I haven't been back on here because today is my birthday and we've been busy all weekend.
First off, M@rla I really appreciate the encouragement, to hear my efforts are impressive from someone that impresses me always makes my day.
On the workout front, I sort of took Friday as a rest day (after legs on Thursday which are still a teeny bit sore today) though I did some housework like vacuuming the whole house and laundry and just stuff that had me on my feet quite a bit. Nothing major though but I was so worn out by bedtime that I was delirious and laughing at anything and everything. Saturday I drove to my campus gym which was a first for me, I've never gone up there just to workout without having something else to do school related. Did the same upper body workout from last Tuesday but of course increased the weight or reduced the assistance where applicable (chin ups and dips). I was pretty impressed with the progress I made in that area but it just makes sense that I should be able to do better each time on that since my own body weight is decreasing and I am getting stronger. If there is less of me I of course need less assistance to do these exercises. Regardless, I improved on pretty much everything but it was irritating they don't have in between dumbbells, only 5 lb increments. I really need 17.5s to do the dumbbell bench press but they don't have that and the 20s were too much after the three sets of chin ups. I'm pretty sure I could do the 20s if I was starting fresh instead of already fatigued a bit.
Today I walked for an hour again. Yes, on my birthday-I felt it was a good way to start a new year for me and I said I wanted to do it Saturday so I made sure to follow through even though my husband and son were napping and we had a great brunch just a bit earlier. As far as eating goes which is usually terrible on my birthday weekends I did really well, didn't even have a whole drink despite many many opportunities and ate very little food "off" program and I don't feel deprived by that whatsoever. I had bites of high calorie foods but stuck to good for me stuff almost entirely. No more back tracking for me damnit.
On calories burned: Saturday's workout:680 and today's walk around 500 again but I had to throw some brief running in to the walk to get that number. I wanted to mention that, after only one rotation of my workouts I improved enough in a cardiovascular sense that even though I felt that I pushed and I raised the weights on pretty much everything I burned fewer calories. So: good-I am more efficient already (amazing!) and boo-I burn fewer calories and have to step it up even MORE. ARGH! I think one reason I burned higher numbers last week was the extra fluid I was toting around that I sloughed off and just jumping back into hard workouts after comparative non-activity.
Something I am doing differently this time around and forever as far as I am concerned is drinking a post workout shake on weight lifting days-equal carbs and protein within an hour after my workout. I have noticed a difference in a very short time period and am excited to see what is in store for me.
Right after I posted about the scale I woke up 2 lbs lighter and have no idea where I'm at lb. or BF % either one at this point.

Tuesday's Workout:
800 kcal burned
ABABAB (so 3 sets)
CDCDCD
EFEFEF format
AB-assisted pullups/dumbbell bench press
CD-assisted dips/dumbbell curls
EF-dumbbell standing shoulder press/dumbbell Yate's Row
30 min cardio

I am STILL sore but not in a hurt something way, just in a kicked my own ass kind of way.

Wednesday's Workout:
500 kcal burned
60 minute walk at quick pace thru park across the street which tends to be fairly hilly. No hard cardio as I don't want to hamper recovery, I am seriously sore this is not me taking it easy, and besides walking that much wasn't necessarily easy either.

Today's Workout:
730 kcal burned
ABABAB
CDCDCD
EC
format again, this time leg day.
AB-step ups/dumbbell deadlifts (one set of walking lunges then switched to step ups)
CD-calf raise/leg press
E-hamstring curl
Then another set of calf raises since I went way to easy on the weight starting out.
30 min cardio.
I feel like I am leaving something out, whether I am or not my legs are telling me I didn't REALLY leave anything out.
The men in the gym really started pissing me off, I'm not looking in the mirror to admire myself jackass-I'm watching my knees to make sure I stay straight coming back up in the dead lift and I really don't appreciate you standing directly in front of my reflection when the entire rest of the place is empty. It almost seemed like they did it on purpose, I can always tell the guys in the weight area (at least at the uni gym) are used to dominating the free weights area. By dominating I mean they merely exist in greater numbers than the females, not that they are actually showing anything great, standing around and sitting on the benches reading magazines seemed to be the order of today. I don't think I am better than anyone by any means but there blatant disregard of me and my efforts was completely uncool.
On the nutr front I'm avoiding starchy carbs in my last two mini meals of the day-opting for a lean protein and lots of veggies and maybe a little grapefruit. This just started Tuesday so too soon to really examine results but I am feeling good about it and myself in general. I'm still really tired, I'm still pressed for time but I'm working out and going full out. I hope that if I can push through the constant fatigue I can gain some energy. My main problems are the life of a student in my program is extremely sedentary by nature and I have finally realized I don't sleep deeply enough, the only time I really feel rested is if I take a sleep aid so I don't wake up over and over. So, gotta work on these things but I feel that I am now.
Oh, I'm also taking Claritin daily along with a women's multi and B complex and starting fish oil. Fish oil is one of the few supps that my profession approves of and the rest of it? I've examined the multi and even if it is useless I can afford it and the iron at least should help. I have indents halfway through my fingernails right now and am prone to iron deficiency bordering on anemia but I don't believe I need an iron supp at this point. M@rla has really helped me through reading her own experiences to see that I too react really badly to allergens in the air and so taking the Claritin daily is helping with that as well.
Hope all is well for everyone, just had to update even if it's mainly stats and not too deep. It's been so infrequent I actually had to redo my login to post. Yikes.

