zeneriffic

Until We Meet Again

2009-03-09T09:05:00.002-05:00

I've finally come to admit to myself that I've lost the interest I once had in writing here. I haven't been willing to let go of it because of all the people I've met but I think in order to use my time to focus on school and career related things, my family, and all the various projects I want to work on/am working on I need to sort of call an end to things. If I pop up somewhere else I will send out an email (so if you want to know just leave me your address). More than likely what comes later will be a professional site like I mentioned before but had no time to give to creating
Exercise has been something that is part of my daily life for a long time now, I no longer struggle with that really and since I've spent less time ruminating about food related things, that too has come to somewhat take care of itself. I am eating well, not obsessing and devoting my time to thinking about and doing other things. For me, this is the right step.

Mental Overload

2009-02-28T08:31:00.006-06:00

I've spent the last week doing the best rotation I've had and also the hardest. The best because the people I was lucky enough to be placed with are amazing and inspirational and kind and smart and...all the good adjectives you can think of and on top of that, they're doing what I want to do. Wellness and health promotion in a private practice setting, speaking engagements, programs for individuals and families too, just amazing. If you google the owner's name you get back over 5,000 hits and a lot of them are for her, not some random person with the same name. Just so inspiring, and they liked me! Said I was the best intern they've ever had and that they do not say that lightly. Absolutely made my day and I wish I was going back Monday instead of moving on to other things.
This last week was hard because after putting our family pet to sleep last Friday, my husband also had to be gone that night and then left on Sunday to be gone in LA all week until Thursday night. So I was on the best school experience ever and basically trying to single mom it too. Being a single mother has to be hands down the hardest thing EVER in my experience because you don't just get to be a mom, you have to keep the whole ship afloat on top of trying to be mommy and that's where the problems come in I think. I still feel beat up from exhaustion this morning despite sleeping in a few hrs to almost 8am. I also devoted 100% of my brain power to the job this week because I wanted them to see the real me and to like me and I'm glad it worked. It is a great feeling to be valued by people you value. I will stay in contact with them and my hope is one day when I have more experience to be able to work with them in some capacity. In the meantime I need a website and a business plan for myself and I have to get ye olde resume polished up to get a job post graduation. Experience only helps, never hinders when it comes to counseling patients.
So the kale chips, I found a recipe just googling kale chips because I had seen them mentioned elsewhere. You end up with a very similar texture to lay's original potato chips and the flavor still remains somewhat bitter (they are a serious set of greens after all) but it is also similar to potato chips. You de-stem the leaves of kale, toss in vinegar and olive oil (a tad) and season them how you want, I just used salt because that's what the recipe said. I think it takes trial and error with your own oven temperature and timing and seasoning to get a result you really love but I was pleased with my first attempt. Kale is full of iron, calcium, vitamin A and vitamin C. Kale would also be a good source of Vitamin K so for those taking coumadin or warfarin (same thing) be aware of increasing or decreasing your amount of leafy greens because it will interact with the medication.
To Vickie: I know you had a request for me to find some information and I am happy to do so however I'm not sure where that comment went so if you could let me know again I will work on that.
Exercise was almost non existent this week, I am not exaggerating when I tell you I am lucky I was on two feet most of the time. I did however eat very well even with getting lunch three times due to lack of strength or energy and timing to prepare things. I did tons of research work this week so I'll probably be sharing some of that with you.

By a Thread

2009-02-22T21:21:00.003-06:00

I baked kale chips today and they turned out very good! I think I overcooked them but I'll do better next time. I also hit the gym for a 48 minute workout-burned nearly 600 calories!
Gotta hit the sack, this week is going to be killer time wise-test tomorrow that I am not prepared for so I need to get up early.
Still very up and down about our dog and now Husband is out of town until Thursday. I'm hanging on and have a fridge full of veggies.

Cloudy

2009-02-21T09:40:00.002-06:00

I'm not really sure what I am doing or what I am feeling right now. We had to put our beloved pet to sleep yesterday morning and it has rocked my world to say the least. Yesterday was a blur of sadness and tears and heartache and today I feel sort of numb and empty though my mind keeps filing away each situation that it is obvious she is gone. I keep thinking I need to open the back door to see if she is ready to come in or I need to get up early to let her out or I hear noises and think it is her for a split second, only to realize she is gone. Forever.
She was over 12 years old, I met her when she was only 4 so she was very special to me too, one of the smartest and most loving animals I ever had the pleasure of knowing. My husband got her when she was 6 weeks old and raised her from a puppy. When he went to pick out a pup here came one with huge paws and the breeder's laundry in her mouth and he knew. The lady didn't want to giver her up but I guess money talks.
RIP Dixie, I loved you so much and I miss you.

Good Job

2009-02-15T08:12:00.002-06:00

We went out to eat yesterday and I stayed focused. (!) Grumpy grinch was in the house, I bit my husband's head off for suggesting we go out to eat after I told him I was really working towards stopping the yo-yo and getting this weight I regained off and it sort of set the tone. He does so many nice things for me but he also is so oblivious sometimes and while I have endless patience for our son, not so much for him. This is something I am changing, it wasn't always this way and it is noticeably less when I am not completely overloaded mentally.
So, I said okay we will do whatever you want though I did ixnay the mex place he wanted to take us and we went to a place called Houlihan's. We've only gone one time but I would go back in a heartbeat and I recommend it if you have one in your area. They kindly had items starred on the menu that were lower calorie and so we ordered an appetizer that was starred (calamari) and my entree was the Tandoori Chicken wrap with african spiced fruit on the side. It was very good and I looked up the nutrition info on their site when we finally got home and the meal was 450 calories-I only ate 3/4 of one tortilla and unrolled the rest of it so I know that knocked off about 100 calories (which I replaced with the calamari) and if I would have stopped there it would have been perfect. I ate two bites of my son's "itty bitty" burgers and OH MY was it delicious and I wanted to eat his whole plate. I should have left it alone, but still not much damage done since I barely ate yesterday by accident. Then they brought vanilla ice cream out that came with his meal and maybe it has been a really long time since I ate regular ice cream but one little teaspoon of it was the sweetest, creamiest...wow hot damn it was good. That is all I had though and it could have been blue bell for all I know. They make everything from scratch at the place and you could really tell. I also had a bite of Husband's burger which had Tillamook cheddar cheese and two strips of bacon. Again, the bun was incredible and the rest of it...ay ya ya. The cheese is aged nine months. If I get a crazy burger craving someday when I can splurge a bit more then I know where we are going! After looking at the nutrition info again for a minute I can see a LOT of options for me here, this makes me happy though that does not mean we will be going out to eat often again. I originally typed "out to eat a ton again", fitting.
So I'm up to 159.2 this morning, so .6 of a pound after going out to eat (with the resulting increased sodium load.) I am proud of myself! Also we went out to Cabela's in Ft. Worth (huge hunting/fishing/camping store) and the guys got cookies for a snack and I just walked around with my iced green tea in a bottle that I brought a long. That is not THAT unusual for me but I usually would have had "just one bite". Typing this out helps me to see that my "just one bites" added about 150-200 calories to my total yesterday. Yikes! Something to work on.
A workout is in order today and I'm going to make "Falafel Stuffed Pitas" and "Braised Pork Tenderloin with leeks" today.
More than likely we'll take my mom out for lunch for her birthday too and I have renewed confidence that I won't let my compulsions get the best of me.

Shove Off Bodybugg (just kidding) 158.6 (-1.6)

2009-02-14T09:21:00.005-06:00

Down a pound today (finally) but since that was over the last two weeks the little picture of the guy on the bodybugg program was sort of scolding me. What they don't know is I was back up to almost 162 Tuesday after I went nuts Monday night with tex mex. So being down to 158.6 is pretty major if I do say so myself.
I usually don't list numbers here for fear of being judged one way or another. I think I need to put it out there and talk more about where I have been and where I came from instead of being so vague. I'll start that later. haha! Oh man, I kill me. I think if you counted up the pounds I have lost and gained, lost and gained over the years it would be an absolutely ridiculous number. Not to mention the eating disordered thinking I've taken on when I started dieting back in...hm, 2002 maybe? That wasn't the first time I went on a diet but that was sort of what started the snowball rolling and then after joining WW I learned so many bad things...when we talk about ED in class I am silently saying to myself, "yep that is me, that is me, I do that, what if everyone knew that?" Scary stuff, but since I am not terribly thin I don't think anyone realizes what goes on upstairs. I am aware and I am changing my thought patterns and behaviors and I can do this. We all have choices every day, I loved the post "Split Second" by Lyn at Escape from Obesity (reading her archives now, that is also something I do when I find a blog I like, so be aware I've prob read everything you've written.) I will link to it if I can go back and find it. ETA: Vickie, who totally rocks and you should read, found the link for me and so ta da!
Blogland inspires me so much, I will be mentioning people every day if I can that I think rock, there is almost a never ending supply of inspiring kick ass people out there.
Family calls, I'll just have to come back here later.

Update Damnit

2009-02-13T09:59:00.002-06:00

I have opened this white box so many times to type something and then just closed it out, shaking my head. I feel like I need to do something greater than just tip tapping my daily minutia here and so I put it off and then I end up silent.
I've worked out once this week but have gotten close to the 10,000 steps goal several days while on rotation and have eschewed the elevator in favor of the stairs, etc. Consequently most days I've come close to my calories burned goal of 2300 for the day and the last two days I've been tracking my food again. Like always this works and the scale number is creeping downward again over the same ground I go back and forth over.
My son is home sick and I am feeling really run down but trying to ignore it and think positively, I want to get my third workout of week 3 done (6 week workout program). It is taking me closer to 4 weeks to complete 3 weeks but I am still plugging away and hopeful to get a more regular routine going with some downtime I have coming soon.
See, this is as boring as I thought it would be, I am even zoning out.

Odd Duck

2009-02-06T12:49:00.003-06:00

Woke up this morning, feeling crappy but wanted to do a measurement check since it's been over a month now. I'm down an inch in the waist and an inch and a half in the hips, so woo hoo! Proceed to eat a shit load of salty carbs. Wait, what? Why do I do this? Why do so many people do this? Progress? Try and destroy it!
I'm smart and I know what I eat today is not going to ruin my efforts but I need to be on high alert because this type of behavior is the shit that keeps me starting over, and over and over since regaining the weight. It's bizarre to me how I kept it off for years and then it's like a dam broke and it came flooding back on and has not left. There are worse things in life but this is what I have to bitch about today. Heh.
I'm home today, yay! My family is well and happy and school's end is drawing ever nearer. Woot! Need to get my ass unglued from this couch to go talk with the travel agent about our Europe trip. Now THAT is something to be excited about, in comparison inches and pounds don't hold a candle.
I've been reading everyone, just very tired and funky. Blue mood, not smelly.

I Kick Ass

2009-01-31T10:17:00.005-06:00

Just finished my "cardio" KB workout for this week and I pushed really hard and feel like puking. Who knew nausea was so exhilirating? Most of the time my mind is the only thing that holds me back. Not anymore. I am doing this. I've said that many times, perhaps I've gone at things with the wrong mindset. Reading some blogs I'm new to has really inspired and pushed me to quit being such a pansy. I'll highlight them later, they deserve attention, heck any blog I follow I think is great but a shout out never hurt anyone.
So I did 2 circuits of the workout followed by the max reps on all the core exercises. Examples of what I did today are:
front squat, 1KB 1 arm press on the swiss ball, 2 KB deadlifts, 1 arm rows, alternating leg lunges, triceps standing press, side lunges and 1 arm 1 KB military presses with sets of 25 two arm swings in between each superset and then windmills, opposite elbow-knee touches, KB russian twist, KB V sits, and then swiss ball plank. I am now drinking chocolate flavored Muscle Milk which I should have waited on-in case anyone cares, I'm having one scoop mixed with water.
I have to get in the shower even though my arms probably are too noodley to wash my hair so we can make a 4 yr old's birthday party. I will be eating something good for me that I like before we leave to avoid the subpar offerings. Should have waited on the protein drink as I am now experiencing a slight dumping syndrome feeling, it will pass. Lesson learned.

Winding Down for the Evening

2009-01-28T23:08:00.003-06:00

I'm about to call it a night but wanted to update before I did. I did the first workout of the second week (6 week program) at 9 and got done about 10:30 with the cooldown. Night workouts are a rarity for me because I usually bail if it gets too late and I'm tired and make excuses. We had a "snow day" today and my son was home which makes working out hard plus I took a nap when he did because of feeling crummy. My point that is sort of getting lost in the minutia is I WORKED OUT and I am proud of myself. It has not been easy since school started and especially now that I have started my first clinical rotation of the semester, doing pediatric nutrition at the local children's hospital. I've only done one day but so far so good and I am looking forward to tomorrow.
We have eaten the turkey meatballs marsala and the bbq chicken hash dinners so far. The turkey meatball marsala dish came out tasty but I screwed up the directions practically the whole way through and the sauce was not plentiful enough to cover the noodles, ah well it was delicious. The chicken hash was a time intensive disaster tonight because I didn't read that the chicken needed to be roasted ahead of time so we had to do that and then put everything together and then cook that. If I had the chicken done it would have taken about twenty minutes tops. It was good but not stellar, I give it a B+.
I gotta get my face washed and hit the sack, tomorrow is a new day and a long one.

Bleary and Early Share Many Letters

2009-01-26T05:54:00.003-06:00

Wow am I super tired today, hopefully this will pass once I get moving a bit more but right now I am regretting the caffeinated beverage I had late afternoon yesterday. I didn't drop off to sleep until after midnight and with getting up at 5:30, that is just not much sleep. I have a long day of lectures ahead of me, 8:30-4:45 to be exact and when you are sitting and listening all day it really wears you out oddly enough. Add in traffic time and that puts me at 7:15-6ish for the day, ack!
Hmm I'm actually feeling ok now that the fog is lifting off my brain. Feeling the soreness this morning from yesterdays workout, so far mainly lats, triceps and quads have spoken up. I got my menu made up for the week, from what I can remember it includes BBQ chicken hash, curried venison steak, turkey meatballs marsala, and chicken scallopini. We ended up with more leftovers than anticipated this past week so that should cover us until Saturday at least.
We are finally getting our bedroom redecorated and it is looking awesome, when I came to bed last night I kept peeking and smiling once my eyes were adjusted to the dark. I'll take pictures soon. Only thing really missing is painting and finding the right tables for one side of the bed and by the armchair.
Ok now that I've bored the world with talking about my furniture needs, I better get cracking on readying myself for the day.

Week 1 KB Body completed!

2009-01-25T14:21:00.002-06:00

So I did the third workout today despite not really having the get up and go. My left buttal region (to borrown a Marn phrase) started hurting almost immediately so that sort of put a dampner on it but I did it anyway. This workout was cardio focused so it was made up of supersets with two armed swings in between each superset, followed by some core exercises (I also did the cool down of course). I only did two circuits because of the buttal injury but I think I could have done 3, so that is already improvement. I found a website with some funky swim caps so I think I'll be trying to add swimming in on my off KB days perhaps, get some use out of the gym membership I signed up for (3 yr contract) and have not been using because they don't have kettlebells, bah.
Cooked pizza from scratch last night and I was so proud of myself I could not stop saying, "I am so proud of myself!" haha. The whole wheat crust was from Cooking Light and it was sort of a disaster but it turned out tasty despite the issues that came up. The dough kept clinging to my hands despite adding a lot more flour to it than the recipe even said and it was really pissing me off. I know if your hands are warm that can be a problem, I kept running them under cold water. I finally got it in a bowl but might not have kneaded it enough since it was making me mad, and it did rise and I punched it back down. It was still really sticky though and trying to roll it out made me scream. The recipe was supposed to make two twelve inch pies but I made one big misshapen one. I topped it with sauce I made of tomatoes, garlic, basil and parsley, and shallots cooked down, a four cheese 2% fat Italian mix and sweet Italian turkey sausage, maybe 1 and a half links total. It turned out delicious but the crust of course grew really big and crazy and I had a hard time cooking it through without burning the top. All in all it was very, very tasty and I added a big romaine/tomato salad to mine and our son's plates.
I just contacted a CSA here and am hoping to get a membership and get really creative with vegetables, locally grown, organic vegetables. Awesome.
My muscles hurt.

