Monday, July 21, 2008

The time has come to be inspired again. To fee motivated and to be active and to take ownership over how I feel and what I do and what I don't.
I've been drifting for months now and feeling at loose ends. Lost, half-hearted, confused about what to do with myself and how to get back to feeling good.
I've been sick more time out of the past two weeks than I have been well but I'm hoping to wake up tomorrow feeling ready to face the day instead of hacking up nastiness and laying there until after noon.
Food has been more of an issue than ever and I am deciding here and now to take charge again and to honor the principles that got me into nutrition in the first pace. How terrible I would feel if I finally became an RD (which I will in less than a year!!)and I no longer took proper care of myself or my family regarding what we put in our mouths each day. I've become overwhelmed and squirmy about making dinner, planning things, even grocery shopping. Hallmarks of depression for me and the only way to get out of it is to make a plan or heck, plans.
I tried basically eating the paleo diet for about a week and saw my weight dropping (about 4 lbs in less than a week) and my stomach flattened out. I also had zero energy and felt like total shit, unable to workout much or do really anything. That resolved itself when I started eating more carbs again out of desperation (I had inlaws descending on the house and it was a mess and I needed energy to correct that in a hurry!). I liked having rules again though and some sort of plan but it fed into disordered thinking too much. I found this out when I went veg and I found it out again when doing paleo-restricting an entire food group that is not exactly harmful does my head in. I can restrict alcohol or dessert-whatever, but food that I feel deep down should be okay makes me sort of crazy. I must make a plan and I am not sure what but it is happening tomorrow. I will lay it out as I think it out.
Exercise: I finally did the hour long kettlebell workout and it was absolutely amazing and exciting and it was like a key turning in a lock for me. I actually had the thought in the back of my mind, "This will be what does it for me, I have finally found my niche." I even looked around to see if I could find a place to become certified. After one workout. I still want to teach yoga too, my ideal would be to teach yoga and kettlebells and lead intuitive eating workshops with a focus towards nutrition. I don't believe you have to separate the two, nutrition and eating "normally" can meld together but I have to figure that out for myself first, right?
We bought a Wii Fit and I absolutely love it, I cannot say how much I love it and I've been using it as well. So I haven't totally gone anywhere of a warm clime riding in a handbasket but I've had that lost feeling and I am ready to be found.

1 comment:

MARLA said...

I find it very hard to be motivated in the summer. For one thing it's too freaking HOT. Then there's all the vacations and trips and family... it's hard to have a "normal" life. Once the cool weather starts (around here that's in October :-) I will be a million percent more energetic.

I am so glad you love the kettlebells! I can totally see you with your own studio(?) featuring yoga and bells. I would fly there every week to go to your workshops.