Wow, today went from bad to worse and now that I am sitting here really sick to my stomach and feeling low I am putting an end to it. I did not work out, the thought of it literally made me want to cry so I passed. Instead I proceeded to eat myself sick for the last several hours, including homemade cookies (something I have never even made before). It is time to "fake it till I make it" and that means using outside resources until I can trust myself again to stop being so destructive. I have set up a workout schedule in Sparkpeople and I will be counting my food until I feel I can stop without hurting myself, which is basically what I have done the last two days. This is so disappointing, I've been on auto pilot with food and exercise for a while and it has seemed almost effortless. This too shall pass.

Well my own comments window is not expanding in order for me to reply to comments, so I'll have to write here instead. Potatoes, po-tat-oes, right?
Savy, I appreciate the comment, it helps immensely when someone takes the time to stop and say a word or two, especially when I admire that person's dedication and perseverance. I think you know very well what it feels like to put a lot of effort in towards something and to feel frustrated with bouncing around in the same little range of numbers. I am going to continue on and just try and do better, I don't think I can really ask anything else of myself. Eating well and getting regular exercise have become who I am over the last few years, so quitting isn't an option, I just need to come up with a game plan to drop these last ten pounds.
What I don't have is a good consistent exercise routine. The only time I've done something consistently was when I was doing power yoga for a little over an hr three times a week. I would walk occasionally but I put no other pressure on myself other than to complete those workouts, which were not easy, but also provided me with a stress relief that I haven't experienced otherwise. I'm not sure what to do at this point, even though during my extreme yoga stint I maintained and even developed plenty of nice visible muscle, I could not shake the feeling that not doing interval cardio and lifting free weights was not okay. Now we have nice equipment out in the garage for the first time ever and I would feel weird not using it. I think I have to work out some type of hybrid...hmm.
Anyway, current plan is to mainly focus on getting an exercise routine down and not to hyper focus on nutrition at this point, though not to let it slide much either. Night school is sapping my will to live, but there's only 6 wks left. I can do this.
I wanted to write a more cohesive, in depth post than this scattered hodge podge but our 15 month old is not allowing that this morning.

This really struck me:


“You don't have to overeat in this culture to gain weight,” says Dr. Lewis Pincus, medical director of the Methodist Health System Weight Management Institute, ToLife!, in Dallas. “All you have to do is show up and not have a plan, which is basically how it is for most Americans.”

More later on my lack of planning and state of mind.