Thursday night it took me a long time to go to sleep due to weird all over body aches including my scalp. If you are familiar with the flu and its general crappiness, it felt like that. My hips hurt especially and so I chalked it up possibly to doing yoga bright and early that morning, which by the way was pathetic and I could hardly do any of it so the soreness puzzled me. Finally got to sleep, got up late Friday morning skipping my planned workout and then went BACK to bed for several more hrs only to get up feeling 10 x worse. I womanfully pulled it together and went to biochem, feeling like I was on acid or something, so disoriented and just...off and hurty. I think in a twisted part of my mind I thought if I could struggle through class and driving in traffic I could go to our friend's surprise 40th birthday, when I would stay home sick from school our mom never let me do anything fun and this has carried over I think. So I leave school, fight Friday afternoon traffic (always early because people with downtown jobs make rush hr start at 3 on Fridays) and make it to the grocery store. Our bubby was out of fishes (goldfish crackers, rainbow colored so I remember to not eat them all) and I wanted to get some Tinactin to try on his leg ouchies at my brother's suggestion. It was ROUGH just walking in and then trying to make it through the grocery store, people were staring at me so either I looked hot or my pitifulness was glaringly apparent. Since I spoke with a poor me wobbly voice when asked if I needed help, I am going with the latter. Husband calls to say he picked up our bubby early and THEY are at the store by our house. At this point I abandoned the cart in the aisle, bought my two items in the self checkout and went home. After flopping on the couch for about 20 minutes it was time to leave for the birthday party and I did it. Maybe that was stupid but I really wanted to go, and we did, and we had a good time. The surprise actually happened (hard with this individual) and the food was excellent. I felt extremely sick after leaving though, while we drove up and down I-30 while my crazy husband looked for his cell phone. Yes, me feeling deathly ill, sitting with our child in the car on the side of I-30 as cars roared past shaking us to and fro. Apparently the phone was left on top of the car when we left the house eariler and the thump we heard that I questioned was the phone going to the big cellular store in the sky.
Going to sleep was horrific, I was NO FUN to be around and miserable and big time hurty but finally passed out and slept all night. I dreamed that we tore up the flooring in this house and were putting bamboo in and then for some reason the front yard and driveway were the ones at Raintree Circle (our parents' home growing up) and there were spider webs everywhere. end tangent.
No weird achiness today, never had a fever that I know of, but I still feel really nauseous and tired though I can't sleep. I tried to take a nap but got up to sit miserably on the couch.
So, recap of last week:
Halfass did some yoga stretches and ran slowly around the house with our son, then walked a LOT that afternoon at the botanical gardens. Monday walked about 14 flights of stairs and about a mile and a half, Tuesday was on my feet for about 3 hrs touring the Sara Lee plant and did a tiny amount of pilates that night, Wednesday I did shoulders and arms and 20 minutes elliptical intervals and Thursday I did 45 minutes power yoga. Got massively ill and nothing since then and it is bugging me. I was really feeling good about my activity. I also have a lot of thoughts building up about weight, and activity, and natural body setpoints relevant to your environment but I am too BLAH to write it out. I wish I could just dictate to someone-I'd blog everyday if I could.

Has it been two weeks already? Harumph. I guess I quit posting due to depression brought on by M@rla taking a vacation from blogging! *wink

