Monday, December 17, 2007

"I'm having similar issues with my husband. Thing is, he knows he's out of shape and actually bitches about it all the time. He knows he's lost a lot of muscle, that he's lost flexibility, and that his weight is high for him. But he keeps on with the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls by the boxful and winces when I suggest that he might think about joining my gym (we could work out together, I chirp, even though I really don't want to work out together, but whatever it takes, yo). He keeps saying that he just needs to walk every day, but doesn't even really do that. I don't care how he looks, but I do care that he doesn't feel good because of inactivity/eating junk. He's not resentful of my trying to have healthier habits, though. He takes far too much interest in it sometimes to the point where I start to resent it. "

My husband is in deep denial about his state of health, borderline high blood pressure is still not enough for him to do anything about it, it is borderline after all. For the longest time he would complain daily about how tired he was and how he had no energy and yet he never worked on his diet or exercised. Ugh. I have a hard time listening to people bitch about something sucking when they are doing absolutely nothing about it, even reading about what to do or just contemplating it would be okay with me, at least as an initial point. I cracked up about the working out together chirping, I've been there myself.
I got out of bed and walked in to the living room on my way to the kitchen the other night to get something to eat. I'd been laying there and my stomach was growling really loudly and I wasn't going to sleep. He asked me what I was doing and when I said, "eating" he made a sad face and said, "ohhh nooo." I got the big pissed off eyes immediately, don't dare and try and guilt ME about eating Mr. couch foam growing in to your ass, but in reality he thought I was having an out of control binge moment that get me down.
Some times I'm mad at myself because I think I DO care more about what he looks like, then some thing happens to show me that's not true. I just want him to be active regardless of what weight he is, when he gets up and works on things or has projects or even just goes for a walk with us, I am 100 x more attracted to him. I am just not into sloth on a daily basis (every body needs to chill some times, I know this.)
I think I'm on my way to being okay again, breathing out of both sides of my nose today and my head doesn't feel like it will explode anytime soon. My friends are urging me to take these megadose vitamins and I am struggling with this concept. They swear by them, and I am sick of being sick, and yet everything I've learned in clinical nutrition and biochemistry tells me that it is a waste and if you are taking the wrong ones, harmful. Meh.
I also sat in on a web conference about the safety of aspartame with speakers from Harvard and a group of toxicologists, not sure if I mentioned that. I thought it would be more interesting but it seemed biased, though the science that was presented I can't really fault.
Coffee is ready, hope everyone has a great day and avoids cardboard treats and hidden salt monsters.

PS WI: down to 151.8 today after ballooning back to 155.6 last Tuesday. I know it was water weight but it took a week to come off after I had been down to 151 even the saturday after I started this mess again. Two weeks in and I am down .8 of a pound.
At least it's not up and I'm not feeling deprived.

1 comment:

M@rla said...

That's part of life and marriage, and no big surprise that it's not simple or easy! Whether it's weight or health or another issue, you can't make someone change. All you can do is set a positive role model yourself and hope for the best.

I know that if my husband had ever made me feel that I was not acceptable to him, especially if he made me feel unattractive, we wouldn't be married right now. There is no way I would be motivated to do something as difficult as lose weight if it was all about pleasing him, and then even if I DID lose weight, I would totally hate him for making me feel like that.

There's probably a fine line between support and enabling, but my philosophy on marriage is that it's supposed to be a safe place for each partner. It's where you know yourself to be loved and accepted. So I think you're doing the right thing by not nagging him or deviously manipulating as I suggested earlier.

Also, I think people DO change, of their own volition, so there's still hope. Look how long it took us to get our act together regarding fitness and health - apparently I had to hear the message a certain number of times until it finally lodged in my brain. It's not like I heard anything all that new or different on the 1000th message; I just needed to hear it 1001 times.

P.S. LOVELY description about your mouth-breathing!!! LOL.