Hallooooo!

2009-01-24T08:20:00.002-06:00

I'm around but am trying to cut down the amount of time my kiddo spends while I sit on this contraption reading/writing/surfing on a daily basis. Today I'm relaxing that a bit and letting him eat his breakfast on the couch watching Mickey Mouse. These are not daily activities but let's celebrate Saturday, yes?
Planning my meals out for the week worked splendidly as I am sure you could have guessed before I even did it. However, it worked so nicely I am committed to doing it again from here on out. I will plan my menu and snacks, arrange the shopping list by section of the store and then proceed to be pleased as punch. Check and check.
The next meal I made after I last updated was barley with chickpeas and pesto topped with sauteed artichoke hearts in garlic and a sprinkle of shaved parmesan cheese. Lovely, meatless and my guys both liked it quite a bit. It was also very easy which does not hurt.
Workouts? Done two of the scheduled three for the week and will do the third today, I promise. The third one is an all body workout but focused towards cardio so I look forward to it the least but will not skip. I see a lot of two arm swings on the agenda, my palms are already crying-at least I get some cool callouses out of it. I am weird like that. I have to say, I really am loving the workout program and very excited about what I know will happen to my fitness level and physique-it is already happening after one week. Oh! I think I finally have the hang of Turkish get-ups after practicing with no weight added this week-I will attempt to add the ten lb KB next time, I have a serious learning/ability deficit on this one or any other lunge maneuver for that fact. I know what I need to do to make it easy on my knees and effective and I pay close attention to that but sometimes I just get all flustered and disconnected from where exactly my various body parts are supposed to be at what time. No matter, I am getting it, yay!

Early Bird

2009-01-21T06:57:00.003-06:00

I'm still here!
School started in case you couldn't tell and though I've still been getting on this machine to read things, actually producing words of my own has definitely fallen by the wayside. In fact I can't stay long today either, I want to get my workout in before I head off to class. So in bullet points:

I did my first workout with the KB program Husband bought for me for Christmas, and I loved it! At first the system looked too complicated to me but it isn't at all now that I got off my duff and sorted it out. Monday was a strength focused workout, today will be cardio I think (maybe core? have to check) and then Friday will be whichever today isn't. (if that made any sense.)
I am successfully getting up at 5:30am now though I faltered over the weekend. I want to do it everyday so that I naturally adjust to the pattern, so far so good. My master plan is to get used to it and then be able to workout every single day, but as for now I'm just letting my body take in the fact that yes, I really am getting up that early now. In the past I've jumped into everything at once and did not sustain it.
I've been cooking again. Not that I stopped preparing food for awhile but I would say I was assembling more than cooking. I've made roasted red pepper couscous with balsalmic glazed porkchops, sweet and spicy turnips, fettucine with chicken, sun dried tomatoes, fresh basil, and a white wine cream sauce (with parmesan), and tonight I will make a barley, chickpea salad with artichoke hearts, garlic and pesto. All recipes from a Cooking Light book I've had for ages and barely used. If I get time I'll talk about each.
I planned the week's menu including dinner, lunches and snacks and despite thinking it would be a huge pain in the ass, it was not so bad. I AM trained to do this after all, but even with training it's not been my favorite thing in the world. I will just develop the skill some more.

Enough yapping, I better get moving if I want to workout, get ready for school and not be stressed out getting there like I was yesterday.

Okay I give in

2009-01-11T09:30:00.001-06:00

If you would like to see the Tucson pictures, go here. The best ones that I really wanted to share are on here, I think I labeled them all with canyon-anyway sorry to poop out but I kinda wanted my blog back, heh.

Continuation-I Will Get This Done

2009-01-11T09:19:00.005-06:00

I meant to finish talking about that first day last time and sort of petered out-got to get this done so I can move on mentally and write about other things, I just don't want to skip past our trip-it was too great. Okay so after the waterfall we walked up to another lookout point:

Those pictures were taken to make a panoramic sequence all together but I'm not clever enough with software yet to piece that together so you get it in pieces. Pictures don't really do it justice, it was breath taking. I think I'll end this and do a separate post for the next parts. Almost through, hold tight!

Walk About, Yoga, and Dinner

2009-01-06T21:55:00.004-06:00

So, where was I? Yes, post massage and swim we went for a walk on property, here are some photos of cacti. Please enjoy.

And then we made it up to the waterfall which flowed decently now but supposedly shoots water out forty feet or so during monsoon season.

There's more but I am exhausted, yikes! Slept in until 11:30 today, wearing this Bodybugg doodad has me obsessed with being more active and I am wearing myself out. That's a good thing but I guess is shocking to my system. I'd gotten so into the habit of just doing my workout for the day and then being mainly sedentary the rest of the time unless wrangling the child (lovely that he is), so I'll cut this short.
Goodnight.

Last Monday for the Win

2009-01-05T22:13:00.003-06:00

Monday morning we finally got up and hit the Cascade Cafe for brunch. I had blue corn chowder that was delicious, but I can't recall what Jason had...he had a conference call he had to be part of so he disappeared to do that and I headed back to the room to take a shower. We then headed to the spa onsite to get hot stone massages, it was awesome! I had heard that it was ok but not worth it and I have to disagree, Jason thought the same thing, we would both definitely do that again.I took one picture of the spa locker room (no one else was in there for a sec) and then a few outside by the pool (it was heated so we went for a swim afterwards.)PS click to enlarge and see the mountains in the background.

We then changed clothes, thinking there was some hiking on property and there was, sortof...it turned out to be a nicely paved trail that went up to the waterfall they sort of built the place around (didn't want to disturb it or the 300 yr old Saguaro out front) and then wound over to sort of a look out perch that had one of the most incredible views. I spent a great deal of time just exclaiming over views, it was a theme. I'll talk about that and post pictures next time.

Groovy

2009-01-04T12:47:00.004-06:00

Things are going well over here in the new year. I'm using the Bodybugg as intended and tracking my food on their software to compare with calories burned for the day. Yesterday was my first full day with food tracking included so it's easy to say well done so far, ha!
I want to find some good hiking boots, not crazy expensive but something to keep my ankles from rolling, ideally would keep me warm in winter but not be sweltering the rest of the year but I know that seems impossible. We went on a two and a half hr hike on vacation (also swam and did a yoga class together) and I'll talk about that but will start out with the first few pics of the trip.
If I keep waiting to make the perfect post about our vacation it won't happen so here goes a little bit. I plan on trying to make a little book about it too though I wish I had more pictures. I thought I was taking a ton at the time but it turns out? Not so much.The first night there I was too tired and my back ached overwhelmingly, I ended up having to take a nap and then barey made it out for dinner. So the first half day there? Sort of wasted because of me but I really could not have avoided the nap and felt really bad. We went to El Charro for dinner at the original location downtown. They are supposedly the originator of the chimichanga and also the oldest continuously run by the same family mexican restaurant. Been open since 1922 and the place we went was the family's home at one time. Fantastic food, here's a picture of the chimichanga I ordered, it was easily over a foot long, geez!

Jason's dinner, which was this incredible steak that was sun dried and roasted that also filled my chimichanga:

And here's the two of us, tired but happy:

2009 Just Do It This Time

2009-01-02T21:36:00.003-06:00

It's a new year, I'm still a bit fuzzy headed from the severe reaction I had to New Year's Eve festivities and so hence forth have not visited all of your lovely blogs yet. But I will, yes.
Where does 2009 find me? I've been feeling a bit lost and confused and mad and sad and down in the dumps alternating with a determined cheerful sort of grimness.

Two major things I am thinking for myself in this new year: Following the mantra"Just do it" and asking "Is it the best thing for me today?" with a thought towards self care and care of my family. So to put these into action: Old way of living I hate to say: "Wow, the house looks like crap and there is stuff everywhere to be put away but I am so tired and I'll do it later and I'll just sit here and wallow." New way: Hmm so I've been violently ill the last day and a half and rode home for 4 hrs today and I'm beyond tired, wish I had it in me to get this place in order. Well how 'bout I go shower and then at least put a load of clothes in the wash? Hm I can take out the trash from the bathrooms and the Little One's room, kitchen, etc. Hey I'm making progress just doing a few things! Doing some Wii fit games keeps popping in my mind, I'm just going to do it since I keep thinking about it." and then I did thirty minutes of Wii fit despite running into obstacles that could have put me off. The feet that allow you to use the balance board on carpet are missing (two of them) and the remotes are almost dead. The damn thing told me I hadn't been on it in fifty days and then sarcastically called me the wrong name like it didn't know me anymore. I've done other things Wii! Get off my back yo.
House is semi cleaned up and I did a small workout (about 200 calories for 30 minutes which is not stellar but a damned site more than you burn sitting on your bum I'd reckon).
I am done talking and ready to start doing and to quit whinging so much and to spend less time sitting around (mainly online, I don't really have a teevee problem) and so there you have it.
I'm not sure what direction I'm going to go, I may kick it old school and weigh in on Fridays and report it here etc. I've avoided accountability for ages and it makes me feel a little squirmy to admit to myself and to you that I am just not happy with my current state and way of doing things and that I'm going to really do something about it. If you don't tell anyone then no one knows when you fail.
And as for the self care portion, instead of blundering along harming myself and others I absolutely vow to stop, ask if what I am doing or contemplating doing is best for me or the person it affects and then proceeding likewise. That would have ruled out the extra long cheese coney, tots and rootbeer for lunch today for sure. I'll expand more but my miniscule attention span has already wandered.
Hope everyone is well or on their way to being so.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

2008-12-25T15:44:00.003-06:00

I know it's Christmas and most people are snoozing or boozing or persuing their gifts but my family is partaking of the first activity and I am too caffeinated to join. I got a Bodybugg, yay! I am so curious to see how this thing does, please check out the link here if you are not familiar. One of the ladies at school did her mini presentation on this in the beginning of the semester and I immediately added that to my wish list, cool gadget (if it works, we shall see) but too pricey for me to just go and buy one outright. They had a pretty good sale on them for a bit so I am hoping my loved ones took advantage of that when they got it for me. If not? I got a bodybugg either way, yay!
Just got it set up, I am balking at the idea of anyone trying to coach me, I seriously want to cancel that since I could school most "fit pros" on nutrition but I'm trying to just be open to what they have to say. You can think you know everything and still learn if you just leave yourself open, a few people very close to me drive me up the wall in that they never listen to anyone, always know everything, and in reality that is not true. I don't want to be like that. I admit I did close the tutorial though since the info was very elementary compared to what I have studied albeit accurate at least.
So woot! I will now be using my graphics from Marla to show days I use the bugg and will update ya'll on how it goes.

OH! and my husband got me the Kettlebelle body program I wanted (sweet man) so I will be working on that as well. Awesome. Must get more kettlebells, the three we have are good for a lot but we need a heavier one for swings and I wouldn't mind having some additional lighter ones to do two armed exercises. I am in fitness nerd heaven. Picture this: iPod nano strapped to my right arm, Bodybugg on the left, and polar HRM watch on with chest band. I will be ready for war, the war on sloth? yes?

Hope everyone is happy no matter what holiday means something for you.

Ouch

2008-12-20T10:22:00.002-06:00

Every muscle in my body hurts, yeowch! I knew my workout yesterday felt pretty badass and I was right. I focused on the presses especially, keeping my forearm parallel to my ears and not bringing the weights to close in to my head and boy howdy did that work my back over. I keep that up and my elusive pull-up dream will become a reality, for sure.
I've gone off the rails nutrition wise and YET AGAIN I have proved to myself that strict dieting is made of FAIL for me. I simply can't do it anymore and keep my sanity. I start putting a huge importance on food and fall back into the binge/restrict cycle that I completely banished when I first read Inuitive Eating. So why did I gain weight after leaving the diet mindset? Well I turned it into a free for all, mindless junk eating lifestyle. Hmmm yeah that would do it. So my homework at this point is to re-read Intuitive Eating, slow down and enjoy my food and drink. Be kind to myself. Stop the madness.
Currently hungover and waiting on greasy food to arrive. Sigh. If I can rehab enough to not feel like crap on dry toast then I'll definitely workout-my cool graphic that Marla made me is going to be for workout days instead of being "on plan" food wise.
This is really a skim the surface of a big issue post but it'll have to do for now.

Missed me? I'm Baaaaack

2008-12-19T11:46:00.007-06:00

When gymming it with full intention to lift weights in a manner that showcases your behind whether you like it or not, do not wear thin cotton pants and underwear apparently called "cheekies" by VS. If so, you shall resemble the picture (if you click the link, I originally had it on here but was irked to have a half naked chick on my blog, not exactly the kind of thing I support) to your horrifed eyes but with clothing over it and not the nakedness. Also that is not me. A clear outline of my undies was visible everytime I moved around at all and I can honestly say I won't make that mistake again, you think eschewing the floss wear would be more comfortable but after yanking and pulling on these suckers for thirty minutes I would have to disagree.
My muscles are so fatigued that I've sort of sat here avoiding the shower because I don't want to hold my arms up to wash my hair. Ok maybe it won't be that bad but it feels like it.

Today's Workout (using dumbbells with kettlebell movements, wish the gym had KBs):

Double military press
swings
cleans
suitcase deadlift
one legged deadlift
front squat
renegade lunge
halos
good mornings
one armed rows
windmills

I may be forgetting something but I basically mixed these up and repeated moves alternating between upper and lower body exercises (which is sort of not completely true with KB movements since they tend to use your whole body, especially the core) until completely tuckered out. It only took 30 minutes but I can guarantee it was a good workout. After I get warmed up my heart rate shoots up to the 170's with every exercise, I let it come back down while pacing around and then move on to the next-strength and intervals in one.

Alright that's all I can do at the computer for now, I just have not been able to force myself on this thing since I started feeling better and can actually leave the house. Off to beautify myself and do some holiday shopping.

At least my rearview looked good, awkward or not. ha!

End of Day Four-This Road is Lined with Peril

2008-12-14T20:28:00.003-06:00

Ahh day four (day one on the graphic but don't pay attention to that. Historically day four is where things go downhill for me and this time appeared to be going no differently. Deceptive.

Well that is not how the cookie will crumble this time, I did not fail because I ate more than I planned today. I did not fail because I have been sick since starting this ding dang challenge and I've only worked out once. What do these things make me? Human.

Not only human but rather predictable. I say predictable does not mean set in stone however and that is key to remember. I know what is going on here and I am staying the course to do better from here on out starting off with this challenge. Optimistic.

I read the saying somewhere (forgive me for not remembering where) that if you had a flat tire would you deflate the other three? or would you fix it and keep on traveling? I am choosing to fix the flat and keep on-the gig is not up because I ate too much Kashi oatmeal or too few vegetables today. So today I couldn't stomach the carrots when yesterday they sounded delicious. It happens, dare I say it might even be? Predictable.

Bottom line, there will be bumps in the road, that is called life and if not tomorrow then the next day I shall be better and I'll be at the gym and I'll continue to make good nutritional choices. Promise.

Teaser

2008-12-14T10:30:00.000-06:00

I strapped on a pedometer today, let's see what I can do-sick or no.