Life is just really getting in my way right now. I wanted to say thank you to everyone that stopped by and left a comment and anyone out there that doesn't comment but stops by anyway (as long as you don't come here to insult me through the monitor). It always blows me away when people (you guys) leave me a comment because you're all engaging wonderful writers and I get a little star struck. This may seem weird but I am socially awkward. Ahem.
Lifted weights again for the first time in several weeks. I've not been inactive mind you (except for during the numerous bouts of sickness I endure on a regular basis)but I've been focusing on yoga rather than free weights and now my interest in weight lifting is peaking once more. I don't want to do AWAY with yoga though, I truly love it and think it is amazing but I have a hard time fitting in both, my mindset wars between the two and for some reason it's like getting a cat and dog to live in harmony with each other. The cat stretches gracefully on the back of the couch and the dog lumbers into the glass sliding door and both are enjoyable. My cat and dog DO live quite well with each other so I know I can get there.
Something else I've concluded is that trying to force myself to adhere to the same activity, sometimes even for a few days at a time, is a losing battle. I embrace change, I crave it and feel stifled when forced into monotony. Some would call it being fickle or flighty but this is just the way I am wired. I am not the person that leaves their home decorated the same way for years, you will not find pictures with the same hairstyle for maybe more than a few months period at a time and the way I dress used to change on a daily basis but now goes more on a few month to a year cycle. I like variety in all things, my ideal would be to swim one day, rock climb another, bike ride and play raquetball, weight train and do yoga, kayak-you name it but different all the time. This is also why being vegetarian did not work for me. I hate being locked into a box and while I know I can enjoy it in cycles the idea of something being forbidden to me for the rest of my life chaps my ass. I lasted two months before succumbing to a turkey sandwich and then I had the best spicy chicken sandwich combo from Wendy's of my life. I was literally giddy to be eating it which is funny since it has no lie, been years since going through a drive thru establishment. I am well aware you can have quite a variety in vegetarian dishes but in order to do that I was putting in a lot of time I just don't have at this point. I know I'll cycle back around to eating veggie and obsessing over yoga but for now I'm back in a meat eating (within reason) and weight lifting phase.
I'd be a lot happier if I would just stop trying to force my square peg self into round holes.

Blogging is good for me, orderliness and accomplishment make me feel so good, and every time that I avoid such behaviors I feel badly. I'm sure it's a chicken and the egg situation but nevertheless-here I am.
Got a kickass workout in tonight! It deserves an exclamation point, yes indeedy. I did shoulders, biceps and triceps along with my 18 minutes of intervals. Despite not working out since last Friday I kicked up the resistance to a 3 for close to the entirety and I am super proud of that. For clarity I could handle an 8 on the machines at the gym but level 1 one ours kicked my ass for quite awhile and so a 3 is pretty killer. Last time I thought I was awesome for doing 2nd level with some 3rd level thrown in as often as possible. Each time my cardio resistance handling capabilities advance it means a lot to me. Cardio has always been my biggest challenge and I feel like I'm finally making progress in that area. I know the muscle I have built all over my body is allowing me to advance and I am still really liking doing a body part split routine. Shoulder press (one armed) 17 lb dumbbell for two sets of ten, then 15 lbs for 3 sets of ten. When I feel like I can't possibly do one more rep focusing as hard as I can on the muscle and the contraction will get me two more I have found. I also talk to myself. Shh, don't tell anyone. Same weights were used for 5 sets of curls and 5 sets of tricep overhead extensions (like a pullover but standing). I didn't have to do that many negatives this time on the heavier sets and I felt like I couldn't do anymore for sure when I finished all 5. Hitting it as heavy as I can and still get past 5 reps with that weight-then dropping a few lbs and hitting it again is thoroughly exhausting my muscles in a way that hasn't happened on this consistent of a basis before. I felt sick all day-sore throat, fatigue, etc. so yeah I am a bit full of myself right now. And I should be *pat pat pat
Oh I also cleaned out my car and vacuumed it, washed two loads of clothes and rotated the dishwasher. I need some positivity and I'll be recording it here. I hate that I feel like I need to apologize for listing off things that are good that I've done. Hopefully I'll stop with that bs if I just keep at it.