I just spent ten minutes, at least, searching the house for my lone pencil (must buy more) so I could try and get caught up on nutrition calculations we're working on tomorrow. It was requested that we track our food for three days, one weekend day included, and then do calculations on the most typical day of the three. Along with that we had to take a dietary history of a classmate and then we're going to enter it into Nutribase, which is as you can imagine, a database program like fitday or sparkpeople but for us professional types. I personally like sparkpeople better, less KLUGEY (sidenote: the first time a boss used the word klugey I wanted to laugh in his face because he was obviously trying to sound MORE SMARTER).
So pencil is found and I'll work on this for a bit but not TOO long because I must get in bed real early like. And here is why, and possibly why I have continued to be quiet again:
I am trying yet again and hopefully successfully this time, to stop talking about doing so much and to make with the actual doing. I like to think the hell out of concepts and ideas and then I seem to fall short on the actual action. Oh sure, I fling myself about like a deranged dragonfly for awhile, decide it is NOT WORKING even without sufficient time and effort and then flit on to something else. I do keep trying though, all the damn time, and so rather than berating myself for not being hardcore enough, I think I need to realize and put into action the principle that I am sedentary most of each day, not by choice mind you-see:sitting on ass at school and then hrs of studying. So I go from being sedentary quite often, to thinking I should be able to walk five miles a day and do full body Olympic weight lifting workouts and on and on and on...yes I can do these things, but how bout working on consistency first? Hm?
I don't fall off the "wagon" often nutritionally, I know what to eat, how much to eat, and ways to make it yummy. I do fall by the wayside quite often on workouts due to time constraints, energy levels, etc. This does not have to be that way, but I need to focus less on micromanaging my food intake and more on getting consistent, worthwhile movement. Worthwhile defined as I actually like doing it or it makes me feel good during/right after.
I've started on a split schedule again after a long time of full body, today I did shoulders and arms. Yes I am aware that everything is linked, you can't truly isolate, blah blah blah. Believe me, I've read a LOT of info and tried out many methods and I feel like a change. So next will be lower body and then a chest/back day, but in the morning? An hour of power yoga, I miss it mentally and my body definitely misses it too. Also, power yoga should not be discounted for strength training either, I found when I threw it in the mix with regular heavy lifting everything improved, including my cardio endurance.
I hope I don't screw it up now that I talked about it.

I'm up ridiculously early in order to do last minute studying for a big exam today. So, obviously I am wasting the precious slumber I sacrificed if I sit here too long but I wanted to update a bit. I'll be making the rounds (reading/commenting) this afternoon more than likely, once the pressure is off about this test.
Hit the gym at school in between classes yesterday and knocked out 30 minutes of cardio. Felt ravenously hungry most of the rest of the day and my internal thermometer was all out of whack, I felt like it was 90 degrees inside when it was only 75, I just wanted to climb out of my skin.
This morning I finally look a bit leaner again and I can actually feel my triceps. I just went through such a weird bloated time that I of course started freaking out that nothing I am doing was working. It does happen damnit! I've witnessed it in blogland, so there.
Three workouts in four days and tomorrow will be 4 workouts in five days. I'm earning sparkpoints rapidly, now if I just had an Internet program that encouraged me to study. Oh wait, that's what I need to do to GET A JOB EVENTUALLY.

Holy smokes am I tired and ...I started to say sore but it's not soreness, it's muscle exhaustion. My arms feel heavy and my neck is extremely tight and hard to move so I can look downward.
I skipped my lifting session scheduled for yesterday, but never fear, I did it today! I also combined in cardio work so basically I got two workouts in one day. Am very proud of that but let's hope I can put my toddler in the car.
Must go run over to get him, but I wanted to pop on-I had the munchies big time yesterday and just kept eating and eating. Woke up today convinced that I had made myself sloppy and bloated from doing that and even argued internally when I felt slim in my yoga pants. "Self, there is no way you actually look slim to other people, think of that 100 calorie pop corn and the peanut butter and the apple muffins..."
Well shut the hell up stupid voice, I did much better on my negative pushups, lowered myself down to the floor, straight as a board, without even straining-but I think I had already toasted my shoulders 'cause I couldn't do that many at all even though my chest muscles felt like they were raring to go. I'm going to work on that tomorrow or Thursday by themselves.
Anyway, probably not making sense since I am hurrying to get out the door. More later, Fall has arrived! Woo Hoo!

