Life is just really getting in my way right now. I wanted to say thank you to everyone that stopped by and left a comment and anyone out there that doesn't comment but stops by anyway (as long as you don't come here to insult me through the monitor). It always blows me away when people (you guys) leave me a comment because you're all engaging wonderful writers and I get a little star struck. This may seem weird but I am socially awkward. Ahem.
Lifted weights again for the first time in several weeks. I've not been inactive mind you (except for during the numerous bouts of sickness I endure on a regular basis)but I've been focusing on yoga rather than free weights and now my interest in weight lifting is peaking once more. I don't want to do AWAY with yoga though, I truly love it and think it is amazing but I have a hard time fitting in both, my mindset wars between the two and for some reason it's like getting a cat and dog to live in harmony with each other. The cat stretches gracefully on the back of the couch and the dog lumbers into the glass sliding door and both are enjoyable. My cat and dog DO live quite well with each other so I know I can get there.
Something else I've concluded is that trying to force myself to adhere to the same activity, sometimes even for a few days at a time, is a losing battle. I embrace change, I crave it and feel stifled when forced into monotony. Some would call it being fickle or flighty but this is just the way I am wired. I am not the person that leaves their home decorated the same way for years, you will not find pictures with the same hairstyle for maybe more than a few months period at a time and the way I dress used to change on a daily basis but now goes more on a few month to a year cycle. I like variety in all things, my ideal would be to swim one day, rock climb another, bike ride and play raquetball, weight train and do yoga, kayak-you name it but different all the time. This is also why being vegetarian did not work for me. I hate being locked into a box and while I know I can enjoy it in cycles the idea of something being forbidden to me for the rest of my life chaps my ass. I lasted two months before succumbing to a turkey sandwich and then I had the best spicy chicken sandwich combo from Wendy's of my life. I was literally giddy to be eating it which is funny since it has no lie, been years since going through a drive thru establishment. I am well aware you can have quite a variety in vegetarian dishes but in order to do that I was putting in a lot of time I just don't have at this point. I know I'll cycle back around to eating veggie and obsessing over yoga but for now I'm back in a meat eating (within reason) and weight lifting phase.
I'd be a lot happier if I would just stop trying to force my square peg self into round holes.

Thanks Crabby! Glad to see you stopped by, love your page. I drove my husband nuts reading archives and laughing and then he'd want to know what was so funny and my answer of whatever health study and your pithy comments didn't seem to do it for him the same way. Ah well, no accounting for tastes, except for mine which are impeccable right?
Anyway, yes I think yoga gets a bad rap because people think it is only for flexibility. The thing is, it can cover so many different goals and you really get what you put out of it. There are also so many different types that what one person tries is not necessarily what someone else is doing and you can do the same sequence at so many different fitness levels.
For instance, take the Warrior II pose. barely bending your front leg and not focusing on each body part, turning completely and tightening your arms, dropping the shoulder blades, etc. etc. will not get you very far. Transitioning from Upward Facing Dog to Downward Facing Dog was a real challenge for me for a long time but now that I can do it and I don't wimp out on the form it is a great strength maneuver for my legs and back both. My quads tremble practically everytime just from that one move. Okay one more link and I'll stop with the linky-ness. This pose was beyond me for so long because I held myself back from even trying it but once I did I felt amazing. I can now do it three times in a row, two times deepening the pose as the page I linked suggests at the bottom of the comments. I had no idea that was a modification, that is how I learned to do it and I can now get in to the pose, hold it and fully extend my arms and legs even though it involves some deep breathing on my part. It used to kill my wrists but now they are barely sore.
I love yoga, is it obvious?

I think I could write 50 dubrillion posts about self image, feminism, and what we're passing on to our children but let's keep it light this morning, k? Crunched on time as per usual.
I have practiced yoga 5 times in the past week and a half (I do an hr long dvd, "power" yoga or vinyasa style, focused on strength) and my body is completely transforming in front of my eyes. My weight hasn't done much but the changes are so drastic I could care less. I can wear all of my pants again, including the smallest pair that I thought maybe I would give away to my mom. I am still up at least five pounds from my usual hangout weight and yet here I am easily pulling on clothes that wouldn't even close two weeks ago. It's incredible and proves that for me focusing on the scale would be a bad idea right now. I am still tracking weight, body fat% and hydration level each morning but it doesn't affect me emotionally. I can wear pants that hit low on the hips without anything hanging over, something I don't think I've done...honestly I don't remember when, it is a weird feeling.
I realized that when I feel really tight and strong and good about myself I want to go out to eat or go to parties because I want to go out in public while it lasts. That's the key part, "while it lasts", I end up destroying it because I think I need to go out and party is some short window while I have the kind of body I want because I won't be able to keep it. That attitude is going out the window, being vegetarian and getting serious about yoga is changing my life.
I've made two fantastic recipes I will share soon, but for now I need to work on school related things. Oh! Speaking of school, things are happening on that front. I'll be on the local news at some point (I don't think I've mentioned that here)talking about eating well on a budget, and next Friday my husband and I are flying to Houston so I can accept an award I received from a prestigious health professional organization. I get to do the fancy pants banquet thing, hopefully dress up, and also get an $1,000 cash award. Yesterday our speaker in class was from a company here in Dallas that also has a location in Tulsa, she gave me her card when I mentioned I might be interested when I graduate. That would be awesome!
Gotta go.

