Tuesday, June 17, 2008

After posting Friday and then going in to start yoga in our bedroom I received the news that my grandmother was taken to the hosptial and my mother had jumped in the car and sped up there that morning. All I knew is she would not wake up and her boyfriend was scared and called my mom to ask what to do. I found out later initial impressions were CHF (congestive heart failure). My mind immediately raced through what would happen as I am quite familiar with CHF, most of my patients have it in the hospitals. The fluid must be managed through diet, some type of drug therapy, and sometimes a fluid restriction. My mom tells me, "You were right, they put her on a 2 gm sodium diet" and for a brief instant I felt angry but I knew that had no place in the situation. Why the hell am I going through all of this heart ache and stress to get this degree if my own family does not believe I know what I am talking about? Same thing when she was going through chemo and needed to restrict sodium and numerous other people close to me-no one listens and no one seems to credit me with being the expert, which despite my seemingly constant need to down play my achievements, I am. Like I said, brief instant, mainly I was just overwrought about my grandma, the loveliest soul I've ever met and a big influence on my life.
My mom stayed up there over night and came home at noon Saturday-they believe it was secondary to the meds she was on (something else I suggested) and not actually her heart, in other words not a primary case so something that can be treated a lot easier. Very relieved.
Ate like crap all weekend and then yesterday ate fairly well and did an hr of yoga again so I am sore all over today. Diet mentality was taking hold again so I surrender and know that I have to make IE work for me, I have no other choice. My other choices are compulsive over eating or dieting, both of which drive me nuts. Oddly enough they both go hand in hand as well.
Cooked a meatless dish for dinner last night and Husband ate it with no complaint and said it was good. It is almost vegan except for the feta cheese but I bet you could sub out some nice chopped olives for the cheese to retain the briney salty flavor. I'll post it later when I feel better, right now I have a pounding headache and just want a cup of coffee and the couch. Hate feeling like a slug, I got so much accomplished yesterday. Hurumph.


Kada said...

Hey that's not being a slug. That's taking some personal time on the couch to recharge your mental and emotional batteries.

And the reasons why they don't believe you? They can't help it. They still see the little girl running around in pig tails.

My Uncle said to me on the day of my wedding. "I still remember the little slip of a thing who used to run around with skinned knees." Even though they logically know you're an adult, they're still Older than you and think they know better. Plus Doctor = God, remember.
It's nothing to do with you, it's all about their memories and the way that see you.
Is fascinating/sad to watch my mother become her mother's mother and rock of reassurance as Nan's becoming older and less certain about lots of things.

{Hugs} Glad your Gran's getting the help she needs. Mine had heart pain over the whole weekend. Didn't tell Mum and Dad about it till she went back home on Sunday night. Sheesh! (Mum made her call an ambulance and she spent overnight in hospital.)

G.G. said...

So sorry your grandma's been sick, and I hope she gets better very soon. I'm glad the CHF is of the easier to treat variety.

I agree w/ everything kada said, plus I think people have a difficult time really understanding the impact that the simplist food & diet-related actions can have, like the salt issue, until they have to face a real problem and see the consequences for themselves.

I know it's hard to think this, but don't beat yourself up about the food slips when you're stressed out like this. Just think about what will help you feel better (easier said than done, I know).

Sending you very positive thoughts through the ethosphere . . . .

M@rla said...

So sorry about your grandmother! Glad to hear the news is not as bad as it seemed at first.

Remember: "No man is a prophet in his own land." It's annoying, but it's a common experience, it's not something you've done/not done. WE know you rock!