Interestingly enough, MSG was something we briefly talked over in my intro to Medications course which focuses on food and drug interactions. It was at the top of the list for things people have severe allergic reactions to, followed closely by sulfites (wine additive) which at one point was added to fresh vegetables but so many people went into allergic shock that the practice was chunked.
Anyway, more things to comment on and I appreciate the commenting, makes me feel loved not to mention gives me things to think about-sorry I've been MIA on YOUR blogs, I am reading just not much time to be on the 'net anymore.
Speaking of, gotta go but we are staying at the Gaylord Texan tonight and treating ourselves at their gourmet restaurants. I think I'm going to order the vegetable platter which may sound boring but OMG, I need to learn how to cook veggies at home the way they do, I remember last time we were there I decided that it what I would get next time because it was all so delicious and I liked them better than my entree. We're having main at one place and then going for dessert at the steakhouse, they have a chocolate souflee I am keen on. Speaking of fancy food, I'm going to be working and participating at two cooking classes at school: holiday chocolates and creme puffs/crepes. So excited! Of course I will share what I learn.
Workouts: Did not get to the gym Wednesday, tried to study instead which was waylaid by some ignorant ass people that would not quit griping about us studying. Lesson learned, I would have been better off in a closed off room or actually going to the gym instead. I did workout here at night though, another lifting session, but nothing since then. So Sunday night: lifting and swimming, Monday: swimming, Tuesday :cardio 45 minutes, Wednesday: lifting. Not as bad as I thought but not enough to get lean. Bah. I am looking so puffy, you can't even see my triceps really which is pissing me off. I also must keep in mind my lady stuff is about to descend any day so that is probably the culprit but I resent being limited by hormones.
PS If I read one more time that Jessica Simpson is "too big, gross, icky" etc because she actually is getting pretty ripped, my head will explode. Stop the stupidity people! The only reason people think muscle is too masculine is women have been put in the weak role by not only men but other women. Stop it.
PPS Still keeping up my sparkpeople streak!

I hereby declare, I shall never eat fried Chinese takeout covered in a sweet cornstarchy sauce, unless I have a deep dislike for myself. I don't even like it anymore and yet I got roped into having it because that is what our family wanted and we were at their place. After seeing that my measly portion had over a thousand calories in it, not counting the rice of egg roll, I say HELL NO. Never again. If I do ever want that I will make my own healthier version at home. Besides, I got GRISTLED by the chicken. If I bite down on a rubbery nasty bite it just ruins it for me.
I did swim some yesterday after lifting weights on Monday so at least I had SOME activity in, and yet I doubt it was enough to counteract that damage. And damage it is, if you don't even enjoy it, I am not trying to be all eating disordered on your ass, just negative. Ha! I feel like I need a disclaimer there: not making fun of actual eating disorders or the people that have them, I was really close myself and traipsed back and forth over the line many times. I associate calling food bad or good or talking about "damage" as eating disorderly type talk-yet it can also have a more valid meaning. If you put fuel into your body that is harmful to it, like massive amounts of salt or alcohol, etc. that IS damange. Anyway, onward.
Ipod is dead and yet I hit the gym again today, after walking uphill for 7 minutes to get there, climbing lots of stairs etc. I did thirty minutes and then had to book it up and down the stairs again and out to the car. Good amount of activity but then I ate a hot dog at dinner in addition to my burger. None of this was fast food and it was yummy and yet maybe I did not need all that. I was truly hungry though so no regrets.
This has dissolved into a food count. Point is, work out=good, food=decently good sparkpeople streak=good.
Speaking of the streak, I just "leveled up" to the bigger trophy which is cool and yet kinda sucky cause I am back down at the bottom of working towards the next one. Now that I am tracking food though it should fly by, maybe I should continue until next trophy?
Plan on adding in a second lifting session tomorrow at school, will be my first time to try out what they have and I hope it does not suck but worse case scenario I just drop and do my pushups or whatever. Maybe they have a pullup bar? Will report back soon!

Just finished sending off an assignment that was hard to type up since I'm shaky. Got a lifting workout in after getting the little guy in bed for his nap. He was still fighting it but I listened to him on the monitor and his protests dwindled just like I knew they would.
So last Sunday night was my last weights workout and here it is Sunday again, but at least I got it done. No music made it sort of crappy, but since my iPod died I really had no choice on that one. Yesterday I pretty much rested all day, slept all night and then took a 2 and a half hr nap on top of that and then was ready to drop at about 10 despite coffee, etc.
During the week I got one workout in (hell I THINK that was this week I did that) on Wednesday and otherwise I did not get much in other than walking the stairs at school when I could. Very hectic and overwhelmingly crappy week, as you all know from the last post. Thanks for the comforting words!
Ugh, creatine powder is like purposefully drinking sand. I do believe it works though, but I need to be more diligent about it. One of my classmates already has a masters in kineseology and is now going for the nutrition leg of her career. She agrees that it is one of the few supplements that actually has been proven to work. Very interesting, I did that one workout on Sunday and looked pretty cut the next few days after that. Today I look puffy and have to go to a pool party so that sort of sucks. Ah well, I'll be too busy throwing my son into the water (he loves it) to worry about stupid shit like that. Rawr.
Kept up using spark people, even went back and recorded my intake after spending the night at my mom's, thought about blowing it off but I really think it is helping me stay on track towards my goals.
Speaking of goals, it was easier to do negative pushups today though still difficult, I'll keep plugging away. I can do a wussy half pushup now but I want to do proper to the floor, back straight, badass ones. I think that's a technical term.
Have no idea on the pull-up front, I'll have to work on that one in the gym or get myself a home pull up bar. That might be an idea...I know there are plenty of them out there that you don't have to permanently attach to the doorframe. For now I will stick with doing the Yate's row and pushups. Yoga actually does a LOT for my back, I MUST get back on that, I miss it but I have no idea where my dvd is and so once again disorganization makes things sucky.
Ciao, gotta finish drinking my sand smoothie and then hit the rain locker.