End of Day Three-Countdown to Slumberland

2008-12-13T19:57:00.004-06:00

A quick update as I just took some Nyquil and I don't know how much later I'll be up. Not much activity to speak of for today but I ate very well, fruits and veggies, fiber, calcium, good fats, the whole shebang. Temptation tried to creep in towards dinner time but I stamped it down and cooked the delicious tilapia we had in the freezer and made a salad for myself and our son, Husband had rice. Some day we'll all three eat salad I hope but we've made progress on that front and so I remain hopeful but non pushy.
The temptation that reared was certainly not for any junk food, I actually wasn't craving anything in particular-sort of how it goes lately is I think about if I want hot or cold food and then proceed accordingly. Feeling poorly I just wanted something to grab out of the fridge and eat, no cooking involved. Reality kicked me in the ass though and let me know real quick that plopping some already breaded and seasoned fish on a baking sheet and preheating an oven was no biggie. Mission accomplished.
The perfusion of perfume in the gym yesterday seemed to aggravate my breathing passages, it was bad people, I don't think I've ever experienced such and the offenders were using the treadmill fans (for their casual strolls) so the fetid air was handily blown back on me while I huffed and puffed doing my darndest to raise and lower my heartrate repeatedly. P U. I am not usually a complainer about scent or personal choices but this...wow.
Alright, to end on a positive note, I am thankful I am out of school so that I am not missing class and stressing out about it and I have time to rest and get better. Despite being sick, life is good.

End of Day Two or, Original Titles, Who Needs Them?

2008-12-12T18:45:00.003-06:00

Marla made me some awesome calendar graphics but that will have to wait until Sunday. Starting on a Thursday mucked up the artistic expression. *grin So I started yesterday and we'll just have to add on a few days mentally, good brain exercise.
Did my color coded food thing today, still have dinner to go but I am so on track it's not a worry. Despite being a veritable snot factory with sinuses so swollen it's deplorable, I did manage to hit the gym today for 30 minutes of interval cardio. I then walked down a ways to the store for a few items, used the handbasket and then walked back. Focusing on incidental activity is part of my new focus you see, so I may be chronicling that sort of thing.
The persimmon: I've eyed it everyday, thought about the bezoar hazard from unripened persimmon consumption, and kept on truckin'. I finally noticed it seemed to be in danger of spoiling so I figured the threat would be low. I read that you just peel it and eat so I tried a piece, was astonished by the taste, and ended up eating the entire thing. I can't say I would have another, I am not much of a sugar hound and that fruit was without a doubt the sweetest type I have ever had. It tasted as though it were constructed of pure white sugar, I am not kidding. I can see how if that were your type of thing you could eat too many of them and it end up with the dreaded bezoar. BEZOAR! Immediately after eating it I was convinced of stomach and intestinal pains but it's rather questionable how much of that was ye olde noggin.
Me-tired of being sick but fully fired up to knock off this bit of weight I've stacked on this year.

End of Day One

2008-12-11T21:11:00.002-06:00

I'm challenging myself to following a plan of my own design until New Year's Eve and day one is behind me. By no means will I suddenly sink into debauchery at the end goal but I may adjust my plan or do something different entirely. It's all well and good to live a healthy lifestyle, which I already do, but in order to feel that sense of achievement I like to have a plan to follow. Today I wrote down what I ate in different colored markers so I could glance at it and see if I was getting plenty of veggies, protein sources, and a good amount of carbohydrate. I liked this system and so shall keep it.
As for activity, no formal workout, just a lot of work around the house and at least 15-20 minutes or more of running back and forth in our yard kicking a ball with our son. So functional and fun-tional work was done today and tomorrow I take our Boy to school and will hit the gym.

I'm watching "What the Bleep Do We Know? and am not sure what to think at this point but it's pretty interesting. I love stuff like this, quantum physics, power of the mind, what's not to love? So I can't really focus on this at the moment, I'm missing fascinating points.
I will be updating daily with my progress and any other nonsense that comes to mind.

PS I ate the persimmon today, remind me to talk about that if I forget. BEZOARS!

Slacker

2008-12-06T21:43:00.008-06:00

In an effort to disallow any more time to pass me by without posting you shall now get a hodge podge of mental detrius for your enjoyment. *cough. The things I intended to do today sort of either fell by the wayside, like so many solitary hitchhiking shoes, or were reimagined, a cosmic "Do This, Not That" editorial if you will.

Here it is bullet style:

back to the gym-did not happen. Aha! Slacker! No, I ended up doing a thirty minute kettlebell workout in the warmth of my very own living room. Part of gymming today was our son getting to play in their playroom which he considers a treat. Due to toddler noncompliance with our fascist regime (you know, going to bed and not getting up a million times) I had to revoke this privledge as well as the movie viewing outing that had been proposed the night before. A workout happened to be high on my list of priorities so when he sacked out for naptime I fired up the kettlebell dvd and grabbed Big Blue (the 20 lb 'bell). I did the first two circuits instead of pushing for all three, knowing that yes I could get through it, but it would zap me the rest of the day and I had big plans. A note on kettlebell workouts: I've been doing a modified version of various kettlebell moves with the dumbbells at the gym and yes, speaking from experience now, it is drastically different. I actually prefer the dumbbells now, something I never thought I would say when I started out learning the kettlebell workouts. I won't abandon the real deal entirely by any means and hope to get heavier cannonballs o' fun for Christmas, but I feel much more engaged when I use the dumbbells for the same motions at the gym. Several things play into that: I can use much heavier weights using dumbbells and seem to be able to gauge progress more. I really get a badass workout in a shorter time period, using the kettlebells ends up being a bit more about cardiac performance and less of a strength building experience. Don't mistake me, I did make gains and rather quickly with kettlebells, but it seems to be maybe the movements rather than the hunks of iron themselves. Before my recent hiatus that I am now having to recover from strength-wise, I was up to weights previously unknown to me. I'm digressing and becoming less coherent here, I'll just write an entire post about that bit of business. I also jam out to my own tunes when hitting the gym and when following the dvd kettlebell workout I like to hear the verbal cues and my attempt at playing music over that did not work out well. My vim and vigor vanish. I just prefer to lift heavy for a shorter amount of time and then subsequently have a nice all over drained feeling, shaking limbs etc. rather than repeating many, many reps in order to feel exhausted but not max out my potential.
The Persimmon Thing-I bought a persimmon just for the hell of it, I almost didn't when I copped a look at the price for just one but it seemed strange that I spotted it so suddenly and it occured to me, I hadn't a clue what one does with a persimmon. It is squatting next to our clementines and honeycrisps being very mysterious. After finally taking the time to hit up Dr. Google for the answer I see you can eat it raw but that if it is not ripe enough, it might form a bezoar! I thought bezoars were somewhat of a scary dietetics myth, used to frighten young interns. sort of, I mean I know they exist but you just don't run into them I may just wait until the damned thing is almost rotten to try it now. Bezoars! ack.
Posting pictures-this one will have to wait for now.
Additional frivolous things blog-this is also just waiting for pictures and such, it will be the address http://errysue.blogspot.com/ , titled Brocante which means "junk" loosely in French as far as I know. I l ike the idea of just being able to empty the ol' cranium of fluff and nonsense. What will be posted? Pictures of moi, my family probably, fashion related things I like (meaning what I want or wear not actually following fashion which could not bore me more most of the time), crafty things, projects, just whatever takes my fancy.
professional paper-about halfway written, I had to take a break to get this important update tip tapped out, right?

I really wish I had a cool mark the days off graphic thing going like Marla, we are very similarly minded when it comes to having plans and marking things off, etc. I plan to commit to x number of workouts until Christmas, just need to figure that out, but that's what blogs are for and I've got a date with Winkin', Blinkin' and Nod. Bonus points if anyone realizes that comes from something and I'm not just a few marbles short of a set.

Promise

2008-12-06T10:56:00.003-06:00

I WILL post today. Just not now, ha.

On the agenda:
back to the gym
figuring out this persimmon thing
posting pictures
hopefully starting an additional blog for frivolous things
writing my professional paper due Monday over the presentation I just did and THOUGHT I was free of...boo.
later taters

Just So You Know

2008-11-23T21:33:00.006-06:00

I'll be out of town from Tuesday morning through Saturday and probably won't be around the blog world, but you never know.
Gotta go get my bag packed for real and get myself tucked in for the night.

Grey Skies

2008-11-21T20:34:00.002-06:00

There's one good thing about being depressed, oddly enough this is the time I don't even really look at myself good or bad and it's sort of a break.
Spending the week at the cancer center for a rotation was not exactly conducive to a cheerful mood and then I really hit bottom last night knowing that my son and husband would leave this morning and I won't see our son until Tuesday and my husband until Thursday. Even when something is known beforehand and an established yearly thing it doesn't make it any easier. I've been with my husband 7 years this December and yet his yearly hunting trip that he will NEVER budge on still bums me out considerably. The last two years I have not cared or missed him and I would say that is worse. At least I am back to caring. Now missing my son? Always hard for me, always. I can now handle 2-3 nights okay but beyond that is very hard though I know the world will not spinning; still hard for me to be away from him just simply because he is so wonderful and cheery and sweet. He brightens each day and I hate for that element to be gone. I am fully aware I can't put my happiness on him though, my father did that to me and it was a heavy burden. So I don't pin all my emotions on him or being with him but he just makes you happy to be around him.
I have not been to the gym all week and it is weighing on my mind. I have simply been too worn out and feeling very fragile physically. I know if I pushed it I would be sick right now and I am narrowly avoiding that now. I slept until 3:30 today, just absorb that for a moment!
I also am getting my ass to a mammogram pronto as there is soreness and possibly a lump or swollen lymph node in my right breast. I don't think I need to elaborate on that and how that makes me feel. My paternal grandparents died of cancer. My maternal grandmother is dying right now of metastatic breast cancer. My father has lung cancer (that he is ignoring). My mother is a survivor of colon cancer. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really concerned and freaked out. I hope it is nothing, I really, really do but regardless I am going to go on a round of doc visits (for all kinds of things) because all I can do is be hyper vigilant and live well.
I talked to my mom about all over the above and am feeling better and feeling positive and can only go forward from here trying to be positive, productive, and patient.

Lightbulb Moment

2008-11-17T17:35:00.005-06:00

Reading this post over at Marelisa's wonderfully uplifting and useful blog gave me an idea.
Those of us that have made changes focused towards living a healthier life or tried to become a more automated healthy lifestyler may just need to keep in mind that we have to practice just like any other skill. Why is it that we tend to think we're malfunctioning if we "fail" at embodying our fitness/nutrition ideal when perhaps it's not been our mode of living since birth? Think of it, if you were raised from birth practicing daily exercise and enjoying healthy properly portioned meals would it be hard to do now? Of course not. Note I said enjoying, not having it forced on you. I know people that had alternative upbringings with parents that went to the other end of the spectrum, never allowing a cookie or birthday cake, etc. and they resented it and rebelled themselves into some serious health problems they're now trying to resolve.
My parents never even mentioned exercise and good nutrition was not really a focus, I lucked out for the most part because we couldn't AFFORD junk food so therefore did not get any. Most meals were pretty well balanced if you ignore the fried stuff but overall that wasn't so bad. This had a bad effect on me in the end because as soon as I could buy junk I did after seeing it as forbidden until I moved out. That set me up for a food insecurity situation and binge and restrict behavior but that's a talk for another day.
Bottom line, I'm going to be kinder to myself, you should too, and I'm just going to keep practicing. If I keep at it (and I will) someday I'll be a master.

PS I just now realized this template had a title option and turned it on. D'oh! I have no idea why it was not enabled and just thought this template didn't have that and sort of hated never getting to title anything. Wonders never cease...

Mirror, Mirror

2008-11-16T11:32:00.003-06:00

I had no idea how hard it would be to stop mirror glancing or running my hand over my belly reflexively. To an outsider I wonder if I would seem overly vain, admiring and feeling myself up; in reality I'm almost always looking at my stomach and checking much too often to see if I'm puffy or flabby feeling. Geez! I'm making an effort to stop and it is working but I know it will take time. I would like to note the ban is not extending to the gym (at least when lifting weights) because the only feeling I get from that tends to be positive and I need to check my form!
I've also eaten food that would not be on the acceptable list normally when trying to lose weight and managed to avoid guilt-big deal for me.
Studying for an exam over cancer and aids/hiv tomorrow so unfortunately that is all for now.

Body Checking-Not Just for the NHL Anymore

2008-11-15T10:20:00.004-06:00

Imagine if everyday you were asked to step in front of a judge’s panel, scrutinized for any minute increase in girth, change in firmness, made to pose this way and that. Everyday mashed and and felt, pinched and pulled with the end result usually a sigh of impatience or disapproval sprinkled sparingly with days you meet these incredibly high standards. On those days as soon as you’re judge adequate you’re ignored until you then must meet sabotage attempts to test your mettle. The initial insult is not enough, step in front of the mirror all day any chance you get to be rejudged, poked and prodded. Pretty miserable and stressfull just reading about it, right?
This is what I do to myself on a daily basis without even conciously realizing it and it stops today.
It’s called body checking and most of us do it in some form or another, whether it’s a sly pinch of skin to see how much can be grabbed, furtive looks in reflective surfaces, examinations of our thighs when we cross our legs or heaven forbid sit in a chair. I’ve often wistfully thought of the time when I was innocently happy with myself, where I didn’t know what I weighed and didn’t care to meet anyone else’s ideal and when I rarely went shopping I didn’t even have a clue what size I was and would just try things on until something fit and the number had absolutely no meaning at all.
Wow that just hit me, I did no body checking in any form and that is why I was happy with myself. It’s eluded me for years now what changed and how I could get back there.
I don’t pretend to think I can fix the damage I’ve done in the name of self improvement with the snap of my fingers. I also am very happy with the lifestyle changes I have made and the person I am now minus the body issues and the anxiety.
And there’s another thing about body checking: I only need it when I try and get away with as little healthy actions as possible. For example weighing myself: I do it religiously when I am focused on losing pounds but a common theme in my mind is, okay I only gained a pound from eating that pizza so that ‘s water weight and I “got away with that”. Or I ate very little and worked out like a fiend and I’m dropping about a lb a day (not healthy) so I’ll keep going with that.
If I simply live like the person I want to be the weighing is not necessary, I don’t need it to keep me on track (on plan, in line, etc) because if I am living well in the first place that is the goal. If I workout 4-6 days a week and eat fruits and vegetables at every meal there is no way I’ll head in the wrong direction.
The scrutiny is unnecessary when my actions are in line with my goal and only need to come in to play when I am trying to cheat the system or to punish myself. That’s not how a normal person lives, that’s not how I lived before I decided to try we1ght w@tchers.
Assignment for today: no mirror gazing unless it’s needed to fix my hair or dress myself (normal things) and absolutely no weighing or flab fondling (eww, haha!).
Fruits and veggies on the menu and a trip the gym are in order because I am a person that enjoys food that is good for me and likes to move my body and become stronger. I am.
Wish me luck.

The link I included is to a journal article in Behavior Research and Therapy on what body checking is and what effect low versus high body checking has on a group of women in one study. They found that the positive outcome in the low body checking group did not last very long-I personally think they went back to body checking again perhaps as I know this is not the first time I have tried to stop it. Try, try again.

2008-11-04T14:55:00.005-06:00

And more pictures! These are from our last girlie night with a vintage theme.

In this first one I'm wearing a vintage "Cloud 9" brand faux fur coat I bought in a little shop when I was a junior in high school and my new purple wool hat from Banana Republic. I love that the old school styling is so prevalent in a lot of their clothing, I wish I had the money to buy a lot of the dresses especially.

In this one I'm wearing my friend's headpiece which felt really cool with the netting pulled over my eyes.

And I included this because it shows more of the dress I wore. I also had on seamed stockings and heels. The dress was made by my amazing great grandmother. my mama has always called it the "marilyn monroe" dress and until I went to put it on I hadn't realized that she made it. Checking for a tag to maybe give me an idea of the date there was just her name pinned inside. Simply amazing. The only zipper is on the side and it fits like it was made for me. My earrings are also vintage clip-ons and were my grandmother's too.