PS I did my arm workout this week with the 16 or 16.5 (whatever it works out to be) dumbbell and I completed five sets. Some of that was negatives but I was suprised at how little, I mainly did the reps fully at the higher weight. Getting closer to my 20lb goal.

Thanks for the well wishes and concern, I was not sure when I would be myself again but I think I am roughly back to being OK. I did just eat a goat cheese and fig leftover pizza for breakfast but that was my choice and then when I walked over to start coffee making I looked at the last few muffins I had baked that I've been gorging on and was able to say, "No, I'm full." See, that was the missing element lately, I would tell myself I was full and then eat it anyway followed by multiple other items. It definitely felt compulsive and unstoppable.
I got a cold or something that manifested Thursday and kept me home from my you-should-never-miss school program. I am thinking my weirdness that would not stop was partially related to that along with my sadness over my son leaving and just the insane amount of stress I am usually under. I cannot wait to graduate and be done with this bullshit already! Sick of school. Is that obvious?
I guess that bothers me too, I have always liked school ever since I went back of my own volition and wasn't forced there like high school and below. I am intelligent, I enjoy learning, and science fascinates me-yet I think I just hit the nail on the head about why I sort of hate it now. I feel like I am being forced to be there a lot when I am completely disinterested and I am disappointed in the program itself. This has caused me to waiver in my desire to be a dietitian but that is gone and I once again strongly feel that my job is going to be awesome. I think I'll focus on contract work in the field of Gerentology-older folks are ignored way too often and I like them. There are more reasons but that is partially why I am leaning that direction.
M@rla, if shoulder presses consists of using a dumbbell and basically doing an overhead press but with one arm at a time, I do that now. If that is not it I am always open to new ways to work out. I love doing those because it also strongly uses my obliques and doesn't tweak my shoulder joint that using a barbell can easily do. Also, despite feeling really cool, doing the clean and jerk even with light weight and doing my damnedest to have great form aggravates the sphenoid process of one of my thoracic vertebrae and actually makes the bone sore I am also thinking that can't be good, and if I take the weight down enough to not do that it's not a worthwhile exercise for the rest of my body. I'm sure I'll try again, maybe get stronger first-not sure.
I hate that I go in cycles-where this seems easy and awesome and fun and I start looking really cut, even to my critical eyes, and then I slip back into depressed followed by fluffy and start again. I will give myself credit though-this time I mostly still did my workouts which usually fall to the wayside as well.

It's been great to hear from everyone.

Another legs workout completed, I incorporated something I saw on a Crossfit video (M@rla, I love watching them too and want to be able to do the stuff they do). I noticed some people using a balance ball to do a ton of fast bodyweight squats, basically lowering your butt to the ball before coming back up-more than likely a good way to make sure you are going low enough and also to learn balance. With a BALANCE ball? Crazy!
Deadlifts, bodyweight standard and sumo squats, walking lunges, and calf raises where you go up on both then back down with only one-read about it on Skwigg, something she'd doing in physical therapy and it clicked in my brain as the reason why my calves hated me for days recently. I like to use the stairs at school as often as I can (shoes permitting) and one day I had thong sandals on that make a really loud noise if I walk normally so I was tensing my legs quietly placing the sandals on each step-doesn't make sense typing it but basically I was really concentrating my movements in the calves and lowering myself slowly with one leg at a time, same concept.
Mid workout I came inside to get more water and noticed my quad literally bulging about half an inch out maybe, very cool. I made Husband look and he claimed to see it but may have been humoring me.
So I did the afore mentioned exercises interspersed with elliptical training 3 minutes at a time between each set. Oh yeah and I did the plyometric jumping thing where you come up off the floor out of a full squat and jump as high as you can, did about 7 of those as fast as I could and sweat was flying off my head. Awesome.