I spoke too soon. Classes today sucked ass and the teacher did not like me and chose to show this by disagreeing with anything I said, things I know are fact, and it was extremely disheartening. Anything that could go wrong did today, and I am just thankful that bedtime is drawing nigh and tomorrow is a new day.
I do not have lunch or snacks packed for tomorrow. I do not have an outfit picked out either, but I DO think I am relatively prepared for class, except for that whole pesky required reading thing.

Today just SUCKED. I can't express that enough. Also? No exercise and then went out to dinner to not face cooking and dinner sucked, despite having tasted what I ordered last time when Husband ordered it. His was awesome last time, tonight? Sucked. Meh.

Did not record food in spark people, better do that, hate to break my streak because I'm being pissy. After that? Off to bed.

PS My iPod died. I think I mentioned that, but that added to the cumulative suckage.

Yesterday I tried to go to my old gym and workout after class ended a bit early and circled around and around only to see people parking on the grass illegally and I got mad and left. Thwarted! Rats!
Got home and felt crummy so it might have been for the best that I was unable to go hit the gym but it sure did piss me off. That's OK, I got in a workout today in between classes, it was a tight fit schedule wise but I have to make this happen or I will go crazy without it. Did my 30 min routine I mentioned before, ten minutes on three diff machines and I had a friend from class working out with me so that was very cool. Both our iPods died! And then another girl in biochem had hers die today too. Weird, maybe they were in a cult and drank the Kool-aid today.
UGH, the choc flavored myoplex light shakes are pretty tasty but I just cracked open a french vanilla and it is grodey. I prefer them half frozen anyway, for some reason it also sends satiety better for me in addition to tasting better.
The huge amount of puffiness I had put on, making me go up about a size in fact, seems to have mainly left the building. Barring today of course! I went to put my jeans on and it would have been ridiculous to even button them so I wore some others that usually sag and look weird shortly after donning them, and yet I am reluctant to get rid of them. I got them at Ann Taylor and really like them when I first pull them on, bah. Sometimes sales racks bite you on the ass. Well they fit today with all the extra puff I had going on, and then got really huge in the afternoon along with the top I wore. Very weird, it's like I deflated after working out and I stayed hydrated so don't spank me!
Tracking food is benefiting me in class as we are learning the exchange system and are expected to also learn portion sizes, etc. I already know this crap from being an old hand at weight loss, ha! Who would have thought the stuff most of us bloggers talk about on a daily basis would be what I am about to take an exam over...at least to a pretty large extent. I used to joke that I could eyeball the calorie count of a plate of food at 100 paces. I probably could, and now that will aide me. I'll take anything I can get since I have multiple tests all at once and biochem is a complete fucking mystery to me. The concepts are not, but the nitty gritties are, and it doesn't help to have a very knowledgeable teacher that also has no desire to "dumb it down" for the rest of us common folk.
M@rla, you better keep checking in, no telling when I decide to resurface off and on, haha! PS Person to person: Congrats on kicking the measurement pants' ass!