2008-11-02T17:41:00.002-06:00

And in leiu of a real entry at the moment: pictures of my new haircut!

2008-10-27T20:32:00.003-05:00

I'm currently dealing with trying to keep our toddler in bed while my Husband is at work. This is not going that well and so my plan of having time to update is somewhat shot but I said I would be back and so here I am.
Went to the gym after taking the exam this morning and got on the elliptical and the treadmill. Did intervals on both, the elliptical had a cross ramp option that basically increased the incline-not sure that I've done that kind before. I remember when 5 minutes on an elliptical on resistance 1 about killed me-I was coming from being completely sedentary and a smoker to boot. Creepy falsetto singing dude was back and just like I thought I'm pretty sure he's out of jail or something-I noticed the tear tattoo on his face today. Also, what was he doing at the gym on a Monday during the day? There's an interesting mix at this gym, scary looking guys in the free weights area, me being the only female that ventures in there amongst them. Then you have all the Latinas young and old rockin' the cardio machines and then really, really old white folks paddling around in the pool. I love seeing the obvious harmony in such a variety of people.
I've since come home and worked for what feels like a long time (at least an hr or two) on the house, cooked dinner and battled our son who seems to be going through an independence asserting phase. I'm exhausted and believe I'll go curl up in bed with a book.

2008-10-27T07:40:00.004-05:00

I'm seriously considering re-joining a gym. I've thought, "I can do this at home, look at these shiny handled cannonballs here and this bench and this elliptical, etc" and while it is true I CAN do this at home, the problem has been WILL I do this at home. The fact is, when I have a designated building to dress for, go to and cavort within, I am much more likely to be consistent. There's no coming in and sinking into the couch while my ass becomes one with the foam.
So Bally's is running a thing where you can print out a two week free pass and of course you have to go through a "tour" which is basically a thinly (and I mean thin, as transparent as a Saran wrap dress)ploy to sign you up that day. That day, as in before you even get to workout there. I almost fell for it myself, not due to the less than stellar sales pitch but just because my little fitness addicted heart was dazzled by having all the crap I could want within 5 minutes of our house.
I'm studying for an exam that is coming at 9:30 this morning over Liver and Heme but promise and cross my pea pickin' heart and all that jazz I will come back to post again TODAY. I have to tell you about my first workout there and the grunty Latin macho man that persisted in singing in a falsetto voice at random times. For instance singing the she's got legs ZZ top song when it wasn't even PLAYING.
I'm wearing my workout gear now so I can drive straight from school to the gym for HIIT cardio, I shall return.

2008-10-23T05:58:00.003-05:00

Today is my last day of my big rotation for this semester. I'm a bit sad that it is over now that I have a great instructor that is making it really interesting and non scary for me. Exercise has been constantly on my mind but I have yet to achieve any since Sunday. My son is going to his grandma's today thru Sunday and my Husband leaves tomorrow to go hunting so I'll be all on my own.
I'm having a vintage party Saturday with my girlfriends-we're going to dress up, fix our hair old style, watch old movies, maybe have some martinis or champagne, etc. etc. I think it will be very fun but I need to figure out what to do with my hair. It's gotten so long it's down to my bra strap and I am girly stuff challenged sometimes. I just now figured out how to curl my hair properly and I'm 27.
What can you do, right? ha!
I want to talk about something really cool that happened yesterday at the hospital but think it's better to not mention things on this public place. Not trying to be a teaser but if anyone wants to know just email me.
Le sigh, I better get ready for my last day. Be back later with pictures, etc. Also going to finally figure out how to do videos with the help of my Husband.

2008-10-13T20:06:00.003-05:00

I still felt queasy all day today and I promise I didn't drink THAT much, my goodness. As a result I've eaten on an almost constant basis all day trying to stifle that niggling discomfort. That combined with other GI disturbances has added up to my feeling pretty crappy right about now but this too shall pass. I know that, and I know that THIS TIME (the eternal cry, right?) I will not let my workouts fall by the wayside. I am stronger and in a better mental place-at least when I get enough sleep, something I did not do last night either. Ack, this is reading like a trainwreck.
How 'bout I share a food tip instead of listing my deviations from the path? If you have a hard time eating salad or you eat it but don't really enjoy doing so, try chopping the lettuce into fairly small pieces. I first tried it after having a completely unhealthy chopped salad out and about with friends and then I remembered buying this handy little tool I bought at IKEA in the days of yore which promptly went to live in my cabinet to languish. It works like a champ to chop my salad and I can go through a huge package of spinach or romaine now when it is chopped. It might sound like a silly thing but for some reason it makes my salads deliciouso mucho! It is funny how the texture of things can drastically change our perceptions. I also think it tastes better because there is more surface area for the dressing and other goodies to coat instead of huge dull leaf that barely gets doused. Try it, you may love it. There's also scissors specifically made for the job but I love my little roley poley cutting board thingie.
I had a sneaking suspicion that my back would be killing me today after pulling myself up those swingset bars (picture sort of a really tall u-shape and gripping the bars while swinging your body back and forth and climbing to the top of the upside down u shape with just your arms and back doing the work). Not only has my back hurt but my poor neck seemed to take the brunt of it. It's been miserable.
I'm doing it again as soon as possible. HA!

2008-10-12T16:13:00.003-05:00

Yikes, what happened to updating in the morning? Completely slipped my mind the next day as I was running behind and feeling harried trying to get everything done before leaving the house. I attended this with some friends to celebrate one of their birthdays early and we had rootbeer on tap, unbelievable bread, salad and pizza at Eno's before I hopped back on the train to head home. As soon as I got home I changed clothes, ordered a pizza for my mom and son to have for dinner and we left again to eat dinner at Uncle Julio's in Ft. Worth before going to see a comedian. I had the roasted vegetable tamales and they were fantastic! Unfortunately I did not have a cheesy greasy coating in my stomach for all the drinking that ensued. I had not intended on drinking quite so much but it got out of hand and we ended up closing the bar down after the show and then going back to a friend's house and carrying on even more. We may have stayed up until about 5 for all I know.
Now, normally if I did something like that these days I'd beat myself up and feel worthless mentally and physically the rest of the day but today I tried to be smart about it. As smart as one can be about what amounts to an episode of binge drinking. I am well aware that the two concepts don't go together. I deduced from various lectures that if you are hungover but can manage to get some activity in your body will process the alochol and toxic by products much more efficienty. Your liver is unique compared to say, your kidneys, in that the blood flow varies on physical activity. You receive more blood flow when moving about than when still and much more when exercising. The liver is an amazing organ, I had no idea all of the many things it does and I can honestly say I am ashamed to have abused it so much and then to go out and do it again just this weekend after having my eyes opened in Friday's lecture. I hereby swear to not engage in that kind of behavior again. I will drink I am sure, but not in ridiculous amounts that make me feel sick and hurt my body. It is just not worth it.
I've done some housework and then we took our son to the park for the first time all together and I played with him and swung on the monkeybars. I even climbed the poles at the end of the swingset just using my upperbody and inching upward. Hard to explain but it was easy to do when I was a kid and super hard as an adult. I plan on doing this kind of stuff more often. Then after dinner we took a family walk and our son and I raced for most of the little over a mile path. I actually got a decent workout in doing all of this and am feeling pretty good now, at least able to focus.
Pictures of what I bought at the fair are to come. I'm sure this is terribly disjointed but that's what I get for punishing my liver. Poor sweet liver. I still have plenty of school work to do but wanted to finish typing this out as I started it hrs ago. I lifted weights (whole body workout) twice last week and did two sessions of HIIT. Not shabby for having a hard week in the hospital.

2008-10-10T21:07:00.003-05:00

I had several ideas of what to write about in this space but my brain and heart are occupied with toddler issues. I just can't seem to muster an entry on things that have occurred to me lately to increase your fruits and veggies. I promise to stop writing these little blurby nothings and to actually update in the morning.
Sigh. Blogging is hard.

2008-10-07T17:57:00.002-05:00

Before I start reading your blogs and get distracted I want to update really quickly here. I was tracking my food again on Sparkpeople.com just to get refocused and so now I feel I have that down again and I'm tracking my workouts. Yesterday I went by the uni gym and lifted weights (felt amazing after taking too long a break) and then this morning I got up at 5:30 and jumped on our elliptical in the garage for 20 minutes of HIIT. I've gone back to my old tried and true method of 3 x full body weight lifting workouts alternated with 3 x 20 min HIIT sessions. In reality it's not a lot of TIME working out but the intensity is defnitely there and I can already see my body shifting around after 2 days. This time I am trying to back off when I can see I'm pushing too hard and I anticipate this helping my consistency problem. I'm considering driving to the uni gym as soon as I get up at 5:30 tomorrow so I can get my workout in, shower and get ready there and then walk next door to the hospital for my rotation. Driving that early will actually cut out drive time and make for a less hurried morning, the trick is having all of my things ready to just grab and go when I roll out of bed.
I had another bad day re: my intern work but I hate to rehash things. Just thought I'd mention why this post is lackluster and hurried.

2008-10-05T19:55:00.002-05:00

Just checking in to say I'm back from my weekend trip. I'm exhausted but excited about life, I had a lovely time. Plans are swirling around my noggin regarding my own personal development, things I'll do with my site www.zenerrific.com and some things I'll do here in the meantime.
Looking forward to catching up with all my blog friends and to writing more often, this week is the final week of my major rotation and though other things are coming up the major pressure should be lifted somewhat.
I'm barely upright so I'll say goodnight.

2008-10-01T15:26:00.003-05:00

I have to say feeling under the weather or being full blown ill is the number one deterrant I have to working out regularly and having the bod I want. Besides the pesky frequent illness my health markers are great so I have to cop to the vanity side and the desire to be lighter and stronger so that I can DO more. I still really, really want to do pullups, be able to run at least a mile, etc. and yet after years of trying to be physically active I'm not that far from where I started.
me=frustrated.
I eat much better than I did before, I have the abilities to take care of my family well nutritionally and to encourage a healthy lifestyle. There are many things to be thankful for but as far as fitness goes: I have nothing I can say as far as, "I completed x" or "I can do x that I could not do before" etc. For short periods of time I do and then I slide back to square one because I have a short attention span for things and lose interest and my life makes consistency hard, not impossible, but hard.
I'm really unsure as to how to tackle this problem, previous exploits have all failed, I think I need a group or something to belong to-that approach would be completely foreign to anything I've done before.
I'm sick now but this is the time to formulate a plan. Never fear, I don't ever give up, I'm just being honest with myself and you. No tangible progress to be had and I'm ready to change that. I need to implement some type of progression system for workouts like I've done for food...will have to ponder that and then come back here for more navel gazing.
Mizfit had a recent post about workout buddies. Heck, if aren't reading her site, why aren't you? And you should start, that's all I'm saying, including the comments. Lots of good information there.

2008-09-30T20:43:00.003-05:00

It's easy to talk about things and even to DO the things you like to yammer about when all is going well, yes? When I'm dishing up great meals every night and working out a minimum of three hrs a week and making great choices I can come here and blather to my heart's content but I tend to let the dust build when things aren't going so great.
Nothing Earth shattering over here, I'm just a bit under the weather and contending with impending woman stuff (hence considering installing a salt block to just go ahead and lick off of opposed to the salt heavy food I've been ingesting and some mild depressive feelings)and so things are not perfect in Perfect Food Land. How long are they usually anyway? Maybe a week if I'm lucky-that is called life. Today I wanted badly to get a fast food burger meal-I left work at the hospital early because I felt so bad physically and kept thinking of that but was good enough to myself to realize I just wanted to feel better and greasy salt laden food would not accomplish that end, just a different kind of END (as in the kind preceded by REAR).
We're still eating fruits and veggies and whole grains and lean meats and lite dairy as always-I just don't feel all Prancy Princess about it because I feel crappy.
That's my point. Hah, took me long enough.

2008-09-27T21:14:00.002-05:00

The Vegetable Vendetta is going well, or maybe I should call it the Valient Veggies to be more positive. We've been branching out as a family, me in the fact that I am making SURE that it happens everynight instead of plugging away for a bit and then falling back on baked french fries or something when the weekend hits. I admit tonight the Menfolk had cajun takeout (crawfish etouffe and popcorn shrimp) but instead of fries the little one had a fruit cup. I opted out of takeout and ate food we already had here instead of continuing to participate in the lunacy that is spending over a hundred dollars at the store and then purchasing crapfood that VERY NIGHT. My dinner for the record was super tasty: Simply Potatoes southwest hashbrowns, one egglands best brown egg fried with a touch of Pam nonstick spray, Dancing Iguana guacamole and Daisy lite sour cream. Delicious. After awhile I wanted something else and in lieu of a traditional dessert kinda deal I had 1/6 of a pumpkin flax kashi crunch bar and a glass of nonfat Horizon organic milk.
No this is not turning into a tedious detail of food equivalent to a fourth grade "My Summer Vacation" report. I love food and will probably talk about it more...and now ends me explaining myself on my own blog.
Last night I had John Reid (our son) help me beat the eggs for scrambled style eggies and he didn't hesitate one bit when it was time to eat and asked for seconds! Eggs have been one of the only foods he's mistrusted so that was a major score for ol' Mamacita. Next time I go to the store I think I'll try and take him along and have him pick out things-perhaps I'll make a special produce only trip for that purpose so his attention span doesn't fizzle out.

I turned down cajun food I generally love b/c I knew it would make me feel bad (high sodium mainly being the culprit) and I am being smarter with our food budget. I'm including fruits and vegetables in every dinner and snack. I'm trying to focus more on involving my little love in the food--->table process and my Husband is even trying all the new things I dish out.
Oh yeah, I purchased small containers of apricot barley salad and greek vegetable salad from the deli and had a few bites of each at lunch-what a treat! I must find out how to make that barley salad especially. This kept me from feeling deprived after Husband was hankering for fast food at lunch time and I rejected the idea (for myself). For what it's worth he also abstained but I don't think he wanted to, he just had surgery on his shoulder and he's laid up right now and completely inactive. For some reason he is also wanting to have the worst eating habits after months of improvement in that area. Maybe self comfort? Whatever, I am not the food police, I just hate to see him backtrack. Considering that's what I've done for going on a year (until now)I sure won't be pointing fingers.
My eyes hurt, I got up super early to be part of a big research study. That sounds cooler than it was but I WILL get to say I was part of it when the results come in someday.
'night.

