Thursday, May 08, 2008

I worked out on Monday as well but nothing since and I am sure that is related to the seeming depression I am sitting in, wondering how to get out yet again. I have no idea why I am such a highs and lows person but sometimes I really hate it-when I get to the high again I always think, "This is it! Whatever new plan or thing or whatever that I currently have started is the answer and now I'll be like this all the time! yay!"
Surprise surprise.
Regardless I do think giving up dieting was very mentally healthy for me but I am struggling with it just the last few days. Of course suffering temporarily with low self esteem again and lethargy and sleeping until almost noon (something I haven't done in years) is not helping one little bit and what is the first thing to do be doubted? Why food, my ability to be trusted around it and my so called will power. What a bunch of horse shit. I would say one of the worst habits that has come back is body checking-thinking about how my clothes fit, looking in the mirror, running my hand over my stomach many times a day-all very destructive and things I didn't even realize I did until I forced myself to stop doing them. Time to force again.
Food is completely unappealing to me lately, it has been hard to satisfy myself when nothing really sounds very good and I am reluctant to cook, something that usually brings me joy. I'm just in a rough spot but thought it might help to write about it, and it has-
workouts have been swell, I've been doing a lot of negative pushups (starting in plank and lowering evenly to the ground, coming back to plank and repeat over and over) and partial burpees, that's the only way I can explain it. Just the jumping portion coming out a crouch and back down to repeat (leaving out the push up part). That with squats and one set of various isolated exercises has left me all over sore and is extremely time efficient. I feel tired and fuzzy headed today and am resisting working out mentally so who knows.
I need to go grocery shopping and have no idea what I will buy since I don't want to make or eat anything. I'm not the only one in this house though.

4 comments:

M@rla said...

Ha ha, you and your negative pushups, because you are JEALOUS of me and my super pushup powers!

I'm sorry you're in the downs. I wish I knew the answer...

G.G. said...

The brain stuff is hard, isn't it? Sometimes it sucks how interconnected the brain and the body stuff is. It might be better if they spoke the same language.

Erin said...

M@rla, WHo wouldn't want to aspire to your great pushup heighths? I'm doing better now-appreciate the support.

Erin said...

g.g.

Yes I find I feel the best when I do manage to connect the brain-body thing (yoga helps me do that tremendously) and of course it is an ongoing struggle. Are any of us ever truly "fixed" or finished with working through things or improving? I think not and I need to remember that.