I climbed up the attic ladder and peered around. There were my 2.5, 5, and 10 lb plates stacked at the top of said ladder, no barbell in sight, and at first I skipped over the dumbbell and case that had all the collars and more weights inside. After many trips up and down, while wearing flip flops (I'm a genius!), I retrieved them all and then grabbed a flashlight. There was the barbell and then I spied the rest of it along with our racquetball rackets and I brought them all down. Weight bench was still on the back patio and Husband had balked about bringing it back to the garage before we get all the storage organization stuff setup. I worked out in our empty garage with the new shiny floor and had to improvise a bit, but I got it done. How did it feel? Abso-freaking-lutely fantastic.
Wow, once again I have lost strength and have to rebuild practically from the bottom. Not quite that low, I think I could arm wrestle an Amoeba at least, but pretty puny. No matter, I won't be thrown off track again, I can promise you that. I usually do flyes for my chest with the attachment on my bench, it just holds the weight plates and I use my own power to move it, and I like that lovely invention. However, weight bench was on the patio so I did negative push-ups, 2 x 10. This worked very well as you can imagine, I only wish I could do regular pushups like I had gotten to at one point. I will get there again and be able to knock out a ton, that is a goal I have set. Also: I will be able to do a set of real live pull-ups at some point, ever since the stupid ass Pres. fitness award thingie in elementary school that particular exercise has haunted me, I hated being humiliated by the gym teacher because I couldn't even do the hanging alternative. Did anyone ever WORK with me to get me to where I could? No. I just got a mark and a disapproving face and the jeering of my classmates. No one ever tried to help me improve on any of that stuff and I dreaded it each and every year. It never even occurred to my young mind that I could ask for help or try on my own, I just thought I sucked. The End. I wonder why I never veered towards the athletic side of school. It's a mystery.
So, push-ups, pull-ups and I want to compete in races. The Hotter than Hell bike ride just went by this last weekend and one of my instructors did the 100k ride-I really admire that. I can't say I'll be picking that one but something would be nice.

Had a cheat meal last night, but it was premeditated and tasty. I wish I would have planned for it more, earlier in the day, but all in all it was not bad. I did not get to lift yesterday but I was very active and I seem to be getting an ear infection, at least it hurt all day when I teared up or tried to chew anything. I feel pretty good today so even if I have to go up in the attic and get my weights down I plan on lifting some heavy things for the sole purpose of building muscles.
On track and feeling good, good morning all and may you all feel the same.

Just made my grocery list out and that is about the most exciting thing I have planned for the day. I desperately need to work on school related things but that is going to be difficult, I've wasted Toddler Naptime showering and making out said list and I'm afraid he'll awake before I get anything else done. The house is a wreck as per usual lately and it makes me feel crazy and yet I have no energy to clean it really. I am making headway cleaning here and there and will get some more done today but what I really want is a magic fairy to come down and get me all set up with a clean work space and lots of office supplies. I'll let you know when that happens.
I'm working towards a streak of eating 5-6 mini meals again BFL style and recording my food in sparkpeople again. It's all well and good to have tantrums that last for 6 months at a time in which I decide it's not faaaaaaiiiirrr to have to record what I eat etc. and I am able to see progress without doing so, however it is not consistent and it disappears. I am now taking off weight I put on in the last few weeks and it is irritating to have to regain ground you already fought and planted a flag upon. I am so extremely busy that it is not that hard to not overeat as opposed to when I have access to the fridge all day and then want to go out to eat all weekend to relieve the boredom or monotony. None of that going on now, I am busier than I think I ever have been and am constantly learning and on the go.
I seem to have lost a great deal of my muscle, and it is pissing me off yet I am on Singe Mama duty today (Husband is playing softball all weekend, national tournament) and I can't go to the gym like I had looked forward to all week. My weight bench is on the back patio and the barbell, weight plates, and dumb bells are all in the attic. Great place for them right? We redid our garage on my "vacation" (bahahaha, snort-worked my ass off, I did)and my husband decided that is where they would go when cleaning out the garage during prep time. Thanks honey! yes I could get them down but by the time I did that the Boy would be awake and I won't be able to use them. I'm going to figure SOMETHING out damnit, hate feeling flabby. To top it off had to get measured in class this week and I am in the worst shape in a long time. I went on a crazy eating spree for the weeks preceding starting my program, not sure why I did that but it was not smart. Ah well, onward! I've learned lots of nifty things about determining energy needs, maybe I'll share once I stop feeling overwhelmed.