2008-09-24T18:57:00.002-05:00

Following along the same lines as yesterday's post, let me share our menu today and some random ideas that came to me while cooking dinner.
When I picked up my son today from preschool/daycare he announced with a huge grin, "I want donuts! I want to see Daddy!" Apparetly the two d's go together and so we've already had a talk (Husband and I) about no more donuts on the way to school. Does that seem harsh? I don't think so, considering he wailed about the donuts almost the entire trip home and apparently they had crossed the line from treat to almost expected item. Not cool. I've been talking to him about "sometimes foods" which I think is a great concept. I know a lot of people got up in arms over cookie monster quitting the cookie binges and saying cookies are sometimes foods but I think it's a good lesson to learn and it's not as if they've been proclaimed BAD FOODS or something ridiculous. The fact of the matter is today's children are largely inactive and treats of every shape and size are available. I'm pretty sure the norm of yester year was not 24 hr access with no holds barred. When I was growing up (not that long ago) we just did not have the financial resources to eat junk (chips, soda, desserts, etc). My mom had rules if we did get to have these things, 1 soda a day if that, only eat chips with a sandwich, etc. Back to my original point...
So donuts are not ruled out for eternity, they are just not an on the way to school option. This morning Husband came in to our bathroom where I was getting ready to head to the hospital and said he needed to get to work early and our Son was just not cooperating this morning to have time for a sit down breakfast and he'd just have to go through the drive-thru donuts place he guessed. I quickly flipped through my mental catalog of what food we have and suggested a dark choc and cherry Kashi cereal bar instead. Not my ultimate choice but a damned sight better than donuts.
Our snack today was hummus with carrot strips, grapes, and red. fat string cheese. He yummed it all up, in fact it only took us two days between the two of us to finish off the hummus and half of the bag of carrot strips. Yesterday he dipped them in 2% cottage cheese. This leads me to something that occurred while cooking dinner. Kids like interesting shapes or colors a lot of the time, at least mine does. Carrot sticks were okaaaay but the strips with ridges like a potato chip are a hit. The dark purple almost black grapes were requested specifically.
Something else: he likes to dip things. I can almost always get him to eat something if it has a dip, something he inherited from his mama more than likely.
Dinner tonight: roasted squash, spaghetti and meat sauce made with whole wheat linguini, 99% lean ground turkey and 93% lean turkey sausage links.
To make the squash: I just chopped two yellow squash into round sections, heated the oven to 425 degrees and drizzled olive oil ad worchestire sauce over the squash while the oven heated. A few shakes of coarse ground sea salt and that's all it took-20 minutes and you have gorgeous carmelized on the bottom squash that I've had to fight myself to not devour before we sit down to dinner.
I'm focusing on at least one veggie at dinner for each night and fruit if we want a dessert. Progression, baby steps, and all of that.
Dinner time!

2008-09-23T17:00:00.002-05:00

Yowza! I didn't mean to disappear for so long, starting my clinical rotation this semester at our county hospital knocked my socks off and not in a good way. Today was the start of my second official week on rotation and it's going alright. I feel like I'm not as smooth and effortless as I would like to be but I think that has a lot to do with the dietitan following with me and making me feel nervous. Not her fault, I just trip over myself with her for some reason. Onward.
Thinking about how to encourage and grow good eating habits in our children-I am renewing my efforts to feed my family better, stress and fatigue got the better of me lately and I realized what was happening and am taking steps to correct it before it becomes ingrained. Our son loves healthy nutritious foods as long as he is not offered foods of minimal nutritional worth too often. He always goes back to eating good things so I believe he genuinely likes fruits and veggies, milk, yogurt, hummus, cottage cheese, pita chips, plain cheerios etc. Today when we arrived home he asked for strawberries and cereal but settle for an apple, carrot strips and cottage cheese to dip instead.
What I have found that works for us:
1)I do not offer him a different meal than what I've prepared for us.
2)I model good eating habits myself without pressuring him and he usually can hardly wait to do what I am doing and to eat what I am eating.
3)I do not enforce the "clean your plate" mantra of yesteryear, I believe that wrecks inborn healthy eating patterns, making an intuitive process based on external cues instead.
4)I try to never rush him and am working with him on slowing down a bit to really taste what he's eating.
5)I let him help pick out what we are having a good bit of the time and I let him help me bring groceries in, stir things, etc.
6)I plan to have him help me pick out produce at the store, etc. soon. I believe having children (or other adults for that matter) involved in the process of preparing the food, procuring it, etc. encourages better choices. My ultimate ideal would be to have our own garden that we could all work on together and then enjoy beautiful tastiness born from our own labor.

What works for us may not work for others, just some thoughts on the matter. Working in an acute care setting forces your eyes wide open whether you like it or not. Invest in your families-time, love, wisdom.

2008-09-02T21:13:00.001-05:00

People, I am trying to rally but I feel so drained. The first day back on practica rotation at the county hospital (read:free)was horrible and I have two more days and my heart is in my shoes.
I don't feel up to reading or writing or 'rithmitic.

2008-08-31T15:15:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling torn on the new blog issue, on one hand I bought a domain and everything and I want to do it but on the other-I seem to be experiencing a scheduling issue already and I've only been back in school a week and a half. eek.
I've had a great weekend, gone out to eat A LOT and yesterday at my brother's house and I've had no anxiety over food and am maintaining my recent loss. I expect to see it start creeping downward again once I'm back on my cooking again. I tend to eat more towards the model of the DASH diet (dietary approach to stop hypertension)and so when I go out to eat or eat other people's cooking I retain a bit of water.
Wow, after learning in depth about the kidneys and renal disease I am hyper focused on taking care of my kidneys through my diet and water consumption. It is amazing and wonderful that we HAVE dialysis now, don't get me wrong, and all of the advances made in that area but TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDNEYS. End stage renal disease is going up and up and up, as of 2005 we were at almost half a million cases and it is just increasing. The top two causes? Diabetes and hypertension. I believe people feel they are immune to problems if they don't have a "weight problem" and so they eat a diet of crap (the SAD diet, standard American diet) and strain the shit out of the kidneys for years and have decreased functionality, high blood pressure, etc etc when they get older. People in Nigeria don't experience this, hrrrm. Food for thought.
I'm often stymied from writing entries by the feeling that I shouldn't write things unless I can fully go over every detail of what I'm talking about or thinking and that is just not possible most of the time. So if something I say doesn't make sense or you simply want to talk about it, PLEASE COMMENT.
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

2008-08-29T07:03:00.000-05:00

So Intermittent Fasting. I did my mini presentation on it Tuesday and wasn't quite happy with what I did. I felt exhausted and certainly was not as engaging as I should have been. It was also way too huge of a topic to present in 7 minutes and quite controversial. I got people up in arms, asking questions and I had no time or mental clarity to answer properly.
On the other hand? I've been practicing a 16-18 hr fast version the last three days and have dropped 4 lbs. I am now to a lower weight than I have been since maybe...May? maybe April? This is the extra 15 lbs that has forced me out of most of my professional wardrobe and been somewhat immovable until now. I am quite pleased.
I am also surprised, REALLY surprised. I thought I would feel terrible and be ready to gnaw my arm off by the time the fast ended and well, not true at all. I have been a 5-6 mini meals/day type eater for several years now and aren't we all taught that breakfast is so important? I am finding for myself it is not a definite rule. Essentially I stop eating at 6-8 (whenever my dinner is) and then don't eat until 14-18 hrs, but usually 16 the next day. I did one day where I went 24 hrs but that was a few weeks ago and even though it WAS doable I could not see myself doing so on a consistent basis. I can easily do this form though and plan to continue.

Some observations: I am not ravenously hungry. Food tastes much better. It is easier to get my water in, MUCH. I do not go nuts when I do break the fast, I eat a normal portion and am maybe eating two meals and a snack. I've eaten restaurant food twice and still dropped 4 lbs. (Don't worry about the rapid loss, I know a bit of it was bloat from eating wolfgang puck pizza twice in a row.) I feel more focused and have more energy, I even get so charged up I'm a bit jittery, I suspect this will pass. This has seriously helped me detach from food, perhaps the best benefit so far, I don't spend my time thinking about what I'm going to eat, what I can fit in or what I can bring in order to avoid suboptimal food. In short, extremely freeing after becoming food obsessed through dieting and then trying to eat for performance.
And on that note, workouts have not suffered though I have had little opportunity to test that. I'll investigate that further this three day weekend, perhaps starting with tonight.
I think I should take pictures but haven't done so yet, that tends to fire off defeatist behavior but I'd hate to not document this.
All for now, must get ready for school.

2008-08-27T07:27:00.001-05:00

Hey everybody. Going back to school has been, how should I say it? a rollercoaster emotionally and I am sitting here crying right now, thinking about my little boy and how I wish I could be with him more and I have to go jump in the shower to get ready for school.
Everything's fine and I'm going to make sure it gets even better because what really matters is my husband and my son and I am doing thing for them too. Exhaustion does this to me-I actually got enough sleep last night so today is better, I make it so.

PS A real update will be forthcoming, I wrote about half of a post for the new site and then promptly changed how I felt so it seems silly to finish it. I am changeable in the extreme and need to remember that.

2008-08-19T20:38:00.001-05:00

I've restarted school (effective today) and so I may be drained or over run at first, so far I'm seriously proud of how together I've gotten things and how little I am stressing out. That is my umbrella goal for this school year with many smaller goals residing beneath.
It looks like I may need to write several updates at once, either on the train or on the weekends so that I can have content to post during the week-I don't belive I'm going to hack that on a daily basis, not that I did anyway. I'll probably be posting MORE often now. Funny.
Went to see NIN last night and it was amazing as always-really picked up my spirits to be in the same room as such rampant creative genius. Drank a few too many however and woke up with the concert in my head at a little before 5. Never was able to go back to sleep so I just got up and started my day-oddly enough I still am not feeling too tired. Weird coincidence that it was 5am, the time I've set to get up and been struggling to achieve? Or is it an intention manifestiation? Either way I'm building on it from here.

2008-08-17T21:09:00.000-05:00

We've been out of town this weekend so I haven't had a chance to do anything online related. I did complete the review for my re-entry test that we're taking Tuesday which is a complete departure from my old way of last minute stress inducing schoolwork. I am much more prepared and ready for this upcoming year.
Unfortunately I don't believe I have much to contribute to the blogosphere tonight so I'll sign off. Expect to hear much more from me.

2008-08-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

This week has had many awakenings for me, huge shifts in my mental state and a feeling of clarity dawning that leave my mind racing and make it difficult to sleep at times. I mentioned not too long ago that for years now I've strived to constantly grow-to learn, to try new things and since sitting down and really thinking about what I wanted to do (hint:it was not running a call center or being the top tier tech support whipping girl)and deciding upon teaching in some capacity, I believe it's finally coming to me what to do with my life. Extremely poorly constructed sentence there but I'm just going to press forward.
For the past few years I have experienced the most joy I've ever known and been violently depressed and fearfull at the same time. It seems that would not be possible but now that the husk is being shed I see that how I've felt is not my norm and that I can be so much more alive. I say extreme joy because there is no other word for how our son makes me feel and what I have with my wonderful husband. On a completely selfish personal level I have not been right, aside from them, aside from the many good things I have and experience on a daily basis. I've felt broken at times, wondering why I have all these things, material and emotional and yet I would feel like a caged animal, frantic and worried and full of fear. Hiding my head in the sand regarding school, using the telephone, talking to people, being in new situations-so much fear. I used to be fearless, brave, a viking conquering new things and places and people with aplomb and I've wondered what happened to me. I'm not entirely sure but I can confidently say I'm throwing off that mantle and returning to a more authentic me, but new and improved.
It's amazing how casting off self doubt and worry allows my mind to sharpen, my strength to return and my will to no longer falter. I don't claim to be perfect but I am capable of great things when I'm not severing my own Achille's tendons.
I'm setting goals, I'm defining my purpose and I'm putting in the work to achieve a higher level of living. I'm doing this and I want to help others in their own lives-to experience wellness on a complete level and not just with nutrition. My mind scrabbled about like a crab in a bucket every time I've limited my future to purely being an RD, working a typical job sitting behind a desk admonishing people to follow the Food Guide Pyramid. The scope has been widened and I'm feeling good.

2008-08-14T09:57:00.001-05:00

I'm working on a guest post for someone else so there may not be a post today but I will try! When I get my new site running I'll be posting 3-5 entries weekly and of a much greater length. It may be a while before I get it going-I want to stockpile some content first and get it all worked out how I want it to look.

Just finished KB workout-yesterday I just was not feeling it after Monday's debacle but I still went for a fast paced 45 minute walk-prob walked about 3 miles up and down hills. Today I woke up with sore glutes and arms/back. Tuesday I did somersaults and cartwheels in the yard with our son and a handstand against the back of the house and I'm still feeling it.
Today is my first day of IF-I'll definitely write about that.
CPR class at 2, I'm looking forward to school starting next week!

2008-08-13T22:53:00.000-05:00

I'll write a proper post in the morning but right now I am pondering what domain name I need to register to start a more serious article based blog. Any thoughts? I'll write about nutrition and fitness related topics, mainly nutrition as that's my area of expertise. I'd love to hear everyone's ideas.

Thanks!

2008-08-12T13:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I woke up feeling out of sorts-I'd slept too late despite intentions to get up earlier and I just felt blah for most of the day. I didn't want to do my kettlebell workout for the first time since I started and it took some serious prodding to get myself going. I didn't finish, barely did two circuits and didn't really enjoy it-something that has not happened before. I finally stopped when my heart started skipping a beat-seriously. It was a terrifying, scary feeling and I sent up the white flag and said OK heart I got'cha!

I made sure to walk around and not sit for a bit in order to let my HR return to normal, which it did fairly quickly. I'm not sure what happened but I don't forsee it being a problem again. I think I was too dehydrated (something I've had problems with all summer no matter what I try) and next time I feel that disinclined to do my workout maybe I can listen to my body instead of indulging in
Musturbation. Mizfit tried to tell me!
I put the intention out there in the universe that I want to be an early riser, I want to get organized, I want to feel confident and worry free when it comes to school, I want to manage my time more etc. and Monday I came across this websitewhich is filled with invaluable information on basically everything I need to know and practice to accomplish these skills. His writing really clicks with the way I think and I am loving reading about someone else that is on a constant quest to self improve. I feel very lonely sometimes because others see me as weird for striving to do more and be better. I think maybe that is why I'm attracted to weight loss and fitness blogs-that element is present.
I've started a detailed log related to my habits for this week-I may not keep it up but it's provided insight already for me and it's only Tuesday.
Today's exercise: an hr of Wii fit, mainly the strength portion(bodyweight exercises) and some cardio.
PS Also considering being vegetarian again, this time for life. Must ponder.

2008-08-10T21:44:00.000-05:00

I'm crying a bit watching the Olympics-they've been covering a woman and her son's story from Uzbekistan. She now represents Germany because he was diagnosed with leukemia and she had to find healthcare for him. He's in remission and she is absolutely incredible in gymnastics despite being much older than the average gymnast. Beautiful story-just felt like talking about it and I'm alone about to go to bed. Big things are afoot for me.

2008-08-09T14:30:00.000-05:00

I graduated to big blue today and feel fantastic. The only movement I couldn't do all the reps with the 20 was the presses and I did half of the eight reps on all three sets. The one armed rows were not easy either and as soon as I noticed myself start to twist a bit to move the weight instead of letting my arm and back do the work I switched down but I only had to do that at the end. Ah yes, I'm forgetting the one arm swings, I switched down for that too but that was just a guess-I didn't try the 20 on those and so I can't say I was unable.
It was hard. I mean, REALLY hard and my core was aching almost immediately-I love how not only do you have the forward motion but you catch and slow the momentum when the 'bell comes back down.
Time to go to the circus! Enjoy your weekends.

2008-08-08T09:57:00.000-05:00

Well there was no way in hell I was getting up at 5 today-we didn't get home from the baseball game until 11 last night and I just felt exhausted. Groceries are sparse around here but our son stayed home with me today because he is beyond tired too and I am not relishing the idea of taking a tired 3 yr old to the store, yikes.
So far it's a lazy day around here-today I plan to formulate a-well, a plan, haha to combat my inertia regarding household matters, school, you name it. I do so nicely with a plan.
Must buy books for this semester and must call the CPR people and get signed up for that, eek!

2008-08-07T11:10:00.001-05:00

Tuesday and Wednesday were spent running the road with my young'un and no workouts were to be had other than light swimming Tuesday. This has bummed me out considerably but I have not had it in me to get up when the alarm goes off at 5, I will try again in the morning. Perhaps I should state, "I will do it in the morning" to be more positive than "try"?
Son is home again today-we are headed to my brother's when John Reid wakes up from his nap (is my brother's birthday) and then to the Rangers/NYY game tonight. I managed to get my kettlebell workout in while he is asleep and am so happy that I did. I was missing it so much that I could hardly sleep because I kept thinking about it last night-seeing such drastic changes in my body so quickly and actually LIKING how I am accomplishing this fact is extremely addictive. If I would have done my workout on Tuesday like I had planned that would have meant 4 KB sessions this week instead of the 3 I've been doing so I am still getting three in for the week and hopefully next time it rotates through to have 4 I'll get that done. Must work on getting up super early-I know from experience of the past year that once school kicks in that is the ONLY way I can get it done.
I just threw some red ripe tomatoes in with some 2% cottage cheese and a basil seasoning paste and it was delicious-a lot like a caprese salad. Just throwing that out there...

