Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Quicksand sucked at my feet, I could feel the initial descent into a loss of motivation to workout, the beginning of The Excuses. "It's too cold, I'm tired, I have no time, I'm sore, I'm depressed..." it goes on this way and I can think of just about any justification though inside no one is fooled.
Sitting on the couch last night with this laptop in my UH LAP (duh) the violence and noise coming from the Husband's favorite show started really irritating me and I jumped up, marched back to our room, and suited up to go lift some heavy metal objects in the garage. Thinking about this now, yes the show irritated me but was I perhaps also internally fed up with my excuses?
As soon as I stepped outside (into the garage) just how DAMN COLD it was hit me and I wanted to turn around but I decided to hop on the elliptical instead and try to get warmed up. It is not that easy to balance on the darn thing and pull your hands inside your sleeves at the same time. STILL COLD, but my five minute warm up was accomplished and I headed to the bench to begin my shoulder press-as soon as I touched the bar I knew my hands were going to get too cold to hold the heavy weights long enough and popped back in to ask for gloves from Husband. He located a thin pair of hunting gloves he actually bought for me (though I don't go with him regularly, not my thing) and my hands were still freezing but I got through the entire workout and yes, I hate to admit it but wearing gloves DID help controlling the heavier dumbbells. I've been against gloves because my hero (Krista) said it defeats the purpose of building your grip, which makes sense but wow did it go more smoothly.
I felt like a giant when I finished up, the squat sets made me feel like puking so I consider it a success. Just starting to get sore, usually I workout towards the morning and the next day when I wake I am in agony but there's about a ten hr delay since this was a night workout. It's starting to set in, and maybe I'm strange but I like it-a tangible reminder that I did well.
Woke up this morning early to go back to school and as soon as I stepped into the bathroom and looked at my belly in the glaring light I felt squishy and fat again and out of control and maybe I should weigh or measure? and maybe I should go back to points and calorie restricting...just for a little while? NO! God, when am I going to stop it? I am in good shape and getting better and the goal is to build muscle not to disappear. I thought about it all through my shower but when I stepped out I gave myself the hairy eyeball and mentally slapped myself back to reality. Stop putting yourself down, stop criticizing, you are not overweight anymore and even if you were there is no reason to be so mean to yourself. I had not realized how often I thought dummy or dumbass or you name it until just recently. I ignored all the "love yourself" talk, certain it wasn't for me and that I didn't do that. Surprise, surprise.
After I dressed and walked into the kitchen to make coffee I saw the snow outside and sure enough, checking my school's website showed cancelled classes for me and the local ISD too, so no school for junior. He is napping and I could be on the elliptical right now but it is really cold after all, and I should rest after lifting, and I hear there might be solar flares, and it's not the right moon cycle...

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