Once again I'm sorry I disappeared. University has started and I say that rather than school because this is hard core, existential balls to the wall crazy scheduling school, not community college anymore. For that matter I already attended another branch of UT's system for a literature degree and it was not nearly as hard as this. But I am loving it.
Today I got my bodyfat measured in class through a fancy pants scale that gave me a little read out. Here are my numbers:

Body type: Athletic
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Height: 5' 6"
weight: 148.8 lbs
BMI: 24
Fat%: 21.5
BMR: 6240 kJ or 1492 kcal
Impedence: 479 and then a weird little horseshoe symbol for the unit on that one, heh.
Fat mass: 32.0 lb
Fat free mass: 116.8 lb
Total body water: 85.4 lb

I also had my tricep skinfold measured and that was a disappointing 26 mm. I felt bad about that but I've let myself go the last month.
Being in this program specifically dealing with all of the things I've self taught and been interested in for the last few years is amazing. It also has me excited again about behavior modification and working the numbers. My BMR above should also have about a 10% addition due to the thermal effect of food (energy burned by actually digesting your food) and then what I earned through physical activity. I purposefully walked about half a mile on the connecting path between different parts of campus and I went up the 14 flights of stairs to class after eating lunch. I also walked up quite a few stairs after purchasing my skinny latte from the 'bucks on site. I'm sure I would have done better if I left that out, but after plugging in the numbers at sparkpeople, I apparently took in around 1250 kcals today by following BFL type eating again. I just made sure I had good portions of carbs and protein every 2-3 hrs for a total of 5-6 mini meals, did not count kcals or points or anything but it turns out I was pretty much dead on. I'm going to allow for error in my little feeding frenzy when we hit the door this evening and not go in there and eat something just because there is room. When I am able to hit the gym again in earnest I will definitely up the intake, no point in starving myself.
So I'm back, I'm monitoring my stats again, but from a clinical point of view and I am loving this learning to be a dietitian thing. Yeah.

PS Thank you for the comments you lovely peoples!

I would like to update but just typing this is painful. We just texturized our entire two car garage in two days and my grip strength better be improved by all this damnit. And I was worried about getting enough exercise in with Husband home and a longer drive to the gym.
M@rla, thanks for leaving comments, it makes my day. I'll type an actual entry when my hands are not hurting. I have blisters and some serious soreness.

I need to set some goals, I'm maintaining just fine and floating along fairly effortlessly. I can say that because I can practically go on auto pilot with nutrition and eat very well, it's ingrained at this point. Not to say I don't have my moments but I tend to indulge the really strong desires and then just move on, and that is working great for me. However, my fitness regimen has gotten totally off kilter with the stress of my car being wrecked and dealing with the bs that has gone along with that, it is currently back at the body shop. I got it back and then noticed yesterday that they had washed it with something that left tiny surface scratches all over the damn thing and there were also some bad scratches on the driver side door area. I called and of course was basically told I was lying and had to talk to the manager who told me to bring it in for him to look it over. I hung up and burst into tears, I hate ugly confrontation and having to assert myself. I am fully capable of doing so and I will when needed but it always leaves me shaken, which the more I think about it I believe is an extremely high adrenaline surge I get. Apparently I get fully revved up to either kick someone's ass or to run away, though running away is unlikely-creaky knees you know.
Anyway, it is being fixed but they also stole my son's dvd player out of the car while they had it too, and this is not a tiny body shop-this is owned by the dealership that I bought my car from and I just never expected this sort of unnecessary hassle.
Been worrying about that and finishing up anatomy II (got an A) and also dealing with other people that I can't seem to get along with while trying to plan stuff for my best friend's wedding. Combined with the painful knots I had going it has been rough and I haven't been able to just head over to the gym after school-things I have had to do instead. Today I get back on track.
There's something about "back to school" time that makes me want to start everything brand new, it seems like summer has flown by without my even noticing it and we are already heading into time for fall. I wonder why I feel like kicking it into gear AFTER bathing suit season.
I need to think of goals and a plan and I'll be back here, with 90% less bitching.

