clothes and lift weights to look good naked." Ha! Okay but it's true. If naked isn't your thing then think about bathing suits or let's just focus on the huge one of feeling strong, powerful, in control.
I've had great success doing a full body, hardcore workout once a week. I have increased weight amount pretty much each time (so I know I am making gains in muscle and stability) and I'm trying new lifts and learning all the time. Last week I decided two full body workouts would be better, based off things I was reading (always a pitfall for me, I read a LOT of fitness/nutrition info and tend to take on what makes sense to me, regardless of whether I NEED to change what I am doing). Well two workouts was not a good idea, I was not mentally rested enough to be pumped to do it (very important for me) and the next day I was hardly sore, except for in my lower back. DANGER DANGER Will Robinson, that is NOT where I need to be sore, especially when I didn't really experience any soreness elsewhere. On the plus side I did have soreness in my pecs which has been missing, I definitely need to increase the weight on flyes. That was really the only bonus I got from that extra workout. Lesson learned: if it is not broken, don't fix it. I reserve the right to change my workout plan when it becomes apparent that I need to, my body does adjust pretty well to what I ask of it, but that is another beauty to weight lifting! Increasing the weight challenges your body anew each time and trying different lifts is fun and effective.
I will be focusing on making cardio fun and hitting my weekly lifting HARD. Cardio is my most hated activity but I love getting better at it and it does make me feel good, and let's not forget the fat burning benefit of intervals.
Eating is being reigned in, I will be tracking it (though not cals at this point) and cutting this bodyfat for good. I've been kidding myself for a long time and after recently being very frustrated and getting my feelings hurt (not worth going into right now)I know what I need to and I am excited to do it. To each their own, this is not something to drag me down, and after making this decision and starting to act on it already, I feel better than I have in a long, long time. I do a lot of thinking about things basically and so I feel exhausted like I have been working really hard and yet I don't get results. See what I happens? I get the mental fatigue but don't bring the action so I feel cheated because where the hell are my results damnit!!??
Time to take action.
I'll be updating daily and making an effort to increase my commenting on other pages. I do read almost daily but several of you guys I have to open IE to comment and for some reason that deters me. Yet again part of the thinking and not taking action thing.
Wish me luck, this time is the last time I start over.