So yes, I'm still trucking along as an active person. Missed doing yoga yesterday because I felt like crap AGAIN and went to bed really early. It started trying to happen again tonight and I took Claritin and it cleared out enough that I could still function. I've been trying to avoid it because I was afraid taking it daily last week is what prompted the severe allergic type reaction I had Friday night that took away my whole weekend.
This weekend I am hosting a wedding shower for 30 guests at our house, then attending a wedding at a wine bar/winery, and then driving out to our friends' houseboat for the night and next morning. We'll see if my new fancy quads can help me to actually ski this time. Not excited abotu wearing a bathing suit after I thought I had already dodged that bullet this year but maybe I'll just keep a shirt on, screw 'em if they think I'm weird. Or maybe, I'll be really crazy and wear my bathing suit and not care if I look "fat". Damn right.

I did it. Despite a stitch in my side and wobbly legs, I went ahead and did my elliptical cardio/lower body weights workout and I have to admit, I'm proud. I'm sitting on the couch feeling crappy again but at least in the midst of the crappiness I got my workout in, I could have sat here and not done it and not felt any better than I do now.
Also? Taco Bell is not good fuel, it may taste good but it sure did come back to bite me the whole time I was out there.
Things are looking up!

Holy smokes am I tired and ...I started to say sore but it's not soreness, it's muscle exhaustion. My arms feel heavy and my neck is extremely tight and hard to move so I can look downward.
I skipped my lifting session scheduled for yesterday, but never fear, I did it today! I also combined in cardio work so basically I got two workouts in one day. Am very proud of that but let's hope I can put my toddler in the car.
Must go run over to get him, but I wanted to pop on-I had the munchies big time yesterday and just kept eating and eating. Woke up today convinced that I had made myself sloppy and bloated from doing that and even argued internally when I felt slim in my yoga pants. "Self, there is no way you actually look slim to other people, think of that 100 calorie pop corn and the peanut butter and the apple muffins..."
Well shut the hell up stupid voice, I did much better on my negative pushups, lowered myself down to the floor, straight as a board, without even straining-but I think I had already toasted my shoulders 'cause I couldn't do that many at all even though my chest muscles felt like they were raring to go. I'm going to work on that tomorrow or Thursday by themselves.
Anyway, probably not making sense since I am hurrying to get out the door. More later, Fall has arrived! Woo Hoo!

I hereby declare, I shall never eat fried Chinese takeout covered in a sweet cornstarchy sauce, unless I have a deep dislike for myself. I don't even like it anymore and yet I got roped into having it because that is what our family wanted and we were at their place. After seeing that my measly portion had over a thousand calories in it, not counting the rice of egg roll, I say HELL NO. Never again. If I do ever want that I will make my own healthier version at home. Besides, I got GRISTLED by the chicken. If I bite down on a rubbery nasty bite it just ruins it for me.
I did swim some yesterday after lifting weights on Monday so at least I had SOME activity in, and yet I doubt it was enough to counteract that damage. And damage it is, if you don't even enjoy it, I am not trying to be all eating disordered on your ass, just negative. Ha! I feel like I need a disclaimer there: not making fun of actual eating disorders or the people that have them, I was really close myself and traipsed back and forth over the line many times. I associate calling food bad or good or talking about "damage" as eating disorderly type talk-yet it can also have a more valid meaning. If you put fuel into your body that is harmful to it, like massive amounts of salt or alcohol, etc. that IS damange. Anyway, onward.
Ipod is dead and yet I hit the gym again today, after walking uphill for 7 minutes to get there, climbing lots of stairs etc. I did thirty minutes and then had to book it up and down the stairs again and out to the car. Good amount of activity but then I ate a hot dog at dinner in addition to my burger. None of this was fast food and it was yummy and yet maybe I did not need all that. I was truly hungry though so no regrets.
This has dissolved into a food count. Point is, work out=good, food=decently good sparkpeople streak=good.
Speaking of the streak, I just "leveled up" to the bigger trophy which is cool and yet kinda sucky cause I am back down at the bottom of working towards the next one. Now that I am tracking food though it should fly by, maybe I should continue until next trophy?
Plan on adding in a second lifting session tomorrow at school, will be my first time to try out what they have and I hope it does not suck but worse case scenario I just drop and do my pushups or whatever. Maybe they have a pullup bar? Will report back soon!

