Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Fear started eating me up, fear that even though the new exercise equipment was out in the garage I would not use it, I'd make excuses and still half ass it along, and it would be a waste. We got it Wednesday night and had zero time to put it together before leaving for OKC Saturday morning bright and early. It's a little over a 3 hr drive to get there and so after driving up Saturday morning and back home Sunday afternoon, not to mention getting very little rest though we had a great time, I was practically delirious coming home. It didn't matter, I marched my butt outside and started sweeping the garage floor, cut the box open, and started trying to pull stuff out to assemble the elliptical myself. Hubby came outside and grumped about wanting to relax and to put it together with me instead of me alone doing it, and I told him to go back inside if he wanted to rest but I was not stopping. We got it together that night (Sunday) and yet I still did not use it. Yesterday morning's workout was powered by sheer will, I got out there and did an upper body workout and enjoyed the new bench and weights, though it was still like slogging through quicksand. Lots of sitting and staring into space, and the collars for the bars hurt my hands to open them which was highly frustrating. I didn't give up though and this morning my upper body is sore. I got up early, got dressed immediately to workout, and sat around for a long time yesterday, but I did it. This morning I put the same clothes back on because I didn't even sweat in them (I said I sat around a lot) and went out there, watched the View, and did 20 minutes on the elliptical. I had to stop multiple times, on LEVEL ONE (ACK) and my chest burned the whole time. I guess it is more accurate to say I did about 17 minutes, I finally decided I had done my best and felt like I was going to die. I think it's the allergies that have been haunting me, the HR monitor said 85-94 bpm, but the counters on the screen were all crazy so I have to read the book to figure it out. It said only 40 calories for the whole time and the ones at the gym say around 170 or more.
I've been at a point where cooking sounds like torture, and I'm sick of it. Considering I cook every single day for myself and my family this has been hard, this feeling. Hubby grilled a ton of different lean meats weekend before last and I made some squash with sauteed onions, and I ate that all week. It was awesome. I also had him buy some lean cuis1nes, even though I usually eschew frozen dinners and it is so nice to just pop it in the micro. I just ate salmon with a lemon dill sauce, pasta, and veggies, fuji apple for dessert. I recommend that particular dinner, it was delicious and 4.5 pts of 240 cals, whatever your mode is.
Alright, I have more to say, about shopping this last weekend in particular, and my disconnect between my actual size and what I think about myself, but Microbiology and Chem II await.

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