Sunday, August 20, 2006
When a blogger falls silent it usually spells trouble, and I am not any different. I was really hitting new goals and hit my weight goal I set for tommorrow about 2 weeks ago, and then I lost my damn mind. I don't know if it was the dreaded period stuff (The Hunger, tm-Mar!a) or if I was depriving myself and didn't realize, but I decided that multiple days of binging right before we go on a beach vacation must be a good idea. Sigh. So now back up 5 lbs and still slowly getting back in control. Probably the worst thing I've been doing is drinking again. Wow, that sounds like I'm in a school pick up line with a cocktail in a Sonic cup, but it's not like that. Beer, on the weekends, which is really a downfall for me. I drink and then I eat mindlessly, even though I'm not completely gone. It's as if my mind thinks that gives me free license=the old "I messed up so here we go" thing. And the thing is, I look fine, slightly puffier but no biggie, and I hate that I'm so neurotic. I guess it's because it takes me so damn long to lose anything and I've been working on it this go around for over a year and before it took me even longer to lose the same amount. I always think I should be able to do everything top notch each and every time and I hate feeling weak. What the hell does it matter if I am 5 lbs heavier? It sucks because I have to lose that over again but that's it. It does not make me a bad, lazy, or weak person. Come on brain, catch up with my logic.