Just finished sending off an assignment that was hard to type up since I'm shaky. Got a lifting workout in after getting the little guy in bed for his nap. He was still fighting it but I listened to him on the monitor and his protests dwindled just like I knew they would.
So last Sunday night was my last weights workout and here it is Sunday again, but at least I got it done. No music made it sort of crappy, but since my iPod died I really had no choice on that one. Yesterday I pretty much rested all day, slept all night and then took a 2 and a half hr nap on top of that and then was ready to drop at about 10 despite coffee, etc.
During the week I got one workout in (hell I THINK that was this week I did that) on Wednesday and otherwise I did not get much in other than walking the stairs at school when I could. Very hectic and overwhelmingly crappy week, as you all know from the last post. Thanks for the comforting words!
Ugh, creatine powder is like purposefully drinking sand. I do believe it works though, but I need to be more diligent about it. One of my classmates already has a masters in kineseology and is now going for the nutrition leg of her career. She agrees that it is one of the few supplements that actually has been proven to work. Very interesting, I did that one workout on Sunday and looked pretty cut the next few days after that. Today I look puffy and have to go to a pool party so that sort of sucks. Ah well, I'll be too busy throwing my son into the water (he loves it) to worry about stupid shit like that. Rawr.
Kept up using spark people, even went back and recorded my intake after spending the night at my mom's, thought about blowing it off but I really think it is helping me stay on track towards my goals.
Speaking of goals, it was easier to do negative pushups today though still difficult, I'll keep plugging away. I can do a wussy half pushup now but I want to do proper to the floor, back straight, badass ones. I think that's a technical term.
Have no idea on the pull-up front, I'll have to work on that one in the gym or get myself a home pull up bar. That might be an idea...I know there are plenty of them out there that you don't have to permanently attach to the doorframe. For now I will stick with doing the Yate's row and pushups. Yoga actually does a LOT for my back, I MUST get back on that, I miss it but I have no idea where my dvd is and so once again disorganization makes things sucky.
Ciao, gotta finish drinking my sand smoothie and then hit the rain locker.

Planks will definitely need to be moved to non lifting days, my shoulders are toast and they give out before my abs. I thought I'd be smart and use the timer on the microwave to see how long I could last and so I set it for a min and six seconds and quickly ran over and got into position, only I forgot to take off my socks and the floor is slick because I just washed it yesterday. I felt like a cartoon character when they try and skid around corners! Also on the agenda, agility work; see, you just set up a gym in your garage and wait for wasps to come hang out in the summer and you spend your workout giving the stink eye to anything that buzzes and darting around all agile and stuff with Killer Death Spray. Bastard hid from me but I know he's out there.
For the record there has not been another wasp sighting since last time I wrote about it, and the garage is nice and cool with the box fan going. Check back in when it's over a 100 degrees in the shade for weeks on end, but right now? Still loving it, I think it was important for me to dedicate a complete space to taking care of my body, when I had my dumbbells and yoga mat just sitting around in the house I had a tendency to ignore them, plus it is awesome having a weight bench and a better weight set with an actual barbell, the ottoman was pretty crappy in comparison.
I've found that when I treat my endeavors like something to apologize for to the rest of the world, I am only doing myself a disservice. I'm not going to eat badly when I don't even want to just so others don't think I'm weird and I am not going to make jokes about exercising, because I really don't feel that way and if I don't fit in, well hell! what's new?
NEED SHOWER.

Thank you for the congrats ladies! I am pumped and all the school bullshit that seemed so hyooge and overwhelming isn't stressing me nearly as much. Now that I know where I am going for Fall semester and it is in fact where I really, really, REALLY wanted to go a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Speaking of weights (SEGUE!!), I just completed my first workout since getting sick and of course it was a weight lifting session because that is my favorite and I don't normally miss. Just as a started doing a set of conventional deadlifts, a bigass wasp came zooming at me and the phobic freak that I am I hauled back into the house. Hrm, where is the spray? AH! Of course in the garage with the mofo wasp and my workout equipment that I was irritated to be separated from after my absence. After moving on to dumbbell rows I heard him come back, ran in the house again, etc. Finally zapped him but he veered drunkenly under the partially lifted garage door and I was sure the entire workout he would be back with about twenty of his cousins.
I am proud that I finished, my strength is a bit gone and I burned more calories than usual in the time period so it was not my imagination that I was struggling some. I thought I felt somewhat untouched but when I walked back to get cleaned up a minute ago my legs are leaden and my shoulders, back and arms are weak. Neglected abs but the coughing has had me rolling out of bed with them hurting anyway. Heh.
WOO!
I'm focusing on functional lifting-strength that is going to help me in my daily tasks as mom, homeowner, etc. Wow, just crossed my legs and it was a bit difficult. That's what I'm talking about, yo.