2008-08-04T12:59:00.000-05:00

Blah is the word for the day over here. Not sad really but listless, tired-oh-so-tired and I'm taking a rest day. It seems to be in order.
Pretty sore from my workout yesterday, headachey from having one cup of coffee yesterday and abstaining today-maybe I have to leave it alone forever, whaaah! Tomorrow I'm taking our son over to a friends to swim and play and the day after that we're going to visit my grandmother (the one that is terminally ill) and that is way overdue. Thursday is my brother's birthday so I'll prob hang with him during the day and then we have box seats to the Yankees/Rangers' game that night. Friday I am thinking I need to pencil in being an exhausted heap again. Saturday is our Leo Madness birthday bash as there are so many leo birthdays in our circle so that will be free day eating wise.
Boring post? Yes, but I'm trying to be more consistent in talking to the ethos.
Started reading Atlas Shrugged but am not being pulled in as of yet-better give it a chance I am thinking. I've read plenty of class books and enjoyed them so it's not that it's "too much" for me. Ick-I hate the idea of anyone thinking that.
Read The Time Traveler's Wife last week and absolutely devoured it-wonderful book. Was excited that it's being made into a movie until I saw the actress playing the lead, not my choice at all. Not that I have a choice in mind or it would matter if I did.
Okay, blah, did I mention blah?

2008-08-03T17:04:00.000-05:00

Yet again I peeled off the couch and threw a ball of metal around by its handle for the last 45 minutes. Sweat poured down my neck and ran down my back. Considering we keep the A/C cranking, I had the fan on, and I just don't sweat that easily that's insane. I love it.
I've got the Cleans figured out, pretty sure I've got the Snatch down too but we'll see Tuesday morning. I watched even more vids earlier on youtube and finally watched some really excellent detailed ones that even showed what NOT to do in addition to explaining the correct way. I love how strong I feel and I cannot believe how sore my back is from just doing those three negatives last night, I'm glad I didn't go to failure. I'm thinking I want to incorporate something else into my weekly exercise routine at some point-considering taking a Bikram class-be good to work out the kinks and to challenge myself in a new way.
Now for a vanity report:
I actually have a butt now. For those of you that are scratching their heads and wondering what has happened to my brain let me explain. Hey, that rhymed. The women in my family either have too much adipose tissue stored and have unwieldy lumpy butts or non existent wide pancake assitis-neither of which are exactly my ideal. After only a few weeks I'm developing a nice shapely rear end and I cannot be happier about this development. My quads are rock solid again, calves are high and solid too giving me more definition there-we're also afflicted with cankles and I am not exaggerating-it's okay I'm not running myself down-just being honest. I'm pulling on most of my old stuff again that hasn't fit for a few months but it fits completely differently. Probably from my new found bootyliciousness-my former English major self is cringing while typing that-but I'm not minding the tighter fit since my legs and rear look better, are stronger, and nothing is hanging over the top anymore. All of this is happening (plus let's not forget the negative pull-ups, I'll be crowing over that for awhile until I make even more progress, which I will, is this parenthetical long enough?) and yet I have dropped like I mentioned-maybe 2 lbs at MOST on scale weight. I've lost at least a BF% according to my Tanita at the same hydration level, clothes are fitting again, and more muscle is showing so my scientific deduction (yeaaaaaah) is I must be putting on a decent amount of muscle and losing some fat no matter what Master Tanita-san says.

PS Had some fun doing some two armed swings with my son as the kettlebell yesterday, he loved it too.

PPS Eight KB workouts so far-going to definitely do a recap and more than likely post pictutres when I hit workout 36 as that will equal 12 weeks of KB workouts in my mind.

2008-08-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

And yet another first tonight. I actually did some real negative pull ups. Three.

So what? You ask, well I’ll tell you this was huge for me. My brother had started harrassing me again to try and do pull ups on his pull up bar and I was saying no again, that I can’t do it, that I just drop like a stone even doing negatives.
You see, this is the way it’s always been for me. I dreaded the President’s fitness test in elementary school, it was never fun, always a torture and I not only failed to do a pull up but could never do the “hang test” either. Pronounce that eye-ther.
Flash forward, twenty seven years old and I decide to try to perform negative pull ups and…
I did it, no them, three in fact. I could have done more but I got all excited and I also plan to do another KB workout tomorrow and didn’t want to be hurting too much. I felt strong and amazing and can’t wait to be able to pull up instead of slowly lowering down.
I’m on my way up.
Kettlebells people, kettlebells.

2008-08-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

So that is me 2/3 of the way through my workout. Onward.

Last week was hard physically but I must say staying the course and getting all my KB workouts in was completely worth it and very empowering. I meant to come here yesterday and update, even took some pictures to post and then I couldn't find the cord to transfer and life got away from me. I spent some time being a growth coming out of the couch cushion yesterday before I finally peeled myself up and got my hr in, sweating and cursing the whole time. By the end of the video (the 2nd dvd again that is harder for me)I was saying *&*&*^&*! my abs! at the end when she says, "Now let's work on some abs." I talk to the dvd sometimes but anything I say is not truly meant, I like the dvd and admire Ms. Lurie for what she has accomplished not only with her physique but also with her business. I'm also greatful that the kettlebells have been made easily available at Target for not AS expensive a price as something you would have to order online.
I've done KB workouts 7 times, dvd 1 x 5 and dvd 2 x 2 and am excited by what is to come. I know after I really get proficient I can mix things up myself but I'm really enjoying instruction and being led for a change. I've done self made, self paced workouts for several years now and this is really keeping me hooked. Another thing that is keeping me "hooked" is what is happening with my strength levels. I started with the 10 lb as you know just because I wasn't totally sure where to start and that worked well for about 3-4 workouts and then I needed to upgrade to the 15 and not only did I need to but I can DO cleans, presses, snatches, etc with the 15 now whereas I'm not so sure I was strong enough to do so before-that means a pretty serious gain very quickly. After a few times with the 15 I know it won't be long before I need the 20 and that rocks so hard. My son is about 37 lbs and I pick him up quite a bit-something that was sort of hard was slinging him into the carseat because you have to get the butt in, not hit his head and put him in sideways while bending over-a great deal more difficult than simply lifting 37 lbs on a barbell or something. I don't have to put him in the seat very often anymore but if he's having what my grandma calls a "critical day" I'll put him in there against his will and it is easy now. I can handle him all kinds of ways with NO effort really now and that is amazing to me. I'm not someone that's never strength trained before, I've done it for years and yet after 2 and a half weeks of doing this I am noticeably stronger than ever before. I am smiling right now.
My weight is also doing weird things-I'm not refering to the scale because that's not moving much, maybe a pound to a pound and a half but I look...alternately more ripped and more squishy. I know that doesn't sound appealing but I've seen my body do this before-it's like it has to adjust to fat loss before the skin sucks back in-very scientific explanation eh? I'm also showing 1% bodyfat down. in three weeks. yes.
Things are good-I'm off to eat my cheat meal-chili cheese dogs and tator tots (Hebrew National 98% fat free franks, white wheat buns, 2% cheese, 99% fat free chili, and regular ol' Ore Ida tots.) YUM! I seriously don't miss all the extra disgustingness and just think of all the toilet paper we'll save by not eating all that grease.

2008-08-01T12:56:00.000-05:00

I've been working all week and have just been wiped out-I want to post and other things that have slid but maybe not just yet. Getting up at 5 (not my norm at all) in order to workout still has been killer but I've done it.

2008-07-26T13:52:00.000-05:00

Let's talk about food a bit shall we? I just had a delicious salad and it took me maybe 3 minutes to throw together, making it much more likely that I will continue to make and eat the salad instead of driving down to S0nic for an extra long cheese coney. Ugh, that even sounds gross to me right now-must be a side effect of changing my mentality towards eating what is good for me.
What are the main factors that prevent people from eating nutritious whole foods? I can think of a few, the same factors that affect food choices in general whether you are aware of it or not: availability, convenience, time, finances, season of the year and taste-let's not forget taste though it is surprisingly not one of the top criteria running on most people's mental tapes. I'll share what I just made and ate and see how it fared with these points.

Roasted Chicken and Avocado Salad with Vine Ripened Tomatoes
Serves: ME (shrugs, or you-you know depending on who made it)

2-3 oz roasted chicken breast chopped, skin removed
1 large vine ripened tomato
1 and 1/2-2 c. organic baby spring mix greens (I hate to call it lettuce since it has so much more character)
1/4 sliced avocado
1 and 1/2 T. olive oil vinegarette dressing (I used Ken's Steakhouse Lite)
smattering of sunflower seeds (yes, a smattering)

Mix all together and eat. Ta da! I bought the rotisserie chicken yesterday and put it in the fridge still in its handy little carrying case. Very easy, not expensive, TASTY. We can pull meat off for sandwiches, salad, soup if I wanted to make it, etc. I also bought a container of Simply Potatoes mashed potatoes which I could eat with the chicken warm for a cheat meal, maybe with a side of green beans or big slices of tomatoe. I have not opened the potatoes but will probably serve that to Husband and Son at dinner while I enjoy half a plate of veggies. Anyway, super easy, no additives-chicken is freshly cooked, I bought it an hour after it came out of the oven and the potatoes are simply that, hence the name. They do have cream added to them hence the reason I won't be freestylin' those tonight. They are delicious and not overly salted or anything like that. Country Crock potatoes I'm looking at you. *scowl
I buy organic lettuce prewashed in a tub and just grab some anytime to put on sandwiches, tacos,or make salads. If I've bought spinach I also make fritattas with that but the last one turned out dreadful-we're on fritatta notta time right now. Tomatoes, carrots, apples, bananas, and berries I also buy organic-if you have the funds to go all organic and even better, local, please do it. However if you need to be a bit choosy and save a little cash get organic when you are eating the peel or if the product itself might have been sprayed such as lettuce. Banannas are actually probably fine to buy regular however I enjoy the organic ones for their taste. Regular ones hardly have any flavor to me now and even the skeptics that run the checkout lines always comment on the same thing. Bananas are harvested while still unripe and then shipped to where ever and THEN force ripened in chambers with ethylene gas. This does not hurt you as far as is known, but something seems to be lost in translation. Nature is best when it comes to many things and especially food. Berries are obviously eaten whole and I have found they taste better as well when I buy organic. I noticed Dole strawberries were lacking in flavor despite being a gorgeous red color and then when I sliced into one or bit into it, I saw the red seeped down into obviously white unripe fruit inside. Hrm, me thinks we are being fooled on that one. Unnaturally gorgeous ripe color on an unripe fruit. Bleh.
Organic strawberries taste way better and yet go moldy really quickly so I've just purchased frozen organic blueberries, strawberries and raspberries. I plan on having them with whole wheat pancakes and in my protein shakes. I can get out what we want and then put the rest back without them going bad so quickly-not as good to eat plain but great with other foods or in shakes.
So, super easy, not anymore expensive than a fast food meal and very tasty.
Amen.

2008-07-26T09:54:00.000-05:00

Upping the 'bell to fifteen lbs definitely made a difference. I can still press that weight but it is much harder and I was struggling on the last few reps each circuit. The ten pound did the job for cardio but then it became manageable after about 3 workouts. The fifteen worked my core a lot harder and made it really difficult again. I'll keep on with the fifteen until it is no longer as difficult and then upgrade to the twenty. I can do swings and cleans with the twenty but pressing that much over and over would not be a great idea I think-would lead to bad form and possible injury (my shoulders are touchy, not unlike most people's).
Couldn't get the volume 2 disc at D!ck's Sp0rting G00ds-they just simply did not have either disc even though they're on the website. I did watch the disc that came with the new bells (old one did not work when we got it)and it showed the Turkish Getup and watching the Cleans on it made it more clear for me and I did it with good form and no wrist slapping today. I was doing it completely wrong like I thought, but now I have it.
"Cheat Meal" mentality last night led me to eat about 3-4 times as much as I normally would because it tasted so good but I won't keep doing that over and over...my normal mode is clean eating and I honestly like the foods I eat. Not a hardship just depends on your perspective.

2008-07-25T16:58:00.000-05:00

36 minutes of Wii Fit today-I did yoga and cardio mainly trying to stretch out my legs from the kettle workout yesterday-not very sore which confirms somewhat my feeling of needing to upgrade the weight. I'm going to get a fifteen and a twenty lb bell tonight along with the 2nd dvd that shows the Turkish getup etc. I really like following along with a video-I have NEVER done that with weights and it makes me feel like I'm in a class which is apparently something that really works for me. I didn't know that because I've never been able to consistently attend any fitness classes other than the handful of power yoga ones I did at night with my mom. We LOVED doing that.
On to what I've been using: Iron Core Kettlebell dvd volume 1. Here is a link to their website along with their bells and videos, etc. I'm resisting buying the wristbands because if I control the movement enough I don't get smacked that badly on the arm but then again I am still a little lost on exactly what I am doing wrong on the Clean. Still working on it-I think I was doing too much of a one arm swing motion and need to keep my arm closer to my body-watching some videos of various people doing it cleared it up a bit for me.
Speaking of videos, there are tons on you tube and something I learned during last night's insomnia episode-people are just as silly and immature about kettlebells as they are about traditional free weights. A great deal of the comments on the videos were highly irritating but such is life. Why would you watch someone do a Turkish Getup with a 45 kg kettlebell and then say, "Now let's see you do it with a barbell." RAWR makes me want to smack people.
Purchased my old standbyes of cottage cheese, Fiber One, carrots, etc and am puzzling out the eating side of things. I want the heavier KB to do my workout tomorrow-Husband brought up starting himself today and I could have danced a jig. Yay for non pressuring my spouse and him figuring things out on his own. It is a bit irksome that one of our male friends started a long time back and I think that is partially why he is receptive to it-nothing I have ever done and showed him has been any interest to him. Let's not overthink things here.

2008-07-24T13:11:00.000-05:00

Just a quickie, I do NOT have time as I am supposed to be walking out the door in 15 minutes with my son awake, shoes on and stuff packed to go for his three yr checkup. Yesterday was his birthday!
I did all three circuits off my KB dvd and do not feel like I will die this time. Definitely still a workout but not nearly as bad as it was that first time. I'll need to upgrade to a heavier bell soon-maybe get one tomorrow and get an even bigger one for Husband. Yay that makes me excited!
I will post links about KB stuff later, like my dvd and their webpage and other blogs that have been talking about it.
PS I need to name my bell, I saw that over at MizFit and loved the idea. Suggestions?

2008-07-24T09:28:00.001-05:00

I gotta say it is a little bizarre how I manage to do something new when the rest of the world is doing it too without my knowledge. Honestly I've been lusting after the kettlebell concept for a good long while now and I finally go by one and start and I've read at least ten or more blog posts about others doing it too. Crazy! *I certainly do not have the ego to think it is because of me, just noticing how strange life can be.

2008-07-23T23:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting up, hoping that this damned ibuprofren kicks in sometime soon so that I can go to sleep without my knees exploding. Not sure which activity I engaged in did this to my legs but they are aching, aching, ACHING. I did 35 minutes of Wii stuff today including hoola hooping, skiing, soccer, running in place, boxing against a heavy bag and some yoga and stuff like lunges and plank. I know the hoola hoop one can do a number on my knees but who knows. My appetite has gone crazy, I am sitting here hungry right now and I've had plenty to eat over the day-in fact I had a hambuger steak at my mom's and managed to lodge part of it up in my nose-back of throat-area. In case you were wondering if that feels nice...no.
I'm super excited that my husband is using the Wii and also interested in doing kettlebell workouts, the more stuff I read about them the more amazing I realize they are-so time efficient yet fun and interesting. Tomorrow I'll do all three circuits-my legs are sore but not that bad from doing the two circuits so I'm fairly confident I can bump it back up.
Hrm, legs are still hurting. Boo.