Chris thanks for stopping by, sorry to all that I've been MIA lately. Not a lot of working out going on, just lots of stress and a huge knot in my back again.
The knot was from our couch, it's too soft and when I sit on it a lot (usually with my laptop) and also happen to be stressing at the same time it hurts my back. I haven't sat on it for two days now and no pain so I'm fairly certain that is the cause.
I am exhausted and my final is tomorrow morning at 7:30 am. So many things are going on, I am just not up to posting about it all but I haven't exercised since Saturday morning but I did get that 30 min heart pumping walk in and I also ate exceedingly well all weekend at the in-laws, my kryptonite.
So, still here-reading your pages when I can, currently exhausted.

Thanks Kada! I am very happy about my new friend.

And now, I bemoan my eating habits, or urges may be a better term. It is raining buckets outside, thunder and lightening the whole deal and I want comfort food. The problem is, I'm not sure what is comforting anymore. At one point I would have said pizza or fast food or something heinous like a plate of tater tots with chili and cheese all over them or ramen noodles with a hunk of cheese. Now? No thank you, and yet a salad doesn't exactly scream comfort. Maybe that is all in my head because I was thinking of having a salad on the way home from picking our son up a minute ago. I bought some vegetarian chili yesterday too, maybe I'll have that. Would be better with tater tots though, heh.

No gym today, I also stayed home from school and did next to nothing besides starting the new Harry Potter book. I'm about 200 pages in, didn't crack it open until later in the day, but of course it is good and I want to be reading it right now. That's not exactly good parenting though, and neither is typing this while my little one needs attention.

Bye for now.

Hit the gym again for the first time since the wreck and it was really the highlight of my day. 30 minutes of cardio again, I'll probably do that tomorrow as well and then lift on Thursday.
Friday we drive to Tulsa, my father in law is walking! I am so excited that he has made such tremendous progress and we're going to have yet another 2 year old party for our boy (with all the Oklahoma relatives, combined with grandpa in law's 80th birthday).
Once again I have a monster headache and that description is coincidental but it actually came from drinking M0nster energy dr!nk again and then for going it today. I lost my focus here...(see:headache, huge).

Some good things I want to list:

Blood pressure down to averaging 100/60 from 120/80 and a resting heart rate down in the 60s, that is awesome. Also I am stronger both when lifting weights and doing cardio but I'm not sure how to quantify that without it being even more boring than this.

Still being positive and also, made a new friend! Like, a real friend that I call without feeling awkward and talk to every day. Very cool.

Monster truck picture for M@rla.
Monday I was too tired/hungover/still extremely sore to do a workout plus it was my baby's birthday, but Tuesday I was back in the gym. I did thirty minutes of cardio again, ten min bike, ten min incline walking on treadmill, and ten minutes on the bouncy elliptical. The incline walking can get my heart rate up too high quite easily so I say poo to the idea that walking doesn't do "enough". If you're strolling along at your local outlet mall then I would agree but if you are hauling ass or going up and down hills, it counts damnit.
Wednesday I did the same thing.
Thursday? Thursday I got rear ended while sitting at a yield sign and I've been dealing with the fall out from that ever since. I've thought myself better though and have only slight soreness despite the initial pain and discomfort. The hitter (me being the hittee) was a stand up guy who had insurance and every thing is just about over, just have to drop my car off at the body shop tomorrow and once that is done I can get on with things. I'm already thinking of what I can do at the gym tomorrow, this inactivity sucks but I remain positive. It's amazing what your mind can do for you, now I think I know why they say weight loss is mainly in your head. I've eaten meals lately that should have bloated me up but I tell myself how nice it is to be this size and to be healthy and I'm aware that I sound like a kook but I am not gaining even though I would have before. *Cue the twilight zone music

If I could have my way this would be an entry filled with gorgeous photos of our son and touching stories and phrases. However, things never seem to go the way I want them to, and here it is his birthday and I have no such glorious entry crafted.



In fact, I would say becoming a mother IS the only thing that has gone the way I want it, and far beyond. I never knew I would have a comedian, a musician, a dancer and a singer at my disposal any time I want. Any time other than nap or snack time that is, and he works cheap.



I never knew that one little body could stop my heart with one shaky step, make it burst with one sidelong glance, make it grow each day he’s alive. Every day with our son I am one day closer to being a complete person, I can feel it. I am one half of his world (hey, Da Da counts too) and in the mornings when his hair is tussled and his skin all warm and snuggly and those little arms reach out for me, I know I’ve done something right.

Happy Birthday John Reid bear, two years old and on top of the world.