I am shaking, but in a good way. I somehow did not burn as many calories but I know I did a great workout. Despite my myriad mental issues lately I will NOT missing a lifting session and I was excited to work on my squat form and to try sumo and conventional deadlifts. I tell ya, conventional or sumo deadlifts either one are MUCH harder than stiff legged, at least in my opinion. I can do stiff legged deadlifts with close to twice the weight of what I did today. Just trying to pick up the barbell off the floor with 50 lbs loaded on it was too damn much and that is not that hard when doing it stiff legged. My hamstrings are already tightening up, but not in an injury feeling sort of way so I bet I just need to get on the floor and do a good stretch session and maybe some myofascial massage on the foam roller.
I'm going to compare weight loads to the last time I wrote it down when I get a chance and I hereby promise to keep track of it in a .doc or excel sheet from here on out-I don't like stopping to scribble when actually IN my workout so I think I will plan the weights beforehand and then adjust as needed. I can usually remember fairly well what each is but eh, the ol' brain-she isn't what she used to be.
Eating has been spot on, I decided to not "count" (pts or calories either one) but to focus on veggies with each meal if possible and to avoid triggers again for awhile. Apparently pasta and meat sauce is a bad one for me, even whole wheat and lean turkey. Just typing that made me feel hungry, wow.
I've neglected my back for too long since starting home workouts-at the gym I used the assisted pull up machine and loved it but um, I kinda don't have one here at home. Yoga and pushups focus on your back muscles but I don't do either one enough to get great results back there. So I better hit Krista's site and find a good compound lift for my back and I'll try that next time.
I also planned all workouts in Sparkpeople as I said I would and already placed my monkey stickers on the calendar for workouts so I HAVE to do them now. Heh. New plan, focus on 4 day segments and go from there, that is where I tend to vier off the path. I feel badly that other's have a hard time with months and here I am with a four day limit but to each their own.

Greedy, that's me. I want new posts from everyone to read and yet here I sit not writing anything myself.
The tidal waves of sickness that plagued us for the last few weeks have gone and life is returning back to normal. Well physically that is, my mental state has sort of gone south-basically I think what is bugging me is my best friend is in a lot of pain right now. The guy she thought she would marry is more than likely dumping her tonight and he has left her in limbo all week. At this point I would like to punch his stupid face in, but I digress.
So I started taking Wellbutrin today and I am having some side effects, but I think it is related to the lack of water and food I have had today. Not on purpose, let me assure you. This girl is not one to starve herself, but I went by my mother's before she left for work and right before I left the afore mentioned friend called and sounded terrible. I called her back and even though I had a happy day planned of shoe shopping with my wonderful little boy, I turned the car around and headed straight to her apartment. She said she needed a hug and so I was there. I talked with her about everything and held her while she cried and this is very hard. On a selfish note it really sucks to be dealing with this on my birthday weekend, but unselfishly that is not stopping me from being her support.
For clarficiation I am not taking an anxiety medication because of her problems, it probably sounded that way in the above wording but that is not the case. I have struggled for years now with stress and depression and have yet to find a medication that works for me all the way around-lexapro did a good job but (TMI alert) made me unable to enjoy sex/any stimulation whatsoever. I stopped taking that immediately, ha! But the fact is, without some type of medical help I do not enjoy the wonderful life I have like I should, I am anxious and angry and irritable and then alternately mopey and tearful and full of despair. Not the way I want to live my life and so I am trying again. The side effect seems to be nausea and light headedness but I am already feeling better now that I ate some more and am drinking my third cup of water since we got back home.
I want to lift weights when my Husband gets home but maybe that is not a good idea with how my head feels. It has been a week though tomorrow, and I don't go more than a week without working out my whole body to failure. Working out once a week, using the heaviest weights possible and then resting the whole next day (no exercise planned at all) has done wonders for my body and strength. I have also consistently lifted, even during the sickness, because I know it is once a week and it makes me feel powerful and strong. I am steadily lifting heavier and that is progress I can touch and see and feel, unlike the scale. My scale weight is still heavier than my old consistent weigh ins and yet I look and feel so much better. Happy Birthday to me tomorrow, yay!