Yesterday mornings planned yoga can be checked off, at least 40 out of 60 minutes can. After completing the actually workout part (mostly) I just laid face down on the carpet so I realized I needed to stop. I have never had to quit early during yoga except when I was sick once and it was a miracle that I got even that far. I am sick of this medication that makes me feel like a weakling. Today is cardio and I am not looking forward to my heart rate shooting up over and over and I will be calling my doctor today to see what the heck else I can do because I want OFF this med, as in NOW.
So my upper back is sore today because I focused a lot on form during my yoga session and it is a great back workout with all of the negative pushups, upward dog, and even the sun salutation sequence in the beginning if you keep your movements sharp and think about keeping your shoulders down and away from your ears. I thought about where I can fit in a TT workout (tubu1ence training) like M@rla has been doing but I wonder if it would kick my ass too much to use just as a cardio workout. I won't know until I try it right?
I started on an eating rampage last night, after studying or I should say TRYING to study organic chem for an exam tomorrow morning, and having to stop constantly to police the little one and not understanding the problems right off the bat over and over...I started eating without being hungry. I fixed a half a natural peanut butter/simply fruit jam sandwich which more than made me full and was fine, and then I started scarfing handfuls of walnuts, cranberries, not sure what else at the pantry. In walks the Husband and he heats up some rice pilaf and turkey tenderloin for his and our son's dinners and I get a spoon and stand there and start eating rice...yes all of this was not unhealthy foods but it was too much and it was sort of a frenzied behavior and I was mentally sniffing out what was next when I sort of shook myself and went and brushed my teeth. I felt like crying, the comfort I was trying to find was not there and it left me feeling defeated. I had a late hair appt at 7:30 so that saved me and got me out of the house but I didn't want to go, I was so tired and felt haggard and ashamed of myself.
I'm okay today and my hair is bitchin'. HA! I crack myself up.

I thought this was a good article, especially the second to last sentence.

Aim for Balance

Healthy ambition requires us not to push ourselves so hard that we are incapable of having a balanced life, but not to take it too easy, either. This seems like a fine line, and in fact, in yoga practice it's often referred to as "the edge." It's the place where you're working at the top of your body's ability on that day. If you worked any less, you'd be slacking off; any more, and you'd be risking injury. What yoga can do, experts say, is help point the way toward healthy, balanced ambition, both for people with lots of drive and for people who feel they lack it.

To attain balanced ambition, your goal should not run afoul of the yama, or principle, of ahimsa, or nonviolence. Interpreted literally, this means your goals shouldn't harm other living beings. But it also has a broader meaning. It means not running over other people in an attempt to get ahead, and not harming or neglecting yourself when you're trying to accomplish things. So you may have to change the way you go about pursuing your goal,perhaps by shifting the time frame for accomplishing it. The key to balanced ambition is to focus on the process, not the outcome of your actions. In yoga terms, this is detachment, or nongrasping.

From the Yoga Journal newsletter.

Chinese Friday night, Greek and Chinese take out Saturday, and Mexican food for lunch Sunday-yoga Friday, walking Saturday, and then the feat to top it all: morning yoga at the gym with my lovely SIL.
That's the wrap up of the days since I've been here-thought I should get that out of the way. Sunday and yesterday I felt so ill I did well to walk from the couch to the bed, and even though I'm not 100% today I just took John Reid out for a walk through the neighborhood then worked in the backyard a little bit. My second organic chem test is tomorrow morning and I am not prepared and am fretting like always. I have so much to say but no time for now-have to make myself study.
I'll just tell you about the yoga class Sunday before I go. The class I have taken at the same gym and also my dvd I work from at home are both "power yoga". Quickly moving and a decent cardio workout as well as strength training. The Tuesday night power yoga class usually kicked my tail really well and when I walked up to the classroom Sunday morning and so it was called "yoga stretch" I was dubious. First off a little more background; Saturday night I attended a party for a friend at a smokey bar and did not get to sleep until after 1 and the class was at 9:30. Not that bad you say but I was not feeling so hot that morning so it was a real feat to even show up, let alone do the class. So I see the instructor and I'd had her before as a sub on Tuesday night and remembered I got a great workout from her method. This class was much slower than I am used to and extremely physically challenging. I feel like form was more of a focus and she sure does love the plank pose and we were admonished to be strong and straight during plank, not like a saggy rotten log. Lol. Nice eh?
It was great, would do it again definitely, and now I must be off to study.

