I'm a smart gal, a realist most of the time and have quite a bit of knowledge stowed away regarding nutrition and fitness. This does not stop me from being a tiiiiiny bit unhappy that I am working out hardcore and eating well and not showing a loss after three days (I did two workouts on two of those days so in my mind I keep wanting to convert that to 5 workouts). This is ridiculous, the scale is not a good reflection and I am aware of that and trust me this does not make me want to derail or anything negative. It just bugs me that I am finally kicking it into gear again and "nothing" is happening. I haven't taken measurements or anything like that and a few days is not generally enough to feel a difference in my clothes but it is just irritating. Perhaps this is just how it goes when you workout a lot and eat modestly, my super hero friend M@rla may suffer from this as the damned scale was not a friend despite honest hard work towards weight loss. I do see the numbers fall if I do daily walks and have a really tight reign on calories and sodium but which would I choose: muscles and a tighter body though not a lower number on the scale or little muscle and a flat ass. Really, it's not even a choice but an easy path to see.
Today is supposed to be a walk or yoga day, I gotta get some type of recovery level calorie burning in but I just don't know where that fits-there's tons of snow outside and my schedule at school does not allow a visit to the gym there. I gotta do SOMEthing, maybe I'll handwash the kitchen floor and other things like that. While wearing my HRM of course, I am a nerd after all.

As of this morning: 154.6 lbs, 33% BF, 47.5 on hydration. I've been at 32% BF (at a 48 hydration) for so damn long I want that to drop, forget the weight number. If the weight stays exactly the same and the BF goes down I will dance a jig in the street. On a positive note though, the fancy pants scale at the Plano hospital I've seen some clients at showed me to be about 65% muscle. That was about twice the amount of the other student I was working with, not that I am sitting around comparing myself to her but it was a good feeling to hear that number. Hopefully I can check that again after I continue on my workout schedule for a couple months.
Oh yeah back to the snow, this is Texas. We just don't.do.snow. Actually as far as I'm concerned snow is great but ice is not and while I may drive safely the other people do not, especially idiots in non 4 wheel drive pickups with no weight put in the bed. Fishtail anyone? I wish I had time to really bundle up and go across the street to play in the park.

Monster truck picture for M@rla.
Monday I was too tired/hungover/still extremely sore to do a workout plus it was my baby's birthday, but Tuesday I was back in the gym. I did thirty minutes of cardio again, ten min bike, ten min incline walking on treadmill, and ten minutes on the bouncy elliptical. The incline walking can get my heart rate up too high quite easily so I say poo to the idea that walking doesn't do "enough". If you're strolling along at your local outlet mall then I would agree but if you are hauling ass or going up and down hills, it counts damnit.
Wednesday I did the same thing.
Thursday? Thursday I got rear ended while sitting at a yield sign and I've been dealing with the fall out from that ever since. I've thought myself better though and have only slight soreness despite the initial pain and discomfort. The hitter (me being the hittee) was a stand up guy who had insurance and every thing is just about over, just have to drop my car off at the body shop tomorrow and once that is done I can get on with things. I'm already thinking of what I can do at the gym tomorrow, this inactivity sucks but I remain positive. It's amazing what your mind can do for you, now I think I know why they say weight loss is mainly in your head. I've eaten meals lately that should have bloated me up but I tell myself how nice it is to be this size and to be healthy and I'm aware that I sound like a kook but I am not gaining even though I would have before. *Cue the twilight zone music

Wow, today went from bad to worse and now that I am sitting here really sick to my stomach and feeling low I am putting an end to it. I did not work out, the thought of it literally made me want to cry so I passed. Instead I proceeded to eat myself sick for the last several hours, including homemade cookies (something I have never even made before). It is time to "fake it till I make it" and that means using outside resources until I can trust myself again to stop being so destructive. I have set up a workout schedule in Sparkpeople and I will be counting my food until I feel I can stop without hurting myself, which is basically what I have done the last two days. This is so disappointing, I've been on auto pilot with food and exercise for a while and it has seemed almost effortless. This too shall pass.

Quicksand sucked at my feet, I could feel the initial descent into a loss of motivation to workout, the beginning of The Excuses. "It's too cold, I'm tired, I have no time, I'm sore, I'm depressed..." it goes on this way and I can think of just about any justification though inside no one is fooled.
Sitting on the couch last night with this laptop in my UH LAP (duh) the violence and noise coming from the Husband's favorite show started really irritating me and I jumped up, marched back to our room, and suited up to go lift some heavy metal objects in the garage. Thinking about this now, yes the show irritated me but was I perhaps also internally fed up with my excuses?
As soon as I stepped outside (into the garage) just how DAMN COLD it was hit me and I wanted to turn around but I decided to hop on the elliptical instead and try to get warmed up. It is not that easy to balance on the darn thing and pull your hands inside your sleeves at the same time. STILL COLD, but my five minute warm up was accomplished and I headed to the bench to begin my shoulder press-as soon as I touched the bar I knew my hands were going to get too cold to hold the heavy weights long enough and popped back in to ask for gloves from Husband. He located a thin pair of hunting gloves he actually bought for me (though I don't go with him regularly, not my thing) and my hands were still freezing but I got through the entire workout and yes, I hate to admit it but wearing gloves DID help controlling the heavier dumbbells. I've been against gloves because my hero (Krista) said it defeats the purpose of building your grip, which makes sense but wow did it go more smoothly.
I felt like a giant when I finished up, the squat sets made me feel like puking so I consider it a success. Just starting to get sore, usually I workout towards the morning and the next day when I wake I am in agony but there's about a ten hr delay since this was a night workout. It's starting to set in, and maybe I'm strange but I like it-a tangible reminder that I did well.
Woke up this morning early to go back to school and as soon as I stepped into the bathroom and looked at my belly in the glaring light I felt squishy and fat again and out of control and maybe I should weigh or measure? and maybe I should go back to points and calorie restricting...just for a little while? NO! God, when am I going to stop it? I am in good shape and getting better and the goal is to build muscle not to disappear. I thought about it all through my shower but when I stepped out I gave myself the hairy eyeball and mentally slapped myself back to reality. Stop putting yourself down, stop criticizing, you are not overweight anymore and even if you were there is no reason to be so mean to yourself. I had not realized how often I thought dummy or dumbass or you name it until just recently. I ignored all the "love yourself" talk, certain it wasn't for me and that I didn't do that. Surprise, surprise.
After I dressed and walked into the kitchen to make coffee I saw the snow outside and sure enough, checking my school's website showed cancelled classes for me and the local ISD too, so no school for junior. He is napping and I could be on the elliptical right now but it is really cold after all, and I should rest after lifting, and I hear there might be solar flares, and it's not the right moon cycle...

I woke up and thought I would workout. I weighed myself and saw now a 3.5 lb gain, all from this week, despite eating on track and working out everyday, and I was angry and did not want to workout. I fed the baby and didn't want to workout. I ate breakfast and drank coffee and didn't want to workout. I watched teevee and surfed the net and DECIDED to not workout. Our new LCD teevee arrived and I definitely didn't want to workout, I wanted to see my Hubby happy and excited. I decided to measure my waist and saw another half inch gone and decided to work out. My brain is weird.
Workout stats are improving, yesterday 3 miles in 20 minutes and today? Today 4.3 miles. Woot!