101st post, very cool. I mean to do one of those 100 things in however many days lists, I think it's important to always be striving to do, see, and think more.
I hate tracking things but I think I need to start writing down what weights I'm lifting as it's changed again and I think I may need to examine closer what I'm lifting as pretty much everything has changed to a bit heavier and I'm not remembering as well. If I don't push it each and every time I won't progress as quickly or as completely as I would like.
It is also killing my data loving self to not know for sure how much the bars weight, etc. For my own knowledge and yours if you like this sort of thing (I am looking at what I can do with good form for one set, not what I could do if I was doing a one rep max.):
Shoulder press, sitting: 30-35 lbs. which seems puny but I know is maybe twice what I could do when I started. I also must keep in mind these are free weights and not compare them to weights on resistance machines.
Walking lunges: 34 lbs. This is already a step up but I think I could go up to maybe 40 lbs soonish. (split that into halves for each dumbbell I'm carrying)
Chest Fly, bench: 30lbs + whatever the arms weigh, hard to explain, maybe I will take pictures
Squats, dumbbells: 43 lbs. Just bumped this up and I think I could go up some more since I can do 3 sets plus negative holds for 30secs, though it is challenging.
Bicep curls: 14 lbs.-that seems so puny but when I started with it I couldn't do a full set of ten without doing negatives on this weight and now I can do the ten and then do a 30 sec. negative hold as well, so progress but so slow. Maybe I should mention I have probably already done two sets of pushups at this point and am pretty confident now that I think of it I could do a higher weight on curls if I hadn't already fatigued my arms a good bit.
Calf raises: 58-60lbs. I can lift more than this with my calves but my ARMS have to hold the dumbbells in my home gym and so 60 lbs. for long enough to do a set of 15 rocking lifts with a 30 sec. negative hold at the end is enough. Just raised this from 48-50 lbs.
Tricep extension: 14 lbs, my triceps have come a long way from only being able to work with about 5 lbs way back when. Only make it to 20 sec. on the hold at the end, working on that.
I think that's it...some of this I do two sets but not many. My objective is to work out with the most efficiency, not longevity.
I've pretty much stopped doing deadlifts, still drag that move out sometimes but even though I pay close attention to form there is just so much potential for someone like me working out alone to hurt myself. Squats with a 30 sec hold at the end and walking lunges seems to be doing the trick for the old backside.
I started out my workout today with 5 min warm up on the elliptical trainer and then since it is so beautiful out there I took out my bike after I finished lifting and just rode around the block (about a mile) listening to my iPod and feeling the breeze on my face. Things are going well, slowly knocking out the bloat I ended up with after overeating the last few weeks, perhaps the real fat will start melting off again-I'd like to see the figure that had started emerging before I got sick two times ago. Sigh.