What a morning! The alarm went off at 7 in order for me to wake our son up and get him fed so he would still be sleepy and ready to go back to bed. This was the plan in order for me to knock out a session of yoga (Husband is gone this morning), but when the alarm sounded I turned it off and grumbled back to sleep for thirty minutes. Straight away I could tell the little one was still tired so I put him to bed, changed clothes to practice yoga, and the proceeded to struggle for twenty-five minutes trying to get my dvd to play somewhere, ANYWHERE in this house. The living room set kept kicking back a NO DISC msg, my laptop had no audio, and the bedroom didn't read it either. Finally, I desperately decided to try and do it from memory with it playing silently on my laptop if I needed to double check anything. I felt like the universe was against me but I had to try and time was running out quickly. When I went to get it out of the bedroom player I noticed it WAS WORKING! Eureka!
Then my HRM started acting up and not reading my heartbeat so I just pulled it off and chunked it. I really love wearing it and getting numbers to soothe my nerdy soul but yoga is really for my mental health (on top of the physical rewards) and I also knew I needed a good stretch.
Long boring story short-I got it done, feel wonderful, and am proud I persevered. Also, my size 8 Lucky brand jeans fit better than ever now, despite being 5 lbs heavier so I feel like I have made amazing progress adding muscle mass. I was always told women can't build muscle that quickly but I beg to differ, I believe I have put on somewhere around 3 lbs of muscle in the last month, that is just an estimate. Those jeans were hanging over my head because since I've rebelled against dieting they were too tight and too much squish hanging over the top, and I hate to admit it but it bummed me out. There is nothing hanging over now and they button easily. Last night I could not get to sleep because I laid there poking and pinching and prodding, excited and hopefully and worked up about what is finally happening for me. I have finally found an eating style I can truly live with for life and workouts that I can keep up and that really work and get results. I have had issues with my weight and self image my whole life and have hardcore dieted for about the last five years, and it has finally led me to a good place. How funny that working on your head really does take care of the rest, I never thought that applied to me. Live and learn.
I plan on doing 3 5k runs/walks this year, and while it would be cool to run one/all of them, I'm not sure where that fits into my current exercise plan. Running still eludes me but maybe with the strength I am gaining and the fat I am dropping I can finally do it, we'll see.

I rolled out of bed this morning and tried to convince myself that I could skip practicing yoga, I needed more sleep, I would do it later. After staring blearily into the mirror for a few minutes I started putting my workout clothes on and even had the heart rate monitor strap around my chest, fumbling for the watch that goes with it, when my husband asked, "What exactly are you doing honey?"

"I'm getting ready to go do yoga..." I answered. "It's two in the morning." "No it's not, it's six." After checking my watch with the light up screen feature I realized I had four more hrs to sleep and I'm not sure what the hell happened, but PAT ON THE BACK for me because I was getting up on 3 hrs of sleep determined to practice yoga. No wonder I felt so tired during my self convincing speech.

At 6 o'clock I got right out of bed, after all-6 was nothing after getting up at 2 (I normally roll out of bed around 9 so this is a big deal for me) and I put my gear back on and proceeded to do an hr of power yoga. For the curious, 400 calories burned for an hr of the yoga tape I love (this is including warm up and cool down). I have wondered what kind of expenditure I could expect from doing that dvd and now I know and I am such a dork but I love my heart rate monitor. And if you think it is in inaccurate, please don't tell me. I think it really is accurate because of how exhausted I am afterwards, the shakiness of my entire body and how hard I can feel my heart beating during hard poses. Plus, Rodney Yee loves going through vinyasa or sun salutations.

I cannot believe I have been awake since 6, worked out for an hr, showered and dressed by 8:30, and enrolled our son in MDO for Wednesdays. He's already signed up for M-F at another location and I think he is going to love it. Mama will be the one crying I am sure, but there is no other way and I know it will be good for him. Organic Chem happens to be only available during the day unless I want to take the insanely hard class. Not so much.

Every muscle in my body aches, or at least it seems that way to me this morning. Rodney Yee's Total Body Power Yoga should definitely be considered a strength building program in addition to flexibility training. Walking the halls of my college Tuesday night at a rather quick pace found me somewhat short of breath and in turn, scared. No reason exists for someone of my age and previous (short time ago) fitness level, to be regressing so far to the land of huff n' puff.
One last final exam tonight and then I'm free, to do what I want, any old tiiiiiime. Well if you are not counting the constant time constraints and responsibilities of being Moe-ma.
The scale inches downward again, I've done three intentional workouts this week and am feeling in control once more. Here's to breaking that "low" and blasting through to the other side.