Monday, September 11, 2006

Sheepish. Trying not to negative self talk. Infinitely wiser.

I can now mark cheese fries, margaritas, and chili burgers from Snuff3r's off my list of former favorites. After sticking to my guns all weekend and even bringing nutritious snacks to the zoo today and not caving in and buying something horribly void though pleasing to my olfactory senses, I went searching for the comfort calorie. You see, we started fighting again this morning, in earnest-loud, real, scary, this isn't working out type fighting. There's been a lot of crying (on my part) and I just wanted to feel like I used to with him-the place we went is by the lake and was one of our favorite places in "the old days", even though at that time it was called a different name and had different food. It didn't work but at least we are doing much better. We've talked many different times about marriage counseling and this time I am not going to let us forget.
I ended up eating maybe three bites of my burger, only one of those containing meat because I did not like it whatsoever, and I didn't fall into a vat of ranch this time, just had one of those little plastic tub containers and so I would have been okay if I had not proceeded to try and get drunk. (Hubby only had a few beers so that one of us would be responsible, it's a rule.) I never did get drunk really, just consumed a bunch of empty calories and am now up at 3 am with a headache, feeling dehydrated. I was dreaming that I was at the store and was excited about all of the healthy food I was buying, and people from my previous lifetime (pre hubby, baby, etc.) were there judging what I was getting and were sneering and loudly announcing the nasty fried/packaged things they were there to get. Strange. Then I guess I was a man, or I was watching a guy, and he was really into running and was lifting weights at a gym and drinking a ton of water and when people gave him crap about it he just explained how wonderful it made him feel and he just smiled and kept going.
I'm picking myself up off the ground and not going to wallow in the fact that I fell down, so soon after my enthusiastic reawakening. This is a bump in the road, not a full detour, and definitely not a derailment. I also cheated and looked at the scale this morning like an idiot because I felt so good. Of course I promptly saw a number I wasn't expecting and was disappointed and came down a few notches. Exactly why I instituted the damn scale rule in the first place.
Let's strike today from the record, except for the zoo part, that was great and really good exercise to boot. At least I am accomplishing my exercise goals, the food will come along, it's usually my strong point and getting consistent movement is the problem.

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