Today I felt well enough to get back to flinging metal around, and so I managed to fit it in depsite a hectic day and I feel so much better for it. It's a chain reaction, when I workout I tend to eat better, however it doesn't work the other way around as well. Maybe I haven't seen a correlation because in the past "eating well" meant dieting and on 1200-1350 calories I just don't have energy for anything more than chasing our son and going to school and running the household. Okay, even that was a stretch, no wonder I lost my shit periodically and cracked up on the kitchen floor. NEED MORE FOOOOOOD.
Anyway, onward.
It is still amazingly freeing to not count anything, whether it be points or calories. Sunday started off a four day spree of sliding back into no counting=making bad choices, but I know it doesn't have to equal that and I have the tools, the knowledge, and the economic status to buy and prepare healthy, nutritious meals. It may sound weird to throw in the economy comment, but so many people do NOT have the money to buy fresh fruit and veggies, leaner cuts of meat, whole wheat breads...you get the picture. I think it CAN be done on a budget, and I don't throw money around all crazy like, but it IS harder. Considering Ramen noodles are like 10/$1.00, need I go on really? Sometimes I don't keep this in mind, I get cranky and tired and frustrated like anyone, but overall it helps to try and remember to be grateful. Wow, re-reading that I wanna kick my Polly Anna ass! Just trying to be positive, I've been freaking out all night (read:crying, holding head in hands) about getting into the school I've been working so hard towards for the last two years.
So, could not sleep last night and had my first lab this morning. I had planned on getting up at 6:20 to get my lifting in, but as the hours rolled by with my eyes still wide open I had to reset the alarm for after 7. Up at 7, dealt with a tired toddler and got to school on time, felt like I needed toothpicks to prop open my eyelids. Nerves caused me to make stupid errors in lab, but no major harm done really. I now have a lab report to write, but let's not think about that now. Got out of lab in time to get home, quickly eat a sandwich and then head out to the garage before picking up our son and driving over to my mother's for a visit. Roughly a 40 minute workout, burned 330 calories (100 more than last time) and upper and lower body were quivering for some time afterwards. I do shoulder press, pushups, deadlifts, squats, walking lunges, calf raises, tricep extension, bicep curls, lateral raises...I think that is it. I do no more than two sets on each body part-I believe if you do more than that you are not lifting heavy enough. If I had a smith machine I think I could get it down to one set, but with no spotter-2 it is. I started out with a 5 minute warm up on the elliptical trainer and did about a mile in that time which is more distance than usual.
Summary: exercise is great, food is on track again, sleep is greatly needed. Brain meltdown-directly related to degree of cohesion of entry.

Well my own comments window is not expanding in order for me to reply to comments, so I'll have to write here instead. Potatoes, po-tat-oes, right?
Savy, I appreciate the comment, it helps immensely when someone takes the time to stop and say a word or two, especially when I admire that person's dedication and perseverance. I think you know very well what it feels like to put a lot of effort in towards something and to feel frustrated with bouncing around in the same little range of numbers. I am going to continue on and just try and do better, I don't think I can really ask anything else of myself. Eating well and getting regular exercise have become who I am over the last few years, so quitting isn't an option, I just need to come up with a game plan to drop these last ten pounds.
What I don't have is a good consistent exercise routine. The only time I've done something consistently was when I was doing power yoga for a little over an hr three times a week. I would walk occasionally but I put no other pressure on myself other than to complete those workouts, which were not easy, but also provided me with a stress relief that I haven't experienced otherwise. I'm not sure what to do at this point, even though during my extreme yoga stint I maintained and even developed plenty of nice visible muscle, I could not shake the feeling that not doing interval cardio and lifting free weights was not okay. Now we have nice equipment out in the garage for the first time ever and I would feel weird not using it. I think I have to work out some type of hybrid...hmm.
Anyway, current plan is to mainly focus on getting an exercise routine down and not to hyper focus on nutrition at this point, though not to let it slide much either. Night school is sapping my will to live, but there's only 6 wks left. I can do this.
I wanted to write a more cohesive, in depth post than this scattered hodge podge but our 15 month old is not allowing that this morning.

Three morning workouts in a row. This is not my beautiful house, how did I get here? No really, it's been fine-I get up around when Hubby and our little guy get up and straight into my workout clothes. I think that's part of the key here, also-knowing I only have to walk out into the garage to workout instead of getting in my car and driving 15 minutes to the gym.
Today was a lower body lifting session, and I can see already I'm going to have to become more organized in order for this to not be a huge pain in the ass. The bench I bought has a leg extension/hamstring attachment that you put a stack on and I was excited about that. Not so much the extensions as I try and protect my knees now, but the hamstring curl in particular. Well the way it is set up, you can't fully curl because there is a preacher curl arm stand in the way. It looks as if I can take that off at whim, but since Hubby put it together I'm not exactly sure how. I checked the instructions on assembly and that is probably the worst instruction manual evah. The bar collar things still completely suck, I know they need to be able to keep the weights on there but damn are they hard to open and get down the bar. I'm learning.
I'm thinking I also need to get a little notebook and record my sets so I know where I'm at without taxing my superb memory. Riiiiight.
I tried again to do a 5 minute warm up on the elliptical and AGAIN it completely kicked my ass on anything other than level 1. What the hell? It's as hard as it was back when I smoked and first started working out-several years ago. I guess it's got a lot to do with the stride and the fact that I've been sick for weeks now and still dealing with allergy crap.
John Reid is sick, poor little thing. Listening to him breathe is breaking my heart, and I wish he could blow his own nose so I didn't have to wrangle him down and use the suction bulb. It's like cat herding, surely that burns calories?