PS Regarding tattoos oh wonderous Marla-I've wanted at least onoe for years but we shall see if that happens. Part of me isn't so sure anymore-I've changed so much but I definitely want to be a badass instructor.

2008-07-22T12:36:00.000-05:00

Just completed two of the three cicuits on my kettlebell workout dvd. Last time I did all three and was jelly the rest of the day and could barely walk for almost three days. This is with a ten pound bell even though I've read to start with a 15. Apparently I am more out of shape than I thought! Part of me says, "Why didn't you do all three even though your body was telling you to stop?" but I am ignoring that voice and taking care of myself. Wore my HRM today and burned 371 calories in 37 minutes with an avg HR of 156 and a high of 182!
I've eaten yogurt with almond slivers and had plenty of water-I got up late so don't think I am trying to starve myself.
On the sick front: almost better, well enough to workout and just take breaks to hack up stuff and blow my nose. I know that is part of why the workout was so hard-the first time I tried it I was coming down with this junk so it will be interesting to see how I progress. I have a new motivation and it came to me with the KB workouts and my desire to go further with them: I've said it before regarding being an RD, you need to look the part or no one will want to pay you lots of moola, haha, but with teaching KB workouts I will REALLY need to look the part as it is not as mainstream yet and it's a different way of doing things. People are visual creatures. That may seem depressing but for me it is actually uplifting, I can't seem to really focus when the goal is purely my vanity but when it comes to being successful in business, that I can focus on and vanity is just a side project. I don't say my "health" because despite my pudgy appearance now I am quite healthy and won't lose site of that. My arms are tired and I'm stopping now that I just sort of opened a can of worms. Love me.

2008-07-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

The time has come to be inspired again. To fee motivated and to be active and to take ownership over how I feel and what I do and what I don't.
I've been drifting for months now and feeling at loose ends. Lost, half-hearted, confused about what to do with myself and how to get back to feeling good.
I've been sick more time out of the past two weeks than I have been well but I'm hoping to wake up tomorrow feeling ready to face the day instead of hacking up nastiness and laying there until after noon.
Food has been more of an issue than ever and I am deciding here and now to take charge again and to honor the principles that got me into nutrition in the first pace. How terrible I would feel if I finally became an RD (which I will in less than a year!!)and I no longer took proper care of myself or my family regarding what we put in our mouths each day. I've become overwhelmed and squirmy about making dinner, planning things, even grocery shopping. Hallmarks of depression for me and the only way to get out of it is to make a plan or heck, plans.
I tried basically eating the paleo diet for about a week and saw my weight dropping (about 4 lbs in less than a week) and my stomach flattened out. I also had zero energy and felt like total shit, unable to workout much or do really anything. That resolved itself when I started eating more carbs again out of desperation (I had inlaws descending on the house and it was a mess and I needed energy to correct that in a hurry!). I liked having rules again though and some sort of plan but it fed into disordered thinking too much. I found this out when I went veg and I found it out again when doing paleo-restricting an entire food group that is not exactly harmful does my head in. I can restrict alcohol or dessert-whatever, but food that I feel deep down should be okay makes me sort of crazy. I must make a plan and I am not sure what but it is happening tomorrow. I will lay it out as I think it out.
Exercise: I finally did the hour long kettlebell workout and it was absolutely amazing and exciting and it was like a key turning in a lock for me. I actually had the thought in the back of my mind, "This will be what does it for me, I have finally found my niche." I even looked around to see if I could find a place to become certified. After one workout. I still want to teach yoga too, my ideal would be to teach yoga and kettlebells and lead intuitive eating workshops with a focus towards nutrition. I don't believe you have to separate the two, nutrition and eating "normally" can meld together but I have to figure that out for myself first, right?
We bought a Wii Fit and I absolutely love it, I cannot say how much I love it and I've been using it as well. So I haven't totally gone anywhere of a warm clime riding in a handbasket but I've had that lost feeling and I am ready to be found.

2008-07-11T09:53:00.000-05:00

Ahhh Marla you make me laugh. I can say Marla now not M@rla! Somehow that looks strange but I am sure we will all adjust.

Where the hell have I been, eh? I like to say I am a work in progress instead of possessing a broken down junky ass psyche. Been depressive this week, sleeping a lot, extremely fatigued, etc. Let me back up...
July 1sst started our vacation and then we left for Mexico the next morning (waking up at 3am to catch our flight) and got back on the 6th. Yet again I packed my travel yoga mat and did not do even one Downward Facing Dog yet I was pretty active and had a great time. Went to the Mayan Riviera again and came back with increased calf strength from deep sand walking (to get to the bar some of the time I admit) and sore back muscles from snorkeling in high waves over a reef. Fantastic. I never used flippers before so learning to manuever those things was interesting, once I stopped trying to manhandle the durn things and just swam with them higher in the water I shot off like a rocket. Once again trying to force things to go my way instead of going with the flow wore me out but I am learning to go with the flow.

Since we returned our son has been in Oklahoma all week and I miss him like crazy and that has not helped my blues. I didn't want to return to the real world and then to be missing his sunny little face made it even worse. So I stuck my head in the sand and even avoided my online class, resulting in a big module test I have to make up and a quiz and my instructor wondering what the hell was going on-I thought I would vomit last night when I finally logged in and saw what I had done by avoiding. It is not a surprise that I was procrastinating, that's a hallmark of depression and I've been at least moderately depressed for several years.

I think my grandma going in to the hospital with her organs basically shutting down from the methadone buildup, fighting with my dad and subsequently not speaking to him for the first time in my life and then just the exhaustion of traveling from the wee hrs of the morning all day with an almost 3 yr old got to me. Let's add in of course the experiments I've been conducting that are dying a short lived death.

I have been TRYING to follow the Paleo diet the last few days which has not been that hard but I have had so litle energy no workouts have occurred which in my book is a big FAIL. I have to workout, see: depression. We purchased a Wii and have been playing the sports and also got a Wii Fit. I am firmly in the overweight category again and my Hubby is way above where he wants to be too (not my place to publish his stats, that's his biz though I share my nitty gritty with you). This game thing is FUN and I have yet to do even a fourth of what it offers. My tricep and shoulder on my right arm is SORE though and I had to switch to left handed swing to play the tennis game last night.

I have also purchased tennis raquets (real ones) and a kettlebell with workout dvd to show me stuff from Iron Core. I want to try that today even though I am a bit concerned that the only 'bell they had for me to buy might be the wrong weight for a beginner. It's a ten pound one which is nothing for me as far as normal free weights go but I read to start out with maybe a 5 lb one to learn the moves. I'm not your average unconditioned female though, I would say just a bit better than average so maybe this will be alright.

I have Fit Tv vids running out my ears, a new toy (kidding, I know a kettle bell is a serious mamma jamma) and a Wii Fit with a trainer all waiting for me. I should be in stunning Amazonian shape in about 5 minutes, brb. *wink

Talk to me people! Am trying to break out of being reclusive again. A chickpea is neither a chick nor a pea, discuss.

2008-06-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

I just did an hr long Latino/African dance class off of Fit Tv with MaDonna Grimes as the instructor and I had so much fun! Not to mention burning 600 calories. something I usually can only do with several workouts or feeling halfdead when I walk out of the gym. I did this in my living room and it was fun and new and awesome. Everytime I have tried to do a dvd off netflix or something like that I haven't liked it so I thought maybe this type of thing was just not for me. I think maybe I just tried the wrong ones.
Happy Birthday Honey! Not that you read this. heh.

2008-06-26T10:20:00.000-05:00

I thought I posted this yesterday but it is not here. :(

Hey all, tomorrow(actually now today) is my husband's birthday and I think it would be fun if he got emails from people (even strangers to him) wishing him a happy one. If anyone is game send to jasonshappybirthday AT gmail.com (changing the AT to an @ sign of course).

Thank you to anyone that does it, I think it could be fun. *grin

2008-06-25T14:08:00.000-05:00

Day 7 of no caffeine or alcohol! Also:finally answered comments from Friday so check that out if you want.

No headaches anymore, had a grizzly bear of one last night and had to take more motrin even though I tried to avoid it. The pain was so bad I couldn't go to sleep so I gave in-
What I am really buzzed about right now is I had just about argued myself into skipping my workout today (planned weight training) but went out there and did some anyway. I doubt it was anymore than 20 minutes at most, which is paltry but I DID it. I wasn't feeling that boost though that I wanted from the workout which was definitely a let down. So I knocked out an assignment for my online class (bane of my existence right now) which made me feel amazing and then I went and did a 30 minute yoga workout I had recorded and LOVED IT. It was great! I cannot stress enough how awesome and FREE-called Namaste Yoga on Fit TV, I am definitely recording the series now and will do it as much as humanly possible. The sequences were not too difficult but got my blood pumping and lifted my mood. The woman's voice leading the class and the people demonstrating were soothing and beautiful, very nice. I turned the FIOS guide on to find Fit Tv to make sure the whole thing recorded and a show called Shimmy was on and it was belly dancing. I didn't hesitate, just jumped up and did it and LOVED IT too! That is now being recorded as well. That one I only did 15 minutes of (caught the end) and it was wearing me out but it was actually fun, something that has been missing lately. Two wins for Fit Tv, will be trying all star workout as well, it has boot camp classes, kick boxing you name it. If you can get this channel I recommend it.

2008-06-20T14:17:00.000-05:00

So Day 2 of no caffeine or alcohol is going well.

But let me backtrack a bit.
Thank you all for your kind comments regarding my grandmother, she is doing as well as can be expected but...it is just not a good situation and it is not going to be a good situation. Kada, I hope your Nan improves as well, so sorry to hear she is having a hard time.
I haven't posted anything because our son came down with a fever Tuesday night and then by Wednesday noon it was almost 103 and I started wigging out. I had it in my mind somehow that his brain would boil if he got any hotter (not sure where I heard that) and tylenol was not bringing it down. I put him in a lukewarm bath and brought it down about a degree and the doc called back in and we got him in at 4:30 that day, our doc's office rocks on the sick child appts. The old one was terrible. By that point I had already called my husband crying (I got less than 5 hrs of sleep and was so worried, not a good combination) and he came home from work and took him to the doctor. After I had already called him I calmed down and could have done everything myself but it was nice to be rescued I have to admit.

I have done an hr of power yoga twice this week and it felt great and it amazed me AS ALWAYS (when will I learn) how sore it makes me when I don't practice for awhile and how great it makes me feel. I am trying a sort of break from alcohol and caffeine for awhile, not sure how long really as we go on vacation soon and I am already getting pressured about drinking-maybe I will just tell them no, what a novel idea. The alcohol is not a problem but boy howdy I sure am wanting coffee today, it is creepy how often I have had these little whispers to just go make a cup and how it is silly to go without it. That is obviously a problem. What do I hope to gain from this? Hopefully better sleep and a more alert state with more energy.

Another note of weirdness: Yesterday I felt huge, just unwieldy and gross, hard to explain. Apparently I was bloated up about 2 inches through my midsection. I swear my body is so strange, even my new bigger clothes were not fitting and today they are loose. Bizarre.

2008-06-17T11:25:00.000-05:00

After posting Friday and then going in to start yoga in our bedroom I received the news that my grandmother was taken to the hosptial and my mother had jumped in the car and sped up there that morning. All I knew is she would not wake up and her boyfriend was scared and called my mom to ask what to do. I found out later initial impressions were CHF (congestive heart failure). My mind immediately raced through what would happen as I am quite familiar with CHF, most of my patients have it in the hospitals. The fluid must be managed through diet, some type of drug therapy, and sometimes a fluid restriction. My mom tells me, "You were right, they put her on a 2 gm sodium diet" and for a brief instant I felt angry but I knew that had no place in the situation. Why the hell am I going through all of this heart ache and stress to get this degree if my own family does not believe I know what I am talking about? Same thing when she was going through chemo and needed to restrict sodium and numerous other people close to me-no one listens and no one seems to credit me with being the expert, which despite my seemingly constant need to down play my achievements, I am. Like I said, brief instant, mainly I was just overwrought about my grandma, the loveliest soul I've ever met and a big influence on my life.
My mom stayed up there over night and came home at noon Saturday-they believe it was secondary to the meds she was on (something else I suggested) and not actually her heart, in other words not a primary case so something that can be treated a lot easier. Very relieved.
Ate like crap all weekend and then yesterday ate fairly well and did an hr of yoga again so I am sore all over today. Diet mentality was taking hold again so I surrender and know that I have to make IE work for me, I have no other choice. My other choices are compulsive over eating or dieting, both of which drive me nuts. Oddly enough they both go hand in hand as well.
Cooked a meatless dish for dinner last night and Husband ate it with no complaint and said it was good. It is almost vegan except for the feta cheese but I bet you could sub out some nice chopped olives for the cheese to retain the briney salty flavor. I'll post it later when I feel better, right now I have a pounding headache and just want a cup of coffee and the couch. Hate feeling like a slug, I got so much accomplished yesterday. Hurumph.

2008-06-13T11:02:00.000-05:00

Are we there yet?

I've eaten well for two days (yesterday was sort of a miss) and worked out a bit here and there so why am I not magically fitting back in to my clothes yet? This is what my silly brain seems to think will happen. Um, no, it took about two months to grow OUT of the clothes so I don't think that will be fixed in a few days. Our beach vacation that has been planned for practically a year is coming up in 3 weeks and I am more flabby and unable to fit into anything than I have been since losing the baby weight two yrs ago. Argh.
BUT! I am getting nicely visible back muscles, shoulders and arms are looking good and my legs feel strong again. Nevermind the giant ugly bruise by right knee caused by a loaded barbell swinging down onto it off the bench. I am sure it will still be there, my bruise and me hanging out on the sand with a Modelo in hand.
On my calendar today is some form of cardio or alternative exercise like yoga but I have yet to do anything but sit on the computer and it is getting hotter by the minute. Like M@rla our temps are consistently around 100 degrees F here and if I don't get out there before ten it is miserable.
I did lift Wed. morning and then rode my bike around the block. That was followed by moving furniture around my mom's new apt and then swimming at her friend's pool. It had a diving board and I dove over and over-haven't done that in at least ten yrs and wasn't sure I would remember how. We had great fun and it was way better than standing around getting waterlogged. I made potato salad yesterday but our mayo looked sketchy (rarely eat it) so I threw in lite sour cream instead of it tastes pretty good though a little....sour creamy, haha!
Have venison steaks marinated in the fridge, may pick up some corn to grill as well and serve that with the potato salad. FIL is coming to stay the weekend and Husband seems to want to cook for him though I would rather get take out then worry with someone else's opinion. I do not feel guilty over that, heh.

2008-06-10T20:14:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, I must have been slacking on the fiber, I am just FOUL today and that is all I'll say about that.
Another great day, ate well and spent several hrs reading a great book and I just got back from a quickly paced 30 min walk. I intended on maybe lifting weights too but I feel too shaky and I have promised myself I will do it in the morning. I feel good right now though and that is what matters. I need to wear my pedometer and see how far since I lengthened the distance by adding in two more loops I used to leave out through the neighborhood.

