Friday, February 06, 2009

Odd Duck

Woke up this morning, feeling crappy but wanted to do a measurement check since it's been over a month now. I'm down an inch in the waist and an inch and a half in the hips, so woo hoo! Proceed to eat a shit load of salty carbs. Wait, what? Why do I do this? Why do so many people do this? Progress? Try and destroy it!
I'm smart and I know what I eat today is not going to ruin my efforts but I need to be on high alert because this type of behavior is the shit that keeps me starting over, and over and over since regaining the weight. It's bizarre to me how I kept it off for years and then it's like a dam broke and it came flooding back on and has not left. There are worse things in life but this is what I have to bitch about today. Heh.
I'm home today, yay! My family is well and happy and school's end is drawing ever nearer. Woot! Need to get my ass unglued from this couch to go talk with the travel agent about our Europe trip. Now THAT is something to be excited about, in comparison inches and pounds don't hold a candle.
I've been reading everyone, just very tired and funky. Blue mood, not smelly.

11 comments:

Crabby McSlacker said...

Isn't that frustrating that bad behavior so often follows progress? But it sounds like you've put it in perspective. And a Europe trip sounds awesome!

Vickie said...

You know - you might have told me this before - but I need a refresher - I am not quite sure where you are in your process.

My recap is
started at 215+
(was not on a scale for the first 6 mos so don't know what the highest actually was)
two years of losing
(down to 150-5 lbs),
two years of maintenance,
so starting my 5th year of this mindful process. . .

And where abouts (Europe) are you headed? Have you been there before? How fun!!!

Erin said...

Crabby-it is frustrating but shortly after posting and then getting your comment I got off my duff and did an hour long kettlebell workout and drank a ton of water. Reading the should I work out today chart on your site got me to do it after I stopped chuckling and nodding. Yes, Europe! Never been there and always been keen to so I'm very excited.

Erin said...

Vickie,

I probably have not outlined it in such terms, that is actually something I've liked about your style, no ambiguity and lots of details which I tend to not give but like to read, haha.
I did not own a scale for most of my life, luckily I grew up not stymied by the number for the most part though there were other things that crept in sometimes-school teasing, comments from family etc. Not nearly as bad as I have read from others' stories.
When I finally knew the number it was in the high 170s but I know I was at least a size bigger before I lost some and found out the scale verdict. I then got down to almost 140 after struggling a lot, a lot more than I think is necessary since I over analyze things and my mind is my biggest help and enemy on lots of things. I maintained that, tried for a baby and happily got one and then lost it again in about ten months. Then right before I started school in fall '07 I went nutso with food that I hadn't even wanted in a long time (foreshadowing?) gained a bit and then fought with that for about 6 months before stacking on almost all the weight I lost in a very short time period. It's not even so much that I gained a HUGE amount, I just thought I was done with that and it happened REALLY fast. I am now sitting at about 160 though I am nearly the measurements I was 15 lbs lighter. I finally grew a booty (muscle mostly) so I'm pretty sure that is part of it and I am feeling good for the most part though I would like to be able to walk back into my closet and not have to hunt for something to fit.
I'm an over-thinker and a talker if you can't tell. heh.

Erin said...

Oh and I forgot about the trip-the one we are looking at starts in London, goes through Amsterdamn, down the Rhine river to Heidelberg, through the Black Forest, stops at the Rhine Falls and then on to Lucerne, Switzerland, then ends in Paris after going through the French wine country a bit. It's a 10 day trip cramming a bunch in but sounds like a good mix (with all the details I am not retyping at the moment)of locations and guided vs free time. Never been!

G.G. said...

Hey, if you figure out the self-destructive thing, let me know, OK?

Europe! How cool!

Erin said...

G.G.- so far I can see when I am doing it, am making progress on nipping it in the bud, but as of yet have not figured out how to not go to the destructive portion of the game. I did see a cool chain reaction exercise that social work uses with eating disordered people the other day and maybe I need to do that. Not that I necessarily think I have an eating disorder but it could help with any self harming behavior I think. Once I figure out exactly what trip we are doing I'll post more about it, you guys will get sick of hearing about it. :)

Vickie said...

is the exercise 'a then what happens?' sort of thing? my therapist used to do that with me - and it WAS very helpful.

thanks for the updates.

Marla said...

1. You realize that we just have to take your word for it that you are "blue" funky and not "smelly" funky.

2. I am going with you on that trip. Packing my bags now.

Leah J. Utas said...

It's important to have something to bitch about as it acts as counterpoint to show us how good life is.
Your trip sounds amazing.

Erin said...

Marla-I may be smelly AND depressed, it's a combo package! Actually today I am starting to feel better so hopefully neither definition of funky will hang around.
I am getting more and more excited about our trip, gotta go talk to the travel agent still.
Leah-Yeah I think we have to have the dark to truly appreciate the light, I just need to keep focusing on the light. Thanks! It sounds amazing to me and I am hopeful that is the one we can go on, if not something better. I will be extremely happy with anything-I've wanted to travel all my life.