Tonight was turkey Tuesday on the menu so we had a dish I had already made Sunday. We had turkey bratwurst and extra lean turkey bacon cooked so I chopped that up and added it to whole wheat spiral pasta with a 2% Italian three cheese mix and sauteed sweet peppers and onion. Mixed that together with basil marinara sauce and baked it for about 25 minutes. Turned out great, in fact describing it just made my mouth water, maybe that's the low blood sugar talking. Threw the marinated shrimp stuff from last night into a flat-out wrap with some shredded 2% cheddar and spinach leaves for lunch, I am trying for more variety now but I was worried about leaving the shrimp for too long.
Gotta drink my little 3 oz yogurt (post workout recharge, low cal and has good mix of electrolytes naturally) and then tackle my school work. Boo.

I'm not dropping scale weight but since I cleaned up my act my body looks and feels a lot more like I am comfortable with and I am feeling good.

2008-06-09T21:25:00.000-05:00

And with no preamble or semblance of cohesion...

I've decided to plan our food like a menu, I've planned two weeks of menus for a hospital including all three squares with diet restrictions met-surely I can do this for our home to make my life easier. So far I've just settled on entrees-Sunday-venison or duck, Monday-seafood or meatless, Tuesday-Turkey, Wednesday-Chicken, Thursday-Beef, and then Friday can be leftovers, take out or dining out. I figure to have leftovers made into salads or other incarnations for lunches and will be making fritattas, whole wheat pancakes and steel cut chewy oatmeal for breakfasts.
Tonight I thawed some precooked, detailed shrimp and marinated them along with sweet bell peppers, baby portabellos, and gorgeous locally grown tomatoes in a sun dried tomato lite vinegarette dressing with extra vinegar, olive oil, garlic, a dash of sea salt and fresh cracked pepper. I let that sit for a few hrs and then served it on vegetable rice pilaf. We each had a small plate and felt totally satisfied. I got a ton of wonderful produce at Costco of all places, much of it grown here in Texas, fresh, with no disgusting coating of wax or chemicals. I did buy a ton so it has been fun to feast on fruit and veggies today. Our son ate two sandwich baggies of grapes all by himself and shared an asian pear with me at breakfast. He is a fruit lover so that is no surprise but he is also enjoying salad with me which makes my heart glad.
I kept him home today and we had a wonderful time, a welcome cold front came in along with dark skies and high winds. He helped me to make a cup of coffee (balanced on his little chair) and then we set up tents in the living room and watched Sound of Music. It was every bit as lovely as it sounds.
Just went for a slightly longer walk and did it in less time so I must be improving though it doesn't feel like it. Tomorrow the wee one goes back to school so I'll be hitting the garage to hoist hunks of metal in a repetitive fashion.

An idea of what I ate today for kicks:

Afore mentioned chewy oatmeal (vastly different than old fashioned oats) with a squidge of honey and a whole wheat english muffin with a slice of dark red tomato and a vegetarian sausage patty. I got halfway through the sandwich and was full so I wrapped the plate in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge. Oh and I had about a cup of grapes.
String cheese and a large asian pear.
Flat out wrap bread with chipotle hummus, sweet peppers, tomato and honey ham.
Strawberries
Bowl of Fiber One raisin bran type cereal with lite vanilla soy milk.
nonfat Fage yogurt with dried tropical fruit sprinkled in and a squirt of honey.
Shrimp dinner I already talked about-

I won't bore you with this all the time but I have to say I am pleased with what I ate today and am looking forward to each day going forward.
Hungry now so I think I'll go scrounge up a nutritious, tasty, snack.

As soon as I can figure the video thing out I'll be doing that sometimes but I have yet to tackle it. Stuff and nonsense.

2008-06-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

So I'm evolving again.

Is anyone really surprised? I don't know why I am surprised ever time the new wears off and I get bogged down and am not sure how to fix it. I then find the NEW BEST THING and am off and running again. Why do I try and force myself to be someone that sticks with the same thing for very long?
I came to the realization today that it is A-OK for me to change my mind continually as long as I am still heading in a postitive direction and it hurts no one else. Intuitive eating feels too aimless for me, it lasted for a month this time and I am taking away some very important lessons. I hate to come across as totally ditching the endeavor or that it is not valid or wonderful, it is, but my curse or blessing (depending on how you look at it) is to have a driving need to change constantly, to evolve, to try new things.
I am not digging how I am feeling about my body or my health or my energy levels lately, and I definitely need a recharge.
Not sure what to try next, so far this year it has been vegetarian eating and intuitive eating, we'll see what I land on now. As always, nothing unhealthy or too restrictive. Vegetarian eating was too restrictive and intuitive eating too loose. I have discovered I need structure but too much kicks in disordered thinking.
Accepting myself apparently means to be okay with the fact that I am not that accepting. Hmm.

PS Weights workout again today, so two this week-want to shoot for three though I am thinking I have to get my wake up schedule under control in order to hit my workouts like clockwork. Been working on that and am naturally waking up fairly early now so that should be "no sweat". Ha.

2008-06-02T21:04:00.000-05:00

Worked out this morning (full body weights workout) and just got back from my walk. I'm listening to an audiobook that is really enjoyable-a Janet Evanovich romantic comedy/mystery type story. It's cute and the mile and a quarter speed by without me even thinking about it really.
My overachieving nature says that is not a long enough walk but I am proud that I am just doing it at all and I think it will be a good addition. Time permitting we are going to start going as a family too and that will be good for the spirit as well.
I am thinking I will start doing some video posts, it will help me to be more realistic and not get twisted to see myself as I really am and a lot of the time I could talk about things that I just can't seem to type out into words. I hope that won't be too lame for anyone out there. Mainly I'll probably just talk or show things I've found and I plan on adding some workouts in as well, I always liked that on other people's pages. It sounds like more work that might be a deterrant but I actually think it will encourage me to post more often.

Guilty pleasure: Torchwood

Almost done reading French Women Don't Get Fat-great read actually-I wasn't sure what I would think. Lots of intuitive eating principles but with more structure and lots of great recipes. I also bought her book French Women for All Seasons. She talks a lot about eating and living for seasons and how it makes items that come into season (like strawberries or tomatoes for example) so exciting and pleasurable when you wait for them to be fresh and local. That's a simplified version of a great concept that I am bumbling-maybe I'll do a vid post about that. Also, Sally writes very well about this type of idea-actually a lot of what the book says is how she is currently living and succeeding. If you don't read her page, you should start. I'm just saying.

2008-05-27T21:40:00.000-05:00

This song always makes me think of my son, along with a smattering of other videos played in the middle of the night when he was really, really new to the world and we would sit up together. Remembering the way he smelled and the sounds he made and the incredible feeling I had holding him and nursing sort of makes me want to cry even now. I know the song is about a relationship (I think) but the words brighter than sunshine ring true.
I care not a fig about the video, just wanted to post the song some how to share.
Went for a thirty minute walk which did wonders for my soul.

2008-05-27T17:52:00.000-05:00

I started to write a whingey entry about how tired and sick and depressed I've been but instead:

Indonesian food is awesome, I will never attend culinary school though because I discovered how stressed out I get when cooking for others/with others that are judging. I thought it was simply stress of having people over or being at someone else's home (holidays) but instead it is the insane pressure I put on myself to cook perfectly. Certifiable.

I am still not 100% well but I am about to go for a walk anyway, I just ate so many biscuits + mashed potatoes + rotisserie chicken I am sick.

I'm sure I'll be inspired to post more after I walk a bit.

2008-05-20T09:32:00.000-05:00

I keep forgetting I can answer comments easily now that I am using the hated IE (purely for that reason too, HELLO)but I just went back and did the most recent ones and will keep up with that. I enjoy comments so much! Thanks everyone!

I really need to get off the couch and go to the store on a lightening quick grocery trip before I drive off into the sun to go work. I am interning (of sorts) at the culinary school in our art institute today and am excited about it but dreading it too since it is from 11:30-10:30 tonight! That means no seeing the wee one or Husband for that matter and I am just flat out not used to working like that anymore. I remember the amazement when I got my first tech support job that I could come home from work and my feet didn't ache. That just seemed par for the course because all I had done before was work retail. Wish me luck!

2008-05-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

Sort of a major self acceptance set back yesterday and I'm kicking myself for it. I'm up a pant size at my favorite stores and I refused to buy the bigger size because "I won't stay this size" which is diet thinking and absolutely ridiculous. I am kicking myself for not getting the bigger size. Argh.

PS Thanks Kada!

2008-05-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

It is continuing to blow my mind that I can eat whatever I want and be happy with myself and my body and my life after the last several years being in such tense combat with my own biology.
I think the key to truly being able to be a "normal" eater again after dieting for a long time is not caring if you gain back some weight and genuinely accepting yourself. I won't lie, I'm not there 100% of the time but letting go of the control an the tension has been huge for me. Huge. I treat food a lot differently too, I eat bakery muffins with sugar on top and potato chips and honestly I've been drinking too often lately, and it all makes little difference in what I look like or how I feel. Huge change.
I can eat these things or have a drink because I know I can go and have more in five minutes if I really want it and 9 out of 10 times I don't want it, it is no longer forbidden. I thought I was immune to that psychobabble bullshit. Surprise.

2008-05-09T12:45:00.001-05:00

I just had to roll to the side because I thought I might puke doing crunches and how un rock n roll would that be to aspirate because I want a stronger core?
I just had to burp, you can all breathe now.

2008-05-08T20:55:00.000-05:00

I managed to take a deep breath and get over myself, or out of myself, however you'd like to phrase it. I'm not totally normal but I'm functioning. Cooked tilapia with ginger and brown sugar on it and had a rice pilaf with lentils and veggies in it. No workout but I showered and dressed and put make up on and felt pretty good about myself.
Progress.

2008-05-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

I worked out on Monday as well but nothing since and I am sure that is related to the seeming depression I am sitting in, wondering how to get out yet again. I have no idea why I am such a highs and lows person but sometimes I really hate it-when I get to the high again I always think, "This is it! Whatever new plan or thing or whatever that I currently have started is the answer and now I'll be like this all the time! yay!"
Surprise surprise.
Regardless I do think giving up dieting was very mentally healthy for me but I am struggling with it just the last few days. Of course suffering temporarily with low self esteem again and lethargy and sleeping until almost noon (something I haven't done in years) is not helping one little bit and what is the first thing to do be doubted? Why food, my ability to be trusted around it and my so called will power. What a bunch of horse shit. I would say one of the worst habits that has come back is body checking-thinking about how my clothes fit, looking in the mirror, running my hand over my stomach many times a day-all very destructive and things I didn't even realize I did until I forced myself to stop doing them. Time to force again.
Food is completely unappealing to me lately, it has been hard to satisfy myself when nothing really sounds very good and I am reluctant to cook, something that usually brings me joy. I'm just in a rough spot but thought it might help to write about it, and it has-
workouts have been swell, I've been doing a lot of negative pushups (starting in plank and lowering evenly to the ground, coming back to plank and repeat over and over) and partial burpees, that's the only way I can explain it. Just the jumping portion coming out a crouch and back down to repeat (leaving out the push up part). That with squats and one set of various isolated exercises has left me all over sore and is extremely time efficient. I feel tired and fuzzy headed today and am resisting working out mentally so who knows.
I need to go grocery shopping and have no idea what I will buy since I don't want to make or eat anything. I'm not the only one in this house though.

2008-05-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

I just completed about a thirty minute workout, five min cardio and then lifting and a little stretching/core stuff. This is the first time I have worked out since....hm, it has actually been so long I don't remember when it was-GASP! HORROR!
Today was my last final exam for my junior year, one more year to go and I am free as a bird in the meantime, at least until May 19th. I forsee lots of workouts and cooking experiments and sleeping, yay!
Leaving for Tulsa at about 5 oclock-I need to get showered and pack all three of our bags and load up the car with the luggage plus birthday and mother's day gifts, ack! I can do it, I decided taking the time out to make my body feel good again was worth it and it definitely was, my body is singing right now!
Only burned 285 calories, that's less than a third of what I was doing but that's okay-very little of that was cardio and I haven't moved around purposefully in so long I lost a lot of fitness. My heart rate shot up to the 160s on the basic level of the elliptical rather quickly, I look forward to regaining my endurance and strength.
Strength wise I did alright, not wonderfully but better than cardio-I do pick up a nearly 40 lb unwieldly toddler all the time and other household crap. Our dog weighs over 100 lbs and I hoist her into the car fairly often. I'm proud I can do that. Also I bought nearly $200 worth of groceries yesterday and was able to carry it all in taking only two trips, She-Rah!
Continue to love intuitive eating, really need to talk about in depth and I have a post started but had to save it when my son woke up earlier than expected. I haven't done so well stopping when I was comfortable the last few days but I screwed up with my BC pills and my hormones went all crazy and I was spotting and taking a nap everyday depsite sleeping a lot and...well I was just out of whack and I can see that. Today? No problems, I feel like a normal girl. I love being normal.

PS My mom and dad have both commented saying I must have definitely lost weight, I need to learn to say thank you instead of correcting them that I have actually gained and am perfectly okay with that. I guess I like to see their stunned expressions. My stomach is rarely if ever distended anymore and I think that's a big part of it-my shape seems to be redistributing back to my late teenage years, I have boobs and a butt again but not much stomach and my legs are thinner. I will always have thick legs, that is just my genetic buildup-not much definition in the cankle area but get this, I've lost almost an inch off my ankles. Bizarre.
Okay no time for more babbling, will check back in when we return and start posting with a vengence, free time woo hoo!

2008-04-28T14:09:00.001-05:00

Argh. All I could think about earlier was how I would have a chance to workout today and I even mentally tried out what would feel best and decided on weights and a little cardio, elated at the idea. All I can think about is sleeping and so I am going to listen to my body but I am getting impatient. Damnit. And it is a beautiful day, all I can hope is that I will take a nap and wake up energized and ready to maybe do something fun outside with our son once I get him from school.
Got an A- on my research paper and am overjoyed about it, I actually dreamt that I got a D so this was very welcome. School is this.close to being out and I cannot wait!
Doing well on respecting my body and honoring my hunger in a positive way again now that my hormones are subsiding. Stupid hormones.

2008-04-25T20:41:00.001-05:00

The last few days or so I've been feeling like my beautiful lie is crashing down around me. Never mind that for the past month I have felt phenomenal, looked the best I have in a long time, and been so much less stressed out and crappy feeling in general. All it took was maybe a day of wanting to stuff my face and experiencing exhaustion to make me doubt myself and my new found ability to trust my body. Guess what? I'm just bloated and hormonal and cramping and sleeping a whole lot extra...the way I am feeling is normal and will pass soon, hopefully any day now. With time I think I'll learn better ways to weather this kind of thing out instead of jumping to the conclusion that I'm rubbish and untrustworthy and destined to rip the seams on my trousers.
Another huge contributor to the way I'm feeling is only working out twice in the past month, that is just very un-Erin-y but I finally had to let something go in order to preserve my sanity and for a bit I even let cooking go and ate takeout several times a week. School just got INSANE for the past month as you can see from my lack of posting and I found out today that all my classmates have felt the same way for the past month. Thank goodness I chose to break loose from dieting and guilting myself over workouts at just the right time.
I'm headed to bed now even though it's not even 9 but I am so damned tired and am hopeful that I can ride my bike or whatever strikes me in the morning, I am so excited to workout again I can hardly stand it.
In summary: things are going well but my hormones make me crazy sometimes and school is almost out, yay team.

2008-04-22T22:25:00.000-05:00

Busy studying for an exam in the morning-semester is almost over!
Just wanted to jot down that since ceasing to diet weird deposits of fat have left, for instance my knees are easily felt now, my calf muscles more defined-so much so that I wondered if something was wrong when I felt the buldge, nothing wrong just a clearly felt muscle. I have bigger boobs again and my stomach almost looks like pre-baby. My weight is up yet I can wear my smallest clothes-so many weird things going on that are totally fascinating to me and probably snoozeville to you, but I had to document it somewhere for my benefit and to explore further later.
Back to the GI system and it's diseases....(studying, not my own diseases).